Yoga and the Path of the Urban Mystic

by Darren Main

  When I was in high school, one of my English teachers, Mrs. Nardone, took a group of students to see a play on Broadway in New York City. I wasn’t all that interested in the play, but it was an opportunity to get out of school for the day. In my mind it might as well have been a field trip to a minefield in some war-torn country—it didn’t take much to step out of my daily high school drudgery. What was surprising to me was that I really enjoyed the play. The sets were spectacular, and the actors were so believable that I found myself getting lost in the experience. I laughed out loud a few times, and at other times I subtly brushed back tears. [Nothing would have been more damaging to my sixteen-year-old male ego than getting caught with tears in my eyes.]

  This experience was different than watching a movie or a TV show. I was right there with the characters. The actors were alive and I could see them having all the emotions their characters were having. I couldn’t believe how fast the time went by. It was as if I had been transported into another world . . . and then all of a sudden, we were giving the actors a standing ovation.

  Lila is the cosmic version of a Broadway play. The only difference is that in this play we are the actors. Lila is like a great epic in that it has many facets; there are phases of great light and happiness, and there are phases of darkness and despair. From where each of us stands on the stage, it is hard to comprehend the overall plot or story arc because we only have our own small role to play. But when we look back on history, we can see how the story of life in the physical universe has had purpose and how there seems to be the greatest drama unfolding around us. By exploring this divine play, we can gain great insight into our roles in the universe and our overall spiritual quests.

  Stepping up to our role on the stage of life is not easy. Just as Arjuna sat on the battlefield of life, filled with despair and wanting to quit, it can be easy for each of us to look at the events of the world and to get depressed. But stepping into our roles in this divine play is an essential part of waking up to our true nature—Atman.

  The Stage

  It is on the stage of Maya that lila is acted out. As we have already noted, the physical universe is an illusion. In many ways it’s like a stage or Hollywood set. It is devoid of meaning until the actors bring the stage to life. Even though it is hollow and meaningless in and of itself, it is this stage that creates the backdrop against which the actors can present the story.

  Many well-meaning spiritual seekers have tried to deny the physical and declare it unreal or evil. I feel this is unwise, because for most of us the physical seems to be very real. Calling it names is not going to make it seem less real to our ego perceptions; in fact, it could make it seem even more solid and tangible.

  There is a story of a great meditation master. A man came to him and asked for the quickest path to enlightenment. The man didn’t want to toil with years of spiritual practice or the distractions of the world and said he would do anything to attain instant enlightenment. The master confided in him that there was a way, but that no one had yet been able to do it. The man insisted that he at least be allowed to try. The wise old master agreed and told him to light a candle and walk into every room in the large ashram and repeat the sacred Gayatri Mantra. [See Reference 8 for the full sanskrit and English translation.] The master assured him that by the time he reached the last room, he would be enlightened.

  The man was overjoyed. This seemed like a simple enough task. So he picked up a candle, lit it and began his walk toward the first room. Just as he was taking his first step, the master tapped him on the shoulder and said, “One more thing—while you are doing this, you must not think about the white mouse.” The man had no idea what the master meant by this odd statement, and he proceeded. He didn’t get past the second room before his mind began wondering what the master meant by “white mouse.” He wondered whether he would encounter it while he was doing this sure-fire practice. By the time he got to the fifth room, he was consumed by the idea of this white mouse and left the master in search of an easier path.

  Trying to deny the physical universe is like trying not to think about the white mouse. The more you try to push it out of your mind, the more power you give it. Therefore, embracing the lila is a fundamental part of living as an urban mystic.

  Denying the physical would be like going to a great play and complaining that the set doesn’t look real enough. No matter how elaborate the set might be, it is still just a set. The goal in creating a good set is not to trick the audience or the actors into thinking that it is the real thing. It is there to enhance the overall experience and nothing more.

  While it is not wise to constantly criticize the stage, it is also not wise to delude ourselves into believing that it is our ultimate reality. The physical universe is our stage, and on it we are called to give a command performance—only in the end, the actors go home, and the stage again is lifeless.

  In fact, the hardest part about living in the urban world while keeping our spiritual focus may be this one idea, that we are called to be fully in the illusion without trying to find our innate value and worth there. The value of an actor is not found in the set; it is found in his or her ability to bring that set to life.

  When you step onto the stage of lila, you have a choice. You can drag yourself across the stage like you have been mixing Quaaludes with alcohol, or you can step into the universal spotlight like a great diva. The stage is set; the roles have been cast. In experiencing the passion of lila, the first step is to take command of the stage that is your life and develop a stage presence that embraces the fullness and complexity of your role on the stage of Maya.

  The Actors

  In one sense this play has many actors and supporting actors, but in reality, there is only one—God. I often remind my students that we are all “God in drag.” Remember, God is One, and as actors in the Divine play, we are God playing various roles. Just as the actors of a regular play are only playing roles and will let go of their characters when the play ends, so will it be with lila. When our roles are done we will return to the awareness of Atman within.

  There are many roles we can play on the stage of lila. In fact, many of us are called to play multiple roles in this and other lives. This is where the concept of reincarnation fits in nicely. Even if one doesn’t believe in reincarnation, it is easy to see how we can assume many roles in one lifetime. At times we can play a lead role and at other times we step to the side and become supporting actors.

  Not all the roles are human either. Spirit can play the role of any life form or energy. In other words, Spirit does many forms of drag, and if we quiet our minds enough, we can see Spirit masquerading as plants and animals, planets and stars, etc. Anywhere there is change, growth and evolution, Spirit is dancing behind the veil of Maya.

  As actors in lila, we are called to play our human roles to the fullest. Perhaps our role is to work toward some social or environmental cause. Maybe we are called to raise a family or create art or literature. For most of us there will be a variety of aspects to our roles in this play. Whatever the calling, we will not be satisfied until we take center stage and own the spotlight.

  When I was in college, my cousin approached me with a business opportunity. It was one of those multilevel marketing programs where the people at the top make a lot of money and the people at the bottom lose their shirts. I wasn’t that excited about the products that were being sold, and I had no real drive to go out and make this thing work. The only thing that motivated me was the idea of making a quick buck. I lasted for about six weeks before I decided to get out altogether. I was very unhappy and each day that I tried to sell the stuff or to sign up someone else, I felt like I was selling a piece of my soul. When I finally decided to let it all go, I made a promise to myself that I would never again do anything that I did not feel a deep desire to do. I never wanted to work ‘for the money’ again. I wanted to have a purpose in my life, and I knew I would not find it in a job I hated or a relationship that wasn’t heart-felt.r />
  Being an actor in lila means following the script of your heart. Each of us has a very important role to play. We each have a purpose and a function here. When we learn to read from our own Spiritual script, we become divas on the stage of life. When we try to read from someone else’s script, we get beaten and battered by the ego. We forget who we are, and depression and ill health become inevitable.

  The Costumes

  Like a traditional play, the actors on the stage of lila have costumes. For human beings, these costumes take the form of bodies. Some bodies are healthy, others are sickly. Some bodies have dark skin, while others have light skin. In this play our bodies are the chief way in which Spirit disguises Herself. When we take on our body costumes, they are sometimes beautiful and sometimes ugly. Sometime they are torn and tattered, and sometimes they sparkle with rhinestones and sequins. Our costumes are very important to our roles, but they do not define who we are.

  One year my mother took my brother, sister and me to see Phantom of the Opera in New York City. The playbill had photos of all the actors. On the ride home I was looking through the playbill and was struck by how handsome the actor who had played the Phantom was in real life. Of course, he didn’t look quite so charming on the stage. When he was in his role as the Phantom, his face was completely disfigured. It was hard to believe he was the same person. The contrast between the actor’s good looks and the Phantom’s disfigurements was amazing.

  It is important to wear our costumes well, without confusing them with the actors. Many times we go through life confusing our own and others’ physical strengths and weaknesses with the real thing, rather than seeing behind the costumes to the handsome actors within. I work a lot with HIV positive people, and the one thing I like to stress is the importance of how a person relates to the virus. Many people will say things like, “I’m HIV,” which is very unfortunate. HIV and a weakened immune system may be part of our body costumes, but it is not who the person is. As yogis we seek to wear our costumes proudly, while never forgetting who we are underneath the circumstances of our bodies.

  There is an affirmation in the yogic tradition that states:

  I am not my body.

  I am not my thoughts.

  I am not my emotions.

  I am the witness and the observer.

  This is a strong reminder of how we should perform our role in the cosmic play—acknowledging the body, mind and heart, but never confusing them with our own identity as a spark of the divine.

  Chapter Three

  The Flow of Life

  “The world is the river of God, flowing from him and flowing back to him.

  —The Shvetashvatara Upanishad I:5

  Prana and the Subtle Body

  Prana is born of the Self. As a man cast a shadow, the Self cast prana into the body at the time of birth so that the mind’s desires may be fulfilled.

  —Prashna Upanishad 3:3

  One of the great confusions that people encounter in the practice of yoga has to do with the body. There seems to be an innate contradiction between yogic philosophy and yogic practice. For most of us, we begin our yoga practice on the yoga mat with poses and breathing. We focus on the body by working to open it up and become more comfortable with being in the physical. But a simple scan of the Yoga Sutras or The Bhagavad Gita will cast the body in a very dim light. Even the most liberal yogis see the body as an illusion, and more conservative yogis see it as a heavy anchor tethering the soul to the painful world of form and suffering.

  This seeming contradiction was very difficult for me. Being raised Roman Catholic, I was used to a lot of shame being placed on the body. Everything from diet to sexuality was subtly or overtly put down. Finding Hatha yoga was such a welcome relief from that shame; I began to learn a deep love and respect for my body, which helped me to heal in so many ways.

  Section Two of this book deals with the eight limbs of yoga which are also called Raja or royal yoga. Hatha yoga, which is the most popular style of yoga in the west is deeply rooted in Raja yoga. But it is also deeply rooted in Kundalini yoga. Kundalini Yoga is the yoga of energy that moves through the body and gives it life.

  Thus, hatha yoga, be it a gentle restorative practice or a more active flowing practice, is really the love child of two other styles of yoga, Raja and Kundalini. If one really wants to understand hatha yoga then, a basic knowledge of both traditions is essential. In this chapter, we will explore the energetic aspect of yoga.

  I was none too happy to read, “The aversion to one’s own body and avoidance of contact with others comes from bodily purification” [9] in the Yoga Sutra. It seemed like such a step backwards, but in time I began to learn more about yoga, and then the depth and meaning of its statements about the body started to become clear. Yoga does not view the body as bad; it simply helps us to realize that we are not the body. The body is simply the expression of a deeper truth. When we choose to identify with the body alone, we settle for less, but when we use the body as a doorway, we begin to transcend its limits.

  As I mentioned, the body is an expression of a deeper truth. For thousands of years yogis have known what modern physics is just now beginning to discover: the universe seems solid to us only because we perceive it that way. In reality, the universe is a big sea of energy or life force known as prana. Prana is not just a static energy. It is dynamic and ever-changing. It takes form for a while, and then dissolves back into formlessness. In one moment it may be a bird, and in the next a brilliant star. It is ever-changing and ever-flowing. It is like the water of a great river, which bends and flows within the banks of consciousness. Just as banks of the river are what bring form to the formless, our consciousness is what gives form to the flow of prana in our bodies, hearts, and minds.

  Prana is the stuff of life, and the state of our consciousness will dictate what our experience of that life is like. Prana is flowing through you right now, and it is being guided, for better or worse, by your consciousness. If your health, your relationships, your emotional state or any other part of your life are not where you want it to be, you have a choice. You can sit around and complain, making yourself a victim, or you can start to reshape the banks of your river.

  Several years ago I was at a meditation retreat. The retreat involved many hours of meditation each day and was quite intense. As I sat one day, I could feel the familiar dull ache in my back, hips and knees. It felt as if they would explode if I didn’t stretch them out. I was just about ready to pick up my meditation cushion and walk home when something snapped. The sensations of my body were still there, but I started to feel a pulse of energy that moved through me.

  As I explored this energy, I began to notice that it was more ‘me’ than my physical body. My aching muscles and joints continued to make noise in the background of my awareness, and the energy that flowed through me became more and more real. I also started to notice that there was no place where ‘my’ energy ended and the rest of the universe started. I started to feel oneness. It was then that I felt inspired to revisit my aching back. I realized that my aching back was nothing more than the resistance I held about sitting. It seemed to have a lot to do with a deeply held belief about wasting time. I could almost hear my father telling me that sitting around doing nothing was just a form of laziness. As his words echoed in my mind, I could feel the dull ache grow in intensity. As I realized this, the whole belief system I had had around ‘doing nothing’ drifted away and my back pain disappeared.

  Our physical and emotional bodies are really the effects of our subtle bodies, [Speaking anatomically, the physical body is often referred to as the gross body, whereas the subtle body is the energy body.] which are molded and shaped by our conscious and unconscious thoughts. When I say that they are the effects of this subtle body, I mean that the physical body is the result of patterns of movement (or in the case of disease, of a lack of movement) in the energy body. Our thoughts are what direct the flow of our life force, and thus create mental, physical and emotion
al health or disease.

  On a practical level, yoga acknowledges that we are experiencing life through a physical body and that we experience thoughts and emotions. The yogic approach to living in this world is opposite to what most of us have been taught. The texts of India speak of prana or ‘life force’, which is the stuff out of which the physical, emotional and mental bodies take shape and form. We have already spoken of the illusion of this world, but we have yet to look at exactly how this world, and more specifically how the body, springs forth.

  Prana is life. It is the difference between a block of wood and a living tree – or the difference between a corpse and a living body. Without prana there would be no physical universe, for it is the foundation. The entire physical universe is nothing more than a system of judgments which we hold collectively and individually and which slows or halts the flow of prana and then creates patterns with it. When filtered through our perception, that prana seems to be a bone or a muscle or a pile of dirt. But when we move beyond perception, we can see all matter as prana in disguise.