The Giving Heart

by Toni Blake

  On the other side of the door stood Beck Grainger, wearing the hat she’d made for him, jaw covered in unshaven stubble, brown eyes warming her up with one glance. He looked good enough to eat—and not just because she was starving. She’d been ready to tell her family how she planned to start the new year, but she’d been on the verge of another big decision, too. Now her heart beat harder at the mere sight of him and she knew, more clearly than ever, what she had to do to give herself a merry Christmas.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  “I’M SO GLAD to see you,” she told him.

  He drew back slightly. “You are?” He raised one eyebrow. “Is this a trick?”

  She laughed, drawn back to some of their first meetings and realizing how much had changed between them. “No,” she told him. “I was...planning to come see you later, hoping you wouldn’t be gone.”

  “Really?”

  She nodded, smiled softly, didn’t try to hide the affection she felt for him. “Yes. But now you’re here.”

  “Now I’m here,” he said, a small smile unfurling across his handsome face, as well. “Only...is this a good time? I mean...” He leaned in slightly, glanced around. “Seems like you might be having a party.”

  She let her eyes widen on him. “Guess what—the ferry is running! My family surprised me! They came here for Christmas!”

  “Aw, Lila—that’s so great! I’m so happy for you.”

  But then she realized, sadly, that he didn’t have the same good fortune. “I’m sorry you don’t get to spend the day with yours, though.”

  “It’s okay,” he assured her with a quick headshake. “I heard about the ferry, and I’ll get there soon enough. Right now, I’m happy to be exactly where I am.”

  She bit her lip, the promise of joy seeming closer than it had yesterday as she told him, “Come in. Meet my mom and dad.”

  “Um, are you sure, Lila, because...”

  Oh, the trees. He was worried about the trees. “I haven’t told them,” she said, “so no one here wants to kill you or anything. At least not yet.” She ended with a playful grin.

  “Well, that’s good,” he said, still looking uncertain, “but—”

  She used her free hand to reach out and grab onto his arm, pulling him inside. “Just come in already. It’s cold.”

  Shutting the door behind him, she dragged him into the parlor. “Everyone, this is Beck Grainger. He lives up on West Bluff. Beck, these are my parents. And Mr. McNaughton, Seth’s grandpa. And of course, you already know Meg and Seth,” she ended, motioning toward them.

  Greetings were exchanged all around—until Meg said, “Beck, nice to see you. What brings you by?”

  Beck appeared unsure. “Um, just stopped in to say merry Christmas.”

  But Lila didn’t like his having to pretend it was a random holiday visit, so she said to Meg, “Beck and I have...gotten to know each other.” And letting them know that would also make it seem less insane when she announced her plans in front of him.

  “You didn’t mention that to me on the phone,” Meg said to Lila, brows narrowed as if something very mysterious and intriguing were afoot.

  “Well,” Lila explained, “it was on my big list of things to talk to you about.”

  “Oh, I see.” Meg smiled slyly now, clearly assuming this was some easy new romance that had come along. Whereas it was actually so much more complicated than Lila would ever be able to put into words.

  And yet...in another way, it was getting simpler all the time.

  She was going to let herself love him.

  She hadn’t been completely sure of that until she’d opened the door to find him standing there. But she simply didn’t want to let this love go when she thought it might be the best thing that had ever happened to her. So she was going to do her damnedest to forget about the trees and what was easy and what was hard and just love him. And pray Meg could understand. And her parents, too. And her Gran up in heaven.

  “And I hope you can stay,” she told Beck, “because... I was just about to say something important that I’d like you to hear, too.”

  From there, Lila took a deep breath and centered herself. And in the most concise and least upsetting manner she could, she told her family what had happened with Simon Alexis at his house in Chicago.

  And about her job loss and Whitney’s betrayal.

  She was succinct and unemotional—her voice didn’t even shake. And sure, Seth’s grandpa was getting a lot more than he bargained for coming here for Christmas, but she’d just kept this from her family for too long—it was time for it all to come out.

  “And I’ve decided,” she went on, “to contact the Sun-Times and tell them my story, to back Whitney up. Because one woman can be seen as an aberration, or someone with an ax to grind, or any number of things that doesn’t add up to proving his guilt. But two women make the claim be taken a little more seriously. And maybe then a third will come forward. And a fourth.

  “I’m not sure what it will involve. And I know I’ll be in for a lot of attack and criticism. But I’ve realized it’s as simple as following Whitney’s brave example and just saying ‘Me, too.’ So that’s what I’m going to do. Because it feels right to me. And because telling the truth will make me feel stronger.” Funny how taking charge of something that had left her so weak was now suddenly making her feel so incredibly capable and strong—this fast.

  “And I guess I see it as...a way I can give. Give something to the world. I’ve been trying to do that more, and it hasn’t always worked out well, but I’m trying.”

  For some reason, her eyes fell on her dad, then. Maybe because she’d feared he’d take what had happened with Simon the hardest. And the glassy look in his eyes told her she was right. “Lila, I...”

  “Dad,” she said, pointing at him, “don’t. Don’t get upset. I mean, I know it’s upsetting, and I know I’m your little girl—but I’m fine. I’m really fine. I promise.”

  He spoke through clenched teeth. “I just want to go find this man and hurt him.”

  “That’s pretty much what I said when she told me, too,” Beck chimed in.

  “He’ll get what’s coming to him,” Lila said stalwartly. “I believe that now. I really do.”

  “Honey, why didn’t you tell us all this at Thanksgiving?” her mom asked, looking forlorn.

  Lila gave her head a short shake. “I was still shell-shocked, still trying to process it. I just wasn’t ready.” She, of course, left out the fear that they’d judge her for it—which seemed crazy to her now—and yet the thought still led her gaze to Meg. What was Meg thinking? Feeling?

  And as if on cue, Meg reached out from where she’d been sitting on the arm of the sofa to take Lila’s hand. Their eyes met—and Lila felt it again, that overwhelming love. She’d worried for nothing. In fact, she felt awful now for thinking Meg would ever doubt her, no matter what kind of sister she’d been most of their lives. Some things went beyond that.

  “Lila, I’m so horribly sorry that happened to you.” Meg shook her head, looking bereft. “I—I can’t even imagine. And you’re being so brave.” She finished by squeezing Lila’s hand.

  In response, Lila blew out a breath, and rushed to whisper to her sister, “Can—can I talk to you in private for a minute?”

  Despite her low tone, the gravity in her voice had come through loud and clear, and Meg quickly said, “Sure.”

  With her hand still in her sister’s grasp, Lila tugged Meg away from their family, past Beck, through the foyer, and down the hall into the nook. And standing between the built-in bookcases and a tall, frosted windowpane, Lila took Meg’s other hand, holding on to both of them now, then looked into her sister’s eyes and said, “Meg, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. When you had leukemia. And after. And always. I was weak and didn’t know how to handle it. But I know that doesn’t make it any
better. I know I should have been there. I’m sorry if I let you down.” Even aware of tears rolling down her cheeks, she worked hard to keep her gaze on Meg’s, not back away from this, not let it turn her back into that weaker girl she’d once been.

  Meg’s face changed, reshaping itself into one Lila seldom saw—jaw clenched slightly, lips pressed tight together, every muscle gone tense. Lila’s heart beat faster. Everyone had absolved her. Everyone. But Meg wasn’t going to.

  “You...you did let me down, Li,” she said quietly. “To be honest, it hurt when you weren’t there. When you knew what I was going through but you didn’t come, didn’t call.”

  “I was young. And weak. And selfish.”

  “Yes,” Meg agreed gently.

  Lila’s chest tightened—but she had to be tough. “I should have said this a long time ago—but I’m saying it now. I love you and I’m sorry I’ve been a sucky little sister.”

  At this, Meg tilted her head, smiled a little. “You’re not a sucky little sister.” She reached up to wipe away one of Lila’s tears with her thumb. “It was a tough time for everyone. And I let go of that hurt a long time ago—I knew it wasn’t because you didn’t love me. And we all make mistakes.”

  Lila sniffed, tilted her head inquisitively. “Even you?”

  It made Meg laugh. “Yes, of course even me. I came to this tiny island and never left. I isolated myself. I ran away from the life I had before cancer.”

  Lila gasped. Meg had run from something? Strong, perfect Meg? And yet, it suddenly made sense, seemed clear. Meg had run away from her life. Just like Lila had a few weeks ago.

  “Can you forgive me, Meg?” she asked.

  “I forgave you years and years ago,” her sister said with a soft smile.

  “I really, truly want to be a better sister to you, and a better person altogether.”

  It surprised her when Meg’s expression went serious. “You’re already a perfectly fine person, Lila.” Meg shook her head and said, “Do you know how often I’ve wished I could be like you in some way?”

  Lila drew back, lowered her chin. “Huh?”

  “You’re so funny, and so fun. I admire that you don’t take everything as seriously as I do. I admire your spontaneity, and...even your selfishness, if that makes any sense.”

  “It doesn’t,” Lila told her. She’d been feeling so happy there for a minute, but this was confusing.

  Meg said, “It took some selfishness for me to figure out, earlier this year, that I wasn’t happy with my life. It took some selfishness to make some big changes. A little selfishness can be a good thing. In fact, selfishness is an ugly name for it—it can be about...self-care. And I admire that you know how to give yourself that.”

  Lila blinked, took that in. Self-care. She’d told Beck he was only taking care of himself when he’d withdrawn from his father. Yet maybe self-care was something she’d surrendered recently—she’d tried to run away from her troubles, but at the same time she’d blamed herself for so much, over and over. And so...maybe Meg really would understand the decision she’d made about Beck—the decision she had to make. That it was bigger than selfishness.

  “I’m proud of you, Lila,” Meg said. “I’m proud of you for being so brave about this ugly Simon Alexis situation. I’m proud of you for recognizing your faults. And I’m proud of you for apologizing to me just now. Even if it took a while.” She ended on a wink.

  Which made Lila clamp her eyes shut in a tiny last bit of self-deprecating embarrassment. But she laughed at the same time—then gave Meg a big hug. “I want to be you when I grow up,” she whispered in her sister’s ear.

  And Meg whispered back, “You already are grown-up—and I like you just the way you are, I promise.”

  When the two women reentered the parlor, Dad asked, “What was that about?”

  Men—they didn’t get that sometimes women just had to say important, private things to each other. Lila let out a sigh and told him, “I just needed to apologize to Meg for something that happened a long time ago.” The two sisters exchanged brief looks before Lila went on. “Like I said, I’m trying to learn to be more giving, and sometimes giving can mean apologizing.”

  “I know you and I don’t know each other well,” Seth said then, surprising her by speaking up in his Southern drawl, “but if you ask me, I think you’re being awful hard on yourself.”

  Lila felt her eyebrows shoot up. “I am?”

  “Well, you seem perfectly giving to me. After all, you gave me and Meg three weeks with my grandpa by coming to stay at the inn and I’m grateful for that. And you gave Meg time away to see someplace new, which she hasn’t had very much of.”

  “When you heard I was collecting stuff for Cade,” Beck added, “you took the time to find something you thought he’d like, wrapped it for him, and carried it up to West Bluff in the snow.”

  “And look at all these amazing hats and gloves and scarves you made for us all,” her mom said.

  “And you made gifts for Dahlia and Suzanne, too,” Meg pointed out.

  “You were even kind enough,” Seth’s grandpa added, “to make one for an old man you don’t even know. That’s pretty darn giving if you ask me.”

  “And you’ve given me,” Beck said, more quietly now, turning to look her in the eye, “well, more than you know.”

  She drew in her breath, replying softly, “Same here.” Then she bit her lip. “And just so you know, I’ve long since forgiven you. About the trees.”

  “What trees?” her dad asked.

  Okay, moment of truth—when she’d least expected it. But it was her own fault for yet another slip of the tongue. Pressing her lips tight together, she tried to gather still more courage as she turned to her sister. “Meg, the thing is—”

  Beck’s hand clamped down on her arm. “I need to talk to you.”

  She spun her head back in his direction. “Right now?”

  “Sorry, but yes.”

  She blew out a sigh—then looked back to the rest of the room. “Okay—heavy conversation officially back on hold. Resume your merry-making.”

  She really wished Beck had just let her finish—now that she’d started barreling through all this hard stuff, she wanted to keep going, get it all out in one big clump while she was feeling all bold and gutsy.

  But since he hadn’t—well, she had some things to say to him, too. So before they stepped from the room, she snatched up a small package from beneath the tree, then took his hand and led him down the hall and back to the nook.

  “Before you say anything, I have something to give you.” She held out the gift—the reason she’d originally planned to visit him later today.

  “It’s urgent I open this?” he asked, sounding impatient. “Because what I have to talk to you about is pretty pressing.”

  “Yes, and please,” she insisted anyway. “Just open it. I’m on a roll here, saying big things, and I need to keep going. And what I need to say next, to you, has to do with what’s in the package.”

  Sighing, he said, “Okay, fine,” and ripped into it. Inside lay a pair of knitted gloves, dark gray, with a subtle navy blue snowflake design creating a band around the hand.

  “I didn’t make these,” she informed him before he could say a word. “As I said, gloves are beyond my current skill level. I bought them at the Knitting Nook because you don’t have the sense to buy any yourself and I don’t like your hands being cold.”

  “They’re nice,” he said. “Really nice. And it’s damn sweet of you.” Then he raised his gaze from the gloves to her. “But...how are they urgent?”

  “Look inside them,” she instructed.

  “Inside them?”

  “Dump them out. There’s something in one of them.”

  He did so—and from the right glove dropped the key to the bulldozer, into his other palm. “Oh,” he said, loo
king as if he beheld a rare gem.

  “I’m...ready to give it back to you now,” she said. “Even if it pains me, I know it has to be, and I know holding on to it isn’t going to stop anything from happening. So I’m making peace with that. And I’m...ready to give us a chance, Beck. A real chance.”

  He stood up straighter, blinked, looked dumbfounded. And, if she wasn’t mistaken, also profoundly happy. “Really, Lila? Are you serious? What changed?”

  “I...haven’t been able to see the forest for the trees—literally. And you’re the forest. I love the trees, but I’m letting them go, and keeping you.”

  “Oh, honey,” he said. “That makes me so damn happy. And hell—that’s the most giving thing you could possibly do, because I know how much they mean to you.” Then he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “But now I have something for you, too.”

  She looked up. “What is it?” After all, he wasn’t carrying any packages or anything.

  Taking her hand, he said, “Come with me,” and to her surprise, led her to the kitchen, opened the inn’s back door, and drew her outside into the backyard by the brook. She stepped carefully—for the first time since her arrival, she’d just come outdoors in leather fashion boots instead of snow boots and she worried for their well-being as they moved through deep, untouched snow.

  “Beck, I should probably put on my...”

  But when she raised her eyes from her boots and the snow they plodded through, she stopped talking. Because she saw her gift.

  Bright red bows dotted the hillside across the brook. Dozens of ribbons had been tied around the trunks of the trees there. The trees stood looking resplendent even while bare, dressed in holiday red.

  It was all she could do to stay on her feet as he said, “Merry Christmas, Lila.”

  “Wh-what’s happening?” she managed.

  “I’m giving you the land, the hillside behind the inn. I’ll have a deed drawn up after the holidays.”