Dead Souls

by Nikolai Vasilevich Gogol

  CHAPTER VIII

  It was not long before Chichikov's purchases had become the talk of thetown; and various were the opinions expressed as to whether or not itwas expedient to procure peasants for transferment. Indeed such was theinterest taken by certain citizens in the matter that they advised thepurchaser to provide himself and his convoy with an escort, in orderto ensure their safe arrival at the appointed destination; but thoughChichikov thanked the donors of this advice for the same, and declaredthat he should be very glad, in case of need, to avail himself of it, hedeclared also that there was no real need for an escort, seeing that thepeasants whom he had purchased were exceptionally peace-loving folk,and that, being themselves consenting parties to the transferment, theywould undoubtedly prove in every way tractable.

  One particularly good result of this advertisement of his scheme wasthat he came to rank as neither more nor less than a millionaire.Consequently, much as the inhabitants had liked our hero in the firstinstance (as seen in Chapter I.), they now liked him more than ever.As a matter of fact, they were citizens of an exceptionally quiet,good-natured, easy-going disposition; and some of them were evenwell-educated. For instance, the President of the Local Council couldrecite the whole of Zhukovski's LUDMILLA by heart, and give such animpressive rendering of the passage "The pine forest was asleep and thevalley at rest" (as well as of the exclamation "Phew!") that one felt,as he did so, that the pine forest and the valley really WERE as hedescribed them. The effect was also further heightened by the manner inwhich, at such moments, he assumed the most portentous frown. For hispart, the Postmaster went in more for philosophy, and diligently perusedsuch works as Young's Night Thoughts, and Eckharthausen's A Key tothe Mysteries of Nature; of which latter work he would make copiousextracts, though no one had the slightest notion what they referredto. For the rest, he was a witty, florid little individual, and muchaddicted to a practice of what he called "embellishing" whatsoever hehad to say--a feat which he performed with the aid of such by-the-wayphrases as "my dear sir," "my good So-and-So," "you know," "youunderstand," "you may imagine," "relatively speaking," "for instance,"and "et cetera"; of which phrases he would add sackfuls to hisspeech. He could also "embellish" his words by the simple expedient ofhalf-closing, half-winking one eye; which trick communicated to some ofhis satirical utterances quite a mordant effect. Nor were his colleaguesa wit inferior to him in enlightenment. For instance, one of them madea regular practice of reading Karamzin, another of conning the MoscowGazette, and a third of never looking at a book at all. Likewise,although they were the sort of men to whom, in their more intimatemovements, their wives would very naturally address such nicknamesas "Toby Jug," "Marmot," "Fatty," "Pot Belly," "Smutty," "Kiki," and"Buzz-Buzz," they were men also of good heart, and very ready to extendtheir hospitality and their friendship when once a guest had eatenof their bread and salt, or spent an evening in their company.Particularly, therefore, did Chichikov earn these good folk's approvalwith his taking methods and qualities--so much so that the expressionof that approval bid fair to make it difficult for him to quit the town,seeing that, wherever he went, the one phrase dinned into his ears was"Stay another week with us, Paul Ivanovitch." In short, he ceased tobe a free agent. But incomparably more striking was the impression(a matter for unbounded surprise!) which he produced upon the ladies.Properly to explain this phenomenon I should need to say a great dealabout the ladies themselves, and to describe in the most vivid ofcolours their social intercourse and spiritual qualities. Yet this wouldbe a difficult thing for me to do, since, on the one hand, I should behampered by my boundless respect for the womenfolk of all CivilService officials, and, on the other hand--well, simply by the innatearduousness of the task. The ladies of N. were--But no, I cannot doit; my heart has already failed me. Come, come! The ladies of N. weredistinguished for--But it is of no use; somehow my pen seems to refuseto move over the paper--it seems to be weighted as with a plummetof lead. Very well. That being so, I will merely say a word ortwo concerning the most prominent tints on the feminine palette ofN.--merely a word or two concerning the outward appearance ofits ladies, and a word or two concerning their more superficialcharacteristics. The ladies of N. were pre-eminently what is known as"presentable." Indeed, in that respect they might have served as amodel to the ladies of many another town. That is to say, in whateverpertained to "tone," etiquette, the intricacies of decorum, and strictobservance of the prevailing mode, they surpassed even the ladies ofMoscow and St. Petersburg, seeing that they dressed with taste, droveabout in carriages in the latest fashions, and never went out withoutthe escort of a footman in gold-laced livery. Again, they looked upona visiting card--even upon a make-shift affair consisting of an ace ofdiamonds or a two of clubs--as a sacred thing; so sacred that on oneoccasion two closely related ladies who had also been closely attachedfriends were known to fall out with one another over the mere fact of anomission to return a social call! Yes, in spite of the best effortsof husbands and kinsfolk to reconcile the antagonists, it became clearthat, though all else in the world might conceivably be possible, nevercould the hatchet be buried between ladies who had quarrelled overa neglected visit. Likewise strenuous scenes used to take place overquestions of precedence--scenes of a kind which had the effect ofinspiring husbands to great and knightly ideas on the subject ofprotecting the fair. True, never did a duel actually take place, sinceall the husbands were officials belonging to the Civil Service; but atleast a given combatant would strive to heap contumely upon his rival,and, as we all know, that is a resource which may prove even moreeffectual than a duel. As regards morality, the ladies of N. werenothing if not censorious, and would at once be fired with virtuousindignation when they heard of a case of vice or seduction. Nay, even tomere frailty they would award the lash without mercy. On the other hand,should any instance of what they called "third personism" occur amongTHEIR OWN circle, it was always kept dark--not a hint of what was goingon being allowed to transpire, and even the wronged husband holdinghimself ready, should he meet with, or hear of, the "third person," toquote, in a mild and rational manner, the proverb, "Whom concerns itthat a friend should consort with friend?" In addition, I may say that,like most of the female world of St. Petersburg, the ladies of N. werepre-eminently careful and refined in their choice of words and phrases.Never did a lady say, "I blew my nose," or "I perspired," or "I spat."No, it had to be, "I relieved my nose through the expedient of wiping itwith my handkerchief," and so forth. Again, to say, "This glass, orthis plate, smells badly," was forbidden. No, not even a hint to such aneffect was to be dropped. Rather, the proper phrase, in such a case, was"This glass, or this plate, is not behaving very well,"--or some suchformula.

  In fact, to refine the Russian tongue the more thoroughly, somethinglike half the words in it were cut out: which circumstance necessitatedvery frequent recourse to the tongue of France, since the same words, ifspoken in French, were another matter altogether, and one could use evenblunter ones than the ones originally objected to.

  So much for the ladies of N., provided that one confines one'sobservations to the surface; yet hardly need it be said that, should onepenetrate deeper than that, a great deal more would come to light. Atthe same time, it is never a very safe proceeding to peer deeply intothe hearts of ladies; wherefore, restricting ourselves to the foregoingsuperficialities, let us proceed further on our way.

  Hitherto the ladies had paid Chichikov no particular attention, thoughgiving him full credit for his gentlemanly and urbane demeanour; butfrom the moment that there arose rumours of his being a millionaireother qualities of his began to be canvassed. Nevertheless, not ALL theladies were governed by interested motives, since it is due to the term"millionaire" rather than to the character of the person who bears it,that the mere sound of the word exercises upon rascals, upon decentfolk, and upon folk who are neither the one nor the other, an undeniableinfluence. A millionaire suffers from the disadvantage of everywherehaving to behold meanness, including the sort of meanness which, thoughn
ot actually based upon calculations of self-interest, yet runs afterthe wealthy man with smiles, and doffs his hat, and begs for invitationsto houses where the millionaire is known to be going to dine. Thata similar inclination to meanness seized upon the ladies of N. goeswithout saying; with the result that many a drawing-room heard itwhispered that, if Chichikov was not exactly a beauty, at least he wassufficiently good-looking to serve for a husband, though he could haveborne to have been a little more rotund and stout. To that there wouldbe added scornful references to lean husbands, and hints that theyresembled tooth-brushes rather than men--with many other feminineadditions. Also, such crowds of feminine shoppers began to repair to theBazaar as almost to constitute a crush, and something like a processionof carriages ensued, so long grew the rank of vehicles. For their part,the tradesmen had the joy of seeing highly priced dress materials whichthey had bought at fairs, and then been unable to dispose of, nowsuddenly become tradeable, and go off with a rush. For instance, on oneoccasion a lady appeared at Mass in a bustle which filled the church toan extent which led the verger on duty to bid the commoner folk withdrawto the porch, lest the lady's toilet should be soiled in the crush.Even Chichikov could not help privately remarking the attention which hearoused. On one occasion, when he returned to the inn, he found onhis table a note addressed to himself. Whence it had come, and who haddelivered it, he failed to discover, for the waiter declared that theperson who had brought it had omitted to leave the name of the writer.Beginning abruptly with the words "I MUST write to you," the letter wenton to say that between a certain pair of souls there existed a bond ofsympathy; and this verity the epistle further confirmed with rows offull stops to the extent of nearly half a page. Next there followed afew reflections of a correctitude so remarkable that I have no choicebut to quote them. "What, I would ask, is this life of ours?" inquiredthe writer. "'Tis nought but a vale of woe. And what, I would ask, isthe world? 'Tis nought but a mob of unthinking humanity." Thereafter,incidentally remarking that she had just dropped a tear to the memory ofher dear mother, who had departed this life twenty-five years ago, the(presumably) lady writer invited Chichikov to come forth into the wilds,and to leave for ever the city where, penned in noisome haunts, folkcould not even draw their breath. In conclusion, the writer gave way tounconcealed despair, and wound up with the following verses:

  "Two turtle doves to thee, one day, My dust will show, congealed in death; And, cooing wearily, they'll say: 'In grief and loneliness she drew her closing breath.'"

  True, the last line did not scan, but that was a trifle, since thequatrain at least conformed to the mode then prevalent. Neithersignature nor date were appended to the document, but only a postscriptexpressing a conjecture that Chichikov's own heart would tell him whothe writer was, and stating, in addition, that the said writer would bepresent at the Governor's ball on the following night.

  This greatly interested Chichikov. Indeed, there was so much that wasalluring and provocative of curiosity in the anonymous missive that heread it through a second time, and then a third, and finally said tohimself: "I SHOULD like to know who sent it!" In short, he took thething seriously, and spent over an hour in considering the same. Atlength, muttering a comment upon the epistle's efflorescent style, herefolded the document, and committed it to his dispatch-box in companywith a play-bill and an invitation to a wedding--the latter of which hadfor the last seven years reposed in the self-same receptacle and inthe self-same position. Shortly afterwards there arrived a card ofinvitation to the Governor's ball already referred to. In passing, itmay be said that such festivities are not infrequent phenomena in countytowns, for the reason that where Governors exist there must take placeballs if from the local gentry there is to be evoked that respectfulaffection which is every Governor's due.

  Thenceforth all extraneous thoughts and considerations were laid asidein favour of preparing for the coming function. Indeed, this conjunctionof exciting and provocative motives led to Chichikov devoting to histoilet an amount of time never witnessed since the creation of theworld. Merely in the contemplation of his features in the mirror, as hetried to communicate to them a succession of varying expressions, was anhour spent. First of all he strove to make his features assume an airof dignity and importance, and then an air of humble, but faintlysatirical, respect, and then an air of respect guiltless of any alloywhatsoever. Next, he practised performing a series of bows to hisreflection, accompanied with certain murmurs intended to bear aresemblance to a French phrase (though Chichikov knew not a single wordof the Gallic tongue). Lastly came the performing of a series of what Imight call "agreeable surprises," in the shape of twitchings of the browand lips and certain motions of the tongue. In short, he did all that aman is apt to do when he is not only alone, but also certain that he ishandsome and that no one is regarding him through a chink. Finally hetapped himself lightly on the chin, and said, "Ah, good old face!" Inthe same way, when he started to dress himself for the ceremony, thelevel of his high spirits remained unimpaired throughout the process.That is to say, while adjusting his braces and tying his tie, heshuffled his feet in what was not exactly a dance, but might be calledthe entr'acte of a dance: which performance had the not very seriousresult of setting a wardrobe a-rattle, and causing a brush to slide fromthe table to the floor.

  Later, his entry into the ballroom produced an extraordinary effect.Every one present came forward to meet him, some with cards in theirhands, and one man even breaking off a conversation at the mostinteresting point--namely, the point that "the Inferior Land Court mustbe made responsible for everything." Yes, in spite of the responsibilityof the Inferior Land Court, the speaker cast all thoughts of it tothe winds as he hurried to greet our hero. From every side resoundedacclamations of welcome, and Chichikov felt himself engulfed in a sea ofembraces. Thus, scarcely had he extricated himself from the arms ofthe President of the Local Council when he found himself just as firmlyclasped in the arms of the Chief of Police, who, in turn, surrenderedhim to the Inspector of the Medical Department, who, in turn, handedhim over to the Commissioner of Taxes, who, again, committed him to thecharge of the Town Architect. Even the Governor, who hitherto had beenstanding among his womenfolk with a box of sweets in one hand anda lap-dog in the other, now threw down both sweets and lap-dog (thelap-dog giving vent to a yelp as he did so) and added his greeting tothose of the rest of the company. Indeed, not a face was there to beseen on which ecstatic delight--or, at all events, the reflection ofother people's ecstatic delight--was not painted. The same expressionmay be discerned on the faces of subordinate officials when, the newlyarrived Director having made his inspection, the said officials arebeginning to get over their first sense of awe on perceiving that hehas found much to commend, and that he can even go so far as to jestand utter a few words of smiling approval. Thereupon every tchinovnikresponds with a smile of double strength, and those who (it may be) havenot heard a single word of the Director's speech smile out of sympathywith the rest, and even the gendarme who is posted at the distantdoor--a man, perhaps, who has never before compassed a smile, but ismore accustomed to dealing out blows to the populace--summons up a kindof grin, even though the grin resembles the grimace of a man who isabout to sneeze after inadvertently taking an over-large pinch ofsnuff. To all and sundry Chichikov responded with a bow, and feltextraordinarily at his ease as he did so. To right and left did heincline his head in the sidelong, yet unconstrained, manner that washis wont and never failed to charm the beholder. As for the ladies,they clustered around him in a shining bevy that was redolent of everyspecies of perfume--of roses, of spring violets, and of mignonette; somuch so that instinctively Chichikov raised his nose to snuff the air.Likewise the ladies' dresses displayed an endless profusion of taste andvariety; and though the majority of their wearers evinced a tendency toembonpoint, those wearers knew how to call upon art for the concealmentof the fact. Confronting them, Chichikov thought to himself: "Which ofthese beauties is the writer of the letter?" Then again he snuffed thea
ir. When the ladies had, to a certain extent, returned to their seats,he resumed his attempts to discern (from glances and expressions) whichof them could possibly be the unknown authoress. Yet, though thoseglances and expressions were too subtle, too insufficiently open, thedifficulty in no way diminished his high spirits. Easily and gracefullydid he exchange agreeable bandinage with one lady, and then approachanother one with the short, mincing steps usually affected by young-olddandies who are fluttering around the fair. As he turned, not withoutdexterity, to right and left, he kept one leg slightly draggingbehind the other, like a short tail or comma. This trick the ladiesparticularly admired. In short, they not only discovered in him a hostof recommendations and attractions, but also began to see in his facea sort of grand, Mars-like, military expression--a thing which, as weknow, never fails to please the feminine eye. Certain of the ladies eventook to bickering over him, and, on perceiving that he spent most ofhis time standing near the door, some of their number hastened to occupychairs nearer to his post of vantage. In fact, when a certain damechanced to have the good fortune to anticipate a hated rival in therace there very nearly ensued a most lamentable scene--which, to manyof those who had been desirous of doing exactly the same thing, seemed apeculiarly horrible instance of brazen-faced audacity.

  So deeply did Chichikov become plunged in conversation with his fairpursuers--or rather, so deeply did those fair pursuers enmesh him in thetoils of small talk (which they accomplished through the expedient ofasking him endless subtle riddles which brought the sweat to his brow inhis attempts to guess them)--that he forgot the claims of courtesy whichrequired him first of all to greet his hostess. In fact, he rememberedthose claims only on hearing the Governor's wife herself addressing him.She had been standing before him for several minutes, and now greetedhim with suave expressement and the words, "So HERE you are, PaulIvanovitch!" But what she said next I am not in a position to report,for she spoke in the ultra-refined tone and vein wherein ladies andgentlemen customarily express themselves in high-class novels which havebeen written by experts more qualified than I am to describe salons, andable to boast of some acquaintance with good society. In effect, whatthe Governor's wife said was that she hoped--she greatly hoped--thatMonsieur Chichikov's heart still contained a corner--even the smallestpossible corner--for those whom he had so cruelly forgotten. Upon thatChichikov turned to her, and was on the point of returning a reply atleast no worse than that which would have been returned, under similarcircumstances, by the hero of a fashionable novelette, when he stoppedshort, as though thunderstruck.

  Before him there was standing not only Madame, but also a young girlwhom she was holding by the hand. The golden hair, the fine-drawn,delicate contours, the face with its bewitching oval--a face which mighthave served as a model for the countenance of the Madonna, since it wasof a type rarely to be met with in Russia, where nearly everything, fromplains to human feet, is, rather, on the gigantic scale; these features,I say, were those of the identical maiden whom Chichikov had encounteredon the road when he had been fleeing from Nozdrev's. His emotion wassuch that he could not formulate a single intelligible syllable; hecould merely murmur the devil only knows what, though certainlynothing of the kind which would have risen to the lips of the hero of afashionable novel.

  "I think that you have not met my daughter before?" said Madame. "She isjust fresh from school."

  He replied that he HAD had the happiness of meeting Mademoiselle before,and under rather unexpected circumstances; but on his trying to saysomething further his tongue completely failed him. The Governor's wifeadded a word or two, and then carried off her daughter to speak to someof the other guests.

  Chichikov stood rooted to the spot, like a man who, after issuinginto the street for a pleasant walk, has suddenly come to a halt onremembering that something has been left behind him. In a moment, ashe struggles to recall what that something is, the mien of carelessexpectancy disappears from his face, and he no longer sees a singleperson or a single object in his vicinity. In the same way did Chichikovsuddenly become oblivious to the scene around him. Yet all the while themelodious tongues of ladies were plying him with multitudinous hintsand questions--hints and questions inspired with a desire to captivate."Might we poor cumberers of the ground make so bold as to ask you whatyou are thinking of?" "Pray tell us where lie the happy regions in whichyour thoughts are wandering?" "Might we be informed of the name of herwho has plunged you into this sweet abandonment of meditation?"--suchwere the phrases thrown at him. But to everything he turned a dead ear,and the phrases in question might as well have been stones dropped intoa pool. Indeed, his rudeness soon reached the pitch of his walkingaway altogether, in order that he might go and reconnoitre wither theGovernor's wife and daughter had retreated. But the ladies were notgoing to let him off so easily. Every one of them had made up her mindto use upon him her every weapon, and to exhibit whatsoever might chanceto constitute her best point. Yet the ladies' wiles proved useless, forChichikov paid not the smallest attention to them, even when the dancinghad begun, but kept raising himself on tiptoe to peer over people'sheads and ascertain in which direction the bewitching maiden with thegolden hair had gone. Also, when seated, he continued to peep betweenhis neighbours' backs and shoulders, until at last he discovered hersitting beside her mother, who was wearing a sort of Oriental turban andfeather. Upon that one would have thought that his purpose was to carrythe position by storm; for, whether moved by the influence of spring,or whether moved by a push from behind, he pressed forward with suchdesperate resolution that his elbow caused the Commissioner of Taxesto stagger on his feet, and would have caused him to lose his balancealtogether but for the supporting row of guests in the rear. Likewisethe Postmaster was made to give ground; whereupon he turned and eyedChichikov with mingled astonishment and subtle irony. But Chichikovnever even noticed him; he saw in the distance only the golden-hairedbeauty. At that moment she was drawing on a long glove and, doubtless,pining to be flying over the dancing-floor, where, with clicking heels,four couples had now begun to thread the mazes of the mazurka. Inparticular was a military staff-captain working body and soul andarms and legs to compass such a series of steps as were never beforeperformed, even in a dream. However, Chichikov slipped past the mazurkadancers, and, almost treading on their heels, made his way towards thespot where Madame and her daughter were seated. Yet he approached themwith great diffidence and none of his late mincing and prancing. Nay,he even faltered as he walked; his every movement had about it an air ofawkwardness.

  It is difficult to say whether or not the feeling which had awakenedin our hero's breast was the feeling of love; for it is problematicalwhether or not men who are neither stout nor thin are capable of anysuch sentiment. Nevertheless, something strange, something which hecould not altogether explain, had come upon him. It seemed as thoughthe ball, with its talk and its clatter, had suddenly become a thingremote--that the orchestra had withdrawn behind a hill, and the scenegrown misty, like the carelessly painted-in background of a picture. Andfrom that misty void there could be seen glimmering only the delicateoutlines of the bewitching maiden. Somehow her exquisite shape remindedhim of an ivory toy, in such fair, white, transparent relief did itstand out against the dull blur of the surrounding throng.

  Herein we see a phenomenon not infrequently observed--the phenomenon ofthe Chichikovs of this world becoming temporarily poets. At all events,for a moment or two our Chichikov felt that he was a young man again, ifnot exactly a military officer. On perceiving an empty chair beside themother and daughter, he hastened to occupy it, and though conversationat first hung fire, things gradually improved, and he acquired moreconfidence.

  At this point I must reluctantly deviate to say that men of weight andhigh office are always a trifle ponderous when conversing with ladies.Young lieutenants--or, at all events, officers not above the rank ofcaptain--are far more successful at the game. How they contrive to be soGod only knows. Let them but make the most inane of remarks, and at oncethe maiden b
y their side will be rocking with laughter; whereas, shoulda State Councillor enter into conversation with a damsel, and remarkthat the Russian Empire is one of vast extent, or utter a complimentwhich he has elaborated not without a certain measure of intelligence(however strongly the said compliment may smack of a book), of a suretythe thing will fall flat. Even a witticism from him will be laughed atfar more by him himself than it will by the lady who may happen to belistening to his remarks.

  These comments I have interposed for the purpose of explaining to thereader why, as our hero conversed, the maiden began to yawn. Blind tothis, however, he continued to relate to her sundry adventures which hadbefallen him in different parts of the world. Meanwhile (as need hardlybe said) the rest of the ladies had taken umbrage at his behaviour. Oneof them purposely stalked past him to intimate to him the fact, as wellas to jostle the Governor's daughter, and let the flying end of a scarfflick her face; while from a lady seated behind the pair came both awhiff of violets and a very venomous and sarcastic remark. Nevertheless,either he did not hear the remark or he PRETENDED not to hear it. Thiswas unwise of him, since it never does to disregard ladies' opinions.Later--but too late--he was destined to learn this to his cost.

  In short, dissatisfaction began to display itself on every feminineface. No matter how high Chichikov might stand in society, and no matterhow much he might be a millionaire and include in his expression ofcountenance an indefinable element of grandness and martial ardour,there are certain things which no lady will pardon, whosoever be theperson concerned. We know that at Governor's balls it is customary forthe onlookers to compose verses at the expense of the dancers; and inthis case the verses were directed to Chichikov's address. Briefly, theprevailing dissatisfaction grew until a tacit edict of proscription hadbeen issued against both him and the poor young maiden.

  But an even more unpleasant surprise was in store for our hero; forwhilst the young lady was still yawning as Chichikov recounted to hercertain of his past adventures and also touched lightly upon the subjectof Greek philosophy, there appeared from an adjoining room the figure ofNozdrev. Whether he had come from the buffet, or whether he had issuedfrom a little green retreat where a game more strenuous than whist hadbeen in progress, or whether he had left the latter resort unaided, orwhether he had been expelled therefrom, is unknown; but at all eventswhen he entered the ballroom, he was in an elevated condition, andleading by the arm the Public Prosecutor, whom he seemed to have beendragging about for a long while past, seeing that the poor man wasglancing from side to side as though seeking a means of putting an endto this personally conducted tour. Certainly he must have found thesituation almost unbearable, in view of the fact that, after derivinginspiration from two glasses of tea not wholly undiluted with rum,Nozdrev was engaged in lying unmercifully. On sighting him in thedistance, Chichikov at once decided to sacrifice himself. That is tosay, he decided to vacate his present enviable position and make offwith all possible speed, since he could see that an encounter with thenewcomer would do him no good. Unfortunately at that moment the Governorbuttonholed him with a request that he would come and act as arbiterbetween him (the Governor) and two ladies--the subject of disputebeing the question as to whether or not woman's love is lasting.Simultaneously Nozdrev descried our hero and bore down upon him.

  "Ah, my fine landowner of Kherson!" he cried with a smile which set hisfresh, spring-rose-pink cheeks a-quiver. "Have you been doing muchtrade in departed souls lately?" With that he turned to the Governor. "Isuppose your Excellency knows that this man traffics in dead peasants?"he bawled. "Look here, Chichikov. I tell you in the most friendlyway possible that every one here likes you--yes, including even theGovernor. Nevertheless, had I my way, I would hang you! Yes, by God Iwould!"

  Chichikov's discomfiture was complete.

  "And, would you believe it, your Excellency," went on Nozdrev, "but thisfellow actually said to me, 'Sell me your dead souls!' Why, I laughedtill I nearly became as dead as the souls. And, behold, no sooner doI arrive here than I am told that he has bought three million roubles'worth of peasants for transferment! For transferment, indeed! And hewanted to bargain with me for my DEAD ones! Look here, Chichikov. Youare a swine! Yes, by God, you are an utter swine! Is not that so, yourExcellency? Is not that so, friend Prokurator [34]?"

  But both his Excellency, the Public Prosecutor, and Chichikov were tootaken aback to reply. The half-tipsy Nozdrev, without noticing them,continued his harangue as before.

  "Ah, my fine sir!" he cried. "THIS time I don't mean to let you go. No,not until I have learnt what all this purchasing of dead peasants means.Look here. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Yes, _I_ say that--_I_who am one of your best friends." Here he turned to the Governoragain. "Your Excellency," he continued, "you would never believe whatinseperables this man and I have been. Indeed, if you had stood thereand said to me, 'Nozdrev, tell me on your honour which of the two youlove best--your father or Chichikov?' I should have replied, 'Chichikov,by God!'" With that he tackled our hero again, "Come, come, my friend!"he urged. "Let me imprint upon your cheeks a baiser or two. You willexcuse me if I kiss him, will you not, your Excellency? No, do notresist me, Chichikov, but allow me to imprint at least one baiser uponyour lily-white cheek." And in his efforts to force upon Chichikov whathe termed his "baisers" he came near to measuring his length upon thefloor.

  Every one now edged away, and turned a deaf ear to his furtherbabblings; but his words on the subject of the purchase of dead soulshad none the less been uttered at the top of his voice, and beenaccompanied with such uproarious laughter that the curiosity even ofthose who had happened to be sitting or standing in the remoter cornersof the room had been aroused. So strange and novel seemed the idea thatthe company stood with faces expressive of nothing but a dumb, dullwonder. Only some of the ladies (as Chichikov did not fail to remark)exchanged meaning, ill-natured winks and a series of sarcastic smiles:which circumstance still further increased his confusion. That Nozdrevwas a notorious liar every one, of course, knew, and that he should havegiven vent to an idiotic outburst of this sort had surprised no one; buta dead soul--well, what was one to make of Nozdrev's reference to such acommodity?

  Naturally this unseemly contretemps had greatly upset our hero; for,however foolish be a madman's words, they may yet prove sufficient tosow doubt in the minds of saner individuals. He felt much as does aman who, shod with well-polished boots, has just stepped into a dirty,stinking puddle. He tried to put away from him the occurrence, and toexpand, and to enjoy himself once more. Nay, he even took a handat whist. But all was of no avail--matters kept going as awry as abadly-bent hoop. Twice he blundered in his play, and the President ofthe Council was at a loss to understand how his friend, Paul Ivanovitch,lately so good and so circumspect a player, could perpetrate such amauvais pas as to throw away a particular king of spades which thePresident has been "trusting" as (to quote his own expression) "he wouldhave trusted God." At supper, too, matters felt uncomfortable, eventhough the society at Chichikov's table was exceedingly agreeable andNozdrev had been removed, owing to the fact that the ladies had foundhis conduct too scandalous to be borne, now that the delinquent hadtaken to seating himself on the floor and plucking at the skirts ofpassing lady dancers. As I say, therefore, Chichikov found the situationnot a little awkward, and eventually put an end to it by leaving thesupper room before the meal was over, and long before the hour whenusually he returned to the inn.

  In his little room, with its door of communication blocked with awardrobe, his frame of mind remained as uncomfortable as the chair inwhich he was seated. His heart ached with a dull, unpleasant sensation,with a sort of oppressive emptiness.

  "The devil take those who first invented balls!" was his reflection."Who derives any real pleasure from them? In this province there existwant and scarcity everywhere: yet folk go in for balls! How absurd,too, were those overdressed women! One of them must have had a thousandroubles on her back, and all acquired at the expense of the overtaxedpeasant, or
, worse still, at that of the conscience of her neighbour.Yes, we all know why bribes are accepted, and why men become crookedin soul. It is all done to provide wives--yes, may the pit swallow themup!--with fal-lals. And for what purpose? That some woman may not haveto reproach her husband with the fact that, say, the Postmaster's wifeis wearing a better dress than she is--a dress which has cost a thousandroubles! 'Balls and gaiety, balls and gaiety' is the constant cry. Yetwhat folly balls are! They do not consort with the Russian spirit andgenius, and the devil only knows why we have them. A grown, middle-agedman--a man dressed in black, and looking as stiff as a poker--suddenlytakes the floor and begins shuffling his feet about, while another man,even though conversing with a companion on important business, will, thewhile, keep capering to right and left like a billy-goat! Mimicry, sheermimicry! The fact that the Frenchman is at forty precisely what he wasat fifteen leads us to imagine that we too, forsooth, ought to be thesame. No; a ball leaves one feeling that one has done a wrong thing--somuch so that one does not care even to think of it. It also leaves one'shead perfectly empty, even as does the exertion of talking to a man ofthe world. A man of that kind chatters away, and touches lightly uponevery conceivable subject, and talks in smooth, fluent phrases which hehas culled from books without grazing their substance; whereas go andhave a chat with a tradesman who knows at least ONE thing thoroughly,and through the medium of experience, and see whether his conversationwill not be worth more than the prattle of a thousand chatterboxes. Forwhat good does one get out of balls? Suppose that a competent writerwere to describe such a scene exactly as it stands? Why, even in abook it would seem senseless, even as it certainly is in life. Are,therefore, such functions right or wrong? One would answer that thedevil alone knows, and then spit and close the book."

  Such were the unfavourable comments which Chichikov passed upon ballsin general. With it all, however, there went a second source ofdissatisfaction. That is to say, his principal grudge was not so muchagainst balls as against the fact that at this particular one he hadbeen exposed, he had been made to disclose the circumstance that he hadbeen playing a strange, an ambiguous part. Of course, when he reviewedthe contretemps in the light of pure reason, he could not but see thatit mattered nothing, and that a few rude words were of no account nowthat the chief point had been attained; yet man is an odd creature, andChichikov actually felt pained by the cold-shouldering administered tohim by persons for whom he had not an atom of respect, and whose vanityand love of display he had only that moment been censuring. Still more,on viewing the matter clearly, he felt vexed to think that he himselfhad been so largely the cause of the catastrophe.

  Yet he was not angry with HIMSELF--of that you may be sure, seeing thatall of us have a slight weakness for sparing our own faults, andalways do our best to find some fellow-creature upon whom to vent ourdispleasure--whether that fellow-creature be a servant, a subordinateofficial, or a wife. In the same way Chichikov sought a scapegoat uponwhose shoulders he could lay the blame for all that had annoyed him. Hefound one in Nozdrev, and you may be sure that the scapegoat in questionreceived a good drubbing from every side, even as an experienced captainor chief of police will give a knavish starosta or postboy a rating notonly in the terms become classical, but also in such terms as the saidcaptain or chief of police may invent for himself. In short, Nozdrev'swhole lineage was passed in review; and many of its members in theascending line fared badly in the process.

  Meanwhile, at the other end of the town there was in progress an eventwhich was destined to augment still further the unpleasantness of ourhero's position. That is to say, through the outlying streets andalleys of the town there was clattering a vehicle to which it would bedifficult precisely to assign a name, seeing that, though it was of aspecies peculiar to itself, it most nearly resembled a large, ricketywater melon on wheels. Eventually this monstrosity drew up at the gatesof a house where the archpriest of one of the churches resided, and fromits doors there leapt a damsel clad in a jerkin and wearing a scarf overher head. For a while she thumped the gates so vigorously as to setall the dogs barking; then the gates stiffly opened, and admitted thisunwieldy phenomenon of the road. Lastly, the barinia herself alighted,and stood revealed as Madame Korobotchka, widow of a CollegiateSecretary! The reason of her sudden arrival was that she had felt souneasy about the possible outcome of Chichikov's whim, that during thethree nights following his departure she had been unable to sleep awink; whereafter, in spite of the fact that her horses were not shod,she had set off for the town, in order to learn at first hand how thedead souls were faring, and whether (which might God forfend!) shehad not sold them at something like a third of their true value. Theconsequences of her venture the reader will learn from a conversationbetween two ladies. We will reserve it for the ensuing chapter.