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The look on Pacos face tells me he knows otherwise.
"Ive tried to reason with him," Paco says. "This thing . . . its with big-time dealers. Somethin doesnt feel right about it, Brittany. Hectors makin Alex do this and for the life of me I dont know why. Why Alex?"
"What can I do?" I ask.
"Tell Alex to find a way out. If anyone can get out of it, its him. "
Tell him? Alex resents being told to do anything. I cant imagine he would agree to do a drug deal.
"Brittany, dinner is already cold!" my mother yells from the kitchen window. "And your father just got home. Lets sit down as a family for once. "
The sound of crashing dishes brings my mother back in the house. Shelleys brilliant move, no doubt.
But it really isnt Shelleys job to keep me from telling my parents the truth. "Wait here," I say. "Unless you want to witness an Ellis family argument. "
Paco rubs his hands together. "This has got to be better than my family fights. "
I walk into the kitchen and give my dad a peck on the cheek.
"Whos your friend?" my dad asks warily.
"Paco, this is my dad. Dad, this is my friend Paco. "
Paco says, "Hey. " My dad nods. My mom grimaces.
"Paco and I need to go. "
"Where?" my dad asks, totally confused.
"To see Alex. "
"No youre not," my mom says.
My dad holds up his hands, clueless. "Whos Alex?"
"That other Mexican boy I was telling you about," my mom says tightly. "Dont you remember?"
"I dont remember anything these days, Patricia. "
My mom stands, her plateful of food in hand, and tosses it into the sink. The dish breaks and the food flies all over. "Weve given you everything you want, Brittany," my mother says. "A new car, designer clothes--"
My patience snaps. "Thats totally superficial, Mom. Sure, on the outside everyone sees you guys as successful, but as parents you really suck. Id give you both a C minus on parenting and youre lucky it isnt Mrs. Peterson grading you or youd flunk. Why are you afraid of being seen as having problems like the rest of the world?"
Im on a roll and cant stop. "Listen, Alex needs my help. One of the things that makes me who I am is the loyalty I have to people I hold close to my heart. If that hurts or scares you, Im sorry," I say.
Shelley makes a commotion and we all turn to her. "Brittany," comes a computer voice from the PCD attached to my sisters wheelchair. Shelleys fingers are busy punching in the words: "Good. Girl. "
I wrap my fingers around my sisters hand before I talk to my parents again. "If you want to kick me out, or disown me for being who I am, then do it and get it over with. "
Im done being scared. Scared for Alex, Shelley, and myself. Its time to face all my fears, or Ill lose myself in grief and guilt my entire life. Im not perfect. Its time the entire world realizes it, too.
"Mom, Im going to see the social worker at school. "
My mom scrunches up her face in disgust. "Thats asinine. Itll be in your school records the rest of your life. You dont need a social worker. "
"Yes, I do. " I steel myself and add, "You do, too. We all do. "
"Listen to me, Brittany. If you walk out that door . . . dont come back. "
"Youre being rebellious," my dad interjects.
"I know. And it feels so good. " I grab my purse. Its all I have, unless you include the clothes on my back. I put on a huge smile and hold my hand out to Paco. "Ready to go?"
He doesnt miss a beat as he takes my hand. "Yep. " When were in his car he says, "You are one tough chick. I never thought you had the fight in you. " Paco drives me to the darkest part of Fairfield. He leads me to a large warehouse on a secluded back road. As if Mother Nature is sending us a warning, menacing dark clouds fill the sky and a chill fills the air.
A burly guy stops us. "Whos the snow girl?" he asks.
Paco says, "Shes clean. "
The guy eyes me up and down suggestively before opening the door. "She starts sniffin around and itll be on your head, Paco," he warns.
All I want to do is take Alex away from here, away from what feels like danger all around. "Hey," a gravelly voice from beside me calls out. "If you want something to pick you up, come to me, si?"
"Follow me," Paco says, grabbing my arm and pulling me straight ahead through a corridor. Voices come from the opposite side of the warehouse . . . Alexs voice.
"Let me go to him myself," I say.
"Thats not such a hot idea. Wait until Hectors done talkin to him," Paco says, but I dont listen.
I walk toward Alexs voice. Hes talking with two other guys. Theyre obviously having a serious conversation. One of the guys pulls out a sheet of paper and hands it to Alex. Thats when Alex notices me.
Alex says something to the guy in Spanish before folding the paper and shoving it into his jeans pocket. His voice is hard and tough, like his expression right now. "What the hell are you doin here?" he asks me.
"I just--"
I cant finish my sentence because Alex grabs hold of my upper arm. "You just are leavin here this instant. Who the fuck brought you here?"
Im trying to think of a response when Paco appears out of the darkness.
"Alex, please. Paco might have brought me here, but it was my idea. "
"You culero," Alex says, letting go of me while facing Paco.
"Isnt this your future, Alex?" Paco asks. "Why are you ashamed to show your novia your home away from home?"
Alex throws a punch, connecting with Pacos jaw. Paco goes down. I run to him, then give Alex a sharp, warning look. "I cant believe you did that!" I scream. "Hes your best friend, Alex. "
"I dont want you seein this place!" A trickle of blood streams down Pacos mouth. "You shouldnt have brought her," Alex says, calmly this time. "She doesnt belong here. "
"Neither do you, bro," Paco says quietly. "Now take her away. Shes seen enough. "
"Come with me," Alex orders, holding out his hand.
Instead of coming to him, I cup Pacos face with my hands and inspect the damage. "My God, youre bleeding," I say, starting to freak out. Blood is enough to make me sick. Blood and violence always push me over the edge.
Paco gently pushes my hand away. "Ill be fine. Go with him. "
A voice booms from the darkness, speaking Spanish to Alex and Paco.
I shiver at the authority in the guys voice. I wasnt scared before, but I definitely am now. The guy had been talking to Alex earlier. Hes dressed in a dark suit with a stark white dress shirt underneath. I saw him briefly at the wedding. His jet black hair is slicked back and his complexion is dark. One look and I know this is someone very powerful in the Latino Blood. Two large, mean-looking guys stand on either side of him.
"Nada, Hector," Alex and Paco say in unison.
"Take her somewhere else, Fuentes. "
Alex takes my hand and hurries me out of the warehouse. When were finally outside, I exhale deeply.
CHAPTER 48 Alex
"Lets get out of here. You and me, mi amor. !Vamos!"
I breathe a sigh of relief as I straddle Julio and Brittany hops on behind me. She wraps her arms around my waist, holding on tight as I speed out of the parking lot.
We fly through the streets; which eventually become a blur. I dont even stop when rain starts pouring down.
"Can we stop now?" she yells through the deafening storm.
I park under an old abandoned bridge by the lake. Heavy rain pounds the cement surrounding us, but we have our own secluded place.
Brittany hops to the ground. "Youre a stupid jerk," she says. "You cant deal drugs. Its dangerous and stupid, and you promised me. Youll risk going to jail. Jail, Alex. You may not care, but I do. I wont let you ruin your life. "
"What do you want to hear?"
"Nothing. Everything. Say something so I dont stand here feeling like a complete idiot. "
"The truth is . . . B
rittany, look at me. "
"I cant," she says as she stares at the pouring rain. "Im so tired of thinking of every scary scenario. "
I pull her against me. "Dont think, muneca. Everything will work itself out. "
"But--"
"No buts. Trust me. " My mouth closes over hers. The smell of rain and cookies eases my nerves.
My hand braces the small of her back. Her hands grip my soaked shoulders, urging me on. My hands slide under her shirt, and my fingers trace her belly button.
"Come to me," I say, then lift her until shes straddling me over my bike.
I cant stop kissing her. I whisper how good she feels to me, mixing Spanish and English with every sentence. I move my lips down her neck and linger there until she leans back and lets me take her shirt off. I can make her forget about the bad stuff. When were together like this, hell, I cant think of anything else but her.
"Im losing control," she admits, biting her lower lip. I love those lips.
"Mamacita, Ive already lost it," I say, grinding against her so she knows exactly how much control Ive lost.
She moves her hips in a slow rhythm against me, an invitation I dont deserve. My fingertips graze her mouth. She kisses them before I slowly slide my hand down her chin to her neck and in between her breasts.
She catches my hand. "I dont want to stop, Alex. "
I cover her body with mine.
I can easily take her. Hell, shes asking for it. But God help me if I dont grow a conscience.
Its that loco bet I made with Lucky. And what my mom said about how easy it is to get a girl pregnant.
When I made the bet, I had no feelings for this complex white girl. But now . . . shit, I dont want to think about my feelings. I hate feelings; theyre only good for screwing up someones life. And may God strike me down right now because I want to make love to Brittany, not fuck her on my motorcycle like some cheap whore.
I move my hands away from her cuerpo perfecto, the first sane thing Ive done tonight. "I cant take you like this. Not here," I say, my voice hoarse from emotion overload. This girl was going to gift me with her body, even though she knows who I am and what Im about to do. The reality is hard to swallow.
I expect her to be embarrassed, maybe even mad. But she curls into my chest and hugs me. Dont do this to me, I want to say. Instead I wrap my arms around her and hold on tight.
"I love you," I hear her say so softly it might have been her thoughts.
Dont, Im tempted to say. ;No! ;No!
My gut twists and I hold her tighter. Dios mio, if things were different Id never give her up. I burrow my face in her hair and fantasize about stealing her away from Fairfield.
We stay that way for a long time, long after the rain stops and reality sets in. I help her off the motorcycle so she can put her shirt back on.
Brittany looks up at me, a hopeful look on her face. "Are you going to do this drug deal?"
I get off Julio and walk over to the end of the tunnel. Sticking my hand in the water still dripping down the sides, I let the cold water fall through my fingers.
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