Kiss Me, Kill Me

by Mullins, Louise

  ‘Yeah, all set up for tomorrow.’

  By the time I’ve put the phone down I’m too agitated to fuck but the need to press myself against Johnno, to feel his skin on mine, is overwhelming. The urgent sexual desire a reminder that I’m still alive.

  Afterwards, too restless to sleep, I wait until Johnno begins to snore, prise his arms off my waist, and climb out of bed. I dress, leave the bedroom, creep downstairs, and enter the kitchen. I sit at the pinewood table decorated with scorch marks and dents Jaxon has made by cutlery we probably no longer own. I boil the kettle, pour coffee, but I’m buzzing enough without it. I flip open my Kindle but can’t get into the story of a lovelorn couple and their sexual escapades that border on criminal.

  I send Johnno a text message, knowing that before he gets out of bed, he’ll check the notifications on his phone, won’t panic to find my side of the king-size empty. Then I grab my keys and leave the house.

  I drive the four miles to Carleon, park on the street and walk down to the bridge. I rub my arms to keep warm while I navigate myself through the sludgy bracken and nettle infested gorse using the Ordnance Survey Map I revised.

  I stand just beyond the hollowed space where Kirsty had been left discarded like rubbish inside a suitcase at the edge of the railway line.

  In this secluded spot in the dark of night I let the tears fall, feel my body convulse, and thank the universe my child is still breathing.

  I may not have conceived Jaxon, his behaviour might be challenging most of the time, some days are tougher than others, but he has two mums: the one who birthed him and the one who stepped into his life to prove herself worth his love. I am blessed where others are not so fortunate.

  Although Bethan’s allegations cannot be proven, they also cannot be disputed; according to Bethan, Kirsty’s motherly instinct to run from her abusive husband to protect her children is what led to her ultimate demise. And if her death serves only to remind me of what I have and inspires me to ensure I don’t become complacent no other person has had such a profound effect on humbling me.

  I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket, place my hand on the bark of a nearby tree, its branches lit only by the dim orange glow of a streetlight overhead, and whisper goodbye.

  Author’s Note

  The idea for this novel, as with most of my crime fiction, stems from everything I learned while working within the sphere of forensic mental health.

  Murder is not always violent, but it is classified as the most serious of crimes. The motive often relies on one or more of the following: status (power and control), financial gain, passion (sex, love, jealousy), or revenge.

  Bethan’s motive is likely a mixture of the first three. She wants to live a life of luxury and in order to achieve that is willing to marry someone rich. She chooses men who are older because they are statistically more likely to suffer health problems and die sooner than their younger counterparts. Her attraction is also in part a result of her upbringing. Her father’s perceived abandonment of her means she is continually searching for a father figure, a man to take care of her. Although Brandon was much closer to her own age, it’s possible that his death paved the way for Bethan to choose partnerships with older men because she associated true love with him, and she feared being hurt again. With her experiences of grief, beginning with the death of her friend Maddison, it’s possible she views life as temporary and disposable.

  While her intimate relationships are all short-term, possibly because she’s witnessed her mother Sam’s constant struggle to maintain one, she is bisexual, and does appear to be prepared to commit to Kim. And this might also be perceived as a reaction to her mother’s continued swing between over-protective or uncaring behaviour.

  Bethan’s relationship with her grandmother appears to be her only consistent and stable one, yet Elin struggles with her own demons: schizophrenia, characterised by auditory and visual hallucinations, and delusions. This disorder predisposes close family members to anxiety and depression.

  Together these genetic and environmental factors create the perfect balance of damaged identity, warped desires and a lack of emotional support that might motivate someone considering murder to commit the act.

  Acknowledgements

  I’d like to say a huge thank you, firstly, to my long-suffering husband Michael, whose encouragement and advice are unconditional.

  My three kids, for driving me insane enough to want to live in my own alternate universe for the duration it takes me to write each book.

  Ieuan Lewis, for his friendship, patience, advice, but most importantly his mechanical expertise. Any mistakes concerning this aspect of the plot are entirely my own.

  Kerry Watts, for always spurring me on when this writing lark feels like I’m treading through quicksand in a storm and cheering for me when I hit the mudbank looking like I have.

  Sarah Voisey, for your friendship, laughs, and tea.

  Rhea Kurien, Dushi Horti, Claire Rushbrook, Holly Domney, and the rest of team Aria, for giving my writing the opportunity to shine.

  Daimler, despite your heavy workload and two hundred plus assembly stations you were able to find an English speaker to explain the production process of German engineering, including the manufacturing of galvanised panels, and the fascinating use of emu feathers for precision paintwork, so thank you.

  A special mention must go to the men and women who work for or with the United Kingdom Police Service, putting their lives on the line each day to protect the public in their fight against crime.

  I received invaluable advice from several professionals whose areas of expertise included: forensic anthropology, pathology, forensic science, and odontology to ensure the procedural aspects of this title were written as realistically as possible. I would not have been able to do this without the selfless detectives working for Blaenau Gwent Police.

  Although Detective Inspector Locke and her colleague Detective Sergeant Jones are fictional characters, I hope I have given the real Major Investigation Teams working for the Serious Crimes Department of the Central Intelligence Unit justice.

  For the support they offer hybrid authors like myself, I must thank the entire blogging community who review and promote our titles. I am extremely grateful. I couldn’t do it without you.

  I must thank my early beta readers for their objective honest literary criticism which continues to inspire my writing.

  And, lastly, I offer a huge thank you to my readers all over the world who have purchased my titles and for believing in me. Reviews are important to us, it helps other readers to find our work, so once you’ve turned the final page of this book please share your thoughts and recommend this title to a friend.

  Please help other readers to find my work by leaving a review on Amazon.co.uk/Amazon.com and Goodreads.

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  About the Author

  LOUISE MULLINS is a critically acclaimed, international bestselling author of psychological crime and procedural thrillers. She writes full-time using the experience she gained in a prior life working in the field of forensic mental health and psychological therapy, working with offenders and survivors of serious crimes.

  To keep up to date with her latest releases
, visit her website as louisemullinsauthor.com. You can also find her on Twitter @MullinsAuthor, Instagram @mullinsauthor, or Facebook at facebook.com/LouiseMullinsAuthor.

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