The Giving Heart

by Toni Blake

  “Why would you say that?” Dahlia asked. “It’s not your fault.”

  Suzanne quickly nodded her agreement. They both seemed shocked.

  Yet Lila just looked back and forth between them, stating the situation as simply as she could. “I promised to take care of the inn.”

  “You agreed to house-sit, not stop a major construction development in the works long before you got here,” Suzanne reasoned.

  This, however, did nothing to console Lila. She shook her head grimly and heard herself confess an ugly truth—one she’d never before spoken out loud even while she carried it in her heart. “I’ve never been a good sister. Never been around a lot. Even when she was sick, when we were younger.”

  Meg had gone through leukemia in her early twenties—it was what had ultimately brought her to live here. Recuperation had eventually led to running the inn when their grandmother died unexpectedly. And Lila had been largely absent for all of it.

  Still, her self-criticism about the situation seemed to catch Suzanne off guard. “Wait. You were—what—a teenager at the time?”

  Lila nodded. “I was still in high school.”

  Dahlia jumped in, too. “Well, what could you have really done, honey?”

  Lila scrunched up her nose. She could have done a lot—and she knew it. “Just...supported her. Spent time with her. Showed her I cared. But instead... I kind of ran from it. I wasn’t there for her.”

  “Because it scared you,” Suzanne told her knowingly, reminding Lila of something Meg had mentioned—that back before opening her flower shop, Suzanne had been a nurse in Indiana. And now Lila became the recipient of her comforting bedside manner. “Don’t beat yourself up. You were young, and it was overwhelming.”

  Even so, Lila tilted her head, unwilling to absolve herself that easily. “Maybe, but... I guess as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that still doesn’t make it all right. Not to have been there for her. And even since then... I’ve just kind of gone my own way and done my own thing. And now I really want to be a better sister. And coming here to give her some time off the island seemed like a nice way to start. But if the whole ambiance of the place goes up in smoke while I’m here... I just can’t be okay with that.” She stopped, blew out a sigh, let her head droop. Calling on Meg’s friends for help had given her a measure of hope—two or three heads were better than one, and she’d been sure they’d come up with some constructive way to approach this. But hope had already pretty much fled the scene, and with it, any chance that she could protect the trees and be the sister Meg deserved.

  Suzanne’s mind raced as she tried to take all this in. She liked Lila and hated hearing—feeling—her despair, over the trees behind the inn, and over the revelation that this was really about more than just trees. And she loved Meg and didn’t want anything to hurt the inn. But now she had to share with Lila something Meg probably had not. “About Beck—Lila, if you were suggesting I woo him into submission, afraid I’m, um...not exactly a skilled seductress. Or even an unskilled one. I’m not...into dating. At all. Which Beck already knows, by the way.” She’d wanted to help, to have purpose—but not like this.

  “Oh...” Lila sounded understandably perplexed.

  Leaving Suzanne compelled to try to explain what she’d just said—and why she would have no sway over Beck Grainger. She took a deep breath, blew it back out, forcing words that still came with difficulty. “My husband died. Kind of tragically. It was five years ago, and I know I should probably welcome something new, but so far...” She shook her head, left it at that.

  “Oh God, I’m sorry.”

  Suzanne sensed Lila wanting to ask more about the loss, but holding her tongue. For which Suzanne was grateful, because she didn’t like dredging up those memories.

  Now she shrugged, trying to somehow be light about something that wasn’t light at all. And to make it even less light... “For what it’s worth, after a while, I did try dating—but it didn’t go well. One of the guys was married.” She stopped to stick her finger in her mouth in a gagging motion. “And the other, it turned out, had a whole harem of women. Total player. So I decided the brave new world of thirty- and fortysomething dating just wasn’t for me. And I lead a very full, contented life. I have my shop, and my little cottage on Mill Street, and my friends, and a beautiful island to call home. I have all I need.”

  Of course, that had all been truer a few months ago, even a few weeks ago—before this nebulous “something missing” had come trundling into her awareness. And part of Suzanne couldn’t believe she was just spewing all this out—telling Lila way more than was necessary here. But the understanding expression on her face said that perhaps Meg’s sister had gone through some losers in her life, as well. “I understand,” Lila replied. “Some men can really do a number on you.”

  “If you let them,” Dahlia chimed in, her tone both airy and mysterious. She punctuated the statement by popping the last bite of a miniature ham salad sandwich into her mouth. When both women cast her a look, she went on. “Now, don’t get me wrong—I don’t mean to discount what anyone has been through. But I don’t like to paint the whole gender with a broad brush—and we have to look out for our own hearts. Which sometimes means using our heads.”

  “Which is exactly what I’m doing by not dating,” Suzanne pointed out. “I know I’m softhearted and form attachments easily, so...” She held up her hands in a stopping motion. “Pffft. I’m better off just not going down that road.”

  “But if you did,” Dahlia said slyly, “wouldn’t Beck be someone you’d like to go down it with?”

  Suzanne blinked, sighed. How had this conversation turned back to putting her on the spot? In an even more pointed way this time. And about Beck Grainger, of all people.

  “No,” she insisted emphatically.

  You’re lying. You’re so lying. You think about him sometimes.

  And—oh. God. She’d been so dense. Because that was it. That was it. The something missing.

  It had come on with the cold weather. There had been moments she’d see him on Harbor Street, they’d exchange a wave, and she’d think it might be nice to cuddle with him next to a fire. But then she would push the thought away. Because of that attachment problem. And not wanting to acknowledge that she desired anything more than she had. She’d completely declined his advances, after all. “And besides, now he’s destroying the land behind Meg’s inn, so that’s a pretty big black mark against him.”

  Suzanne watched as her words sent Lila’s shoulders drooping in defeat once more. It reminded them all what was at stake here. This wasn’t the first time an unwanted land development changed someone’s way of life, of course. But things like that didn’t happen here, on Summer Island. And to someone they all loved, no less.

  “But I’ll try to talk to Beck anyway,” Suzanne heard herself say quietly without planning. Because her heart broke for Lila. And for Meg, too.

  “Really? You will?” Lila lifted her head with a bright smile. Her hazel eyes sparkled against the hunter green sweater she wore, and Suzanne realized it was the first time she’d seen Meg’s sister actually look happy. It was also the first time she’d seen the resemblance to Meg. Different hair—streaks of blond made Lila’s hair lighter than Meg’s medium brown, and hers hung more shoulder length and tousled than Meg’s longer locks—but otherwise it was suddenly easy to tell they were sisters.

  “I will,” Suzanne promised, glad to make Lila feel better, at least for the moment. And knowing Lila had no idea what a big thing it was for Suzanne to agree to, despite the personal information she’d just shared.

  Because Suzanne still thought Beck was too handsome and too rugged and too intimidating for her. Intimidating only because he seemed so...comfortable in his own skin. She wished she carried herself through life with so much smooth confidence and ease. He was everything she was not prepared to deal with.

 
And yet at the same time, hearing from Lila that he still seemed interested had sent an unexpected ripple through her core. And she realized that if she suddenly thought he wasn’t interested anymore she’d be a little devastated. He was like an invisible life preserver she carried around with her, letting his distant affection silently buoy her these past months. And if she thought it had disappeared, well...maybe she’d sink.

  “That’s amazing—thank you!” Lila said, positively beaming now. She even reached for a second slice of the ham and cheese quiche between them on the table, the news seeming to increase her appetite.

  And much as Suzanne hated to say this, it probably needed to be said. “Though...you know it probably won’t make a difference. I mean, yes, he wanted to go out with me back in the summer, but I really don’t know him well. No matter how much he likes me, business and pleasure are two different things.”

  “But you never know,” Lila said, clearly grabbing onto a hope that Suzanne already found unrealistic, even if she’d brought it on herself. “It’s at least worth a try. I mean, even if it only slows down the process a little more, it’ll help. Anything that might change the situation is worth it.”

  Suzanne nodded, tried to believe that, and wondered what she’d unwittingly gotten herself into. Because she didn’t know him well. But she was going to ask him to stop a major land development project because he was attracted to her? And all the while she’d be standing there trying not to gape at his ridiculous handsomeness, trying not to care too much or feel like anything personal was at stake. Even if he was the something missing, that didn’t mean she was ready to pursue it, ready to welcome that something into her life. “It’s still probably best not to get your hopes up,” she told Lila. “Because it really might be a silly idea.”

  “But it’s the only idea we have,” Lila pointed out.

  And Suzanne couldn’t argue that.

  “Listen,” Lila said, “if either of you happens to talk to Meg, don’t mention this to her, okay? I don’t want to ruin her time away.”

  They both agreed.

  “Meanwhile,” Dahlia said, “now that you’re no longer hibernating, you’ll have to socialize with us more while you’re here.”

  “Yes,” Suzanne chimed in, still wanting to make Lila feel at home, and also happy to switch to an easier topic. “There are weekly knitting bees at the Knitting Nook.” She pointed in the general direction of the town’s yarn shop.

  “I don’t knit,” Lila was quick to say.

  But Suzanne shrugged off the concern. “Neither do I. No one cares. There are easy chairs, and coffee from the coffee and tea shop next door. It’s a nice way to get together, especially in winter, and not really as boring as it sounds.”

  “And the big tree-lighting is coming up next week—you won’t want to miss that,” Dahlia said, lifting one finger in the air.

  “That’s right,” Suzanne added. Social gatherings, town events—so much easier to talk about. “We’ve already had to postpone it due to the weather—but fingers crossed it’ll happen next Tuesday, so long as the tree is up and decorated in time.”

  “And if not,” Dahlia said, “we’ll just postpone it again. You learn to roll with the punches here in winter.”

  Suzanne had never heard a truer statement—and she supposed she’d learned to do that well enough these last couple of years. If only she were so skilled at rolling with the punches of her life.

  Some people would say she had. She’d suffered in a lasting way from losing Cal, but in other ways she’d moved on. She’d left nursing, she’d started a business, she’d even moved that business north to the island. She was making her way in the world.

  But then why is it so hard for you to even talk to a handsome man? And why has it stayed on your mind even now that the conversation has shifted to other things? And why are you wondering right now what it might be like to hold hands with him, kiss him?

  If romance is the something missing, why don’t you want to let it in?

  CHAPTER FOUR

  LILA SAT IN the nook, the fluffy Miss Kitty at her side, studying her iPad. “What do you think—these?” she asked the cat.

  The calico cat appeared as bored as she usually did, but the slippers Lila had just found on Amazon looked at least somewhat like the ones she’d ruined out in the snow yesterday, so she hit the Buy Now button, with a plan to wrap them up as a Christmas gift. Merry Christmas, Meg. These are to replace the ones I ruined while letting some big lug in a stupid hat destroy your business and our family legacy.

  She’d run the originals through the washing machine, but they just weren’t the same anymore. Kind of like the inn won’t be the same once there’s a subdivision behind it. No matter what Beck Grainger said—luxury homes or not—it would be a subdivision. And back on the mainland, Lila had nothing against a nice subdivision. Her parents lived in a nice subdivision in Ann Arbor, where she and Meg had grown up and where they still celebrated holidays. She had friends who lived in nice subdivisions in the suburbs in Chicago. But a subdivision on Summer Island? Behind the Summerbrook Inn? Ugh.

  When the cell phone resting on the arm of the easy chair trilled, she looked down to see Meg calling. And part of her didn’t want to answer. Because she had no intention of telling her sister what was going on here. And that meant lying by omission.

  But not answering now would only mean having to explain why later, which would result in a more direct lie—so after all this analysis raced through her mind at lightning speed, she scooped up the phone and swiped to answer. “Hey.” She tried to sound more cheerful than she felt.

  “Hey yourself,” her sister said—sounding truly happy. Happier maybe than Lila had ever heard her. It warmed a cold spot in her heart—because if anyone deserved happiness it was Meg. And she seemed to have found it in Seth. “How are things going?”

  Lila tensed slightly. “Oh, you know, as usual. Snow is falling, cat is purring. And she hasn’t tried to escape or anything.”

  Meg laughed lightly on the other end. “Miss Kitty isn’t the escape artist type. She’s pretty content with her life.” As Meg seemed to be, which inspired just a bit of envy in Lila. Some recent heart-to-hearts had revealed that Meg had actually grown restless with her island existence for a little while—but enter Seth and, that quick, Meg seemed ready to live the rest of her life here. Will you still feel that way if we can’t stop Beck Grainger?

  And will I ever know that kind of contentment myself? At thirty-five, Lila had been on a grand search for...something—for as long as she could remember. Maybe that was part of the reason saving the land behind the inn felt so crucial to her. Maybe she’d never find real happiness—but she at least wanted it for her sister.

  “How’s Pennsylvania?” she asked.

  “Great,” Meg replied. “Last night we helped Seth’s grandpa put up his Christmas tree, and we’re about to attempt cookies from Seth’s late grandma’s recipe.”

  “Sounds fun,” Lila said. Along with everything else, she envied how much joy Meg took from simple things.

  “Have you ventured out?” Meg asked. “Or is the snow keeping you at home?”

  “I went to the market. And I had lunch with Suzanne and Dahlia today, at Dahlia’s restaurant.”

  At this, Meg let out a small gasp of joy. “Oh, I’m so glad. I was hoping you would connect with them. Aren’t they great?”

  “Yeah, they really are. I think I’ll probably get together with them at least another time or two while I’m here.” Of course, she left out that it had actually been an emergency meeting called by her, which had accomplished little. But she truly did like Meg’s friends.

  “Good,” Meg said. “I’ll feel better about you using your work hiatus this way if you’re not stuck in the house alone the whole time.”

  Work hiatus. That was what Lila had told Meg and their parents. Because the truth was too ug
ly and hard to explain. And who knew if they’d even believe her anyway. “I don’t mind,” she said softly. “That’s why I offered.”

  “Well, I still appreciate it—so very much. Seth’s grandpa is thrilled to have us here. We’re trying to talk him into coming to Ann Arbor for Christmas.”

  They were all meeting up back at Mom and Dad’s in a few weeks. Suzanne was scheduled to feed Miss Kitty for the brief time between Lila’s departure and Meg’s return. “That sounds like a nice idea,” Lila told Meg.

  “Oh, hey,” Meg said, “did you remember to put away the stuff on the patio before it snowed?”

  Oh crap. It had been a simple request. Move the café table and chairs into the shed along with a box of lawn tools Meg had been using for fall gardening. Meg had realized only after leaving for Ann Arbor that she and Seth had forgotten to store them and asked Lila to do it upon her arrival. Easy-peasy.

  Only... “I forgot.” Because I’m irresponsible and can’t be counted on for anything. Everything she’d been telling herself—and others—about what a bad sister she was clearly remained true. She couldn’t remember even one little task. “I’m so sorry, Meg—I totally meant to. I’ll do it as soon as we hang up. And I’ll dry everything off once I get it all in the shed, I promise.”

  “Lila, it’s all right. Not a big deal.” Meg’s tone was at once consoling and...well, unsurprised. She’s used to me letting her down. And even still, she’s being nice about it. Meg always did the right, nice thing. The unselfish thing. She was Lila’s polar opposite.

  “No, it is,” Lila insisted. “And I should be more responsible. I’m taking care of the rest of the house, though—I promise.” Even if the hillside behind it is a different story.

  Yet Meg just laughed. “I’m sure you are. And no worries, really.”

  They hung up, leaving Lila torn—freshly pleased she was able to do this for Meg, and freshly disappointed in herself for not taking care of the place the way Meg would, or their grandmother before her. She knew not putting the stuff away for winter was a little thing—Meg had forgotten it herself, after all—but she’d wanted so badly to do everything right here, wanted to make up for mistakes from the past as best she could.