by King Ellie
When he said that my eyes widened,
“How do you know that?”
Dad shrugged,
“Look at me son. I’m a lonely ole’ man cause I don’ trust any other woman. You think I can’t recognize it in you? Trust me, open your heart to er’ again. She deserves a second chance to prove that she can be trusted. You gotta understand’ that what she also went through wasn’ simple. Knowin’ Kitty, she blamed herself for the death of Jude. Neither of you is to blame, there are only two people on this planet that are to be blamed and are currently being searched for. Carlie an’ Ricardo. She doesn’t deserve to ever call you her son. She is poison and I will rid her and her disgustin’ husband of this earth.”
I took a deep breath in and let it out,
“I want in on the action.”
His eyes widened this time,
“ya sure you can look at the people who abused you and do what you need to do?”
I nodded sharply.
“For Jude and Katerina, I can do just about anythin’.”
****
I wanted to do what my dad told me to which was open my heart up to trust her again, but it was so hard. I didn’t know why I was like this.
When I got home, Katerina nor Brownie was nowhere to be found. For a moment, I panicked but not even a second later, the door opened and there she was. She walked in with Brownie in her arms, was he asleep? She was laughing with someone and when I saw who, I rolled my eyes. I did not miss the high school days of Cassie giving me the fuck me eyes nor did I enjoy it when she spotted me standing in the foyer. Why was she always able to find me in the room? It wasn’t attractive or anything, it was frustrating as hell.
“Hey,” Katerina said to me with a genuine smile on her face. “Went for a walk and coffee. Brownie’s all tired out.”
As soon as she said his name, it was like she woke him up. He opened his tired little eyes and she placed him on the floor. Brownie looked at Katerina then he turned to me, he tilted his head at me. I smiled as I crouched, Brownie cautiously came to me and then once I scratched right behind his ear, his little tail began wagging.
“Did you have a good time?” I asked as I looked up at Katerina.
She seemed genuinely surprised that I asked her.
“Uh, yeah… it was nice.”
Cassie decided to take this moment to interrupt.
“well, I’ll be on my way now. Girl, take my number down so that we can keep in contact.”
“I don’t have a cell yet, sorry. Maybe we’ll just stick to Facebook for now?” Katerina replied.
Cassie made a face that I couldn’t decipher just yet,
“Okay, that’s fine. Just ask your man for it, he has it.”
I cocked my left eyebrow,
“Nah, I don’ have it. I blocked you the first time you texted me and let me know who it was,” I shrugged my shoulders as I stood to let Brownie run towards the living room. “and before you offer it again, I don’ want it. Keep your fuckin’ conversations with Kitty, not with me.”
Katerina eyed me but there was no anger there just hints of lust in those big brown eyes. I shouldn’t be doing this right now, but I wanted her to know that I still wanted her. This brought my mind back to when I found her on that double date with Cassie. I had been watching her for a minute before I entered the diner. She was not into it at all and I could tell she got suckered into it but the way her eyes lit up when they saw me, that made me feel like I was the most important man in her life, well besides her dad. Katerina gave me a shy smile before looking at Cassie again,
“I’ll write to you on messenger, okay? Let me walk you out.”
Cassie looked from Katerina to me, there it was again, that same fucking expression. I rolled my eyes walking away. She wasn’t my friend, so I didn’t have to entertain her. I took my shoes off deciding to wait for Katerina on the couch so we could talk. There was so much I had never revealed to her about being with my mom and Ricardo but now, in order for it all to make sense. I had to tell her. As soon as I sat on the couch, Brownie hopped up in my lap. I shook my head; this one was going to be a clingy one.
Chapter 14
Katerina
After Cassie left, I met up with Carson in the living room. I could tell something was going on. He seemed quiet as he checked his phone and petted Brownie who had fallen back asleep on his lap. I took a deep breath as I went to sit in front of him on the coffee table, he immediately looked up at me. Before he could say anything, I knew I had to say something.
“I just want to say something,” I said. He opened his mouth to speak but I put my hand on his knee. “Please, listen to me… Look, I just want to tell you something that I should’ve realized when I thought you told me to go. At the time, the pain that I felt deep within me, I didn’t know how to express it. I didn’t know what to do with it and I only saw what I wanted to see. I fell into a deep depression. I believed that everything was my fault and that out of all people, that you would blame me for losing our son. Now, I understand that you would have never blamed me for it because you knew me as more than just your wife or his mother, you knew me as your best friend. I lost you in my sadness, I discarded you and you were still there for me. When I left, I fought with what I now know was the stronger side of me telling me that I was wrong,”
Carson was listening to me and the expression on his face warmed my heart. It reminded me of the country boy I met and fell in love with in high school. I sighed, continuing my speech,
“I can’t take back what I did. I seriously can’t but I want you to know something. The reason why I didn’t come back earlier was that I wanted to get better. For years, I was depressed and in such a bad place. Sometimes, I couldn’t even check in with Michel and he would get so worried. He understood what I didn’t at first. I owe him so much and one day, I’ll give him something to pay him back for all this. I just, I know you don’t trust me, Bubba but I want you to know that your best friend that I took away from you, I’m giving her back. I promise to be your friend. You may not want more than that and I understand but I won’t ever leave again.”
He stayed quiet for a second then he spoke,
“I talked to my father today, there are things you’re goin’ to want to know but before all that, I want to say, thank you. Thank you for comin’ back. I may not have realized how important it was before but now I do. I woulda never been able to ever be okay. I may have been upset,”
I narrowed my eyes. He chuckled for the first time with me,
“Okay, I was angry as hell but after talking to my dad, he made me see somethin’. I saw how lonely he was because he didn’t trust anyone anymore. I never thought about that before, how I never saw any woman around him as like a permanent thing. I don’ wanna be like him. I don’t know how long it’ll take me to trust you but I’m good with bein’ friends. Fore’ you jump to conclusions; I mean that let’s start off with being friends. You’re right, I did feel like you stole my best friend from me more than anythin’ else. Course I loved you as my wife, my lover, my comfort but I deeply loved you as my best friend and you took that from me. That’s why so many emotions traveled within me; I wasn’t sure if I would ever find someone who could take that loneliness away. The way I felt when my mother would throw me to the side, I didn’ like that, darlin’.”
I reached out for his hand but changed my mind last minute. Carson reached out taking my hand in his.
“I-,” I cleared my throat knowing it would be inappropriate to say that I loved him right now, but I did.
I loved this man, this dark angel of mine. Where were those demons now? Did they not see what was happening? All the things they whispered tirelessly in my mind about never being able to be forgiven, that Carson would never love me again… was a lie. It was all a lie.
Carson tilted his head to the left then the right reminding me of Brownie.
“Me too.” He said and I felt like we had overcome a huge milestone. One that felt impossible the moment we saw ea
ch other again.
I wanted to let him know that the relief I felt was insane.
****
Carson continued to soothe Brownie as he slept on his lap. His other hand was in both of mine. I didn’t want to let go of him; I just wasn’t ready to.
“There’s somethin’ you should know,” he started.
“What happened?”
He sighed,
“It’s about when I lived with my mom and her then-boyfriend. There are things I’ve never told you and it wasn’t just to protect myself, it was to keep you from going to hunt her down and kill her. My mother and her boyfriend used to hit me, and I mean a whole lot. This was when I lived in Hawaii. No matter what I did, I always got punched or backhanded. The worst was when somethin’ would break in our house whether they did it or not, I’d get an epic ass-whooping'. I genuinely have no idea how I remember all that because I was five when dad came and got me. He didn’t know about me before that but my Tina, sorry, my Maw Maw found me one day just on the floor, starved, and beaten. I don’t remember half of it, but Tina told me that she rushed me to the hospital and never left my side.”
My hands began trembling, I moved from the coffee table to kneel in front of him. I just wanted to get as close as I could. Brownie took this opportunity to wake up, he must’ve read the room because as sleepy as he looked, he moved from Carson’s lap to the other side of the couch. I squeezed his hand in both of mine. Then it was like touching his hand made me feel that he still had his wedding ring on. I looked down at his hand, the black and gold band was still there. I wanted to ask him about it, but he continued.
“Tina knew who my real father was, and they always kept in contact because he was my mother’s ex-husband. She called him and saved me from my mother and Ricardo. The worst part is my mother didn’t even fight for me, she yelled in that hospital room at my father telling him that she didn’t even want me. She looked me in my eyes telling me that she wished she never had me. She threw me away without ever looking back, she abandoned me, and I loved her. She was my mom,” A tear slipped out of his eye.
My hand reached out touching his cheek, wiping away that single tear. The only other time Carson cried was when we lost our Jude. I sat up and threw caution out of the window. I know I said I’d be his friend first, but my man was hurting. I slid into his lap. Straddling him, I wrapped my arms around his neck. I kissed his cheek first, not even caring that he didn’t wrap his arms around my waist. I pulled back, kissing his other cheek, then his forehead and before he let go of me, I cupped his face. I gazed into his eyes,
“Teach me how to love you,” I said to him. “Show me how to never hurt you the way she did. To never bring tears to your eyes and to never abandon you. Please, I want to learn, the right way this time.”
Before he could respond, I kissed him. I can admit that I was afraid he would say no hence my kiss and after a second of begging him with my lips, it seemed like he wasn’t going to accept but I felt his hand on the back of my head. He groaned as his other arm wrapped around my waist pulling me closer to him. I forgot how lost I got in his kisses, how fucking amazing it felt to have his lips on mine. How much I lost myself in him. My hands moved from his face to wrap themselves around his neck. I didn’t want to let go but I reluctantly did, when I pulled away, I placed my forehead on his. He opened his eyes and I was met with those beautiful amber eyes.
“Hi,” he greeted me.
“Hi,” I said back to him.
Carson smiled as his hand came up. He traced over my bottom lip with his thumb,
“I thought you said you wanted to be friends?” He cocked his eyebrow at me.
I shrugged,
“I could never just be your friend,” I confessed. “Also, I’m going to kill your mother.”
Carson chuckled,
“fine by me,” he said but the smile left his face. “I have somethin’ else to tell you. Ricardo, my mom’s now-husband and my mother are responsible for the car accident. With you and Jude.”
I wanted to say something, but every emotion got stuck in my throat. This time, it was my tears that came out. I held onto Carson for fear I was going to faint. I would do this with him this time around, I wasn’t going to run away. I wasn’t only going to be a Di’Maggio in this instant. I was going to be more than that because I was. I was now a McDermott. Carson was my family and anyone who snatched my son from my hands would die. The fact that this woman made my Carson cry more than once, I was going to end her. I would watch her die from my own hands.
“They took enough from us, Bubba. Enough is enough. You hear me?”
He hugged me back tightly,
“I hear you, my darlin’.”
****
Carson
I shouldn’t have kissed Katerina because now there was nothing I wanted to do more. She was talking to me telling me what she got up to in the years that we didn’t see each other but I couldn’t concentrate at all. We shouldn’t have even been in the same damn room. It was hard enough sleeping on the same bed with her for the past weeks going on a month without touching her. I didn’t even know how I did it. I shook my head, making myself focus on what she was saying.
“I met some good people out in Nevada. Learned a couple of new shooting tricks. I could teach you,” She winked at me.
I chuckled as I threw popcorn at her while she sat arm’s length away from me on the couch while we pretended to watch TV, yet I could tell you that neither of us knew what was airing at the moment.
“Darlin’,” for some reason, that nickname came back so easily as if it never left. “About Cross,” I began.
Her brows furrowed,
“Who’s Cross?”
“The psycho that was on the phone,” I rolled my eyes. I had to let Katerina know who she was because Cross was on her way here and it was going to be interesting because her ex was coming too.
Katerina cocked her brow,
“Psycho? Is she really, cause I don’t like threatening the crazies. They show up when I’m not fully ready.”
I chuckled, “One, Cross would never put her hands on you or her bullets. I’d kill ‘er and she knows it. Two, she’s my brother’s ex-wife. She’ll be here later on tonight and so will he, but good luck to us all because those two cannot be in the same room.”
Katerina was shocked.
“Hold up, we’ve known each other for how long? And now, you want to tell me that you have a brother? And a whole sister-in-law?”
I shrugged,
“I couldn’t tell you because of their jobs.”
“What’s the difference now?” She asked me.
“The difference is the McDermott’s have to take care of those who hurt us and in order for us to do that, we need them.”
Katerina tilted her head,
“Ooookay, but you could’ve asked my family as well.”
I shook my head,
“No, I want to do this my way. I love your family, don’ get me wrong. They are my family too but there are somethings that I have to do the McDermott way, you get me?”
Katerina thought about it for a moment and then she nodded.
“I get it. So, tell me about my brother-in-law, what is he like?”
I just stared at her. Not because she was asking about my brother but because she called him her brother in law. She must’ve realized as she began to backtrack.
“Too soon?” She asked.
I didn’t want to lie to her, so I simply nodded.
“Yeah a little,” I answered. “Either way, I’ll tell you about my idiotic little brother, Beau McDermott. We have different moms. His mother, Jo-Marie was sweet when I first met her, but I couldn’t trust any other woman to get too close. She tried though; she still calls me from time to time. She’s had it bad for Dad, but you know him, he won’t ever love again. I can just tell. He’s closed off with everything that doesn’t involve me and Beau. So, Beau, Cross and I trained together. Well, I started before them and then they joined when they were a
round five or six.”
I didn’t even get to finish and there Katerina was, sitting up tucking her legs under her bum.
“Wait, wait, wait… Training for what? And what’s Cross’s real name?”
“I can’t tell you her name unless she tells it to you herself and assassin’s training.”
Her eyes grew wider,
“Holy fuck!” She exclaimed. “So, you mean to tell me this whole time, you could’ve killed me in my sleep when I was lying next to you and I would’ve never even known?”
I smirked.
“I would’ve never done such a thing darlin’. Believe it or not, we assassins also have a code. A very different one from the ones society has but come on, kill my own wife? Now, that’s crazy.”
Katerina nodded as though she was processing the information.
“Okay, okay but you did wrap your hand around my throat. Like you tightened it like you wanted me dead.”
I blinked,
“But you liked it. Even though all of the fear of seeing the angry side of me more, your eyes…” I confessed.
She narrowed her eyes,
“What did my eyes do?”
“They sparkled. As if you enjoyed that kind of pain. Kind of like you wanted me to do more.”
Katerina stayed silent for a minute too long. Then, she cleared her throat, but the evidence was all over her face as she turned a dark shade of red. She looked flushed.
“Eyes don’t sparkle, fucker.” She replied.
I didn’t say anything, I just stared at her.
“Fucker, huh?” I questioned.
She shrugged her shoulders,
“We’ve already kissed, I’m not holding back anymore for you, Bubba.”
I smiled genuinely. For the first time in a long time, I felt safe. Safe with her.
“Good. I didn’t like the other you. She’s weak.”
She threw her head back laughing,
“She is and I don’t like her either. Help me get rid of her, will you?” She matched my smile.
Nah, I take that back. She can’t match my smile because mine might’ve gotten bigger just now.
****
