Truly, Madly, Whiskey

by Melissa Foster

“The cutest.” Crystal shoved her phone beneath the counter as Gemma answered the boutique phone. Crystal motioned toward the back room and mouthed, I’ll get the other rack.

  Gemma held up her finger and shook her head, then spoke into the phone. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Okay. No problem. Sure. Let us know when you have a date. Thanks for calling.” She hung up and said, “Our afternoon is clear. That was the Patricks. They had to cancel. The birthday girl fell and chipped her tooth. They’re on their way to the dentist’s office.”

  “Ouch. That poor girl.” Crystal took it as a sign, and steeled herself to come clean to Gemma, at least about her supposed long list of one-night stands. “I’m glad we have the afternoon off. I wanted to talk to you.”

  Gemma’s face grew serious. “I think I know what you want to say.”

  “You know?” Her heart sank. Could Bear have said something to Tru and he told Gemma? She’d cleaned out a dresser drawer for him to keep a few things at her apartment, and he’d done the same for her at his house. They’d also stocked his house with kitty paraphernalia, because where they slept, so did their little purring girl. Except for the nights when Bear bartended, they were practically living together. He and Tru could have gotten to talking about how much things had changed and something about her past might have slipped out. Although Bear was so careful about what had happened, she couldn’t imagine him making that mistake.

  “Well, I assumed,” she said with a smile. “You and Bear really have been hooking up for longer than you wanted me to believe, right? I know you said that wasn’t the case, but I’ve been over this so many times, and every time I see you two together, it feels like there’s a lot more there.”

  “Nope.” She took Gemma’s hand and led her to the table in the back of the store. “Sit.”

  “Uh-oh,” Gemma said as she sat down. “Crys, are you pregnant?”

  “If only it were that simple.” She sat across from Gemma. “You know all those times I said I was hooking up with guys?”

  “You’re pregnant and you don’t know who the father is? Ohmygod.” Gemma covered her mouth with her hand.

  “Stop. I’m not pregnant. And up until last week, there would be no way for me to be pregnant.” She was so nervous her words came too fast and too harsh, but she couldn’t stop them. “I never had those one-night stands. I never had most of the dates, either.”

  “Come on,” Gemma said with a half-smile, half-confused expression. “It’s not like I’m going to tell Bear. Geez, is that why you’ve been looking so worried for the past few weeks? You’re afraid I’ll tell him about your trysts?”

  Crystal rose to her feet and paced. “No, Gemma. I’ve never slept with anyone except Bear since before I left college.”

  “What?” Gemma pushed to her feet. “Why would you lie about that?”

  The hurt and confusion in her eyes stopped Crystal cold. She’d only wanted to tell her about the fake hookups, but it was unfair to try to skirt around the truth. She should have waited until after the wedding, but there was no turning back now.

  “Because I was afraid. When I met you I had been in Peaceful Harbor for only a few weeks, and I was afraid to tell you about my past.” She turned away, crossing her arms over her chest, as emotions swamped her. “I was afraid of my past.”

  “Crystal,” Gemma said gently. “I don’t understand.” She came to her side, as empathetic as ever, which made it that much harder for Crystal to tell her the truth.

  “What happened that you were afraid to tell me?” Gemma asked.

  “Not you specifically. Anyone.” She wrung her hands together, trying to fight her mounting panic. This anxiety had nothing to do with what she had to reveal and everything to do with how hurt Gemma would be when she realized how much Crystal had kept from her. When she met Gemma’s gaze, tears filled her eyes.

  “I’m sorry. You’re my best friend in the world, and I never should have lied to you about anything.”

  Gemma reached for her hand. “Crystal, what happened? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry. How can I help?”

  Her compassion only made Crystal cry harder. “I’m not crying because of what happened. Or maybe I am a little. I just hate that I lied to you. You, of all people. You know what it’s like to have a messed-up family, and you loved me even when I was bitchy and you thought I was sleeping around.” She laughed through her tears, because the whole thing was crazy. Who pretended to sleep around?

  The answer stung as much as the lies. The girl who doesn’t want to get close to anyone.

  Gemma’s arms came around her. “Of course I love you. You’re my best friend.”

  “Not ‘of course.’” She pulled back and swiped at her tears. “I’ve never had a friend like you before. And I was so afraid of the bottom dropping out from under me at any second, I screwed up. I lied to you about guys who never even existed. And now I can’t stop crying because I kept the rest of it from you, which is also screwed up, because that’s my right. But it still fucking hurts because you’ve shared everything with me and I should have trusted you with it.” She squared her shoulders, desperately trying to escape the pain swelling inside her.

  “I don’t care about guys who never existed,” Gemma said carefully. “I care about you. What happened?”

  “Stop being so understanding!” She squeezed Gemma’s hand and smiled through her tears. “Just tell me you’re angry with me and get it over with.”

  “Fine, yes. I’m a little hurt. Who wouldn’t be? We’ve been through so much together. But you’re crying, and I know a little about perspective, so whatever you were afraid to tell me, I’m sure it outweighs my stupid hurt feelings. And if it doesn’t? Then I’ll give you a hard time.” Between Gemma’s childhood and Tru’s history, she had enough perspective for a hundred people.

  Crystal’s hands dropped to her sides, nervously opening and closing. “I didn’t leave college because of finances. I was raped, and I couldn’t take being on campus.” Her voice cracked, and she gulped in a ragged breath. “I tried, but two days after it happened, I gave up and came here.”

  Tears slid down Gemma’s cheeks as she reached for Crystal again, hugging her so tight it was even harder for her to breathe.

  “Crys,” she said compassionately, holding her while they both cried. “I’m so sorry that happened to you and that you felt you had to hold it in all this time.”

  Crystal’s mind spun. She was too overwhelmed to respond, wishing everything could have been different and knowing that all the wishing in the world couldn’t change the past—or the future. Only she had the power to change her future, just as she’d done when she’d left the trailer park and when she’d come to Peaceful Harbor.

  And when I let Bear into my life.

  She drew back, feeling a little more confident. “I’ve wanted to talk to you about Bear for so long, but it’s all been so confusing. You need to know the rest of the story.” They sat at the table, and Crystal told her about how she’d reinvented herself time and time again. She told her about changing her hair and name, putting herself through years of therapy, and finally, she told her the truth about Bear.

  “He was the reason I went back to my therapist. I was falling for him for so long, and I wanted him, Gem. I wanted him like I’ve never wanted a man in my life. When we finally kissed, I was so afraid I was going to fall apart, that I did. But I wasn’t afraid of him, and I wasn’t afraid of making out or having sex, or any of that. I mean, I was nervous about sex—don’t get me wrong—because it had been years since I’d done that and because of what I’d been through. But I wasn’t afraid. Not with Bear.”

  She paused, thinking about how much she loved him. It was that love that pushed her to explain the rest of the story to Gemma. “David, my therapist, explained that it’s not uncommon in situations such as mine to worry about panicking. I had overcome the trauma and the fear of the rape, but I had built up being close to Bear to such epic proportions that it was no longer the situation itself t
hat caused me to panic. It was the anxiety caused by worrying about it. It’s confusing, and that’s a very shortened and probably inaccurate description, but hopefully you get the idea.”

  “I get it. I really do. You were afraid you’d freak out, and that anxiety is what caused you to. I just wish I could have helped you.”

  “You did help me. Your friendship has been my saving grace. During those weekly sessions with David, when I’d see him at lunch or after work and I’d feel off for a few hours, or days, you were always there to cheer me up. Even when you didn’t know the truth about what had happened.”

  Understanding shone in Gemma’s eyes. “All those bad dates.”

  “Yes,” Crystal said, feeling guilty all over again.

  “Now that I know the truth, I can see it. You were much more standoffish when we first met. I’ve never thought about it, but now it’s so clear. Those bad dates turned into—”

  “Assholes, guys who weren’t good in bed, and then…” She paused, realizing that the most recent way she’d referred to men had showed her progression from victim to being in control. “I became a girl nobody would want to mess with and made up those guys. And then, when those bad dates turned into ‘play toys to entertain me for a night,’ it was all part of moving past what had happened. Obviously, I didn’t want ‘play toys,’ but as I was healing and becoming more self-empowered, I wanted to tell you. I wasn’t ready to lay it all out there, so using those stories was my way of sharing it with you. I did go on a few dates last year, but I never felt anything, not even when we kissed good night. And I thought I’d fooled myself into thinking I was healed. And then I met Bear, and sparks flew from the first time we set eyes on each other.”

  Gemma hugged her again. “Fireworks. Volcanoes. You two have had undeniable chemistry forever.”

  “I know, right? And things are good now. David was right. Telling Bear what I had been through helped tremendously. Not just because he could be more careful with me, but voicing my fears made me less afraid of them. And you know Bear. He’s wonderful, Gemma. There’s no room for fear when I’m with him. He’s careful, and loving, and…if I’m being honest, he’s had a hard time about my not going to the police.”

  “I was wondering about that.” Gemma tucked her hair behind her ear. “He’s so…”

  “Pushy? Assumptive? Handsy? Aggressive?” She smiled, because she’d called him all those things since the day they’d met, when he’d first slung that massive arm over her shoulder and called her sugar.

  “Protective,” Gemma said.

  “He’s much better about it. But when I first told him, he looked like he wanted to throttle every man we passed,” Crystal admitted.

  “Does that change how you feel about your decision?”

  “I did the right thing for me, and I can’t change that. I feel bad that it’s hard for him, but we’re both on the same page now.” Crystal looked at the office door, behind which her kitty was either sleeping or playing with her toys. She still couldn’t stand to leave her alone during the day.

  “Is that why he gave you Harley?”

  She nodded. “The night I told him about what happened, I wanted to be alone afterward, and that killed him.”

  “I bet he wanted to stand guard over you.”

  Crystal laughed. “Hasn’t he always? Even before he knew? He showed up the next morning with Harley and said he couldn’t stand the idea of me being alone.”

  “He’s so in love with you.” Gemma smiled. “Tru said he has been for a long time.”

  She felt herself smiling. “I know. I think on some level, I’ve always known.”

  “How can I help you?”

  “You already have. You don’t hate me.”

  “I could never hate you.” Gemma touched the ends of Crystal’s hair. “Will you keep your dark hair?”

  “I don’t know. Right now I just want to enjoy not living behind a wall of secrets. I wondered if I’d change all over again, but I like who I am. Aside from lying to you, of course. That part of me sucked.”

  “No, it didn’t. That part of you needed to protect yourself.” Gemma pushed to her feet and pulled Crystal up to hug her. “Are you really okay?”

  “Yes, and if you ask me that too many times, the bitchy Crystal will come out. I was a victim of rape, but that incident does not define me, and none of it—not losing my dad, or my alcoholic mother, or the rape—ruined me. I went through three years of therapy, Gem, about my dad, my mom, Jed, what happened at school. I didn’t sweep it under the rug. I just didn’t talk about it with anyone other than David. The only thing that I have been having a hard time with was not telling you, and I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” Gemma said. “And I won’t keep asking. Do you think Harley will be okay for a little while? I think you deserve to indulge in a multiflavored sundae.”

  Normalcy. That’s exactly what Crystal needed, and she was beyond thankful that Gemma somehow knew that. “I’m in.”

  As they walked toward the front of the store, Gemma suddenly tugged Crystal against her. Hard. “I’m sorry. I’m just so fucking sorry. I hate that you went through something so horrible, and I hate that you lost your dad, and your mother was a jerk about what happened. And I hate that you thought you had to keep it to yourself. I just…hate right now. I’m trying not to cry, but…”

  Tears poured from Crystal’s eyes. “I know. Trust me, Gem. I know.”

  “I love you.”

  Crystal tried to speak through her tears, but it came out garbled. “I…love you…too.”

  “Sorry,” Gemma said sheepishly, wiping her eyes. “I just had to get that out. I’m okay now, and I promise, no more tears.”

  Crystal wiped a streak of eyeliner from beneath Gemma’s eye. “Penny’s going to think we’ve both lost our minds. I know you can’t keep this from Tru.”

  “I…” She bit her lower lip.

  “It’s okay. He loves me, too. I know that.” They walked up front to get their bags. “Just tell him not to push me about not going to the police when it happened, and for the love of God, please tell him not to go all alpha crazy and try to get Bear to take revenge. That poor man is stuck between a rock and a hard place.” She squeezed Gemma’s hand. “Lucky for him, I like to rock his hard place.”

  Gemma’s jaw dropped. “How can you tease about that after everything you’ve been through?”

  “How can I not? I love my man.” She grabbed her bag and put her arm around Gemma’s shoulder. “Have I told you that I’m addicted to orgasms with Bear?”

  Gemma covered her ears. “Don’t tell me details.” She dropped her hands. “Wait. Is his junk inked?”

  Crystal laughed as she pushed open the door. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  “Ew. No.” Gemma locked the door behind them. “That would hurt so bad. Why would any man do that?”

  “Why do guys do anything?”

  They looked at each other and said, “Because they can.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  BEAR SAT ACROSS from Jace Stone and Maddox Silver Thursday evening in Mr. B’s, a microbrewery located down by the marina, far enough away from Whiskey Bro’s that he didn’t have to worry about his father stumbling upon them. Bullet must be wearing off on him. Even having a discussion about working with them felt disrespectful to his father. All his father wanted was to make Whiskey Bro’s even more successful so he could leave his kids a valuable family legacy. And here Bear sat, possibly putting a wrench into his plans.

  Where’s the line between family loyalty and self-fulfillment?

  Jace leaned heavily muscled, tatted-up forearms on the table, his dark eyes as serious as those of his silver-haired, thickly bearded business partner, Maddox Silver. While Jace rivaled Bullet in size and age, Maddox was just over six feet, and Bear guessed him to be around fifty. A hard fifty, with a strikingly handsome, weathered face and eyes that looked like they’d seen a world of pain.

  “You were pretty clear about not wanting to gi
ve up working at the auto shop, and we respect that,” Jace said. “The offer for a limited schedule stands, but we’re running out of time. We need to get a handle on the level of commitment you’re willing to make. Of course, there will be non-competes and such, given your profession.”

  “I understand. I’m working on figuring out what type of schedule I can commit to. I’m sorry it’s taking me a bit longer than I had anticipated, but some things have come up with my family that I need to work through before I can make a firm commitment.” As much as he enjoyed the time he got with his family at the bar, the hours sucked. Giving up those shifts was a no-brainer. He was slated to work until closing again tonight, which meant another night he’d be sleeping apart from Crystal. Giving up the hours from the shop, on the other hand, took more thought. He was still wrestling with that part.

  “What we’re offering,” Maddox said in a voice as thick and slick as crude oil, “is a chance for you to make a name for yourself in the industry. You have a knack for concept designs that are a bit eclectic and graceful, while maintaining power—not at all what the public is used to seeing. We believe we can manufacture and market your designs in such a way that they become highly sought after. We’ll limit production and use only the best materials, but success can only come with dedication. Even if you decide to commit to, say, sixty hours a month, there will be added travel time on top of that to consider, to meet with our engineers and attend design meetings. Some of that will be factored in, but there are always last-minute meetings that come up.”

  “I expected as much,” Bear said. “Have you firmed up your timeline for opening this location?”

  The two men exchanged a serious glance.

  “We’ve decided to hold off on purchasing the building here in Peaceful Harbor. For now,” Jace explained. “But we want to move forward with this collaboration. You’ve got a lot to offer, and conceptualizing can be done primarily off site. But we need a commitment. We’ve got a slot to fill, and we’d like to fill it with you. We’ll need a decision within the next two weeks.”