Here and Now

by Constance O'Day-Flannery

  “I’m almost afraid to pick him up to put him in his bassinet for fear he’ll wake up,” she added, while looking at her peaceful child.

  “Why don’t we put him on the floor then?” Charlie asked, gently placing the infant seat on the rug. “That way we don’t have to disturb him, but we’ll hear him when he does wake up.”

  “Good idea,” she whispered back, carefully loosening the blanket around Matty. They both stiffened when Matty made a tiny noise and moved his fist closer to his mouth. A few moments later, she mouthed, “Let’s retreat while we can.”

  They actually tiptoed into the kitchen and were giggling like two fools who had barely made an escape. “I hope that pacifier works,” Suzanne mumbled.

  “What is a pacifier?”

  “Hmm… how do I answer that? Well, from everything I’ve read, babies don’t always cry because they’re hungry. They’re programmed… ah, instinct demands that they suck… le,” she finished lamely, trying to keep a blush from creeping onto her cheeks. “So, I can’t always have a baby on my… suckling,” she quickly inserted, now definitely feeling the blush on her face. “Anyway, they make an artificial… you know.”

  He glanced down at her breasts and then quickly back at her face. They stared at each other, as though what she was describing was painting a vivid picture. How crazy that a rush of pleasure surged through her body at his mere glance? Damn, she was trying to make it as clinical as possible. God, what must he be thinking?

  “I’ve got a good idea,” he finally whispered, and then broke the eye contact by looking around the kitchen.

  “You do?” she muttered, wondering if he was talking about the pacifier or her breasts. The look in his eye hadn’t been too clinical when they’d just caught his attention.

  “All right then…” he said, clearing his throat to end whatever was taking place between them. “I should bring in those bags now. Why don’t you sit in the family room with Matty? I think I can manage to put everything away.”

  “Oh, nonsense, Charlie,” she proclaimed, relieved that whatever just happened was over. “I am a little tired, but I certainly have enough energy to help put away groceries. Besides, after dinner we’re going to be sitting for a while, watching our videos.” She shooed him off with her hand. “Now, let’s get this show on the road.”

  “You do look better, Suzanne, since you’re home.”

  Grinning, she said, “I’m hungry. Are you?” No need to tell him about makeup running and her attempt at salvaging some vanity.

  “Actually, I am.”

  “Then get the bags, Charlie, and I’ll start dinner.”

  “You’re sure you’re up to preparing a meal?”

  Her eyes widened. “Go,” she commanded, and pointed toward the front door.

  He performed a perfect salute and grinned back at her, as though he was glad their relationship was back to normal. “Yes, ma’am,” he answered crisply, and then pivoted in the direction of the door.

  She was about to turn on the kitchen faucet when she heard him say, “See, I told you, it works when you’re assertive.”

  She couldn’t stop the small laugh. As she was washing her hands she marveled that two men could be so totally opposite. Kevin had broken her heart and had made her cry. And Charlie seemed to wrap himself softly around her heart, like a warm clean bandage, enabling her to heal. And he made her laugh.

  She’d forgotten how much she had loved to laugh.

  What else had she forgotten?

  Oh, yeah—that she was still a married woman who had no right, whatsoever, to allow her heart to heal with Charlie. Anyway, if she ever entertained the thoughts of another man intimately in her life, she didn’t want a bandage.

  She wanted the only thing that could heal her without scars—real love.

  Obviously, considering the man she had married, it was something she had yet to experience.

  9

  “This does look pretty tight, Suzanne. He may be right,” Laura Silverman muttered, slowly shaking her head as she flipped through the prenuptial. “Unless you weren’t in your right mind when you signed this thing.”

  Suzanne clasped her hands together and tried to keep her cool. She wasn’t really comfortable dealing with lawyers. Kevin always took charge of those things. Right—and just see where that got her. She looked across the wide desk to the woman who once went to high school with her. Laura was short and petite, with large brown eyes and a cap of dark curly hair that framed her attractive face. Out of habit, Suzanne tried to guess the maker of Laura’s tailored suit. Probably Ellen Tracy. She hadn’t seen Laura in many years, but she had to admit that the young, serious girl in high school had blossomed into a striking woman. She really looked wonderful. Without having any referrals, Suzanne figured she would have to trust someone to be her lawyer.

  “You know, Laura, I don’t think I’ve been in my right mind for some time. Why else would I have married such a man, and believed it would last forever? Why would I think I needed protection?”

  “Look, prenup be damned, considering his actions and his assets, I’m going to demand full property disclosure. We’ll get him to pay alimony through the nose, and we should start child support right now since he’s out of the home. You understand, unless you can prove that he’s negligible as a father, he’ll have visiting rights to your son.”

  Suzanne couldn’t suppress a sarcastic laugh. “Would the court consider leaving me for my best friend the day of his child’s birth negligible?”

  Laura smiled at her sympathetically, having heard the whole ugly story minutes ago. “You said you went into labor early, so he wouldn’t have known. It looks like you’ll have to grant him visiting rights—at least until we get into court.”

  “How long will all this take?”

  “Depends on the judge and when it can get onto the court docket. The sooner we begin processing all the papers, the sooner you can be divorced.”

  “Well, let’s do this as quickly as possible.”

  “So you want to divorce him? He’s not going to file?”

  “Well, after my confrontation with him, knowing the wimp Kevin is, I’m sure he’s going to get the most expensive divorce lawyer his money can buy. I don’t want to take a chance he may try and drag this out I want to file immediately. Besides, what am I supposed to do for money? Wait until he pays me an allowance? No, now is the time to be proactive and protect myself and my son.”

  “Okay,” Laura said, and pulled the large yellow legal pad back in front of her. “What shall we ask for alimony?” she said with a mischievous smile.

  Suzanne shrugged. “I haven’t thought that through. I mean, I don’t know when I’ll be going back to work, or if I even want to go back to my old career. Everything seems to be happening at once and I’m just trying to take it one day at a time.”

  “Let’s think of this, Suzanne, as a new beginning for you. Right now you don’t have to concern yourself about going to work. Since he sold that land, Kevin’s assets can easily provide you with the means to stay home and take care of your son. Is that what you want?”

  She nodded. “I don’t want to leave Matty with strangers if I don’t have to.”

  Laura agreed. “Who’s taking care of him now, while you’re here?”

  “I… ah, I’ve hired someone to help me and—”

  “So you’d also need to pay this person’s salary,” Laura said while writing on her pad. “What are you paying them?”

  Startled by the question and how fast everything was proceeding, Suzanne tried to make her brain work. “Well, we’ve sort of discussed coming up with a salary, but… I guess three hundred dollars a week would be good, plus room and board.”

  “This person’s living with you?”

  “Yes. He’s really very good with Matty and he’s a tremendous help around the house and—”

  “No need to explain it to me,” Laura again interrupted. “How does five thousand a month sound to you?”

  “A month
?” Suzanne repeated, a bit shocked by the figure. “Well, the house is paid for—I mean, we don’t have house payments, just real estate taxes and insurance. Quite frankly, I really don’t have that many expenses. Are you sure that isn’t too much?”

  Laura put down her pen and stared across the desk. “What I was really thinking was six thousand. Now listen, Suzanne, this is the time for you to put yourself first. Kevin is a multimillionaire, and paying sixty thousand dollars a year to you isn’t going to break him. You have a right to continue living in the manner to which you’ve been accustomed for six years. Don’t sell yourself short. You have the overhead of the operating expenses of the house and farm until you have to find a new place to live. You said he’s going to fight for the entire property?”

  “Yes. I know he wants it.”

  “You also have a salary to pay. That’s twelve hundred a month. Speaking of salaries, you worked until you became pregnant, right?”

  She nodded.

  “And did you put any of that money away for yourself?”

  “No, I… I just deposited it into our joint account.”

  Laura shook her head as she wrote a note on her legal pad, and Suzanne wanted to tell her that she never thought she would be in a position to protect herself from her husband. That she had bought into the whole marriage thing. Till death do us part. Somebody should have added or until the husband decides he’s tired of you and takes another.

  “We’re asking for seven thousand. You’ll start a 401K of your own, invest some of it, and start thinking about your future, Suzanne.”

  “Won’t Kevin fight that?”

  “I hope he does,” Laura pronounced. “Then we can bring up the prenup and tie him and his assets up in court for years. I’ll go for seven thousand a month and, if necessary, we’ll negotiate down to five. Now what about child support?”

  “That doesn’t include child support?”

  Laura leaned her elbows onto her desk. “We’re playing hardball in the major leagues here, Suzanne. Now is not the time for weakness. We’ll negotiate from our strength. A good upstanding woman contributed for six years to the family income, was deserted by her filthy-rich husband who had been committing adultery with her best friend while the wife was pregnant with their first child. With any luck we’ll get a female judge.”

  “I really don’t want to be the angry, bitter, jilted wife, Laura.”

  “Okay, let me ask you this. Are you not angry, a bit bitter, and have you not been jilted by a man without a conscience?”

  She took a moment to think about it. “I guess I am. What a cliché.”

  “Suzanne, you’re not a cliché. You’re a decent woman who’s going through something sordid. You know how many women react exactly like you? They want to play fair, even when their partner didn’t. The shame of all this is you’re being asked to make decisions about your future when you’re still in the grieving stage.”

  “I think I’m transitioning into the anger stage at this point.”

  “You haven’t even hit it yet. Wait until Kevin and his lawyers start their game plan. Don’t be surprised if they try to smear your name somehow. Was there any time during the marriage when you were not faithful?”

  “Never,” she answered with conviction.

  “Good, now let’s talk about child support.”

  An hour later she was sitting in the car, staring at her house as her past came crashing in on her. Everything she had dreamed was over. Would she have to fight Kevin to live here? It was his family’s home. Her name wasn’t even on the deed. How much she had trusted, and how much of a fool had she been to believe in love. What was love? She was afraid she really didn’t know. She loved Matty with all her heart, yet he was a child born through her. Was romantic love a myth, something people are led into believing is true? Does it really exist? She thought back to her own mother and father. They had rarely shown affection for each other in her presence. She’d thought it was just their generation, but maybe they too had been deceived. Maybe everybody has been deceived.

  Her attention was drawn to the porch as the front door opened and Charlie appeared with Matty at his chest. He looked frantic and Suzanne quickly opened the car door. “I’m so sorry,” she called out, realizing that she had wanted to prolong that moment of silence and contemplation. However, silence was not to be hers as she heard her son’s wailing.

  She rushed up to Charlie and shook her head. “It took longer than I thought with the lawyer and I… I guess I was just lost in thought sitting in the car.”

  She took off her jacket as Charlie said, “There’s no satisfying him, Suzanne. He’s been crying for the last fifteen minutes.”

  “I’m so sorry,” she repeated as she walked behind him into the house and closed the door. She threw her jacket onto the brass clothes tree and held out her arms for her son.

  “He slept most of the time. When he woke I changed him. I tried that pacifier, but after about ten minutes he spit it out and started crying and he hasn’t stopped.”

  “It’s all right, Charlie. You did real well, and I thank you for watching him. This meeting was very important,” she said as she unbuttoned her blouse. Poor Matty had started rooting for her breast right through the material. Sitting in the rocker by the window, she positioned her son and sat back as he latched onto her and began suckling. Exhausted, she closed her eyes and sighed deeply.

  “Maybe I should have driven you,” he said from behind her.

  She shook her head and rocked gently while stroking Matty’s forehead to soothe his frayed nerves. “The doctor said not to drive for a week. It’s been a week. I was all right. It’s just been a long day.”

  “Have you eaten anything since breakfast? I’ve prepared a can of tuna fish just like you showed me and I’ve been waiting for you to get home so we could have lunch.”

  “Thanks, that would be great,” she murmured, her mind still whirling with everything that was happening. For one solid week, ever since Kevin had told her he was leaving, her life seemed to be one crisis after another. It was exhausting! There had been those wonderful two days when she and Charlie and Matty had shut out the world and watched videos, but even that was draining as she had to explain so much to Charlie about history. Tonight they were watching Forrest Gump, so maybe that movie might be easier.

  An image of Charlie being shocked at the love scene in The Way We Were made her smile at the memory. Although he had enjoyed the movie, he really had been embarrassed watching that particular scene. She tried to remember if there was anything that might embarrass him tonight, but figured they’d deal with it the same way… by avoidance. Really, the last thing she wanted was to explain modern sexual freedom to Charles Garrity.

  “Here’s your sandwich.”

  She opened her eyes to see Charlie placing the dish on the small table next to her. He moved the vase of flowers and positioned her sandwich so she could easily reach it. Grateful for his presence, she smiled. “Thanks, Charlie.”

  “Hey, I’m just glad the lad finally stopped crying. It’s really… I don’t know… heart tugging to have him go on and on and not be able to do anything to help him.”

  She smiled down at her son as she picked up half of the sandwich. “I know,” she murmured. “He is a handful.” She tasted her lunch and moaned in appreciation as she swallowed. “Oh, this is delicious! You really were watching.”

  “I’m trainable,” he replied, obviously pleased by her words. “What will you be drinking, then? I’ve got some water on to boil.”

  “I’d love some decaf tea,” she answered with a grateful smile.

  “Right away,” he said, turning quickly to fulfill her request.

  What an extraordinary man, Suzanne thought as she watched him walking back into the kitchen. In all the time Charles Garrity had been with her, he’d never asked a thing for himself. He seemed entirely unselfish, so unlike her husband. Trying to envision Kevin even making his own lunch, let alone offering to make hers, she shook he
r head at the ludicrous thought. What would it be like if Kevin was still with her? Considering that thought, she shuddered so hard, Matty flinched from her movement.

  “I’m sorry, sweetie,” she whispered. Looking down to the child still nestled to her breast, she felt a lump growing in her throat. She was sorry. Sorry for herself, sorry for her son, sorry she had chosen such a jerk for a husband, and sorry she’d trusted her best friend. As her eyes uncontrollably welled up with tears, one trickled down her face and fell on Matty’s cheek. Tenderly, Suzanne wiped it away and swallowed hard. At that moment she vowed her bad choices wouldn’t penalize this innocent child. If nothing else in life was fair, she would do her best to be free from self-interest, self-pity, bias, and deception. She would be honest with her son and raise him to be the man his father wasn’t.

  “Here you are, madam,” Charles said in an officious tone as he walked over to the table and set down her tea. “Will there be anything else?”

  She could tell he was teasing. “No, this is more than enough. Thank you, Charlie.”

  “Perhaps a tissue?”

  He knew she’d been crying. “I’m fine.” She sniffed.

  “Right then,” he said as he began to turn away.

  “Hey, where’s your lunch?”

  “In the kitchen.”

  “Why don’t you bring it in here and eat with me.”

  “All right, I’ll get it,” he said, walking toward the kitchen.

  She took another bite of her sandwich and looked around the living room she had worked so hard to renovate and then decorate. Would Kevin bring Ingrid here to live? Where would she and Matty go? Should she start searching for a place? It was all too much to think about right now. She would just take it day by day. Today, she had acquired the services of a pretty aggressive lawyer. That was a good start. She had a roof over her head at the moment. The fridge was stocked. Her son was healthy and content. Seeing Charlie walking toward her again, this time with his lunch, she smiled. She also had a wonderful, miraculous time traveler for a friend—a strong, caring, and trainable man. In this moment she had a pretty decent life.