The Beginning of Never

by O. E. Boroni

  "Eww, that touched my mouth," I said in a flat tone.

  He let go enough to reply to me, but wrinkled his nose first. "I know right." And then he teased. "You know, in a way, we just kissed."

  I gave him a dry look, but the way he’d said the last word made me swallow. Unrepentantly, he returned his mouth to the straw and took a long slug before he pushed the cup back to me. I pushed it aside.

  "So," he started, "why are you always alone?"

  "Because I want to be," I answered sarcastically before smiling at him. "Could you please leave?"

  He gave me a hurt look. "You chase me down for weeks and now you can't stand my presence?"

  I gaped at him. "What do you mean I chased you down?"

  He just chuckled and continued, "Kate is the only one I've ever seen you with and you're still not very close. It’d be nice if you made an extra effort in getting to know people."

  I pushed more fries into my mouth, and slapped his hands away when he reached forward to grab some. He tried again, but this time got away with it.

  "I don't need anyone Nathan, I'm fine on my own."

  "Maybe, but you’re definitely not fine on your own,” he said, amused. I shook my head and looked away from him, only to meet the curious stares of a few people all over the yard.

  Why am I only just noticing this now? I complained under my breath and I frowned when I saw his hand again reaching for a fry. I slapped it away, but he ignored the smack and came away with a few that he put straight into his mouth. Sparkling with a wicked glint, his eyes caught and held my glare, but neither of us looked away.

  My breathing became ragged when seconds later, we were still staring at each other as we silently chewed our food. I turned away, and dragged the cup to myself for a drink.

  He put his hand on mine, intending to say something but just when he started to speak, he looked up and saw something that made him stop. Moving his hand away from mine, he lowered his eyes for a second and when he raised them up again, he had on another smile. It was a small one, and was so different from the ones I was accustomed to, that it surprised me.

  It seemed genuine but there was a restraint to it, and as I heard the soft giggles that came up behind me, I understood why. I returned my mouth to the straw to hide my smile.

  His blue eyes move upwards and so did mine as Kate came to stand by our table, three other girls with her.

  “Hi Alexandre,” she said with breathy excitement, and I almost laughed out at the mouthful. I was so used to calling him Nathan that it seemed weird when people called him Alexandre.

  "Hello," he said in a very quiet voice that had the right effect on all of them, including me. Our faces heated up, and Kate, feeling incredibly welcomed by his politeness, slid in next to him. The other girls came in after her and she somehow forgot to acknowledge my presence, as did the others.

  They looked up at Nathan as though he had created the world, while he had his head casually turned away, looking as though even if he did, he regretted it. It warmed me how wary he was of attention and I almost began to pity him. But I reserved my concern when I saw how well he was able to mask it.

  To them he probably looked the same but I could see his unease – the tightness of his lips as he smiled, and the stiffness of his shoulders. He heard my chuckle and turned to see me lift the straw to my lips. He snatched the cup out of my grasp.

  “Nathan!” I complained, but he just ignored me and put his lips over it.

  Kate and the girls watched with widened eyes as he took a sip, and then returned it to me. They hadn’t realized that we were that familiar, not that I’d realized it either but at that moment, I didn’t mind. He took the opportunity of their surprise to get up from the bench.

  He held out his hand to the girls, who quickly recovered from their surprise, and took turns in introducing themselves; Beatrice, Ana, and the last one’s name I didn’t bother to catch. He shook Kate's hand last and then nodded at me.

  I frowned at him as he walked away, while the other girls giggled and whispered amongst themselves. Kate, now recovered from her post-Nathan dazzle, finally noticed me.

  "Lenora," she said, in a breathy voice.

  I gave her a surprised look. "Oh, so you see me now," I said, and the smile left her face. "Are you sure I'm still not invisible?"

  "Don't be silly," she said. I just shook my head and placed my mouth on the straw but tried not to make it obvious that I lingered on it.

  Kate's narrowed gaze met mine so I took one last draw, and lifted my lips from it. "Alex just placed his lips on that." she said.

  I shrugged. "So? It's mine."

  "Well, it's just weird," she said. "Especially from you.”

  "Leave me alone Kate," I groaned, and returned to my now cold meal.

  Her roommates said their goodbyes to her, and left the table.

  "So,” she said when they’d left. “Do you think he likes me?"

  I stopped chewing. "Are you kidding me?" I asked, and she cringed from the show of mashed food still in my mouth. “You did this all through last evening. Do you want me to start avoiding you?"

  "Well you know him," she continued sorely. "And I was just wondering if he's said anything today."

  I sighed and tried to dull the harshness that I knew was going to be in my tone. "No Kate," I answered. "He hasn't said anything."

  I watched her face turn somber so I added, "He doesn't talk to people much, and so far he's been open with you, so I'm sure that's a good thing."

  I said ‘thing’ instead of ‘sign’ because I didn't want it to prompt her to start expecting anything. But from her delight, I doubted she noticed the difference.

  "Are you serious Lennie?" she squealed, and she started her jabber again.

  When I couldn’t take it anymore, I stood up and with my tray in hand, found my way out of there. I returned to my classroom to eat my lunch, finishing it just as the bell rang and our chemistry teacher walked in.

  « CHAPTER 13 »

  I got a message from Carlie, my best friend back home in Miami, as soon as I got in that afternoon. She was upset that I hadn’t contacted her in so long so when I saw that she was online, I immediately sent her a message. She replied a few minutes later and I was just starting to tell her about Nathan, when I was interrupted. Beverly had come into the room.

  “Hi,” she said with a bright smile.

  “Olivia’s not here,” I immediately announced, hoping that she was searching for her sister and not me.

  “Oh I’m not looking for Olivia,” she said, and my heart sunk. “We have a meeting in the common room and we need your help. Do you mind?”

  “Uh … I sort of have a headache. I don’t feel very well.”

  Her smile disappeared. “Well, I’m sure you’ll feel better when you’re with us. I expect you there now.” She said, and turned to leave the room.

  I said goodbye to Carlie after she left and minutes later, walked into the common room to find about seven of her friends lounging on the couches that surrounded the television. There were some students from my year playing a board game at the window seat, while some others were in the kitchen. Beverly called me over when she saw me.

  “Mrs. Kempster said that she wants these books color-coordinated,” she told me. I turned to see the huge bookcase that was built around the television and my heart sunk; I was going to be stuck here forever.

  “I really don’t feel well,” I insisted, but she gave me a dirty look. It was clear then that I didn’t have a choice, unless I wanted her and her friends to turn on me and that was the last thing I needed. So I headed to the bookcase and lowered myself to the carpeted floor to begin.

  “Is she one of the girls that is all over Alexandre?” one of them asked a few minutes after I’d already started the chore. I briefly closed my eyes and exhaled; the hope I’d nursed that they’d at least ignore me now lost. I didn’t hear Beverly’s response but I assumed that she did, because almost immediately, the same girl spoke again.


  “Eww,” she said, and they all laughed.

  “You guys shouldn’t laugh,” another said. “There’s hope for them. This one took him over to their table last night.”

  “You’re joking.” A third girl said. She had a nasal voice that made me cringe. “What’s he even doing hanging out with them?”

  “It’s a pity,” Beverly said. “And that girl … uh … what’s her name?

  “Kate,” supplied the one with the nasal voice.

  “Kate. She got him to kiss her on the cheek last night. She’s lucky she’s not in Pendle but then again, it was this idiot that organized it.”

  “Hey, idiot!” she called, but I didn’t respond. Almost immediately, a throw pillow hit my back. I turned then, and she spat. “Bring it back!”

  Taking a deep breath, I reached for it and then slid it across the carpet to her.

  One of the girls snorted, “Do you really expect her to pick it up?”

  Sighing, I crawled over to the pillow and picked it up to hand over to Beverly. She didn’t acknowledge it, but was now laughing with her friends over something funny that had come onto the screen.

  I could barely contain my fury anymore, but I kept it in check because I lived in this house. And if I wanted to remain peacefully in it, I had to keep from starting a fire. So I decided to just do whatever they wanted, with the hope that this would be the last time.

  I dropped the pillow on the stool beside her, and returned to the bookcase.

  More than an hour later, I was nowhere near finished but had now sort of relaxed into the chore, since I kept on finding a lot of interesting books that I’d never expected were on the shelf. The insults had continued, and now all sorts of crisps and nuts that had been thrown at me to get me out of the way or to answer a question, littered the area around me.

  It was humiliating, but getting the work done and over with as quickly as I could was more than enough motivation to keep me from reacting.

  I had assumed that this was punishment for forgetting Beverly’s errand the previous week, but it turned out that she probably would’ve forgotten about it if she hadn’t repeatedly seen me with Nathan. The fact that she liked him was apparent as she talked with her friends on how she found reasons to spend time in his classes, just so that she could watch him. She had tried speaking to him on various occasions, but he’d always just smiled politely and walked away. She wondered why he was so distant, and since she had a boyfriend, there was only so much that she could do to find out.

  I couldn’t believe a lot of things they said as I worked. If I’d known weeks ago that all the care I’d taken to avoid any unnecessary attention was going to be burnt into a pile of rubbish, and all because of a boy, I’d have laughed my head off. But now here I was, and I didn’t know what to do.

  It did surprise me though that I wasn’t as angry as I should have been. Maybe it was because the chore involved me working with books, which I naturally didn’t have a problem with, or maybe it was simply because my life had become a little bit interesting. The highlight of my post-Nathan drama was still finding the forest, so as I sat there discovering more novels that I was excited to take upstairs with me to read, I also pondered on when I’d see him again so that I could ask him to the stream. It seemed that that was the only place I would ever have peace in.

  *

  I didn’t finish with the bookcase before dinner, but Beverly had long left with her friends so I put the uncoordinated books back in their place, and headed upstairs to get ready. Minutes later, I walked into the hall yawning, to see Kate at the table we had sat at the previous evening.

  Luckily it wasn't full yet, so I walked over and sat next to her. I was just about to tell her what had happened when Nathan walked in with James. He wore his white house shirt over navy blue sweatpants and looked more than worth the trouble I had gone through. I sighed. This boy was complicating my life more and more by the minute.

  I held my breath when he started to look around like he was searching for something... or someone, and eventually, his eyes came to rest on me. But still, I wasn’t certain I was the one he was looking for so I stayed put. He raised his hand to flash the book that he had in it, and my heart jumped at the confirmation; he wanted to see me.

  However, the last thing I wanted was to get up in front of everyone so I waved, and tried signaling to him to come over by pointing to my table. But he just stared pointedly at me. I got the message and rolled my eyes to let him know what I thought about his stubbornness, and then calmly made my way over to him.

  Unfortunately for me, Beverly and two of her friends chose that exact moment to walk in. Again, I rolled my eyes at how complicated my life was indeed becoming. As soon as she saw me and noticed who I was going to meet, her smile broke. But I didn’t expect it when she brushed my shoulders with hers as she walked past. I stumbled back a few steps but Nathan’s hand was already on mine to steady me.

  “Are you alright?” he asked. I nodded, but kept my head lowered so that he wouldn’t see the anger in my eyes.

  “What was that about?”

  “It’s nothing, just ignore it.” I said and tried to focus my attention on him.

  I forced myself to let it go, but the sound of their mocking laughter ringing in the air as they walked away drove even more nails into me. Nathan tightened his hold on my arm to get me to meet his gaze and I did, but I was already so upset my breathing had turned ragged.

  He was studying me intently, trying to decipher what was wrong, but all I could think about was how I hadn’t even done anything with him, and already I was a target. They’d ruined my afternoon, and now in front of everyone, embarrassed me. I decided right then to put on a little show for them; to give them something to really frown about. I took a step closer to him.

  "Could you please put your arms around me?" I asked.

  He blinked. Then as an amused smile slowly curved his lips, I felt a hot flush in my face. But I couldn’t back out now- I didn’t want to anyway.

  “What?” he asked, and I repeated the request.

  He took a brief glance around, then took what seemed like an unconscious step closer to me. Bringing his face closer to mine, he asked.

  “Can I ask why?”

  At that moment I completely forgot about Beverly; the feel of his warm breath on my face drove a steady frenzy through me as he held my eyes in a captivating hold.

  “Please just do it,” I eventually said, annoyed at how much he was able to affect me even when I felt hundreds of eyes boring into my back. When he still didn’t seem convinced, I just closed the distance between us and lifted myself up on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his neck. But still, he didn’t move.

  “Nathan,” I whispered, fear rapidly filling me since it would soon become obvious that I was the one forcing myself on him. We were standing in front of an audience of more than a thousand for Christ’s sake.

  “Tell me why,” he insisted again, and that hurt me. Letting my feet rest completely on the floor, I started to pull away from him but he surprised me when with a small laugh, he tightened my arms back around his neck, and wrapped his around my waist in a fierce hug. My feet completely left the ground.

  “Hey!” I protested at his exaggerated display, and gave him a hard tap on his shoulder.

  He released his hold, but not before planting a quick kiss on my forehead which I doubt anyone saw, but either way, it struck me dumb for a few seconds.

  “That’s two favors now,” he again leaned in to say before handing the book over to me. I recovered enough to take the old but neat copy of J.R.R.Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring.

  “Don’t tell me you’ve read it already.” he said. I shook my head.

  “Well it’s one of my favorite books, and dare I say it, but it should be an upgrade from your vampire novels.”

  “Hey!” I scolded. “Don’t hate on my choice of literature.”

  “Those are not literature,” he said with a soft tone, so I couldn’t
even take offense. Grateful, I took the book from him but when he gently brushed my hair away from my face I froze, because suddenly, I remembered exactly where we were and the eyes that were probably on us.

  “Thank you,” I said, and returned to my seat with my eyes lowered, refusing to check how much curiosity we had garnered. Sighing heavily on how I continued to make myself the subject of attention, I slid into my seat, only to meet the glares that the entire table gave to me.

  I ignored them, but only realized later and well into the meal that Kate hadn't said a single word to me. I turned to see her toying around with the lasagna on her plate, and her eyebrows furrowed in a frown. Not wanting to make any assumptions as to why she was upset, I gently tapped her on her arm to ask, but she wouldn't look at me.

  "Kate?" I called, but she took her time taking a sip from her glass of water, before finally turning to give me a cold stare.

  "What?" she asked flatly. I was taken aback.

  "What's wrong with you?"

  “Nothing,” she said and returned to her meal. I watched her for a few more seconds and then decided to mind my own business. I still refused to assume, but I hoped that it wasn’t in any way related to me hugging Nathan, because if it was, I was going to be very disappointed.

  So I kept to myself through the rest of the dinner hour, hoping she’d snap out of whatever was upsetting her and talk to me. She didn’t, so I left the hall when it was time, alone and irritated.

  *

  Kate came into class the next morning and although we didn’t usually exchange greetings every time, our eyes did meet from time to time and she always offered a sweet cheery smile.

  Today however, there was nothing from her, so when it was time for lunch, I hurried out of my seat to catch her before she could leave. When I caught her hand, she surprised me by pulling it away. Then she folded her arms across her chest.

  I frowned at her, offended that she would act this way.

  "Kate, I can't believe you're acting like this," I said.

  When she still didn't respond to me, I went on to relieve her fears just in case that was what was bothering her. "There's nothing going on with me and Nathan, you know that right?"