by Heidi Swain
‘I need to get back for Ryan,’ I croaked.
‘Yeah,’ he said again, falling smoothly into step, ‘I’ll come with you.’
Chapter 14
When we reached my door and I put the key in the lock, I expected Jacob to head for home but he stuck fast to my side.
‘Do you want to come in?’ I felt obliged to ask.
I didn’t particularly want him to. Our almost-kiss had been a surprising end to what had been an emotional roller-coaster of a day and, Ryan aside, I really just wanted to be on my own.
‘Just for a minute then,’ Jacob said, as if I was forcing him over the threshold. ‘Just to make sure everything’s okay.’
I didn’t know if he meant between us or with my brother, but I stepped aside to let him in and closed the door. The house was in darkness, so we walked quietly along the hall to the kitchen.
I busied myself filling the kettle and sorting mugs while Jacob looked around, his eyes drawn to the spice- and herb-filled containers and rows of neatly lined-up Kilner jars that glistened in the artificial light.
‘Did you make these?’ he asked.
‘Yep.’ I nodded. ‘They’re chutney and pickles and a few different relishes.’
‘Nothing sweet?’
‘No,’ I said, wrinkling my nose. ‘My baking skills are crap and I still haven’t mastered a successful jam. Although I’m hoping to get in plenty of practice now I have access to all that fruit in the garden.’
‘Perhaps it’s because you’re sweet enough already,’ said Jacob, before rolling his eyes in what looked like a mixture of apology and embarrassment.
‘What a line,’ I guffawed. ‘Did you really just say that?’
‘Shh,’ Jacob said laughingly, pointing at the ceiling, ‘you’ll wake Ryan.’
‘Look,’ I said, handing him a mug and thinking that we should clear the air, ‘about what just happened, out in the street, I really think we should talk about it.’
Jacob shook his head and half-turned away so I couldn’t see his face. I knew he wouldn’t want to, but I didn’t want to leave things as they were. I opened my mouth to get the ball rolling but then I realised something.
‘What’s wrong?’ Jacob frowned as I suddenly banged down my mug and rushed back into the hall.
‘No shoes,’ I gasped, my heart thumping even harder than it had been earlier. ‘He always leaves them in the way.’
I raced up the stairs and flung open the door to Ryan’s room. ‘Is he there?’ Jacob called after me.
‘No,’ I shouted back, ‘no, he’s not.’
I tripped back down again, my hands shaking as my brain conjured up all manner of horrific and far-fetched scenarios about what could be happening to my baby brother out in the city streets.
‘He told me he was having an early night,’ I said. ‘He said he was staying here.’
Jacob didn’t comment.
‘Where the hell is he?’ I sobbed. ‘He’s my responsibility. If anything has happened to him—’
Jacob put up a hand and I stopped, one ear cocked to listen to the sudden noise beyond the front door. I wrenched the door open and found Ryan, looking decidedly worse for wear and about to fall inside.
My relief at seeing him was quickly tempered by the state he was in.
‘I was hoping you’d still be up,’ he slurred, his breath stinking of fags and booze, ‘I think I forgot my key.’
‘I didn’t give you a key,’ I snapped. ‘Where the hell have you been?’
‘Hello, Jacob,’ he said, knocking me to one side. ‘What are you doing here at this time, mate? I hope you haven’t been taking advantage of my lovely sister.’
‘Oh God,’ I groaned.
‘Ignore him,’ said Jacob, sounding every bit as furious as I felt, ‘he’s drunk.’
‘Oh, is he?’ I asked, wide-eyed. ‘I hadn’t realised.’
Ryan began to laugh and I mouthed ‘sorry’ to Jacob, who steered my brother towards the kitchen.
‘I’d really rather like to go to bed,’ he said, ‘my head’s a bit whooshy.’
‘Where have you been?’ I demanded. ‘Who have you been drinking with?’
It was pointless, of course. He was in no state to answer.
‘Let’s get you some water,’ said Jacob – ‘and a bowl,’ he added in an aside to me – ‘and then we’ll get you up to bed.’
‘You’re a good mate,’ said Ryan, sounding tearful. ‘Isn’t he a good mate, Poppy?’
Ordinarily I would have felt a spark of happiness when he got my name right, but all I could feel was hopeful that he’d hurl in the plastic bowl I was going to dig out from under the sink rather than all over Kate’s lovely carpet.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘he’s a good mate.’
‘I’ll get him upstairs,’ Jacob said to me, draping Ryan’s arm round his shoulder.
‘I can manage,’ said Ryan stoically, ‘I can do it.’
He made an attempt to walk but his legs buckled.
‘Oh, would you look at that?’ He giggled. ‘I don’t think I can.’
Jacob grabbed him again and they shuffled off, looking like some wobbly overgrown three-legged pairing.
‘I’m sorry, Pops,’ Ryan called back to me, ‘but I don’t think I’ll be able to make the elderflower thingy you’ve got planned for tomorrow.’
‘Oh, you will,’ I told him. ‘In fact, I’ll make personally sure that you’re one of the first there.’
*
Ryan should have been grateful for the thick covering of cloud that saved him from being blinded by the sun when I sent his curtains rattling back along their pole and threw open the window bright and early the following morning.
‘Oh my God,’ he yelped, pulling the pillow over his face. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Getting you up,’ I said brusquely. ‘Come on.’
‘I can’t,’ he whimpered. ‘I’m dying.’
‘Painkillers are on the side and there’s a fresh glass of water,’ I told him sternly. ‘Get your shades on and get your arse in the shower. We’re leaving in half an hour.’
No one was more surprised than I was when he appeared in the kitchen, washed, dressed and walking as if the ground beneath his feet was made of marshmallows rather than oak.
‘I suppose you want to talk about what happened?’ he asked, wincing as he lowered himself into a chair and I plonked a plate in front of him before getting up to make toast.
‘Not really.’
‘Oh,’ he said, sounding slightly more perky. ‘Okay, cool.’
‘Not cool at all,’ I said calmly. ‘But as you lied to me about staying at home, I can’t imagine you’re suddenly going to have an attack of conscience now and tell me the truth, so there’s no point discussing it.’
I added a thin covering of spread to the granary toast and put a slice on Ryan’s plate. I can’t say he looked particularly impressed, but given the state of him that was hardly a surprise.
‘You abused my trust,’ I told him, ‘and if it happens again, I will report Mum to social services and, given your age, you’ll probably be taken into care.’
It felt mean saying it, especially given everything he’d been through, but he needed to know I meant business. Not that I ever would have got social services involved.
‘But—’
‘No buts, Ryan. You can’t just come here and take advantage. Now hurry up and eat that because I’m not leaving without you and as this was my idea, I can hardly be late. I have a problem letting people down, even if you don’t.’
It might have been a harsh telling-off, but I wanted to let him know that I wasn’t a pushover and that I wouldn’t tolerate being messed about. The thought had already crossed my mind that I should have taken Lou’s cautionary attitude a bit more seriously, but I hoped that my disappointment had touched my brother far more deeply than if I had bawled him out like Mum would have done. Had she even noticed him coming home roaring drunk, that is.
*
I’d told Jacob that Ryan and I would walk to the garden with him, but he was already halfway round the green by the time I had locked the front door.
‘Jacob!’ I called. ‘Wait up.’
He stopped, but didn’t look round, and I got the distinct impression that had I not shouted he would have carried on.
‘Come on, Ryan,’ I scolded, ‘don’t dawdle.’
‘How’s he feeling this morning?’ Jacob asked as we walked on together with Ryan trailing behind.
‘About as hung over as you’d expect,’ I whispered. ‘I’ve kept my cool with him though, and let him know that I won’t tolerate it happening again.’
‘Good,’ said Jacob, ‘I daresay you’re beginning to think that you should cut him some slack because of everything he’s been through.’
The thought had crossed my mind.
‘But don’t. The last thing a lad in Ryan’s position needs is mixed messages, okay?’
‘Okay,’ I agreed.
I could see the sense in what he was saying, but I was also a little disconcerted that he had read my mind so adeptly. I would have to watch that now that I could see him both as my troubled neighbour in need of a shoulder and my dishy neighbour with strong warm hands.
‘Come on, Ryan,’ Jacob called sharply over to my brother, ‘look alive.’
‘I can’t,’ he whinged. ‘I’m dying.’
Looking at his pasty complexion and shaky gait, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was.
*
The grounds of Prosperous Place, combined with the green back in the square and the surrounding side roads, had more than enough elderflowers for us to harvest and everyone agreed that it would be lovely to make their own orange- and lemon-infused batches, rather than pitching in for one communal effort. That way, we could share and swap, to see if there were any differences or preferences when it came to using more or less zest and including or omitting the citric acid that was an optional ingredient.
The beautifully refurbished and well-equipped bothy meant that there was plenty of room for everyone to take turns and even space to store the bottles, along with the associated equipment, should we decide to repeat the experience again next spring.
‘Coming?’ I asked Ryan, once the buckets and secateurs had been handed out.
‘Would it be all right if I stayed?’ he asked, sounding almost meek. ‘I promise I won’t wander off again.’
I was about to say I didn’t have a problem with him wandering off, as long as it wasn’t too far, as long as he didn’t smoke, drink or ingest anything he wasn’t supposed to, but Graham got in first.
‘If you’re not helping with the harvesting, Ryan,’ he said keenly, ‘you could clean the hens out, if you don’t mind? It’ll save me a job later.’
‘What a kind lad,’ said Carole, joining her husband and liberating the bucket they had been assigned from his grip. She then whisked me off before I had the chance to either gloat or commiserate.
The abundant crop of elderflowers meant the buckets filled up fast and there was plenty left over; good foraging practice so that neither us nor Mother Nature went short.
‘How’s it going with Ryan?’ Kate asked as she and Luke snipped their way over to where I was helping Harold fill his bucket.
‘All right.’ I nodded, smiling at the sight of baby Abigail.
She was sound asleep, snugly strapped into the carrier on Kate’s chest. Heather’s twin boys, cocooned in their buggy, didn’t sound quite so content, but she was happy to let them grizzle while she carried on with the job in hand.
‘Just all right?’ Kate questioned. ‘You seemed to be getting along famously last week.’
‘Oh, we were,’ I told her, ‘we are. It’s just taking some getting used to, having him around, and I’m sure if you asked him he’d say much the same.’
‘He looked a bit under the weather when I saw him earlier,’ commented Lisa wryly. ‘Our Tamsin has stayed behind to keep him company, so if the poor chap is feeling below par he’ll be done for by the time we get back. She can talk the hind legs off a donkey, that one. I’ve no idea where she gets it from.’
She stopped to draw breath and Kate and I exchanged a look.
‘Oh, all right,’ said Lisa, ‘point taken.’
We decided not to rush the process and spent the rest of the day pottering in the garden and taking our turn at the grater, filling bowls with the zest of the oranges and lemons. The air was soon filled with a strong citrus tang and the addition of boiling water only served to intensify the delicious scent.
‘Having fun?’ I asked Jacob, who had hung around with everyone else for the entire day.
He might not have noticed but I had been keeping an eye on him. Not because I liked looking at him of course, just because I wanted to make sure he was okay. I had got used to seeing the sunnier side of my neighbour, but since our close encounter the previous evening he seemed to have regressed somewhat. He was fine with everyone else, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had been avoiding me.
‘Yeah,’ he said with a shrug, smiling tightly and avoiding my gaze. ‘More than Ryan, anyway.’
I looked over to the hen run where my brother was slumped in a chair feigning sleep in an attempt to throw Tamsin’s attention off, and laughed. I turned back to carry on talking but Jacob had gone.
‘Is that it?’ asked Heather, pulling my attention back to the job in hand.
‘That’s it,’ I said as I set about arranging the bowls of stewing elderflowers on the bothy bench. ‘All ready for decanting tomorrow.’
‘It was so easy,’ she said with a laugh. ‘I had no idea.’
‘And easy to photograph,’ said Lisa, scrolling through the shots she had taken of the beautiful flowers. ‘These will be perfect to add to the portfolio for the council.’
‘I can’t help thinking we’re on to a winner with this place,’ said Heather, crossing her fingers.
‘Me too,’ Lisa giggled.
I was about to ask the pair if they’d be interested in taking part in a similar session later in the year, when we could make some relishes and chutneys – I was all for spreading the homespun and home-made love – but I was interrupted by Jacob and Ryan’s raised voices from over near the hen run.
‘What on earth?’ Heather gasped as Tamsin left Ryan’s side and rushed back to her mother.
I sped over, keen to keep the argument, if that’s what it was, quiet. It had been a wonderful day spent in the company of my friends and neighbours and I didn’t want it spoiled for anyone. I didn’t want Jacob and Ryan falling out either. I was relying on Jacob to become my second pair of eyes, ears and helping hands when I went back to work on Monday. I knew he would be at school for a lot of the time, but he had still offered to be about whenever he could.
I had almost reached them when Jacob stepped forward and muttered something under his breath that I couldn’t make out.
‘Do you know what, mate,’ Ryan shot back, the last remaining dregs of his hangover miraculously forgotten and his voice nowhere near as quiet as Jacob’s. ‘If that’s what you really think, then I’ll just leave, shall I?’
‘What?’ I stammered. ‘Leave and go where?’
Ryan jumped back in surprise. I don’t think he’d realised that I was right there.
‘Jacob thinks I shouldn’t be here,’ he said, striding across the garden and disappearing through the gate.
‘What?’ I said again, heading in the same direction. ‘Ryan, wait up!’
I was out of breath and almost as far as the green when I eventually caught up with him.
‘What the hell did he say to you?’ I demanded.
Ryan spun round. His expression was a mixture of aggression and anguish.
‘He said’ – he swallowed, taking a breath – ‘he said that I don’t deserve to have a sister like you, he said that I should go home and let you get on with your own life.’
I couldn’t believe it. What on earth would have prompted Jacob to s
ay anything like that? Ryan must have got the wrong end of the stick.
‘Are you sure you didn’t misunderstand?’ I asked, desperate to get to the bottom of what had gone on before it became too awkward to put right.
‘Of course I didn’t!’ Ryan shouted, letting out a strangled sob. ‘He couldn’t have said it any clearer.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘No.’ He sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. ‘I’m sorry. I should never have come. You’ve got a great life here; you could have a great life with someone like him. You don’t need me hanging around messing things up and stopping you getting on. Mum was right, I do ruin everything.’
In that moment I didn’t want any sort of life with someone like Jacob. I hated him for making my little brother feel that he was no better than the waste of space our mother always said he was. To my mind that was both a despicable and an unforgivable thing to do, and coming from someone who I thought had Ryan’s best interests at heart made it all the worse.
‘No,’ I said, pulling my distraught brother into a tight hug, ‘you don’t, Ryan, you really don’t. You’re a good guy and you haven’t ruined anything and until I’ve found a way to prove that to you, you’re aren’t going anywhere.’
Chapter 15
Jacob’s cruel words to Ryan had awoken the protective tigress in me and, needless to say, after I had settled him back at the house, calmed him down and made him promise not to disappear, I went back to the garden to seek out the friend who had now turned into prey. I wasn’t expecting to find him still there, but he was.
‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ I demanded, making sure we were out of earshot of everyone else.
‘Look, Poppy—’
‘No,’ I hotly interrupted, ‘you look. You told me you were going to help out with Ryan, but for some reason you’ve gone out of your way to knock him down, just as I was trying to build him up. I can’t believe you’d do that. You know he’s a mess at the moment and that I’m doing my best. If telling him to stop wasting my time and that he doesn’t deserve my support is your idea of helping then you can keep it, thanks. I’ll handle things on my own.’
