by King Ellie
Dear, Carson McDermott
The Dear letters Series Book One
By: King Ellie
Dear,
Carson McDermott,
I miss you like crazy. When I first met you, things changed for me. I’ve never known love like I have now. You mean the world to me from your amber colored eyes to the hard way you love. I want you to know that you mean everything to be. You are the only man I will ever love, the only one who has my heart, soul, body and mind. Everything you do makes you the perfect human being in my eyes.
Remember this, that although my actions have proven differently, I will always love you. You get that Carson McDermott. I will always be your high school sweetheart, your wife and the woman who broke your heart.
I’m sorry, bubba.
Just make sure that when you do seek revenge on me, you don’t hold back. I don’t deserve your pity and I’ll take your punishments as a grown, bold woman.
Do your worst.
Signed.
Katerina DiMaggio-McDermott
Prologue
Katerina
“I’m sorry that it took me so long to see you.” Those were the only words that I could get out before I busted into tears and gently placed the flowers down on his grave.
I couldn’t believe that it took me so long to come here, but I couldn’t before. My heart was too broken. I didn’t want to face reality; I didn’t want to forget his beautiful face. My entire being couldn’t live without him, yet here I was, seven years later . . . back to the first time my heart broke. Seeing his name written in cursive on his tombstone did not help either.
“I never forgot about you. There wasn’t a time that I didn’t think about you, my sweet everything. I will always keep you in here.” I pointed to my heart.
The sound of a car had me turning to face a black truck that was pulling up to the cemetery. I looked back at the tombstone one more time, vowing to always come back and keep him company.
I ran behind a big tree that hid me well, I couldn’t run away because there was a feeling deep within me. If I moved, I’d get caught by him. Exiting the truck, my mind was hit by the view of my own twin. I took a deep breath; it had been so long since I stood face to face with him. I smiled at how he grew out a beard now. A low trimmed one. He reminded me of Dad and my heart ached at how much I missed my parents. Then I turned and saw the other person who exited the car with him, I got distracted from the hollow feeling as I saw him again. My Husband, Carson McDermott.
****
I hadn’t seen him in the last seven years, so him being here shocked me. I knew why I left, why I ran away from him. From those eyes that reminded me of what we lost. Eyes so full of life, full of joy, the little laughter I would never hear again.
He was gone and I couldn’t get him again.
Carson and I had something that we shared but now it was gone.
It pained me to see him now. His amber eyes, his laughter, his touch. All the possible ways I missed him came crashing back so hard, so violently.
We tried; we really did. We were grateful for the three years that we shared with Jude, but it hurt too much, all of it.
We were too young to take care of Jude, too young and trustworthy of those around us.
We should’ve known that he would be taken from us. Ripped out of our hands as though he deserved it when he didn’t. None of us did yet look at us now, confronted by our past.
One that started off with love and ended in an explosive tragedy.
With the loss of our son Jude, we lost our hearts, our love, our everything.
PART ONE: Ten Years Ago
Chapter 1
Katerina
I knew that my last name put fear in a lot of men. It wasn’t my fault that I was born into this family, nor did I regret it, but it made some boys piss their pants. They wouldn’t look me in the eye, neither would they even want to ask me out anymore. If that wasn’t enough, my twin brother, that asshole, had no problem chasing them away. Just like he did right now. It was senior year and I wanted to be asked to prom, but this douche bag chased James Love away. I was livid as I slammed my locker as hard as I could.
“Don’t be mad Kitty Kat,” he tried to coax me with my nickname.
I turned to face him. We looked exactly alike from our curly dark brown hair that sometimes looked black, our dimples, the shape of our eyes, eyebrows, the size of our lips, both of our bottom lips were bigger than the upper, and as we got older our skin became more olive toned. That’s where the similarities stopped though. I was stuck at five feet while my twin grew to six feet in our senior year. He had blue eyes like our father while mine were light brown, like Mama’s. He kept his curly hair shoulder length while I let mine grow until it hit the middle of my back. He joined the football team and I was in the band.
“Honestly Tony, I could kick your ass right now!” I screeched.
He snickered; I narrowed my eyes at him causing him to clear his throat.
“What kind of name is James Love anyways, huh?” He shrugged as if he did me a favor. I rolled my eyes hard, trying not to throw my backpack at him.
“Wait until I tell Papa that I caught you with Lynn in your room,” I teased.
His eyes grew as wide as saucers. He knew the rules, but he bribed me not to tell. They weren’t doing anything but making out, but I knew that it wasn’t their first time together. Was I grossed out? Yes, but I wasn’t surprised, because all these girls flocked to my brother not only because of his blue eyes and tanned skin, but also the fact that his last name promised some danger. I opened my mouth to threaten him some more but then a voice that I tried to always ignore interrupted us.
“Di’Maggio!” he yelled out.
He was Carson Bubba McDermott. The country boy that moved from Tennessee sophomore year and now was best friends with my twin. He acted just like Tony, chasing every boy away from me. It pissed me off, especially when I was trying my best to no longer have a crush on him. I scowled when he made it to where I stood with my brother. Those weird amber-colored eyes always got to me. They seemed to suck the life out of me even when I tried to avoid him at all costs. He was beautiful in his own way. He was taller than Tony, about six feet and four inches, two-hundred and twenty pounds, the star quarterback at our high school and features like a damn runway model. His jaw was impeccably cut, his body a work of art with not only tattoos on his hands and fingers, but also tribal tattoos, courtesy of his half Polynesian side, specifically Samoan on his left arm and his legs. My favorite thing about him was his hair; it was long, curly, thick and dark brown. He was the opposite of any boy that I would ever look at.
His mother was Samoan, and his father was a good ole’ country boy from Tennessee. He told us about how when his parents broke up; his mother gave him up to live with her boyfriend back in Hawaii and his father had no problem keeping him full time. He was raised by a single dad who had ties to the mob just like our family. It surprised me that his father didn’t take his mother out, but instead just let her go. It was good though that his father held no resentment to his ex’s family, because Carson told us that every break he got to go see his mother’s family.
I eyed Carson whenever I got a chance and right now, it didn’t help that he was 200 plus pounds of muscle and that I’ve seen his entire body, naked. It was by mistake the first and second time, even though I regretted nothing. I never said a word to my brother and neither did he. No one told Tony to have parties at the house whenever mom, dad, Gabriella, Matteo, and Michel, the twins, were out of town.
“Yo! What’s up?” Tony took me out of my mind and brought me back to th
e now as he clapped hands with Carson.
I hated that he had his hair up in a top knot.
“Just making sure you let that idiot Love know it was never going to happen with our Kitty Kat here.”
He turned those amber eyes on me, and they held me prisoner. He knew what he was doing to me and it freaked me out that he just watched for my reaction. He knew that I loved his country accent. He didn’t move or anything, he just watched me as though waiting for me to do something. I shut my eyes breaking the hold that he had over me, taking a deep breath I opened them making sure that my eyes were filled with an anger that even he couldn’t calm.
“I hate you both, I should pull out my gun and shoot you both right now.” I didn’t wait for any of them to say anything as I walked off.
I wanted to punch Tony in the face, but Carson . . . I would pummel him for interfering with my love life ever since he stepped foot here.
****
Carson
I watched as Katerina Di’Maggio, the girl that I dreamt of every single night and even daydreamed about during class, walked off. I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she went towards her class. I wanted to turn away from her, but it was becoming harder and harder each time. I wanted her so bad that I swear her dad knew it every time I went over to their house. I’ve caught the eyes of Mr. Di’Maggio on more than one account, and each time they were warning me that he’d kick my pretty country ass. It wasn’t my fault that I looked the way that I did. I resembled my mother and had my father’s weird eye color, plus his hard features. The only one that seemed to smile when she caught me was Mrs. Di’Maggio. She didn’t glare at me. Instead, she gave me that knowing look.
“You done staring at my sister?” Tony said, causing me to turn and see the smirk on his face.
“I---I wasn’t staring at ‘er,” I answered scratching the back of my neck. Tony chuckled.“I know you weren’t looking at her, but I did see that Becca has caught your eyes.” He nodded towards where Katerina had gone by.
I faced the hall again, there was Becca. I didn’t see her the first time, but now, she was staring hard at me. I didn’t want her, she wasn’t Katerina. Nothing about them was similar. Not the height difference or the way when Katerina smiled it caused her dimples to deepen.
“Man, Becca is hot though, I ain’t gon’ lie.” I wasn’t lying to Tony, but I needed him to venture away from the secret crush I harbored for his sister before he took a gun out himself and shot me in the face.
****
I watched Katerina as she laughed with her friend during lunch in the courtyard. I bit my bottom lip as she threw her head back laughing at something that Cassie said. Her features were animated, and I couldn’t help it as I hopped out of my spot and made my way to where she and Cassie were sitting. Her friend Cassie spotted me first, she was pretty as well but she couldn’t hold a candle to my Katerina. I pulled up the empty seat on the left side of her and sat, making sure to get as close to Katerina as I could.
“Hey there Kitty Kat,” I teased, knowing the way I said it caused my accent to deepen.
She sucked in a breath before she turned to fully face me. I placed my elbow on the table and rested my chin on my closed fist. Her brown eyes glared at me, yet I couldn’t stop the smile on my face from spreading.
“Why must you torment me by calling my name in that way, Carson?” She emphasized on my name.
She knew that I didn’t let anyone else call me by my first name. It was either Bubba or McDermott but with her, I loved the way my first name sounded on her tongue.
“So,” I looked at Cassie for a moment, “can you give me and Kitty Kat some privacy?”
Cassie eyed Katerina and then me. She rolled her big blue eyes, flipping her blonde hair back and made some noise walking off towards the vending machines inside the cafeteria.
“Must you chase my friends away too, Carson? What do you want?” Katerina pretended to be annoyed with me, but I saw the curiosity in her eyes.
I scooted closer to her barely leaving us any breathing room. If I leaned in any closer, I could kiss her but if I did that, I would never be able to stop.
“I’m taking you to prom,” I said matter of factly.
Katerina rolled her eyes at me, yet they landed on my lips which caused me to smile again.
“I’m not going with you, asshole.” She gritted through her teeth.
I leaned in this time, so close to her that our noses were touching. I stared into her eyes,
“We’re going and that’s final, Katerina,” I moved back and out of her space.
I stood smiling as she scowled at me while Cassie came back to sit.
“What did I miss?” She asked Katerina.
“Kitty Kat and I are going to prom together.” I winked at Katerina as I walked back to my table.
Chapter 2
Katerina
I eyed Carson as he walked away from our table. I hated that he wore those damn jeans that fit his body right, the plain white tee and sneakers. I didn’t think country boys wore sneakers, but Carson proved me wrong. Everything he wore, seemed to fit him well and his hair didn’t take away from his masculinity at all. If anything, I wanted to run my fingers through his curly hair, and I was jealous because I wondered what the hell he put in his hair to make it look that good.
“So, you and Bubba are going to prom together, huh?” Cassie asked.
I turned back to catch a scowl on her face that quickly disappeared. I cocked an eyebrow at her,
“hold on,” I said to her as I quickly stood making my way to where Carson sat with his friends.
Tony was nowhere in sight meaning he was terrorizing Cory, she was a freshman and ever since they were younger, they were joined at the hip. I swear one day; they’ll end up married but he keeps denying it.
I shook my head as I made my way to the bench they were sitting at; I was glad that I picked out a cute outfit today. I wore a multi-colored long-sleeved crop that had matching shorts that stopped mid-thigh. I was so glad that my new hair products helped my hair stay straight this time around instead of it puffing up and making me look like an idiot.
If Carson Bubba McDermott thought he would just get to tell me instead of asking me to prom then he was wrong. Did I hate it? Hell no, but he knew better. When I reached up to his picnic table bench, his other football buddies were joking and laughing about something while sweet, slutty Becca was trying to speak to him while he ate. Everyone knew never to talk to Carson while he devoured his food. He never heard you unless you sat in front of him staring at him as though you weren’t going to go anywhere. I knew the tricks to the trade. I smiled at Miles as he sat across from Carson,
“Hey Miles,” I said as I tucked a hair behind my ear.
I knew what Miles liked. We dated freshman year and sophomore year, but we broke up because I couldn’t see why we were still together. He really liked me but after realizing, I didn’t like him as much and that I didn’t want to lead him on, I didn’t want to do that to him. We were still friends in a way even though, he drunk texted me every chance he got. I learned to ignore him. He was cute from his rich hazelnut complexion to his brown eyes but that was all.
“Hey Kat, what’s up?” His eyes hopeful as ever caused him to smile wide at me.
I returned the smile making sure to not do too much that would indicate me and him being something again.
“Oh nothing, could you scoot over for a second? I need to ask Carson a question.”
His eyebrows shot up, but he moved down now parallel to Becca.
I sat, facing Carson. I placed my elbows on the table letting it hold my chin while I tilted my head watching him. Becca eyed me wondering what I was doing. She opened her mouth to say something, but I put my forefinger up, the universal sign of hold on a second. She blinked, confused by my actions. After a minute of me doing this, Carson stopped eating and a smirk formed on his face before his eyes met mine. He swallowed his food, wiped his mouth with his napkin and sat back with his ar
ms crossed over his chest while waiting for what I had to say to him.
“Ya picked a color for us yet, Kitty Kat?” He challenged.
“A color for what?” Becca decided to chime in while I kept staring at Carson.
This time it wasn’t because I wanted to annoy him, but it was due to what was getting harder to do. It was hard to look away once I got myself trapped in those amber eyes. Why was this happening to me again? Keeping his eyes focused on me, he answered Becca.
“For prom.”
“What?” Becca’s shrieking turned some heads in the courtyard. “Isn’t it a little too early for prom? We’re at the beginning of the second semester.”
Carson shrugged his shoulders.
“Why wouldn’ I take what’s mine to prom?” He asked nonchalantly.
“Yours?” I questioned.
I swear my entire body was floating at this little declaration. I tried to play it off with a scowl on my face, but I swear he saw through it. Carson leaned in, not too close but close enough.
“Mine.” He said with a finality that had Becca hyperventilating.
“I should shoot you in the foot,” I gritted my teeth and stood.
I glared at him because he knew what I knew, that my wish was coming true. He smiled at me,
“I’d gladly hop on one foot to prom with you, Kitty Kat,” he drawled.
I almost smirked. I fought hard not to, and he knew it.
“Ask me properly and then I’ll pick a color, Bubba.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
He threw his head back laughing at my antics, he placed his hand over his heart.
“Oh darlin’, you wound me. You know it’s Carson to you,” He winked at me as I rolled my eyes at him.
“Whatever,” I huffed, walking away.
Clearly not far enough because I heard him say,
“I’ll text you, Kitty Kat.”
I flipped him the bird in response, hearing his laughter once more. This time, I smiled because I wasn’t facing him.
****
Carson
