Fay: A Novel

by Larry Brown

  And she was still wondering about Gigi. There must have been something going on between them, the way she’d acted that one morning. The jealousy she’d shown. What was it that Aaron had said? We’ve kind of got an arrangement. What the hell did that mean? She knew she’d been upstairs with him and she wondered how long that had been going on. She didn’t know for a fact that they’d been sleeping together, but it sure had looked that way. Now she didn’t know. And did it make any difference anyway?

  She was going to have to pee before long. Her bladder was really full now. She was going to have to say something about stopping before long, whether it made him mad or not. If he didn’t stop before long she was going to wet herself right here in the seat.

  It was strange sometimes, the way he seemed to know what she was thinking: “You need to go to the bathroom or anything?”

  She looked over at him. “Yeah. I’d like to stop somewhere if we could.”

  “How soon?”

  “Pretty soon.”

  “You hungry?”

  She thought about it and then nodded.

  “I could eat somethin I guess.”

  He glanced at his watch and then finished the beer he was drinking, dropped it on the floorboard on her side with a few other cans.

  “I’ll throw that shit out when we stop,” he said. “There’s a Stuckey’s on up here where you can use the bathroom and get something to eat. About ten minutes. Can you make it that long?”

  “Yeah. I can make it that long.”

  “I’m getting a little hungry myself.”

  She moved over a little closer to him in the seat. She didn’t like driving down the road with him like this and not talking.

  “Slide on over if you want to,” he said.

  She did. There were all those questions, but there were questions back up north, too. It was hard to decide what she wanted to do. If it would be safe to go back to Sam, she wanted to go back to Sam. But if it wasn’t how was she supposed to find out? There didn’t seem to be any safe way to find out. Maybe she just needed to let some more time pass.

  Aaron put his arm around her and she snuggled into him. He wasn’t hard to be around when he wasn’t in a bad mood. He was even kind sometimes. She liked being around him at those times. But she didn’t understand why he’d just go off sometimes, for no reason. Maybe he got tired of dealing with women all the time in the bar. He usually seemed pretty good when he was out at Arlene’s, but he seemed to have a pretty short fuse in the bar. He probably worried about the cops busting them all the time. And it looked like the cops would know what went on in there. It looked like people would talk, especially the ones he threw out of there after he busted their heads.

  His hand reached around and touched one of her breasts, squeezed it tightly. She had to admit she liked it. His fingers moved around and stroked one of her nipples through the cloth. Her insides stirred. She leaned her head back on the seat while he rubbed her like a pet cat.

  “You don’t ever get enough, do you?” he said.

  And what did it hurt to admit that?

  “Not hardly.”

  His fingers left her and he patted her on the shoulder.

  “There’s our turnoff,” he said.

  She kept sitting close to him, liking the feel of him in spite of everything else.

  They were going through Jackson now in rush hour traffic. Aaron cursed at it and drove slower because the cars were jammed almost bumper to bumper and some of the people drove in a manner that scared her, weaving in and out of traffic, hitting the brakes, stepping on the gas to rocket ahead and change lanes again. It made her so nervous that she couldn’t see how he could stand to drive through it. There wouldn’t be any way she’d be able to.

  “Fucking place is crazy,” was all he said.

  By the time the sun started to ease over in the sky to the west they were south of the capital and driving back through groves of pines and passing through small towns that slowed them down. She was hoping they’d make the coast before dark and look at the boats but now she didn’t think they’d make it. She’d gotten used to doing that, to making some coffee late in the evening and sitting out on the front porch in one of the comfortable chairs, putting her cigarettes and lighter down there beside her cup and watching the birds across the road and the boats that were coming in and the people walking around out there and beyond it all the sea out there in the coming of night. Sometimes Aaron would be in the house, most times not. Most times he was over at Biloxi at the bar, taking care of who knew what.

  She didn’t ask many questions about it anymore. She had asked a few times if he had seen Reena but he’d always said no in a way that let Fay know he didn’t want to talk about her. Because of the children probably. She’d seen what they ate. They didn’t eat good. Maybe they were like her when she was little and there wasn’t much to go around.

  She wished she could see Reena. She missed her. It was always nice to have another woman to talk to, but after that last trip to the club, Aaron hadn’t said anything to her about going back. And with Arlene gone now, and no people staying in the big house, there wasn’t much to do when Aaron wasn’t there.

  “You going to work tonight?” she said.

  He was watching the traffic ahead of him and he didn’t take his eyes off it.

  “I don’t know. I probably need to go over for a while. I’ll have to drop you off and clean up.”

  “It was nice of you to drive me all the way up there,” she said. “I know it’s a long ways.”

  “That’s all right,” he said. “I was ready to get away for a while anyway.”

  The furniture stores and car dealerships and auto parts stores started thinning out again and the traffic started moving faster. Far ahead in the distance she could see some of the pine forests that lay between them and the coast.

  “You like your job?”

  He passed a couple of cars and she looked at the people inside them as they went past, wondered where they were going. There were so many people on the road. All the time. Sometimes it seemed to her that there were way too many people in the world.

  “I don’t like dealing with all them drunks,” he said. “Somebody’s always bitching about something. I get to listen to all that shit.”

  The sun was shining almost painfully into her face and she lowered the visor in front of her. She made sure her door was locked and turned around and leaned against it.

  “How’d you meet Gigi?” she said.

  He was quiet for a long space of time and she wasn’t sure if she’d said the wrong thing. But then he passed another car and looked into the rearview mirror and swung back into his lane.

  “It wasn’t hard,” he said. “I saw her on the stage in Memphis one night and offered her more money to come down and work for me sometimes.”

  “How long did she work for you?”

  “It was close to a year, I guess. She’d go back and forth. We raised the cover charge two dollars a head the first night she danced. Cully was the one who got the bright idea of putting her picture out front. Gigi made us a lot of money. Made Cully a lot of money, rather.”

  “Did she …” She didn’t know how to put it. “Did she do stuff with the customers?”

  He glanced at her briefly, then turned back to watch where he was going.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “What do you know about that?” he said.

  She started to say that she didn’t know anything about it, but then she remembered what he’d told her at the pool that morning about lying. And anyway, the whole question about Gigi meant she knew something about it.

  “I just know stuff goes on over there.”

  “What stuff?”

  “Sex stuff.”

  “And how do you know that?”

  “I saw it. Back there in one of those rooms.”

  He was quiet again for a bit. Then: “When was this?”

  “First night I went in
there. I went back with Reena so she could get dressed.”

  She watched him think that over for a while. He had sped back up by now and was again passing everything he could. Then for some reason he cut back on his speed and started letting other cars and trucks come around him.

  “What goes on back there ain’t no skin off my nose. I just keep the trouble out. That’s all I do.” He looked at her now. “I ain’t no damn pimp.”

  “I didn’t say you was.”

  He fired up a cigarette and cracked his window to let the smoke out.

  “What my brother does is his business. I just work for him.”

  He was getting a little riled up but he’d been mean to her too and she didn’t have to just be quiet.

  “That first mornin Gigi come down she acted like she owned you.”

  “Don’t nobody own me goddammit.” She saw him getting madder but she wasn’t going to quit yet.

  “Did you and her …?”

  “Hell yes I fucked her. So did half of Biloxi. So what?”

  “Well why did she stay with you?”

  “Because it was cheaper than putting her up in a hotel. Cause her ass loves that room service.”

  “Oh.”

  “You don’t need to ask questions about Gigi. Okay? There’s no reason for you to ever bring her up again.”

  Well. Since he put it that way.

  “Okay. I won’t say nothin else about her.”

  “Good. I’m glad to hear that.”

  “I just can’t see what you ever saw in her in the first place. That old bleached hair and all.”

  “Fay?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You talk too much sometimes, baby.”

  “I know it. My mama used to tell me to shut up all the time.”

  It was dark when they pulled around to the back of the house. He got out and went up the steps to unlock the door and turn on some of the lights while she stepped out and stretched her legs and reached into the bed of the El Camino for her things. The porch light came on and she looked up to see him moving around in there. She heard the screen door flap and he came down the steps to get his suitcase.

  “You got everything?”

  “Yeah. I’m comin.”

  She walked slowly and her legs were tired. He held the door for her and she nodded her thanks and carried her bag and her purse to a couch in the hall and set them down. She wasn’t ready to climb those stairs just yet, but he went up them fast and said that he was going to go on and take a shower and get ready.

  She got her cigarettes and lighter from the purse and went into the kitchen and turned on the lights, thought she’d make some coffee and see what was in the refrigerator. The water came on upstairs and she heard it rattle in the pipes somewhere in the house, draining down through the old timbers and back into the ground.

  Somebody needed to go get some groceries pretty soon. She wished Arlene would come on back. They’d done some shopping together a few times, going down the road to the Winn-Dixie in one of the shopping centers. Now the icebox held only a few dozen eggs and some canned biscuits and bacon and milk and juice on its racks. She pulled out the crisper bin and looked at the tomatoes and lettuce and onions down there, wondering what she could fix for her supper. She knew he wouldn’t be in until late, probably. There was a pantry in the hall where Arlene kept her canned stuff and there were two freezers in a room behind the washing machine and the dryer where she kept steaks and chickens and pork chops and seafood. She guessed she could find something and thaw it out. But right now she wanted some coffee.

  She measured the water and the coffee and poured it in the maker and turned it on. She sat down in a chair in the kitchen to wait. Faint noises came from upstairs and after a while the water stopped running. It would be quiet here after he left. But she could sit out on the front porch again and listen to the rigging songs.

  She glanced up at the clock on the wall and saw that it was just a few minutes past nine. Would she hear him when he came in, when he slipped into the bed with her? Would she open her eyes coming awake and be surprised to see him there, his broad back turned, his red hair mussed on the pillow, and would she roll over in the sheets and snuggle into him and slip her hand between his arm and his ribs and hold him, listening to his deep and steady breathing like she used to do with Sam?

  She wondered what she thought she was doing when she already had a man who loved her. And the baby. She had to ask him now, before he got away again. She couldn’t wait any longer. She had to get to the doctor. Some doctor. A doctor.

  The coffee was ready now. She got up and poured a big cup and stirred some sugar into it. The milk in the icebox was still fresh and she put some in. She sat sipping it, smoking another cigarette, knowing it was bad for the baby. She’d have to quit.

  She heard him coming down the stairs and she stubbed out her cigarette and took another drink of her coffee. He came across the hall, trailing his fingers across the covered pool table, and she smiled at him.

  “You want some coffee?” she said. “I got some fresh made here.”

  He looked at his watch and went over to the cabinet.

  “I got time for one cup I guess. What you gonna eat for supper?”

  “I’ll find somethin.”

  “There ought to be some stuff in the freezer.”

  “There is. But we need to get some groceries.”

  He had a cup down and was pouring coffee into it. He had on a pair of jeans and his white boots again, a wine-colored shirt that she thought looked good on him.

  “Maybe I can run you over to the store tomorrow. Why don’t you remind me?”

  “Okay.”

  “I wish Arlene would get on back. I hate for you to have to stay out here by yourself so much.”

  “You know when she’ll be back?”

  “Pretty soon I hope.”

  He brought his cup over to the table and pulled a chair back and sat down. She reached out a finger and wiped the side of his neck.

  “What?”

  “Shavin cream.” She smiled at him. “You look nice.”

  “Thanks.” He took a drink of his coffee and looked off to the side for a moment, then scooted the chair sideways and crossed his legs. “I’m hard to get along with sometimes.”

  “Well,” she said. “I don’t know why you get like you do.”

  He stuck his finger in his ear and moved it around in there for a few seconds, then looked at his nail.

  “I just have a lot of stuff on my mind sometimes. You don’t know what it’s like to work over there.”

  “Why do you stay there then?”

  “Shit. I don’t know what else I’d do if I didn’t work there. It’s a lot of headaches sometimes. But at least I’m not punching a clock. You ever had a real job?”

  “I’ve had to work plenty,” she said. “I’ve picked fruit and just about anything else you can pick. It’s hard work. I’ve heard Mama talk about choppin cotton for four dollars a day. And pregnant. You wish you still caught shrimp?”

  “Ah,” he said, and rubbed his chin. “I don’t know. It’s a lot of work and it’s not year-round. You’ve got to find something else to do in the off-season.” He smiled a small smile and took another sip of his coffee. “Ain’t no off-season in the naked lady business. Folks want to look at them every day that rolls around.”

  There was something she’d been wondering about for a while. Just one of many things.

  “How do y’all keep from gettin caught by the cops?”

  He made a face. “We been busted before for indecency. One time they got us for simulating sex acts they said. That wasn’t nothing but Reena hunching on some guy in a chair. They’ve sent guys in plain-clothes in a few times. Cully’s got good lawyers and hell, this is Biloxi. It ain’t as wild now as it used to be. Years ago. Arlene’s told me some stories about the strippers in the old days.”

  “I’m not talkin about the strippers. I’m talking about …”

  “I know what y
ou’re talking about. I wish you’d get off of it. What goes on in the back rooms don’t concern me. I just get sick of the damn noise sometimes.”

  He got up and leaned over the table and kissed her and then took his cup to the sink. He walked out of the kitchen and up the hall and came back with a phone book in his hand. He put it on the table in front of her.

  “Look through there and find you a doctor and call his office tomorrow. Tell em you need an appointment pretty soon. Have you told Arlene?”

  She looked up.

  “No. I didn’t tell her. I’d been kinda wonderin about that, though. I didn’t know what she’d say.”

  “Well don’t worry about it. Get that appointment set up and I’ll take you over there and go in with you. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  This sudden kindness made everything almost all right now. She got up and put her arms around him and she felt his hands take her shoulders. She stood for a moment, wrapped in the strength of him, and the wanting was quick and deep. She stepped back and pulled up her dress and pushed down her panties and shook them loose from her foot. She took him by the hand and pulled him down the two steps into the parlor, scooted her butt against the rim of the table and then lay back and pulled her dress up above her belly. She drew her knees up and opened her legs.

  “You ever done it on a pool table?” she said.

  He moved toward her, his eyes smiling, his fingers pulling at his belt.

  “Damn, baby,” he said.

  Now he was gone and the house was quiet. She’d found some frozen hamburger patties in the freezer and had set two of them out to thaw. There were some messages on the answering machine in the hall but she didn’t know anything about messing with that so she left it alone.

  She fixed her supper and ate in the kitchen and took a last cup of coffee out to the front porch and drank it there. The road was pretty quiet, and the harbor was silent except for the sound of the wind in the nets.