In Too Deep

by Jude Watson

“I deserve to know. You’re treating me like … like a baby brother!”

  “You are my baby brother!”

  “I’m not a baby!” Dan’s face was like a fist, screwed up tight. “I saved your sorry butt enough times. You counted on me enough times to get you out of places when you were too scared to move. So why do you think you have to protect me?”

  Because you’re my baby brother, Amy wanted to say.

  But she couldn’t say it. She knew if she did, Dan just might jump out of the plane, with or without a parachute.

  So she just looked at him, helpless.

  “Secrets and lies,” he said. “Congratulations, sister. You’ve officially turned into a Cahill.”

  CHAPTER 21

  If there was one thing Dan never expected to hear in his life, it was Next stop, Java as his au pair took off across a sea that stretched in every direction.

  If there was one thing he never thought he’d feel, it was this alone.

  Once, when he was seven, he’d run into a sliding glass door. Straight into it, and flat-out running. He’d bounced back and landed on the ground. He still remembered that feeling of sudden, violent shock. And right after that, the pain.

  Now he felt exactly the same way.

  His parents dying was something he tried not to think about, but of course he thought about it almost every day. He especially tried not to think about goopy stuff like what if. What if Dad was around to take him to soccer? What if Mom had been there for his worst asthma attack? He told himself that it was babyish to have those thoughts. The fire happened. It was fate. Nothing he could change about it. Nobody to blame.

  Except there was somebody to blame. Someone had stolen his family. Someone had stolen his childhood. Someone had, one chilly night, deliberately gone into a house with four people who loved each other and set a fire….

  Dan shook his head violently. He felt his legs trembling. He looked out at the vast sea. Aunt Beatrice used to say, Aren’t our problems so small when we look at something big, like the sky? That was her way of comforting two kids whose parents had died. Aunt Beatrice was an idiot.

  The Indian Ocean didn’t make him feel one bit better. It would be easier if he could talk to Amy, but he’d pretty much decided he’d never talk to her again.

  He’d been angry at Amy lots of times. Way lots. This was worse than when she’d made tiny little dolls for all his Matchbox cars right before his best friend, Liam, came over. Worse than when she told Aunt Beatrice that he loved Beethoven so she should sign him up for piano lessons. Worse than back in Egypt, when he thought she was grabbing all of their memories of Grace for herself.

  That was nothing compared to this.

  She’d found out his parents had been murdered, and she’d kept it secret. The most important thing in their lives!

  The fire hadn’t been accidental. It hadn’t been because his father hadn’t banked the fire and a spark had hit the rug. Someone had gone in and deliberately set it.

  And Amy had known. She’d even been downstairs that night! And she’d never told him.

  He’d thought they were together. In everything.

  He stared out at the green water stretching to the horizon. He didn’t know how to get over this. He didn’t know how to deal with it. His parents. Grace. Now Amy.

  There was nobody left.

  It was still light as Nellie landed the plane expertly at Halim Perdanakusuma International Airport, south of the city of Jakarta. She took off her earphones and let out a breath. “I’m totally beat,” she said.

  She slung her bag over her arm and picked up Saladin’s carrier. “If we run into trouble at customs, let me do the talking,” she said.

  That’ll be easy, Amy thought. Dan wasn’t talking at all.

  They were all relieved when they breezed through customs. Halim was a smaller airport for charter flights, so it wasn’t too crowded. Within minutes, Nellie had hustled them through the crowd of taxi drivers and picked a blue cab to ride into the city. She worked her cell phone and arranged a hotel room.

  “I texted Shep and told him we were safe,” she said. “He’s going to take a commercial flight and pick up the plane.” She shot them a concerned look. “You guys must be exhausted. I’ve never heard you be quiet for more than thirty seconds. Unless you’re asleep.”

  Dan said nothing, looking out the window at the road lined with palm trees. It was dusk, and lights were beginning to come on. The driver wove through the heavy traffic expertly.

  The lights of Jakarta approached. The tall buildings glittered through the heavy air. The skyscrapers seemed impossibly tall, like something out of a science fiction movie. The driver turned off the highway and soon they were on a wide boulevard. The swirling traffic of crowded buses, taxis, and motorcycles whirled them toward a huge circle that surrounded a beautiful fountain. The driver shot off the circle onto a narrower street and gradually, they left the tall buildings behind.

  Amy had never been in such a crowded, overwhelming city. She’d thought Cairo was confusing, but this city was a maze, and choked with cars ignoring traffic rules and people dodging between vehicles to cross the traffic-snarled streets. The air was thick and heavy with fumes.

  Finally, the driver pulled over in front of a bright orange awning attached to a white building. A doorman hurried out to open the doors and reached for their bags. Nellie counted out the money she’d exchanged at the airport.

  They stopped at the desk and Nellie checked them in. “We’d like to arrange a trip to Anak Krakatau tomorrow,” she said. “Could you help us with that?”

  “Normally, yes,” the man said. “But it’s off-limits right now by order of the government. When it goes active, you’re not allowed to land on the island.”

  Amy wanted to burst into tears. Had they come all this way for nothing? Somehow she’d felt that if she could just take a look at the island, they might find something that Robert Henderson had left behind. She had no idea where to start looking for traces of him in Jakarta.

  Nellie looked over her shoulder at them. She smiled understandingly, as if she knew how disappointed and tired they were.

  “Can we get some American food?” Nellie asked. “Like cheeseburgers?”

  Nellie must really be worried about them if she was passing up the opportunity for local food, Amy thought. Then again, Amy herself was worried. Dan was never quiet this long.

  The clerk smiled. “You can get anything in Jakarta. I can arrange to send food up to your room.”

  “Cheeseburgers, fries, potato chips … whatever you’ve got,” Nellie said.

  They took the elevator up to the room and threw down their bags. Amy lifted Saladin from his carrier.

  Nellie turned to them. “All right, out with it. What happened? Why aren’t you two talking? When I mentioned cheeseburgers, Dan didn’t even yelp.”

  “No reason,” Dan said.

  “Just tired,” Amy mumbled into Saladin’s soft fur.

  “Sure,” Nellie said. “Bad news about Krakatau, but we can think about what to do in the morning. I say we order up a DVD and just hang tonight. I’ve never been so exhausted.” She yawned. “We could maybe go close to the island, but will that tell us anything?” Nellie shook her head. “I’m willing to go, but I’m still not sure what we’re looking for.”

  “I’m not sure, either,” Amy said.

  “Really?” Dan asked. “I thought you knew everything.”

  Nellie looked from Dan to Amy, and back to Dan. “’Kay,” she said, “I’m making an executive decision. No more talking. Let’s eat.”

  Amy woke up and didn’t know where she was. It was pitch-black, and all she heard was a faint hum of air-conditioning. What hotel, what city, what country? A car horn bleated. The room smelled faintly of … cheeseburgers. Really bad cheeseburgers.

  Jakarta. Java.

  The names sounded so foreign as she turned them over in her mind. She doubted that a month ago she could have picked them out on a map. They had flown west
from Darwin over the Indian Ocean. Was it possible to be farther away from Boston, Massachusetts? She didn’t think so.

  She couldn’t go back to sleep. Now that her eyes had adjusted, she could just make out the lump that was Dan, over on the sofabed.

  She’d hurt Dan. She knew that. All evening she’d wanted to explain. But explaining would mean confessing. And she couldn’t face that night. Talking about it out loud would make the whole thing too real. She’d have to relive it. And if she had to do that, she would break.

  She sighed and turned over. Nellie was scrunched over on the side of the wide bed, a pillow half over her head. The edge of the curtain glowed orange from the rising sun. Amy’s heart beat faster.

  Fire.

  “Get the children out!”

  She threw the covers back. She clapped her hands over her ears. Inside her head, she was screaming. Mommy! Don’t go!

  She sprang up and walked across the room. She pushed the curtains aside. She saw the sun splashing the tall towers with the start of the day.

  She tiptoed over the carpet and sat on the sofabed. “Dan,” she whispered.

  He kept on sleeping.

  “Dan!”

  He sat up, confused. “Where are we going? Where are my pants?”

  She laughed softly. But the confusion cleared on his face, and the closed look came back.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she said.

  “Whatever.”

  “It’s just that—”

  “It doesn’t matter.” Dan threw the covers back.

  “So you forgive me?”

  “I didn’t say that.” Dan’s mouth was set in a tight line. “Tell me what you remember. Obviously Irina knows.”

  “No, she doesn’t! And I don’t remember much. It’s all weird flashes of stuff. I remember hearing people’s voices, and going downstairs, and being afraid because a bunch of strangers were in the house. The voices sounded mean. And Isabel Kabra picked me up …” Amy gulped. She couldn’t tell Dan about the koalas. He was just absorbing the fact that their parents were murdered by some relative of theirs. What if he knew it was her fault?

  “… and I could tell Mom was scared. And I remember later on hearing the front door close and being glad they were gone. And I looked outside and they were standing under my window. Isabel said they had to act that night. Nobody else said anything.”

  “What do you remember about Mom and Dad?” Dan pressed.

  Amy shook her head. “Not much. I remember Mom getting you and me out, and Dad was taking books down from the shelves.”

  “He was looking for something.”

  “And then Mom put us on the grass and told me to take care of you, and she ran back inside. And I waited and waited to see them come out. And they didn’t.” Tears rolled down Amy’s cheeks. Take care of your brother. It sounded easy. But what was the best way to do it?

  Dan looked embarrassed at her tears. “Don’t lose it now,” he said. “We have work to do.”

  “You’re still talking to me?” Amy asked tearfully.

  “I guess so,” Dan said. “We’re still on a clue hunt. So let’s get to work.”

  Amy pushed away the hurt from Dan’s cool tone. Maybe the tension between them would ease. Dan wasn’t too good at holding grudges.

  She rooted in her backpack. She found packages of peanut butter crackers and tossed one to Dan. “Breakfast.”

  Dan ripped open the package. “Okay. Last night I tried to figure out how to trace Henderson, but my brain started to hurt. This city is huge. And we have zip for leads.”

  “I still wish we could see Krakatau,” Amy said. “If we could just be where he was, we might figure something out.”

  “Remember what the desk clerk said when Nellie asked about cheeseburgers?” A little rain of cracker dust spewed out of Dan’s mouth when he talked, but Amy wasn’t about to mention it. “You can get anything in Jakarta. Maybe if we could just see it, or see what’s around it … we’d notice something.” Dan popped the last cracker in his mouth. “It beats sitting around here.”

  Amy looked over at the bed, where Nellie was sprawled out, her breathing deep and regular.

  “She was so exhausted last night she didn’t even listen to her iPod,” Amy said. “We can’t wake her up. Let’s do a little more research.” She reached for Dan’s laptop.

  Dan flopped back on the bed. “Research? Is that all you can think about?”

  “I want to see if there’s any more I can find out about that ship. Nellie just flew us over an ocean. We owe her a little sleep.”

  “Do we?” Dan asked. “I don’t know how much we owe her.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It is funny that we keep finding out stuff about her,” Dan said in a low tone. “Remember what you said on the plane?”

  “I thought you weren’t listening.”

  “I just wasn’t talking to you. I’m still not, except when I have to. You said it was like she was trained for this job. You’re right.”

  “I know. And remember that weird message we heard on her cell phone back in Russia? Call in for a status report … Madame Mysterioso is right.” Amy bit her lip. “It’s not that I don’t trust her. I mean, she’s Nellie. She’s totally cool. It’s just that … who is she, really?”

  “You never know who anybody is,” Dan said. “Even the people closest to you. I’ve learned that for sure.”

  Amy felt herself blush. She knew Dan wasn’t just talking about the Cahills. He was talking about her, too.

  Dan glanced over at the sleeping Nellie. “I was thinking … if we took a look at her e-mails …”

  “How can we do that?” Amy asked. “I know she uses your laptop to check in, but she has a password.”

  Dan looked embarrassed. “Um … I memorized it.” At Amy’s astonished look, he quickly said, “I didn’t mean to! One morning she was checking e-mail, and I watched her fingers on the keys, and I just … remember it.”

  Dan gave the sleeping Nellie a quick glance. “So all we have to do is log in to her account, and we can plug it in.”

  “That is so wrong,” Amy whispered.

  There was a short silence. Amy sighed. “And I wish I’d thought of it first.”

  She logged on. Dan leaned forward and whispered, “Whoa Nellie.” In a moment, they had accessed Nellie’s e-mail list. There was a message from her father, agomez, saying DONDE ESTAS YOU NOW and a new message from someone called clashgrrl at a Boston University e-mail address.

  “Look, clashgrrl sent Nellie a message yesterday, too,” Amy said. “The subject line says ‘check in babe.’”

  “Probably one of her college friends.”

  “Sounds like it.” Amy clicked on the message. ENTER PASSWORD came up on screen. “That’s funny. Are all of her individual e-mails password protected?” Amy clicked on her father’s message. Hola wayward daughter, haven’t heard from you since Sydney. Check in with the old man so he can sleep at night. Your admiring and ever-patient father. PS. If you’re anywhere near Thailand, ship me some hot sauce.

  Amy smiled. “Sounds like her dad is a lot like Nellie.”

  “Check the rest of the e-mails.”

  Amy went through them. Nellie had received plenty of other e-mails from friends and some from her little sister, but the only ones they couldn’t access were from clashgrrl.

  “Why is Nellie getting password-protected messages?” she asked Dan.

  They both looked at their sleeping au pair. Just the top of her head was visible. Without her crackling gaze, she looked different asleep, like someone they didn’t know.

  “Trust no one,” Amy whispered. Hadn’t they known that from the very beginning? But Nellie? Thinking that she could be hiding things from them made Amy feel shaky and off balance, as though the ground was moving underneath them.

  Dan just looked angry. “If she doesn’t tell us everything, why should we tell her everything?” He balled up the cracker wrapper and tossed it in the trash can. �
�Let’s go find a volcano.”

  CHAPTER 22

  The city of Jakarta had come alive as though at once, in an explosive roar. Outside their hotel, Dan and Amy stood in amazement, watching the trucks, cars, bicycles, and taxis tangle and untangle on the street. Palm trees waved overhead in the breeze, and the sidewalk was packed with people hurrying to work.

  “It’ll take us hours to get anywhere,” Amy said.

  Was she always this negative, or did Dan just notice it more when he was mad at her? “Not if we take one of those.” Dan pointed down the street. Heading toward them was an orange scooter with three wheels and an open cabin in the back. Dan waved.

  “What are you doing?”

  “It’s a taxi,” Dan said. “This thing doesn’t have to wait in traffic, either.”

  The driver pulled over. “You need a Bajaj? Easy ride, very cheap, and fast, too. I go everywhere.”

  “Can you take us to boats?” Dan asked. “Harbor?”

  “Harbor, yes, of course. No worries! Hop in!”

  They climbed into the back. The driver took off. Amy’s head slammed back from the acceleration.

  “Sweet!” Dan cried. He couldn’t help it.

  The scooter dodged between cars and trucks. It made lanes where there were no lanes. It scooted down alleys and rattled through tiny streets. It almost mowed down pedestrians. Dan’s head filled with the smell of gasoline and smog, and the noises of the city pressed against him. It was like being in the center of a roaring, rattling machine.

  He loved Jakarta.

  The streets got narrower as their driver zoomed along. Suddenly, they could smell the sea. The driver slowed down, and they passed a market where brightly colored beach umbrellas were stuck in the ground, shading blankets where men in shorts and flip-flops sat selling baskets of fish. They were calling out in high-pitched voices, throwing money around like crazy, and he wished they could stop and check it out.

  Ahead they saw masts and colorful sails. The driver pulled up near the harbor. Dan held out a hand filled with crumpled bills, and the driver took some out.

  “Do you need a tour?” He swept a hand, taking in the harbor. “I know it all. My cousin owns a fishing boat. Best boat in the harbor, best pilot.”