Gentleman Sinner

by Jodi Ellen Malpas

  “I don’t know. If Penny says it’s black, Judy says it’s white.”

  “I’ll have a word.” I sigh, quickly checking Lola in my arms. Her little chubby hands are holding the bottle over mine, her eyes fixed on me. “What about the fight schedule?” I ask, ripping my eyes away from her. It’s always a challenge.

  “All set, the first being Friday.” Callum chucks a file on the desk and opens the sleeve, revealing the betting stats for the anticipated clash between a local boy and one of the top fighters here at the club. “Shit,” I blurt, and immediately scold myself for it, looking down at Lola. She’s oblivious, of course. “They’re some seriously hefty figures.”

  “It’s split. Either way, we’re profiting here. Penny’s drafted the dancing schedule and wants your approval.”

  Lola starts coughing and I whip the bottle out of her mouth, setting it on the desk and sitting her up on my lap. “How many dancers has she got lined up?” I start gently patting Lola’s back, feeling her little belly inflated under my other palm.

  “Eight.”

  “Eight?” I question. “It’s usually six.”

  “It’ll be a profitable night for the girls. Penny wanted them to share the potential tips.”

  “Because they don’t earn enough already?” I laugh, just as Lola lets out an almighty belch and literally deflates in my hold.

  “Fucking hell,” Callum blurts. I shoot him a look, and he immediately apologizes for his bad language. “Sorry. But, damn, Theo. How did that noise even come from such a tiny thing?”

  “She’s a greedy girl.” I smile, so fucking proud. But I have to admit, for such a small, adorable thing, she produces some pretty horrific noises. And don’t get me started on what she evacuates from her body. On that thought, her little face turns bright red and she strains. I sit back, wary, as she stares at me. Then the rippling sounds of an exploding bottom echo around my office.

  “Good God,” Callum mumbles, prompting me to look up at him. “Are you gonna tell me she’s her mother through and through again?”

  I laugh under my breath as Lola goes floppy in my hands. “That’s my girl.” I look up when the door of my office swings open and my sister appears, a piece of paper in her hand. She looks all business…until she clocks who’s sitting on my lap. “Baby girl!” She tosses the paper she’s holding on my desk and seizes Lola from my arms. “Come to Auntie Penny.”

  I glare at my sister, annoyed. “Be careful with her,” I mutter, my arms feeling lost without my daughter in them.

  “Oh, be quiet,” she retorts, not losing her smile. It’s so good to see her looking so well. She’s finally pulled herself around, started caring for herself. I was stunned when she asked me for a change in position at the Playground. Stunned but happy. And, of course, more than willing to do whatever I could to help. And it made sense, since I signed over half of this place to her. My time here is coming to an end. Penny’s settled into managing the girls perfectly, her experience in the job giving her an advantage. She understands them. Between her, Mum, and Callum, this place will be fine.

  I grab the paper for something to occupy myself with, scanning the lineup of dancers for Friday. It all looks fine. That’s ten seconds killed. I throw it down on my desk and search for something else to do, struggling to find anything. Everything is always in tip-top order these days—Mum, Penny, and Callum running things smoothly, freeing me up to take care of my girl. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Lola and I have been busy overseeing the new build in the village where I grew up. Only a few more weeks and I’ll be moving my girls out of here to the tranquil green pastures of the countryside. I have my future perfectly mapped out for the first time in my life. A quaint village school, my childhood church, a garden that stretches for acres with no neighbors within a mile radius. Perfect. I smile, falling into a daydream. A daydream that soon won’t be a dream at all.

  I watch as Penny fusses over Lola, walking around the room bouncing my baby in her arms. “What’s going on with you and Judy?” I ask, desperate to put that one last grievance to rest.

  Penny gives me a tired look. “She needs reminding that the girls are my responsibility. Her job is the finance side of things. Tell her to keep her nose out.”

  “Why can’t you get along?” I ask, for the millionth time. My life would be truly complete if the two of them would stop with the cat snipes.

  “Because, dear brother, I am the bastard child of our dear bastard father.” She tucks Lola onto her side and gives me a knowing look. “She hates me.”

  I sigh, exasperated. My sister has a thick skin, and I’m thankful. Not many would stick around to face the daily wrath of my mother. “I’ll speak to her.”

  “Again?” Penny asks, a curve to her lips. She’s right. It’ll make no difference. “Don’t sweat it. I can handle her. We have a love-hate thing going on. Keeps us both on our toes.” She winks at me, and I smile in return. I know they tolerate each other for me. It could be worse, I suppose. Penny’s nose suddenly wrinkles, and she looks at her niece suspiciously. “I think someone’s filled her nappy.”

  “Her changing bag’s over there.” I point across the office, with no faith my hint will be taken.

  “That’s nice,” Penny quips. “You’re an expert these days.” She heads over to give me back what’s mine, but is interrupted halfway when Mum comes bowling in. My arms hang suspended in the air.

  “Ah, there she is!” Mum hurries over to Penny. “Give her here.” She claims her granddaughter and smothers her chubby face with kisses.

  My arms drop heavily. “Like pass the fucking parcel,” I mutter.

  “Ewww!” Mum holds Lola at arm’s length, mirroring Penny’s turned-up nose of a minute ago. Lola isn’t fazed. She laughs and kicks enthusiastically in Mum’s arms. “Stinky girl! Yes you are!”

  Penny swipes up her dance schedule and strolls out. “Her changing bag is over there,” she calls over her shoulder.

  Mum doesn’t reply, but hurries over to the corner and collects up Lola’s bag. “I’ll see to her,” she says, taking my girl away.

  “Bring her straight back,” I yell as the door slams behind her. And I feel lost again. I glance down at my watch, counting the minutes until I can collect Izzy.

  “Want to come and check out the new cage?” Callum asks, sensing I need something to keep me busy until Mum brings Lola back.

  I’m up from my chair quickly, giving my answer. We wander through to the club together, finding a few girls practicing routines on the stage. “I don’t miss it, you know,” I muse, taking in the space. I only venture into the Playground when I need to, and I really don’t need to these days.

  “Well, that’s because you have better things to occupy yourself with.” Callum leads the way over to the new cage, which is sitting prominently on the other side of the club. The metal is shiny, the floor spotless. Not for long. Sweat and blood will soon take care of that. “How’s the house coming along?”

  The mention of our new haven in the countryside lifts me. “Great. We should be set to move in a few weeks.”

  “And you’re ready for a life in the middle of nowhere?” Callum asks, glancing across at me.

  I only have to think about my happy childhood in the village to know I’m doing the right thing. “This is no place to bring up a child.”

  Callum opens the door of the cage and gestures for me to enter, and I step up and wander into the middle, gazing around. “Nice,” I muse, and Callum laughs.

  “What?”

  His chuckles continue as he looks at me standing in the middle of the cage, his finger pointing to my torso. “You’re such a mean motherfucker.”

  I look down with a frown, reminded that my chest is still wrapped in a baby carrier. I join him in his amusement, the irony not escaping me. “Hey, how’s Jess?”

  “Annoying,” he answers curtly. “As always.”

  I laugh, deep and low, making for the exit. There’s another love-hate relationship. The two have nev
er gotten things on. It’s frustrating for everyone who shares company with them. The chemistry is as strong today as it was when they met, but both refuse to act on it. I have no clue why. “Tell me—”

  His hand comes up quickly and silences me. “I’ve already told you, I don’t know whether I want to fuck her or strangle her most. It’s taking me a while to figure it out.”

  “Both?”

  He turns and walks away from me, tired of the conversation again. “She rubs me up the wrong way.”

  “You and Jess are Lola’s godparents. You have an obligation to get along.”

  He scoffs and pushes his way out of the cage. “I get along with her just fine.” He turns and holds the door open for me. “As long as I don’t look at her.”

  I smirk at him as I exit, taking another quick peek at my watch. Six o’clock. Time to go pick up Izzy. “I’ll catch you later.” I make my way back to the house in search of my girl, my pace quickening the closer I get. I can feel her in my bones.

  I spot Mum bouncing Lola on her hip as Jefferson fusses over my daughter. I swear, the girl has turned the whole house into an institute of pussies. Lola must sniff me out, because her little head darts toward me as I make my way over, ready to claim what’s mine. She beams at me, so pleased to see me again. “Come to Daddy.” I take her from Mum’s hold. “Time to pick Mummy up.”

  Jefferson holds out her pink blanket and coat. “There’s a chill in the air tonight.”

  “Seat?” I ask, being immediately presented with Lola’s car seat by Mum. Crouching, I settle Lola in the chair and strap her in.

  “I don’t know how you think you’re going to manage when you move out,” Mum muses, placing Lola’s blanket over her lap and tucking her in. I flick her a tired look out of the corner of my eye. It’s a statement she makes daily. She knows I’ll manage just fine. She’s just sulking because she won’t have constant access to Lola when she’s at work.

  “We’ll be okay.”

  “And it’s not healthy having her permanently strapped to your chest. She’ll start to get separation anxiety.” She reaches for the carrier still attached to me and tugs a little. “Are you going to take this off?”

  “No.” I take the handle of Lola’s seat and rise. I don’t know if I’ll get it back on again. “See you later.” I wander out and find my car waiting, the passenger door open, ready for me to load Lola in. She’s secure on the front seat in a few easy seconds, and after kissing her forehead, I make my way round and jump in.

  * * *

  “Shall we wait here, or shall we go find her?” I ask Lola when we pull up outside the college. She starts thrashing in her seat, arms and legs kicking out, and I nod in agreement. “Good choice.”

  I jump out and round the car, unclipping her from her seat and feeding her legs through the holes on her carrier, which is still attached to my front. Once she’s safely in position, we go on our way, the invisible pull leading me to Izzy getting stronger the farther into the college we go. Lola’s little hands are wrapped around each of my index fingers, squeezing, her excitement growing.

  Every person who passes us as we weave through the corridors to the lecture hall has dopey eyes, all of them cooing and sighing when they see us. My chest swells with a pride so rich, it makes me wonder how I got by without this unbelievable sense of contentment in my life. I feel so complete. So fulfilled and lucky. I smile in return at all of them, but I don’t stop for them to swoon all over my little girl. I march on my way, eager to find my other girl.

  We reach the lecture hall, and I deflate a little when I see the door still closed. A quick check of my watch tells me we’re five minutes early. Unable to resist, I peek through the glass of the door, spotting her immediately among the dozens of medical students. She’s relaxed back in her chair, a pad on her lap, a pen held at her mouth, chewing as she listens closely. My heart does a little gallop and an inappropriately timed surge of heat rushes south.

  “Damn, your mummy is a vision.” I sigh, and Lola shouts her agreement. “Shhh,” I hush. “We need to be quiet. She’s not done.” Lola squeals her objection, bouncing on my front. I laugh under my breath and watch Izzy concentrating on the guy up front pointing to pictures of balls and lines on the board. Genes and blood cells, I think Izzy told me, or some complex stuff like that. She seemed to know exactly what she was talking about. I, however, didn’t have the foggiest idea what all the medical jargon that spilled from her mouth meant. Though I did pay attention and expressed my interest.

  “Your mummy is clever, too,” I tell Lola. “Beautiful and clever.” I rest my shoulder on the doorframe, having to dip my head a little to maintain my view of her. Izzy’s fingers repeatedly go to her hair and push it back over her ears, the mid-length dark waves refusing to stay put. I look down at the back of my baby girl’s head and drop a kiss there. “You have your mummy’s hair.” I laugh, probably too loudly, when Lola blows a huge wet raspberry.

  “Shhh, you’ll get us in trouble.” I look up, and right on cue, Izzy looks over her shoulder and spots us through the glass. Her face, fresh and free of makeup, glows the moment she claps eyes on us.

  I grab Lola’s hand and hold it up, directing her little wave. “Say ‘Hi, Mummy,’” I whisper, making Izzy chuckle. She throws a quick, discreet wave in return and turns back to the lecturer.

  It’s a long five minutes before everyone in the room finally stands and starts collecting up their books and bags, and Izzy is the first to break free from the crowds, hurrying to the door. I move back, and she bursts into the corridor, dropping her bag to the floor and going straight for my chest to claim Lola. Our daughter is squirming like a worm against me, so excited to see her.

  “Oh my God, I’ve missed you today.” She unhooks Lola with ease and lifts her from the carrier on my chest, hauling her in for a squeeze, closing her eyes in contentment. I look down at the contraption strapped to my chest, wondering how the fuck she figured it out so quickly. “New toy?” she asks, and I look up to find her grinning at the baby carrier.

  I wave a dismissive hand, my heart turning to mush as I watch the reunion of my girls, my brain forcing my body to remain where it is until they’re done. I need a cuddle, too. Izzy removes her face from Lola’s neck and smiles up at me. “I’m certain you only come to collect me because you love the attention Lola gets you.” She moves in and reaches up on her tippy-toes, pushing her lips to my scruffy cheek.

  I scoff half-heartedly and slip an arm around her waist, pulling her in. “Rubbish,” I lie. She has me nailed. For most of my adult life, people have given me a wide berth. And I liked it. I loved the fact that most were too wary to come near. Funny how having a baby strapped to your chest solves that. “Are you ready?” I ask, relinquishing my hold, but only because I know the sooner I get them home, the happier I’ll be and the more devoted time I can spend with them. Izzy nods, and I dip to collect her bag, as always, staggered by the weight of it loaded with medical textbooks. Tucking her into my side, I start to walk them out to the car.

  “My boobs are going to burst,” she grumbles, shifting a little to ease the pressure.

  I wince in sympathy, knowing how much she suffers. She’s called me a few times in tears, her aching breasts heightening her emotion, saying she wasn’t sure if she could continue studying. I talked her down calmly and quickly before she did something she would regret. Like quit the course. “Good day?” I ask, trying to distract her from her sore boobs.

  “Long,” she replies, seeming a little unenthusiastic to share any more than that. I understand, so I don’t push for more, just cuddle her into my side harder, being careful of the boobs. She’s expressed her desire to shut down from studies the moment she’s free from the college and back with her family. The thought prompts a smile. Family. I have my love, and I have my daughter. The good to counteract all the badness of my life. The pure to overshadow the tainted. The peace to drown my demons.

  * * *

  As is routine now, Izzy bathes Lola
once we’re home before getting her ready for bed and curling up on the couch for her bedtime feed. And as is routine for me, I sit at the opposite end silently watching the beautiful sight of my daughter suckling from Izzy’s breast. There are not many things these days that give me greater peace or pleasure than the vision of my two girls connected so intimately. Izzy’s head is resting back, her eyes closed lightly, and Lola is drifting in and out of sleep, her mouth stopping and starting with tired sucks.

  Once I’m certain that Lola’s had her fill and her suckling stops and doesn’t restart, I edge up from the couch and move quietly toward them. Izzy’s eyes flip open when I gently gather Lola from her arms, her sleepy smile appreciative. She covers herself and sighs, leaving me to lay our daughter down for the night.

  I don’t remove my wonder-filled eyes from Lola’s angelic face, navigating my way to the nursery without needing to look up. Gently laying her down, I tuck her in tightly and spend a few moments watching her sleeping, once again silently trying to come to terms with the fact that she is mine. “Goodnight, princess,” I whisper, dipping low to kiss her baby skin.

  Making my way back to the lounge, I head for Izzy. She must hear my footsteps, because her head turns on her dainty neck to find me, her take-me-to-bed eyes hitting me with force. My cock lunges behind my jeans, virtually stripping me of breath. I say nothing and scoop her up from the couch. Her arms go around my neck and cling on as I pace toward our bedroom and lay her gently on the bed. “Time for you to unwind,” I declare, pulling my T-shirt up over my head and tossing it aside. Her eyes drink me in, her exhaustion disappearing and being replaced with a longing I appreciate every day. My body’s reaction to her is as strong now as it was the moment I found her. Blood rushes to my cock and pounds its presence, and I groan in response, slipping my thumbs into the waistband of my jeans and drawing them slowly down. Her panting breaths become shallower with every inch of myself I reveal, until her eyes are glossy with lust. “Take your clothes off, Izzy,” I order, stepping out of my jeans and kicking them to the side.