When We Were Human

by Kate L. Mary

  “I think you’re beautiful,” he says. He kisses me again before moving his lips down my neck. “The first time I saw you skinning that invader, God, I wanted you right then.” His breath brushes against my bare skin, and my knees wobble again. “Your green eyes blazed. I’ve never seen anyone look like that. You were like some kind of warrior. Even covered in their blood with your hair in ratty knots, you looked amazing.”

  “Walker.” His name pops out of my mouth, but I have no idea why. All I know is that he’s making my brain fuzzy. I can’t think. I can barely breathe. My lungs hurt from the effort.

  “Eva, tell me what you want,” he says against my skin.

  “I don’t know.”

  His mouth moves back to mine, and once again he pushes his tongue into my mouth. I stand on my tiptoes and pull myself closer to him. I may not be sure what I want, but I know I need to be closer to him. Walker’s arms wrap around me, and somehow we end up on the ground, still kissing. Sticks scratch against my back and bare legs, but it doesn’t faze me. A rock digs into my spine. Walker rolls onto his side, taking me with him, as we kiss. Then something stings my leg. It’s sharp like a tiny set of teeth. Walker curses and pulls back. Another sting gets me in the back of the knee. Then the thigh.

  Suddenly Walker is on his feet, brushing at his legs. “Shit! Fire ants!”

  They attack. At least twenty bites hit me at once, and I look down to see dozens of the little bastards crawling around on my legs. Walker is even more covered than I am. He jerks me to my feet and heads for the water. Pulling me with him. I try to brush the ants off as we go, but they just end up biting my hands too. Walker doesn’t stop swearing as we rush to the edge of the pond.

  “Jump!”

  We dive in at the exact same time. I hold my breath as the water envelops me, once again staying under. Still the ants don’t let up. I allow myself to sink under while I swat them away, my lungs burning as my hands brush against my legs. Finally, after a few seconds, the stinging stops.

  When I resurface, Walker is still splashing around in front of me. He got it worse than I did.

  “You have to brush them off!” I call.

  He nods and dives under, resurfacing seconds later. Letting out a big gust of air.

  When he finally stops splashing, he swims my way, flashing me a goofy grin. “Are you okay?”

  I laugh despite the dozens of itchy stings on my legs. “No permanent damage.”

  “I guess that’s God’s way of punishing us for trying to fornicate.”

  I laugh and splash water in his face. “I wasn’t trying to fornicate.”

  His blue eyes flash, and the crooked smile he shoots me makes my insides quiver. “Coulda fooled me.”

  I clamp my mouth shut when my face heats up. Would I have had sex with Walker if ants hadn’t attacked us? I don’t have a freaking clue.

  18

  We set off early the next morning, before the sun is completely up. The sky is pink and the air is cooler, but it’s still hot. Walker stands close to me, and my body reacts to every move he makes. When my hand brushes his, he grabs it and laces his fingers through mine without saying a word. It’s the first time in four years that I feel genuinely happy.

  The day is long and hot, but Walker’s presence makes it almost enjoyable. As enjoyable as a walk across hundreds of miles of desolate countryside can be, that is.

  During early afternoon we stop for a quick bite, eating the last of our provisions from Hope. Tonight we’ll have to find a town and hopefully a canned good or two to share. Walker even mentions that he could go hunting. Either way, I’m content.

  When we’ve finished eating, we start walking again.

  My hair is wet from sweat and I’m sure I smell, but Walker doesn’t bat an eye. He puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close, and when he kisses the side of my head I feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

  The sun is directly above us when I spot the creepers. Dozens of them. They’re down the road quite a bit, so far I can barely make them out, but they’re in a group. I’ve never seen them travel in a group except the day Tara got hurt. It makes me sweat even more than I was before.

  I stop moving and grab Walker’s arm. Without saying a word he pulls me to the side of the road, but the area around us is open. Nothing but overgrown fields. There isn’t a really good place to hide other than crouching down in the middle of the weeds and cotton. So that’s what we do. Walker pulls me further into the field, then pushes me down. The cotton plants around us are half-choked by thistles. Thankfully, they’re tall and thick enough to conceal us, because cotton isn’t a big plant.

  Walker hovers over me as if he’s trying to keep me safe. His body is curved over mine, acting like a shield. It casts a shadow across me that completely blocks out the sun, but I’m afraid it will leave him exposed, and I don’t want him to get hurt.

  “Come down here.” I grab his arm and pull. “Lower.”

  He shakes me off. “Shhh.”

  “They’ll see you,” I hiss.

  All I can think about is that stupid red hat of his. It’s going to stick out like a sore thumb in the middle of all this green, but he won’t move. I push myself closer to the ground so he isn’t as high. My face is practically in the dirt, but he still seems like he’s towering over the plants. Maybe it’s just the angle. I’m not sure. I rip the hat off his head just in case. He barely reacts.

  The sound of the creepers’ shuffling feet makes my heart pound and takes me back to the prison camp. They have a very distinct-sounding walk. I can’t explain it exactly, but it’s similar to the sound of a dozen birds beating their wings. It’s a sound I’ll never forget.

  The closer they get, the faster my heart races. I dig my fingers into the dirt and squeeze my eyes shut. The urge to put my hand over my ears and scream slams into me, and I have to bite down on my tongue. It stings, and the coppery taste of blood fills my mouth.

  Walker moves lower until he’s practically draped over me, but he’s still watching them through a break in the weeds. I know he’s curious about what they’re doing because of his conversation with Jed, and I get it. But I can’t force myself to look their way.

  I can tell when they’re next to us because Walker’s body becomes as stiff as a board above me. He sucks in a breath and holds it, and I sink my fingers even deeper into the dirt. How many are there? It sounds like dozens, which scares the shit out of me.

  Their footsteps eventually pass and begin to fade, and slowly Walker relaxes. He moves farther away from me but doesn’t stand. I stay where I am, waiting for him to tell me it’s okay.

  After what feels like hours, Walker gets to his feet. “They’re gone.”

  I don’t move until he grabs my arm and pulls me up. My heart is still pounding harder than a beating drum and red dirt is caked under my nails. Even worse, I’m shaking. I feel like a coward.

  “How many were there?” I ask.

  Walker pulls his hat back on and steps toward the road. “Too many.”

  I swallow as I trail after him. He’s avoiding the question, but I’m not sure I want to press the issue. He probably thinks I can’t handle the truth, and maybe I can’t. All that fierce rage that pours through me when I see one has melted away. One is nothing. One I can take. A group of them, though. Well, that just reminds me too much of the prison camp. Of being herded around by the slimy creatures like we were cattle. It turns my insides to mush and makes me feel like I’m five years old again.

  I hate feeling vulnerable, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

  We step onto the road and I search the distance for any sign of the creepers, but they’ve disappeared over a hill. That’s good, but I’m still curious. I should have looked. That way I’d at least know what I’m up against.

  “Let’s move,” Walker says.

  I trot after him, too shaken and scared of what the future has in store for us to really argue.

  Just as night closes in, we find a shabby
house in an abandoned town. We’re beat when we drag ourselves inside, but before we can rest, we need to focus on food. If there isn’t any in the house, we’ll have to choose between searching others and going to sleep hungry. I’m so worn out that I think I’d choose the latter.

  When I open the pantry and Walker shines the flashlight inside, we both exhale in relief. There are canned goods. Quite a few, actually.

  “Thank God,” I say as I pull out a can of mandarin oranges. Just seeing them makes my mouth water. “I haven’t had oranges in years.”

  “Me neither. What else is there?”

  Walker grabs another can, which turns out to be corn. Behind that we find pinto beans and kidney beans, then a can of black olives. None of them are bad choices, and all the cans seem to be in good shape. Meaning we’ll have food for tomorrow too.

  “What do you want to eat now?” I ask. I can’t take my eyes off the oranges.

  Walker chuckles and loads the other cans into his bag. “Open them before you start drooling all over the place.”

  I say a silent prayer of thanks that the can is the easy-open kind with the tab on top. When I pull the lid off, juice sloshes out. I lick it off my hand, unwilling to waste even that tiny amount of nourishment.

  “Let’s go into the other room to eat it,” Walker says, already heading that way.

  We settle onto the filthy couch, then dip into the oranges. He sucks one into his mouth loudly, and I grin. Even in the darkness, I can see him wink. Moonlight shines through the front window just enough to illuminate his features. He looks rugged and handsome, and I have to resist the urge to suck the orange juice off his lips.

  I busy myself with the oranges so I don’t make a stupid and impulsive decision.

  Walker watches me like he’s trying to read my mind again. I know he can see through me more than most people, and it makes me squirm. Instinctively, I run my fingers down the notches on my arms like they will work as a shield against his piercing gaze. I’m not sure why I don’t want him to see inside me, though. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid he won’t like what he sees, or maybe it’s because I’m afraid it will make me more attached to him. I don’t want to attach myself to someone in this world, it’s too scary. The risks of losing are too high.

  But we kissed today, and I’m afraid I’ve already done it.

  “Tell me about Lilly,” Walker says when we’ve finished the last of the oranges.

  I exhale slowly when my chest tightens like I can ease the pressure if I force all the air out of my lungs. It doesn’t work, of course. The pain is emotional, not physical.

  “We fought like crazy. She’s six years younger than me, so I was a teenager and she was my annoying little sister who wanted to tag along everywhere I went. And my mom encouraged it. I hated that she was always there to eavesdrop on my conversations and butt in when I had friends over.

  “Things changed in the camps, though. We only had each other, and she became my best friend. She’s just like our mom and I’m just like our dad, so we were a good team. She seemed older than eleven by the end. More mature. She took care of me as much as I took care of her.” I pause for a second while I work on forming the right words. “I don’t know why the creepers chose her that last day. I never could get it.”

  “I never got why they chose the people they did,” Walker says gently. “There didn’t seem to be a pattern to it.”

  “Yeah.”

  I exhale, and he takes my hand. I scoot into him, and when I inhale, it doesn’t bother me that he smells like sweat or dirt, because he also smells like freedom. Like the fields and the outdoors. Like the crisp scent of springtime when flowers bloom and rain showers pop up out of nowhere. There’s something comforting in that smell.

  He kisses the top of my head. “Forget that. Talk about something happy.”

  Happy? I don’t really remember what that feels like. “It’s been too long since I felt happiness.”

  “Okay…” He moves so he’s looking down at me. “Then let’s talk about last night.”

  My cheeks burn, and I look away, trying to play dumb. “Last night?”

  “You. Me. Kissing.” He elbows me, but I still won’t look up.

  “What about it?”

  “Well…when can we do it again?”

  I laugh, and he bumps into me playfully. I finally look up, and the grin on his face eases every bit of tension inside me. I didn’t know I could feel this way again. It feels kind of wrong, letting a crush chase away the pain I’ve been holding on to for so long. But I don’t think it’s just Walker and how my body responds to him. It’s Hope and Tara. It’s the fact that Lilly survived. It’s knowing happiness is possible. Even though I’m terrified of losing, I’m not sure I want to pass up this chance. Even a glimpse of happiness is better than none, right?

  Walker exhales and rubs the back of his neck. “I was kind of serious.”

  “Wanting to know when we can do it again?” I narrow my eyes on his face. “Seriously?”

  He chuckles. “No! I want to talk about last night.”

  “Oh…”

  “This whole thing feels weird and I know the timing is bad, but I do like you.”

  “I already told you I like you,” I point out defensively.

  “Okay. So…I don’t know what to do.”

  Even in the darkness I can see how red his cheeks are. He won’t stop rubbing his neck. When he finally does, he pulls his hat down. I have the urge to rip it off his head so I can see his eyes.

  “Walker?” He tilts his head my way, and I push his hat up. “What’s going on?”

  Walker sighs. “Look, there may be aliens out there and everything may be a mess, but I’m still a guy. I want to have sex.”

  I let out a sound that’s halfway between a laugh and a cough. “Sex? Like right now?”

  “Well, not now necessarily, but one day! I was starting to think it would never happen. I mean, Tara and I talked about it but we just couldn’t—” He shudders. “She’s like a sister, and it was too weird. But I still want to. Not just because I’m a horny eighteen-year-old, either. Because I want to move forward. I want things to be more normal, you know.”

  I shift and swallow. I don’t know what to address first. That I’m jealous he and Tara talked about having sex or the fact that he wants to have sex with me. It’s all confusing.

  “I do want to have sex…” I grind my teeth while I try to figure out what to say.

  In some ways, I feel like I’m a hundred. I’ve lost so much and seen so much and killed so many… But there are times—like this—when I feel more like a fumbling preteen. I’m totally ill-equipped to deal with all this.

  But Walker makes me believe.

  “Now?” he says, his tone somewhere between teasing and hopeful.

  I laugh when my face gets hot. “Um…I’m not sure about that. I mean, this would be better than on top of an anthill, that’s for sure, but I think now might be rushing it. Plus, I’m beat.”

  The smile Walker gives me causes my stomach to flip painfully. “Maybe just a kiss then?”

  I smile even though my cheeks are burning. “Of course.”

  He grins in a way that only Walker can, making him look sexy and confident and like a happy little boy all at the same time. Then he leans down, and I hold my breath. His mouth covers mine, and just like I hoped, he tastes like oranges.

  19

  A year ago…

  Lilly’s screams woke me with a jolt, but it took me close to thirty seconds to adjust to the darkness and figure out what was going on. Too long.

  “Eva!” she cried out, reaching for me.

  Behind her stood one of the creepers, dragging her from the tent. His slimy arm wrapped around her waist like he had a right to touch my baby sister. I was on my feet in seconds. Running for Lilly. Her arms were outstretched, reaching for me. She was crying, screaming, begging.

  I got to her just as the monster pulled her outside, but there were more waiting. One grabbed me
. He held me back, his long fingers digging into the fleshy part of my arm until it felt like they would pierce the skin. I didn’t stop fighting, but I knew there was nothing I could do to stop them.

  It didn’t matter. I would die trying if I had to.

  Then I was on the ground, and all the oxygen had rushed out of my lungs in a poof of air that felt like a balloon popping. The creeper that had thrown me down stood over me, his long, shadowy form looking so much darker and more frightening in the middle of the night. My body shook, but I didn’t care. I got to my feet and faced him, then once again made a dash for my sister, who was still fighting. Still being dragged away.

  The creeper had me down in the blink of an eye, and Lilly let out a shrill scream that sounded like something straight out of a horror movie.

  “No!” Her sobs made the words shaky, but they were loud and clear. “Stop, Eva! Don’t. I can’t—” She broke off, swallowing like she was trying to gain courage, then said, “Stay down or they’ll kill you.”

  Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I shook my head. “I can’t let them take you.”

  “You have to.”

  With each second that passed, the creeper dragged her further away. Soon she would be out of sight, and then I didn’t know what would happen. Whether or not I’d ever see my sister again. The thought of being alone made me shake, but worse was the knowledge that my little sister might suffer.

  “Promise me,” Lilly called. “Promise you’ll go on. That you’ll keep trying. That when we beat them, you’ll still be standing here. Don’t go down without a fight!”

  Sobs shook my body and I couldn’t talk, but I nodded. The creeper who stood over me turned to walk away, realizing there was no fight left in me, and then Lilly disappeared from sight.

  The second she was gone, my whole body collapsed. The ground beneath me was damp and muddy, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t stop nodding or crying, couldn’t find my voice. Ten minutes passed before I was finally able to get the words out.