Impossible Things (Star Shadow #2)

by Bolden, Beth

  “Now, now,” Diego chanted, and his head fell back as Benji curled one of those hands around his leg and bent it upwards, positioning his dick against Diego’s hole and slowly pushing in.

  Diego had always known Benji was big. It wasn’t the first thing he’d noticed about him, but it had been something that, once he’d noticed, had been inescapable. Had developed, pretty damn quickly, a permanent spot in his fantasy rotation. He even had a toy that felt like it could be just about as big as Benji, and he never came as hard as he did when he was fucking himself with it. But Benji’s cock, as it slid into him, felt huge and never-ending, like he was going to be taking this cock for the rest of his life.

  “So tight, so hot, mine,” Benji chanted as he finally finished slowly sliding in. “Oh my God.”

  Diego squeezed his eyes shut and reached down, wrapping his fingers around his own cock and feeling the jolt of pleasure as he did. It didn’t hurt exactly, because Benji had been thorough, but it was overwhelming, and mostly because for the very first time it wasn’t just a piece of plastic inside him—it was someone he loved, who loved him back.

  And for Diego, there was nothing hotter in the world than that. Then Benji finally, gently, began to thrust and the experience went from overwhelming to mind-blowing.

  Diego knew he babbled, he knew he screamed, he knew he bit down hard enough on Benji’s shoulder that he tasted blood as he moved above him. It was everything he’d ever wanted, everything he’d dreamed about forever, but in bright-as-fuck, brain-overloading technicolor.

  He thought he heard Benji moan and claim he was close, and if Diego had been thinking clearly, he might have laughed, because he’d been close from the first moment Benji had touched him. Close was an understatement, he was balanced right there on the edge, and the next time Benji’s big cock brushed that spot inside him, he exploded, pulling Benji right along with him.

  They didn’t say anything after. What could you even say, after an experience like that? Diego wasn’t sure, though he was a little afraid that Benji’s silence meant that it hadn’t been as incredible for Benji as it had been for himself.

  After Benji disposed of the condom, he came back to bed with a damp washcloth, and after helping Diego clean up, lay down next to him.

  Diego laid a fingertip on the bite he’d made on Benji’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asked, finally breaking the quiet. “Did I hurt you?”

  Turning over, Benji’s gaze was luminous. “Did you hurt me? God no. I . . . I was afraid I hurt you.”

  “In the best possible way,” Diego said, stretching his legs out. He’d probably feel a little sore in the morning, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

  “If you’re sure,” Benji said seriously. “I loved it. I didn’t know sex could be like that. I felt like we . . . communed in some metaphysical universe or some shit.”

  “Next time, we should smoke a joint before, and see where it takes us,” Diego said with a grin. “I like this side of you.”

  “I like all the sides of you,” Benji said seriously and it was impossible not to fall head over heels in love with him all over again.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  The phone woke Diego and Benji for the second time.

  “Please tell me that isn’t your ex-wife again,” Benji groaned, rolling over and effortlessly gathering Diego into the circle of his arms, pulling him close and tight against him.

  “Not my phone,” Diego slurred out, even more asleep than Benji was. “That’s yours.”

  “Oh damnit,” Benji said, turning back over and feeling over the surface of the nightstand, fruitlessly searching for it. He finally closed his fingers over the familiar shape and blindly answered it.

  “What time are you going into the studio today?” Jay asked in lieu of any actual greeting.

  Benji fell back to the pillow and groaned. “I don’t know, in a few hours, why?”

  “I was hoping to have a chat with you in my office,” Jay said. “Can you swing by before?”

  He’d actually been looking forward to spending all morning in bed, figuring out exactly which spots of Diego’s could make him scream like he had the night before. Meeting Jay would definitely put a crimp in those plans.

  “Busy?” Jay asked, the sarcastic edge to his voice making it very clear he knew exactly what Benji would prefer to be doing instead.

  He wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important, Benji told himself, trying to ignore the increasingly loud and resentful voice inside him that believed Jay did whatever the fuck Jay wanted, whether it was important or not.

  “No, it’s fine,” Benji said. “I can stop by.”

  Diego made an annoyed sound next to him.

  “Tell Diego hi for me,” Jay said, and hung up.

  Benji stared at the ceiling. He hadn’t expressly told Jay he and Diego were sleeping together, but apparently his agent had already figured it out. That was the sort of thing Benji from two years ago might have appreciated—an agent who kept his ear to the ground and had his fingers in all sorts of pies—but now found increasingly and annoyingly invasive.

  And frankly, Jay’s knowledge worried him. He wouldn’t know—or care—about Benji sleeping with Diego if it wasn’t for the fake relationship he was still trying to set up with Rochelle. This was probably going to be an unpleasant morning, instead of the very pleasant morning he’d envisioned upon falling asleep.

  “Was that your manager?” Diego mumbled into the pillow. “Why the fuck is he calling so early?”

  “He wants me to come by today, before we head to the studio.” Benji prayed Diego wouldn’t ask why, because while the pictures with Rochelle might not have been a big deal when they’d first happened, he’d put off telling Diego long enough that they would absolutely be a big deal now.

  He’d been really stupid and completely distracted by Diego—even while not taking the preventative step that would have kept him from being super pissed when he eventually found out.

  “Is that something he wants often?” Diego asked, rolling over, looking heart-stoppingly gorgeous. Benji didn’t know anyone else who managed to look so goddamned beautiful first thing in the morning.

  Benji shrugged. “We talk a lot. He likes a hands-on approach.”

  “I barely ever talk to my manager,” Diego admitted.

  Benji did not say that was because Diego had a manager only because he had to have one, and Benji had picked Jay at the worst time in his life, when Star Shadow had just fallen apart, and he’d been frantic not to lose everything he’d fought for. He’d hired Jay for the express purpose of catapulting him into the stratosphere of super-famous celebrity musicians.

  Diego, while having zero interest in fame, could get offended by the insinuation that he didn’t give a shit. And Benji supposed that was technically not true; Diego did care, just not about the normal things other celebrities cared about.

  But he would absolutely care if Jay wanted to hook Benji up with Rochelle Andrews.

  “What does he want to talk about today?” Diego asked.

  Benji sighed. It was inevitable. “He’s been working on ways to expand my influence and recognizability now that Star Shadow is back together. Of course he’s worried that Leo and Caleb are going to be all anyone cares about.”

  “And you want that?” Diego sounded mystified. “If Caleb and Leo want to take the lion’s share of the attention, so be it.”

  “I don’t think they really want to,” Benji suggested.

  Diego waved a hand. “Semantics. I don’t care if all anyone cares about is them. We still get our share. We still get to play with our best friends, we still get to make albums, we still get to tour. We still have more money than we know what to do with.”

  That was all true, and maybe that was enough for Diego, but that had never been enough for Benji, who’d been born with that internal voice that kept whispering in his ear about what he was capable of, and never letting him rest if he hadn’t achieved it.

  Finally figuring o
ut his relationship with Diego had settled and given him a peace of mind that he’d been seeking for years, but it hadn’t changed him. It couldn’t. He was still the same Benji, underneath.

  “Wait,” Diego said suddenly, grabbing Benji’s arm. “He’s not wanting . . . he doesn’t want to use . . . this . . . does he?”

  If Benji ever gave Jay the impression it was on the table . . . of course. But he could still shake his head and stay honest. Jay didn’t want him and Diego.

  “We’ll face that part when we’re a little more settled, okay?” Benji said. Though he wasn’t really sure when he would ever feel settled enough to take that risk. Yeah, it had paid off in spades for Leo and Caleb but being honest about their relationship had been merely confirming something the fans had already suspected for years. Benji and Diego? That would be a shock to everyone.

  “Okay,” Diego said, relaxing.

  “Hey, I’m going to get up and get ready for this meeting,” Benji said, reaching out and brushing Diego’s hair back with a gentle hand. “You can stay here, in bed, as long as you like. You know the code to lock the front door, you know your way around the kitchen for breakfast.”

  Diego frowned. “You’re getting up already?”

  It still boggled Benji’s mind that he could say the stuff he’d always kept hidden for so long. “If I stay, I’m not going to want to get up at all,” he confessed, leaning over and kissing Diego’s forehead. “I’ll see you at the studio.” He paused. This was still all so new, but it felt like the right step to take, going forward. “I love you.”

  Diego smiled, slow and bright. “I love you, too.”

  ———

  “How’s the new album coming along?” Jay asked.

  “Fine?” Benji asked impatiently. “I interrupted my morning to come here, not to make small talk. What’s the big deal that you needed to see me today?”

  Jay’s mouth curled in a sly smile. “Had big plans this morning, huh? I bet Diego wasn’t very happy I dragged you out of bed.”

  Benji leaned forward. He’d been annoyed with Jay lots of times before, but this was the first time he felt anger. He didn’t like how many times Jay had mentioned Diego, and what that could possibly mean. “What does Diego have to do with this?”

  “This.” Jay pulled some full-page, full-color pictures out of a drawer, and spread them across the desk. Every single one was from Disneyland, earlier in the week, and they all featured Benji, Diego, and Ana.

  “Now, before you freak out,” Jay continued, and Benji compressed his lips together in frustration, “you knew this was a strong possibility. Diego isn’t just anyone anymore. And you? You’ve never wanted to be just anyone. While Leo and Caleb are getting the biggest publicity boost from the Star Shadow resurgence, everyone’s profile is rising. People who only recognized you as kids before know what you look like now. So, like I said, this was probably always going to happen. But you know why it really happened?”

  Benji shook his head. Diego was going to freak when he found out about these. Of course he would have known that some pictures were an inevitability, but there were dozens, spread out all across the desk, and as Benji stared at them, he couldn’t help but think they looked . . . intimate.

  “It happened because all these people didn’t see two good friends from the same band and one of their kids. It was because they looked and saw two good-looking people who are clearly crazy about each other with an adorable little kid, looking like the picture-perfect version of a modern family. And that is the sort of thing people take pictures of and post about on social media.”

  “But we didn’t . . .” Benji swallowed hard. “We never even touched, not like that. We . . . we were just there together.”

  “Yeah, but you’ve been here before, except that was with Leo and Caleb. Did there need to be definitive proof for three-quarters of the Star Shadow fanbase to believe they were in love with each other? Of course not. You just looked at them and knew. That’s what these pictures are. Add in Ana, who’s fucking precious, and it’s a tailor-made social media sensation.”

  Benji knew he shouldn’t be freaking out. They were eventually going to tell people, right? Benji had even discussed it with Diego just this morning—that when they were more settled in their relationship, and the album was well on its way, they would figure out how to tell people. But that far-off, mythical future wasn’t now, and now looked like it might be happening.

  “Oh, and there’s this little thing I dug up.” Jay swung his laptop around and as the video began to play, Benji thought he was probably going to be sick. Somehow, Jay had dug up the concert footage of that long-ago tour, when he and Diego had decided it was a good idea to work out all their pent-up sexual frustration onstage by pretending to fuck. Benji watched with dawning horror as in grainy video, his hands closed around Diego’s hips and he gave a few enthusiastic thrusts.

  Leo had claimed he’d seen that it was still floating around in the dark corners of the internet, and Benji had fervently hoped that he was just trying to get a rise out of him. But now Jay had found it, which meant that while not anyone could, it was just sitting there, waiting to be found.

  “You do realize what these pictures coupled with this footage means, right?” Jay looked at him steadily. Non judgmentally, because frankly Jay could care less if he and Diego were into men, women, or even bestiality, just as long as it was neatly and prettily packaged so he could sell it.

  “I don’t know, and I’m not sure I care.”

  Jay shook his head and chuckled ruefully. “That’s fucking dumb. You should care. I fucking care! This is a gold mine! I’ve been pushing you at the wrong thing. Forget about Rochelle, what you need to do is go get papped with Diego, and have him bring Ana along, for good measure. Leo and Caleb don’t have a kid, but you do.”

  Benji’s fingernails dug into his palms. “Ana isn’t mine, she’s Diego’s, and I guarantee he is not going to go along with all this.”

  Jay brushed that aside almost instantly, like it was of completely no consequence. Which, Benji thought bleakly, it probably was. “And then, when the hysteria hits its peak, we release the video. And then, there’ll be another rise of questions, and then, only then, do you confirm the relationship on Instagram. We’ll do some cute coordinated shoot. I have some ideas. Something very wholesome, you probably won’t even lose your more conservative followers.”

  “No.” It was so easy to say, but almost impossible to force out of his mouth. “No. No paparazzi. No Ana. No video release. No Instagram post. We’re not doing it.”

  “I understand,” Jay said, because of course he wasn’t finished. “You’re going to have to talk it over with Diego, get him on board. I had a little market research done, this might help convince him.” He passed over more pages, this time with color-coordinated pie charts and graphs, showing recognizability and association with each of the Star Shadow members.

  Diego was last, which made sense, because he hadn’t done anything public during the five-year break. Then Max, then Benji, then Leo, and then Caleb at the very top.

  “He’s done a lot of interviews lately, substance abuse sort of things,” Jay said offhandedly. “Good PR, I don’t know who’s managing him, but you should pass along my name. I could do real stuff with those numbers he’s got.”

  “And mine?” Benji had seen plenty of these charts. One of them had been the reason he’d signed with Jay in the first place. Because he’d looked at it, seen himself in third place, and had been determined not to be less well-known than someone who was literally missing.

  Now he felt a terrible pulse of guilt for having those thoughts, when he knew a little better what Caleb had been doing during those missing years.

  But after a ton of work, and image rehabilitation, and then his solo album, he’d worked his way up to first, and that was where he’d stayed until Leo and Caleb had come out before their reunion tour.

  Endless flights, twenty-hour days, producing other artists’ music, and then
his own, and then pretending so damn hard that it wasn’t tanking. Instead, putting everything he had into making it a success, and then it hadn’t been. A lot of effort had gone into that number one ranking, and that voice whispered that he’d put everything into it; how could he just accept that things were different now without doing anything to change it?

  Jay shrugged. “You could do nothing, and stay third. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re middle of the road, well-established but not hounded the way Leo and Caleb are. But they’re only going to get more entrenched at the top. Every time they post about each other on social media, every kiss onstage, then when they get engaged, and then get married, and eventually, if they adopt kids, there’s no dislodging them. They’re the established power couple in the band.”

  It shouldn’t have bothered him, it shouldn’t have. A better man wouldn’t have cared, wouldn’t have looked twice at these graphs. If he was more generous, less selfish, and kinder, he’d have crumpled up the paper and forgotten about it immediately. Gone to the studio, kissed Diego, and gone about their regular band business like nothing was wrong.

  Because to anyone else, nothing would be wrong, but Benji had worked hard for his top spot. He’d spent the last five years working his ass off, and to suddenly have nothing to show for it? It sucked. It made him feel like that little unpopular kid again, when he’d always sworn to himself that he would show all those bullies who’d claimed he’d never amount to anything.

  Benji looked up at Jay, and hated that Jay knew, from his slick, self-satisfied, unbearably smug smile, that he’d gotten to him. He was still the master manipulator and he knew what made Benji tick; had known from the first moment, and that was probably why he’d even accepted Benji as a client.

  There was no other moment in his life that Benji wanted more than for that sly, knowing voice inside his head to just fucking disappear. It was the only thing giving Jay any sort of power over him and his choices, but that voice had been his constant companion his whole life and if it had ever been easy enough to dismiss it, Benji would have done it long ago.