Here and Now

by Constance O'Day-Flannery

  “Now I want you to feel your lower back and feel the tension leaving as you release those muscles, one after the other, working all the way up your spine, allowing each muscle to fall easily into place, one right next to the other… releasing all the tension you’ve been holding. Release those heavy muscles across your shoulders, feeling the soothing, peaceful energy moving up your neck and now into your scalp… releasing…”

  His shoulders sagged against her upper thighs.

  “Feel that soothing release pouring down over your head, over your ears, over your forehead, around your eyes, your nose, your mouth, releasing the stress in your jaw so that there isn’t a place in your body that can contain any tension any longer.

  “Breathe it in, Charlie. Feel the peace.” She waited almost a minute, feeling him heavy against her. “Now, in this peaceful place, you are allowed to release all the pain, all the sorrow, all the loss. You can feel it drain out of your body. Allow it to come out naturally, through your eyes. Let it go… you don’t have to be strong any more, not right now. Right now you’re safe. I’ve got you, honey. Let it go.”

  And he did. Slowly at first, and then she could feel his shoulders moving as he freed himself of his sorrow. Suddenly, he turned to his side and hugged her leg, pulling it in closer to him and burying his face into the pillow.

  “God, Suzanne,” he muttered. “It hurts.”

  “I know,” she soothed, allowing him to release it as she stroked his hair. “You’re grieving, sweetie,” she whispered as her own tears fell upon him. “I know what it’s like.”

  And she did, all too well.

  She continued to stroke his hair as she laid her head back on her pillow. They stayed like that, entwined, for the longest time. Neither one of them spoke as a deep peace seemed to envelope them. To her it felt beautiful, precious, almost sacred. She felt honored that he had come to her to release his sorrow. She also felt closer to him than any other human being in her life. He trusted her.

  Suzanne finally felt his body once more go limp and she knew he had fallen asleep. Closing her eyes, she realized today was the first day of her single life. And she was in bed with the man she loved.

  Funny the way things turn out.

  Maybe she and Charlie weren’t meant to make love.

  17

  She was dreaming. It had to be a dream, yet it felt so real.

  His hands were stroking her back, her shoulders, and she moaned with the pleasure of it. She didn’t care any longer, feeling him behind her, holding her, cradling her against his hard body. Instinctively arching her back, she felt his arousal meeting her thrust. His hand slipped around her waist and she felt him cup her bare breast. She sighed as she melted back into him.

  She heard a deep, sexy moan by her ear and her eyes fluttered open.

  Staring into the moonlit darkness, she realized within moments this was no dream.

  Immediately her heart seemed to burst open with love as she felt his caresses. His touch was so gentle, almost reverent, as he pulled apart the towel to expose more of her naked body. She allowed him to roam freely, until he again captured her breast. Afraid to ruin the precious moment by words, she simply put her left hand tenderly over his at her breast and raised her right to encircle the back of his head, lifting her breasts, and again arching her back, telling him with her body she was accepting wherever he wanted to go, needing to be closer to him, wanting to prolong the contact. He seemed to curl around her, sliding his hand down her rib cage and grasping her hip to pull her back against him.

  “Suzanne,” he whispered into her ear in a ragged breath.

  “Get undressed,” she whispered back, her whole body tingling to feel his skin against her own.

  “Don’t move. Not a muscle.”

  She didn’t care anymore what the future held. She only knew this moment, and in this moment she wanted to meld with him, to fuse her body with his, to know that joining. She loved him. In this moment, it no longer mattered that he would be leaving her. If she only had this night, she would take it. Feeling him shift away from behind her, she heard him stand by the bed. She experienced a deep sense of loss by his withdrawal, yet quicker than she thought possible, she felt the mattress again take his weight as he slid up against her, this time without the barrier of clothing.

  “Oh, God,” she murmured, sucking in her breath at the searing naked contact of his chest against her back, his arms around her, his hard arousal against her bottom. They started moving slowly, grinding against each other as his hands again roamed over her body, first her breast, then her stomach and then lower, ever so gently, touching her with featherlike strokes. It was everything she had imagined, and more, a sense of being, belonging, heightened awareness of every inch of skin, his and her own. Moaning as he continued to stroke her, explore her, bringing her closer to the edge, she allowed her head to fall back against him.

  He cradled her in his arm, reaching across her shoulder to again cup her breast. He ground his mouth against her skin, kissing her temple, her cheekbone, her neck, breathing into her ear, sending shivers racing across her skin as his leg crossed over her hip and eased her own leg back over his own. She never felt so open, so vulnerable, and yet she trusted him completely.

  Half lying on him, she felt him. The hard length of him. Probing the delicate folds of her. Gently gaining entrance into her. And still he continued to stroke the core of her, driving her near mad for him as he teased from beneath and above.

  “Please,” she begged, no longer able to take it. “I… I want you, Charlie!”

  “You have me, love,” he whispered, grasping her hip and entering her fully.

  She threw back her head and inhaled deeply with exquisite pleasure as he filled her completely. “Oh, Charlie,” she breathed. “I’ve waited so long to feel like this.”

  “No longer than I, my love,” he breathed back into her ear. He began to move slowly, gliding back and forth, while his hand once more found the throbbing core of her and brought her back to the edge, closer and closer, mindlessly going further, knowing she would fall and not caring, as long as he was with her.

  “Charlie?” She called out his name, feeling every nerve ending in her body come alive, focusing and clustering where they were joined together, begging for release.

  “Charlie!” she called out again as the exquisite explosion came, thrusting her over the edge and into the night, seeping out through her pores, sending fragments of her beyond her physical body to soar and mingle with the heavens. Her muscles convulsed around the length of him, pulsing and urging him to join her.

  Turning her onto her back, he reentered her quickly and she clung to his upper arms as she wrapped her legs around him, lifting herself to meet each thrust. He stared into her eyes with an expression of wonder and she knew, no matter what happened between them, in this moment he loved her. Filled with a sense of power, she stared back, willing him to come with her, hearing it in his breath, watching it on his face as he came closer and closer and then, with a sense of amazement, she felt it all building again in her, only this time it was deeper, more acute, demanding a more complete release.

  White-hot with passion, they performed an ancient ritual, melding bodies, minds, souls and when they soared, they did so together… clinging to each other, crying out their joy, making love come alive, making memories to last a lifetime.

  They held each other, coming back into their bodies, as their hearts pounded in perfect rhythm against each other. The only sound in the room was their ragged breathing. She felt him slide off her and collapse next to her. Turning her head, she moved to her side so she could face him.

  She reached out her hand and tenderly caressed his face, feeling a rough stubble against her palm. It only further excited her, for she couldn’t believe that her body still wanted him. “Thank you,” she whispered, meaning it with all her heart.

  “Oh, sweet precious one,” he breathed, running his hand over her hip. “Thank you. I tried, Suzanne, for so long, but
when I awoke with you next to me near naked… I simply couldn’t resist any longer. I’m not that strong and—”

  “Shh… I’m glad. More than glad, Charlie. I’m gloriously happy.” It was now her turn to touch him, to trace the slope of his shoulder, the expanse of his chest. Her fingers traced a ragged scar on his side, the curve of his hip, the hard muscle of his thigh.

  He pulled her against him, gathering her back into his embrace, and she was shocked to find him still hard. Following instinct, she gently pushed his shoulders until he was lying on his back and then she slid over him, sucking in her breath as he once more entered her. Slowly, ever so slowly, she began to move.

  “Sweet mother of god, Suzanne,” he murmured, grasping her hips to anchor her.

  This time tenderness was replaced with something more primal as man and woman came together, shedding all boundaries, all inhibitions, all definitions, until they were one.

  Dawn was slipping into the room as Charlie ran the water in the tub and Suzanne laid back against the pillows watching him. He’d already gone downstairs, naked as the day he’d been born, and brought them tall glasses of water. Her hands had been shaking as she’d tried to hold the glass, and she had to use both hands to steady herself. Never before in her life had she experienced such an exquisite union. It seemed almost like a reunion, as she felt so natural around him. She felt love, a love that was so intense yet so easy, as though she had come home to it finally, having only encountered shadow images of it before.

  Hearing the water turn off, she watched as he walked into the bedroom and up to her. He was magnificent, without the least bit of shame at being naked. Men were like that. Holding out his hand, he said, “Come, love. Our bath awaits.”

  She grasped his hand as he helped her to stand. It didn’t bother her that she was naked and her body wasn’t perfect, she realized when he put his arm around her shoulder and led her into the bathroom. Here, within his embrace, for the first time in her life she had found total acceptance. And there was freedom in that, a freedom that had been missing in her life.

  “Oh, Charlie,” she whispered, seeing the filled tub. “How thoughtful.”

  He squeezed her shoulders. “After the night we’ve had, it was all I could think of to ease our aching muscles.”

  “I am a bit sore,” she admitted, as he held her hand while she stepped into the tub.

  “As am I,” he said, smiling at her as she lowered herself into the water.

  When she was settled against the back, he then entered. The water reached the very rim of the tub as he sat down, putting his legs at her sides and she resting her legs between his and on his hips. Suzanne said with a laugh, “I’m afraid to move, or we’ll have a flood up here.”

  Grinning, Charlie reached behind him and began letting out some of the water. When he resettled and leaned back with his arms resting on the sides of the tub, he looked across the water at her and smiled.

  “What was your name before you were married?”

  “Lawrence,” she answered, leaning her head back against the rim of the tub, while running her hands over his legs. “This is heavenly,” she breathed, feeling the warmth of the water enter her pores and soak her aching muscles. It was as though they had been together forever, she thought, as he began to massage her foot.

  “Well, Suzanne Lawrence, you are quite a woman.”

  She tilted her head to see him better and smiled back. “You are quite a man, Charles Patrick Garrity. I think we’re evenly matched.”

  “Like equals?”

  “Yes, like equals,” she breathed, feeling a surge of gratitude for him, for the water, for life. She felt totally content.

  “An equal partnership,” he murmured. “I’ve heard of that.”

  “Where?”

  “Just somewhere.”

  She giggled. “Probably when you were watching television. It must have been on Oprah.”

  “Perhaps,” he answered, running his hands up her calf and massaging away the ache.

  “May I ask you a question?”

  “Of course. You know everything about me already. I have nothing to hide.”

  “Where did you get that scar on your side? Was it in the war?”

  “Yes.” His voice was a whisper.

  “It’s all right, Charlie. You don’t have to revisit those memories.”

  “Thank you.”

  She smiled. “I prefer the memories we made earlier.”

  “As I just said, you are quite a woman, Suzanne.”

  “Why, thank you, sir, but I will admit it had been a long time since… well, since I was… involved.”

  He chuckled. “Well, it’s been longer for me. Seventy-five years.”

  She laughed. “You’re right. That explains it.”

  “Explains what?”

  “How… how virile you are.”

  “Is that a polite way of saying I was randy?”

  “There’s an old-fashioned word. Randy. Yes, you were quite randy. And so was I.” She looked deep into his eyes. “But it was the most beautiful night of my life, Charlie.”

  His smile was tender, and yet sad.

  “You’re still going to leave, aren’t you? Even when you get paid the money for the land.” It was the question that was burning in her brain.

  “Yes, love. I have to.”

  She wanted to tell him to stay, that they did make an equal partnership, that she knew he loved her, but only silence filled the small room. And then, as though to put an end to that train of thought, she heard Matty’s cry as he awoke. Shifting to sit up straighter, she said, “I should get him.”

  “No,” Charlie answered, already rising and dripping water. “I’ll get him and bring him in here with us.”

  “Really?” She’d never taken her baby into the tub with her and the thought was appealing. “Okay, thanks.”

  She waited a few minutes and then grinned as a naked Charlie held a naked Matty against his chest as he brought the baby into the bathroom. He handed him over and Suzanne cradled her son to her breast. “It’s okay, sweetie,” she whispered, helping Matty as he latched onto her. His legs and arms were moving in the water and she grinned up to Charlie. “Come join us.”

  When Charlie was back in the tub, Suzanne laughed at her son. “He likes it!”

  “Why wouldn’t he?”

  “You’re right. It must be like being back in the womb.” She looked up at Charlie and grinned. “Thanks for this. Thanks for everything since you came into my life.”

  He smiled at her with such tenderness, she felt tears suddenly welling up in her eyes.

  “I will always remember you both like this,” he whispered.

  She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t beg him not to leave. She knew that there was some ache within him that she couldn’t help ease. Only he could do it. Rather than thinking of him leaving, she forced her mind to stay right where she was, with her son and the man she loved. Here and now was beauty, contentment, and such an incredible sense of love that she wouldn’t ruin it with regrets.

  They stayed in silence for the longest time, soaking in the peace.

  The morning remained peaceful. Matty was down for his nap and Suzanne was cuddled next to Charlie in the sun room. They couldn’t seem to get enough of each other, touching, kissing, making memories. Each knew it would end, but neither spoke of it again.

  Suzanne felt married, more married than when it had been legal. And how strange was that, since this day was the first full day of her renewed single life. Yet she couldn’t deny the closeness she felt with Charlie. They had begun as friends, needing each other when their lives had been turned upside down, and they had ended up lovers, beyond lovers. They were united in their hearts and souls. She knew that when he left, he would take a part of her with him and she was willing to allow it, for he was so firmly entrenched within her own heart now.

  All she could do was give him freedom.

  The phone rang and Suzanne reluctantly slipped away from Charlie and
hurried to answer it

  “Hello.”

  “Suzanne, it’s Laura.”

  “Hi, Laura. How are you?”

  “I’ll tell how I am. I think I should be seeing a shrink! The DNA tests came back positive. I’m asking you again, how can this be possible?”

  Grinning, Suzanne answered, “I don’t know how it happened, it just did. Charlie is who he says he is, and I never doubted it.”

  “Well, I feel like I’m in the middle of a dream and I can’t wake up.”

  “You’re awake, Laura. Things happen that are unexplainable. This is one of them.”

  “What if someone gets hold of this information? I mean, I’ve done everything very quietly, but seriously, Suzanne— this is news!”

  “Laura?” Suzanne began in a grave voice. “No one can ever hear of this. This must be kept confidential, except for those involved. I won’t allow Charlie to be exposed. He’s been through enough.”

  “I understand. I mean, I agree. I don’t think I’ll ever understand.”

  “I don’t think any of us ever will, but think of all the so-called coincidences. All I can say is it was meant to happen. I don’t know who or what is orchestrating this, but I’ve accepted my role in it and I’m playing it out. I suggest you do the same.” She paused for a moment. “Just think of your fee. Twenty percent of thirty-three million. That will keep you centered.”

  “Right. Well, I wanted to call you immediately. Now I need to make the rest of the calls. We’ll all meet at ten a.m. at Evergreen. I’m bringing Knueson, a court stenographer, and our friend from court. Also, I have contacted someone from the district attorney’s office to meet us—not in an official capacity, but Kevin and his lawyer won’t know that. I just want to make this as official looking as possible and cover all bases if we’re going to pull this off.”

  “We’ll do it, Laura. We haven’t been led this far to fail now.”