TRUTH

by Sherri Hayes

  “Why do you do that?” The abrupt question from Ross startled Brianna, and I mentally cursed him for his insensitivity.

  I took a moment to make sure I was in control before I answered him. “Do what?”

  Ross rolled his eyes as if what he was asking was obvious. “Why are you touching her like that? It’s almost as if you’re petting a dog or something.”

  “Brianna is not a dog. I touch her like this because it’s something she enjoys.” I continued to run my hand over her hair as I spoke.

  He looked at her, disbelieving. “You really like that?”

  She nodded but didn’t leave the safety of my embrace.

  “Why?”

  “It feels nice.”

  “Cal, honey, she does seem happy with him.” Jade turned to face Brianna. “You are happy, right?”

  “Yes.” Then Brianna looked in Ross’s direction. “I don’t want to leave. I like it here.”

  Ross sighed and leaned forward to rest his face in his hands.

  “I worry about you, Anna. I really do. With everything you’ve been through, you’re so vulnerable. I don’t want him taking advantage of that. If he’s into . . .” He took a deep breath and lifted his head. “I don’t want to see you get hurt. Even if he hasn’t tried any of that crazy stuff with you yet, that doesn’t mean he won’t. Is that truly what you want?”

  “I want to stay with him.”

  He groaned and flopped back against the couch. If we weren’t having such a serious conversation, his reaction might have been amusing.

  While I disliked Ross, I was also under no illusion that he intended to be part of Brianna’s life. He was her one link to her past that didn’t cause her pain. Whether I liked it or not, he and I were going to have to come to some sort of common ground.

  “I think you’re under a misconception about my lifestyle.”

  “Oh really? And what misconception is that?”

  “BDSM isn’t about a Dominant forcing his will upon another. It’s about fulfilling both individual’s needs.”

  He snorted.

  “And how exactly does tying a woman up and beating her meet her needs?” His tone was sarcastic, almost daring me to explain what he saw as impossible.

  “Some women like pain.” He started to interrupt, but I raised my hand to stop him. “I’m not saying that’s Brianna’s case. Honestly, what she likes and doesn’t like sexually is none of your business. What I’m trying to explain, however, is that there are people who enjoy it, just as there are Doms who like inflicting it.”

  “And do you?”

  “You do realize that if you were not Brianna’s friend, I wouldn’t be answering your rude questions at all, don’t you?”

  “And you realize I couldn’t care less about your view of my rudeness, right?”

  I shook my head. He was impossible.

  “I prefer to use pain to create sensation rather than for pain itself.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  My frustration was mounting. He was deliberately being obtuse.

  “Have you ever pinched a woman’s nipples?”

  “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

  I laughed. “You can ask me questions about my sex life, but I can’t ask about yours?”

  “It’s different.”

  “No. It’s not.”

  I waited for him to answer the question. He continued to stare at me, however. It was almost as if he were measuring me up. Then again, maybe he was testing to see if I would break. He’d be sadly disappointed. My first submissive, Sarah, had been extremely bratty and stubborn when she’d wanted to be. I doubted he could match her in that department.

  “Yes, he’s pinched my nipples before.”

  “Jade!” Ross clearly couldn’t believe she was sharing such private information, which I found rather amusing, considering.

  I ignored him for the time being and directed my question to Jade. “Would you say his pinching your nipples hurts?”

  “You don’t have to answer that.” Ross’s expression was defiant.

  I found it even funnier when she acted as if he hadn’t spoken at all. “Yes, I guess it does. But . . . it feels good, too. It’s hard to explain.”

  Ross flashed an angry glare back at me. “I don’t understand what this has to do with Anna or you or anything else.”

  “It has everything to do with what we’re discussing. You want to know about pain as it relates to sensation. As Jade just explained, pain is relative. In fact, I would be willing to bet that if you pinched her nipples right now, she wouldn’t find it pleasurable at all. She’s not aroused. In a sexual situation, though, the body reacts differently.”

  “I still don’t understand what this has to do with your . . . ‘lifestyle,’ as you put it, and Anna. I don’t want to see her get hurt. Period.”

  “Cal, honey. I think what he’s trying to say is that you need to butt out.”

  I thought he was going to jump off the couch for a second, but he didn’t. “What?”

  “Cal, look at her. Stop trying to see something that isn’t there. Anna is calm. She’s happy. The only thing upsetting her is you and Stephan arguing. I know you’re trying to protect her, but this isn’t working. If Anna has truly been through what I think she has, then the last thing she needs is to have more of her choices taken away from her. If this is what she wants, if he’s who she wants to be with, then you need to accept that.”

  Ross looked over at Brianna where she still sat in my arms. I wasn’t wearing a dress shirt tonight, so she was playing with the collar on my T-shirt. My petting her hair, along with our more measured tones, had allowed her to relax. Finally.

  “Fine.” He looked me in the eyes as he spoke. “But if I ever find out you’ve done something, forced her into doing something she doesn’t want, I will come after you, Coleman. I don’t care how much money you have. I’ll make sure you pay one way or another.”

  Brianna

  It was all my fault. If I hadn’t called Stephan Sir, Cal wouldn’t have gotten upset. He and Stephan wouldn’t have argued. Why had I done that?

  I walked with Stephan to the door to see Cal and Jade out. Jade had stood up for Stephan, for us.

  “I’ll check my schedule and give you a call.” She hugged me before stepping into the hall.

  Cal watched me closely before taking a step toward me. “Am I allowed to hug you, too?”

  Nodding, I took a deep breath and waited.

  He wrapped his arms around me. “The offer stands. Always. If you ever need a place to go, you call me.”

  When he leaned back, I looked up at him. He seemed sad, but I didn’t know how to fix it. He wanted me to leave Stephan, and I wouldn’t do that.

  Cal took several steps backward until he was also in the hallway. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  He turned to go before I could respond, leaving me wondering if I’d done something else wrong.

  “Brianna?”

  “Yes?”

  “What’s going through that head of yours?”

  I pressed my lips together, trying to decide how to put my feelings into words. “I don’t know how to make it better.”

  “Oh, sweetheart,” Stephan said, cradling me against his chest, surrounding me with his strength, his warmth. “It’s not up to you to fix. Ross seems to be having a hard time with the fact that you’re not a little girl anymore.”

  “Why can’t he like you?” Holding on to the back of his shirt, I wanted . . . I needed to get closer to him.

  He kissed the top of my head and then held my face in his hands, his face very serious. “There are a lot of people who won’t understand our relationship, Brianna. I understand that what I like, what I need in a relationship isn’t what many would consider normal, but I don’t care about them or what they think. What I do care about is you and what you want. If at any time you want this, us, to stop, I want you to tell me, do you understand? I don’t want you to ever think you don
’t have a choice.”

  “I want to stay with you.” I was saying that a lot, but it was true. I didn’t want to be anywhere he wasn’t.

  He smiled, and I smiled back.

  “I was so proud of you tonight. You talked yourself through your panic, and then you stood up to Ross.”

  I dropped my gaze, heat staining my cheeks.

  “No need to be embarrassed.” He tilted my chin up until my mouth lined up with his. “I was thinking you did so well tonight that you should get a reward.”

  His lips hovered just an inch from mine. I could feel his hot breath, smell the coffee with a hint of chocolate from our dessert. I closed my eyes automatically, waiting for his kiss.

  “Would you like a reward, Brianna?”

  The waiting was almost intoxicating. I wanted him to kiss me. “Yes,” I whispered.

  “Mmm. And just what should I give you as your reward, hmm? A kiss perhaps?”

  He closed the distance between us, brushing his mouth ever so gently against mine. Then, before I’d really gotten to savor them, they were gone again.

  I opened my eyes to find him staring down at me with a smirk on his face. “Maybe more of that later. But for now, I want you to pick something you want to do for the rest of the evening. It can be anything you want.”

  It was a challenge to concentrate on anything other than the small taste of his lips I’d had just moments ago. He’d said maybe we could do more of that later, though, so that helped ease my disappointment. I had to focus.

  At first, nothing came to my mind. Then . . . “Could we . . .”

  “What is it, Brianna. What do you want to do?”

  I glanced down, then over to the large windows and into the city lights. Disappointment dragged me down. It was too late. We wouldn’t be able to go tonight. Maybe if I told him, though, we could go tomorrow? Or next week?

  “Could we go to the library?”

  He smiled, and it lit up his entire face. “Of course.” He looked at his watch. “I’ll need to make a call. Go get a sweater, just in case you get chilly. I’ll be right back.”

  Before I could respond, he jogged across the room and up the stairs, leaving me staring after him. I didn’t know what he was doing. It was after eight o’clock at night. Libraries didn’t stay open that late, or at least they didn’t in Two Harbors. They didn’t even stay open that late in Dallas. Maybe it was different in Minneapolis.

  Doing as I was told, I went to my bedroom to retrieve a sweater. It was June, so I didn’t think I would need it, but I wouldn’t question him.

  When I returned to the living room, Stephan was back downstairs talking on his cell phone. “I appreciate it. We’ll be there in about twenty minutes. Thanks.” He hung up his phone and grinned. “Are you ready, sweetheart?”

  I nodded.

  He held out his hand, and I took it.

  It was rare we went out at night. I wasn’t sure if that was because of me or if it was what Stephan preferred. It was hard to imagine him sitting home alone at night in his condo. Did he used to go out with Logan and Lily? Were there parties, events, he was turning down because of me? I didn’t want him to do that. It didn’t seem fair.

  As he drove, he kept glancing in my direction, smiling. I didn’t understand what was going on, but I was glad he was happy.

  We drove outside of the city and into an upscale residential area, and I became more confused. Where were we going? “We have to make a stop first. It won’t take more than a few minutes.” He answered my unspoken question.

  I watched the houses as we passed by. They all looked the same except for small things. I couldn’t tell in the dark, but I wondered if they were all the same color, too.

  A few minutes later, he turned into a well-lit driveway. The porch light was on as if someone was expecting us. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

  He left the car running and walked up to the front porch. Before he could ring the doorbell, an older woman appeared. She seemed amused as she talked to Stephan. Shaking her head, she handed him something before he hopped off the porch and strolled back to the car.

  The lady stood outside her door, watching. She smiled at me and waved. I waved back. I had no idea who she was, but it would have been rude not to respond.

  He slid behind the wheel and reached for his seatbelt. “Ready?”

  “Yes.”

  Stephan backed out of the driveway and drove toward downtown once more. I wanted to ask him who that woman was, but I didn’t. Stephan knew many people. She could have been anyone.

  We came to a stop at the back of a large brick building. He exited the car and came around to open my door. Taking his hand, I stepped out of the vehicle.

  Hand in hand, we walked up to a brown metal door on the far right-hand side of the structure. He pulled out a set of keys from his pocket and unlocked the door. It was then I noticed the sign to the left of the door. Library staff only. All patrons please use the main entrance at the front of the building.

  He opened the door. It was pitch black until he turned on the lights. I nearly jumped for joy when I saw the piles of books stacked on the floor right inside the entrance. I glanced up at him, not sure what I was allowed to do. He chuckled. “Go on. The place is all ours for the evening.”

  Unable to contain myself, I ran to the nearest stack of books and began flipping through. There were so many. Stephan had a large collection of books, but it didn’t compare to that of a community library.

  I sat on the floor, leafing through the books around me until Stephan knelt down and rubbed the outside of my arms. “There’s more, you know. We’re only in the back room where they sort and process. The actual library is through there.” He pointed to a long hallway on the other side of the room.

  I looked first to the hall, then back to the books on the floor. I felt as if Christmas and my birthday had come all at once. I didn’t know which to choose.

  He laughed. “Why don’t we take a look out there, and then if you want, you can come back here for a while.”

  That sounded reasonable. “Okay.”

  We stood. He took my hand again, and we walked past stack after stack of books on our way to the main part of the library. Some were on the floor. Some were on tables or carts. There were so many books!

  Chapter 20

  Stephan

  I stood off to the side as Brianna walked down a third row of books. She held out her hand as she passed by, touching the bindings. Once she reached the end of the aisle, she switched to the other side to repeat the same action. I wasn’t sure if she was reading the titles of the books or just enjoying the feel of them. It didn’t matter to me either way. The only thing I cared about was the look of awe on her face.

  There were times Brianna was childlike in her actions. From the time she’d laid eyes on that first stack of books, she’d been like a kid in a toy store who couldn’t decide which toy to pull off the shelf and play with first. It was both amusing and slightly disturbing. Brianna was easy to please. She didn’t require much, and she gave with her whole heart. I didn’t know if that was because of who she was or if it had to do with what she’d been through. Maybe it was a little of both.

  We gradually made it around the entire library in this fashion. I made sure to stay out of her way, but where I could see her and she could see me. Although we were the only ones there, it was a new place for her. Anything new was always an unknown with Brianna.

  She stood in the main center aisle glancing back and forth at the bookshelves. I had no idea what was going through that mind of hers, but this was her reward. She could do anything she wanted. I was only along for the ride.

  To my surprise, Brianna shifted her gaze to the long row of reference books along the wall. She went and sat down at one end of the encyclopedias and removed the first one from the shelf. As she flipped through the pages, I noticed she was mostly looking at the pictures rather than reading the pages. Only every now and then would she stop and read the caption or, even ra
rer, the article.

  Once she was finished with the first book, she moved to the next. At first, I didn’t realize what she was doing, but then it dawned on me. Brianna had taken care of her mother while she’d been sick. It was doubtful she’d paid much attention to what was going on in the outside world when her immediate world was crumbling. Then she’d gone to live with her father in a small town where she’d had little freedom. It was hard to say how much access she’d had to information. I knew she went to school, but she’d also been grieving her mother at the time. I was well aware of how easy it was for people to get lost in their own world when going through something like that, and I’d been lucky enough to have Diane and Richard to help me. Brianna had been all alone.

  Eventually, when I realized she was going to be there a while, I pulled out a chair at one of the tables and sat down. Taking out my phone, I checked my e-mail along with a few other sites I frequented. As I scrolled through, my gaze drifted back to Brianna. I’d tried to keep her sheltered from too much information because I hadn’t wanted to overwhelm her given how easily she panicked. Seeing her tonight, however, devouring information, coupled with how she’d handled herself at dinner, I knew what I needed to do.

  In just a few short months, Brianna would be going to school. She needed to be comfortable with technology and how to use it. It was then I knew the perfect birthday gift for her.

  Using the time wisely, I pulled up the website for my favorite computer store and scanned their listing of laptops. After twenty minutes of searching, I found the one I wanted. It was perfect for anything she might want to do, and it was lightweight. She’d be able to carry it with her to her class if she wanted and take notes. I sent Jamie an e-mail with the laptop information and a note to have two of them delivered to my office the following week.

  With that accomplished, I leaned back in my chair and watched Brianna as she continued down the bookshelf. The information she could access here was only a fraction of what would be available to her on the Internet. If I used her current reaction as a gauge, I would have to put some time restrictions on her, or she’d be glued to her computer all day.