Sweetness, he said

by Starr, Jude

  After a much needed nap, I woke up to an empty stomach growling for food.

  There wasn't anything left to eat in the kitchen. Most of the residents had been surviving on take-outs for the entire final week. The only way I would find something to eat was by going out to the small market down the street or by ordering a pizza.

  Four days before Christmas, the weather was colder than cold. I most definitely had to buy myself some warm winter clothes. I took my skateboard with me, as there was no snow on the street and sidewalk. I rode until I got to the gym; I had decided I needed to know how long it would take me to get there. It was a ten to fifteen minutes’ walk. Once I got there, I looked inside the lounge out of curiosity and saw Calvin sitting there with a woman at his side. She patted his knee and they appeared to laugh about something he’d said, leaning in close to each other. The way she looked at him meant everything, I could see that her cards were being laid out on the table. Impossible for him not to notice. I could see the garter coming out of her short dress. I grabbed my board in my hand and just stared. Broken hearted, both sadness and anger fought within me. I wanted to scream and cry. I had been hurt by a man again. How could I have been so naïve? Calvin Banks wasn’t going to change for you, Iris. He was used to the big life. He was another player. After what I had done to Zach, Karma paid back soon enough. I deserved it.

  She was tall and skinny, with long black hair, the complete opposite of me. I wasn’t certain how long I’d stood and watched them, but Calvin glanced up and he saw me standing there. My first gut reaction was to get out of there before he could get to me. I let my board drop to the ground and I left the scene before he had the opportunity to come outside.

  I could hear him, yelling at me to stop and the sound echoed along each building. I ignored him, and I heard him swear as I turned into the next street. Not very smart, because he knew where I lived and tomorrow I had to meet with this Danielle at his gym. I’d given up my job at the restaurant – I didn’t have a choice. I hated that I had behaved like a child and run away, but I didn’t know what else to do. Seeing him with that woman, they had looked as if they were so much more than friends and she’d looked at him as if she worshipped the ground he walked on.

  I had been blind enough to believe that he could be mine. I had to stop this craziness before it was too late. My appetite was gone but I knew it would only be a matter of time before I’d be hungry again. I stopped at the first market I saw and grabbed enough food to last for a few days. With my hands full, I had no choice but to grab taxi. At least it allowed me to warm up. A few blocks down the street, the taxi driver dropped me at the residence. I heard Calvin calling my name from down the street, but I didn't turn around to look at him.

  I hated the situation I now found myself in. My whole survival in New York now depended on Calvin. I had every right to be upset. I had lost Zach for him; I had quit my job for him. All in a very short period of time and I must have been crazy to get involved with him. I rushed inside, out of breath, and panicking because I didn’t want him to catch up with me. I couldn’t face a scene, and didn’t want to hear his excuses. The door shut behind me and I heard the reassuring click confirming it had locked. I got into the elevator and leaned back against the wall, calming my breathing. I was safe here, I’d put some much-needed distance between him and myself. After taking off my jacket and boots, I went into the kitchen and dropped the bags of groceries onto the table.

  I sat down and allowed the echo of my sobs to reverberate through the hall. What a freaking day. Zach was gone, Krystal was gone and Calvin was here, but I didn’t want to see him. I needed some alone time before tomorrow. I knew I would have to face him again and I hoped that I at least still had the job. I had never been this lost and confused because of men. The guilt I felt toward Zach still haunted me but I chose to give him some time before considering contacting him. I had caused him enough disappointment already and my mind and soul were still both debating on the man I truly wanted. The sad truth was that I didn’t think Zach led my heart anymore. Something about Calvin made me need him.

  But what now? What would happen after tonight?

  *o*o*

  Thank God for the wine I had last night or I wouldn't have been able to sleep at all. Thankfully, with the wine’s assistance, I managed a full eight hours. The anxiety of knowing what awaited me was almost unbearable. I didn’t know if Calvin would still want me to work at the gym or if I was going to have to beg my old boss to take me back. Either way, I had to play nice because money was running low and I needed a job. I took a long warm shower. The water rolling down over my hair and onto my face burned a little under my tear-streaked eyes.

  Last night had turned out to be a pity party for me. I cried over every catastrophe in my life, but mostly for Calvin and the fact that I didn't know what to expect the following day. It was only after a couple of hours that I came to the conclusion that I’d screwed up. I’d run off, without allowing Calvin to tell me his side of the story. I’d just assumed the woman was romantically involved with him.

  While the silence in the residence calmed me, it also kind of scared me. I had a habit of always looking behind me, to see if I was being followed. I should probably stop watching horror movies.

  I fixed my hair, got dressed in a pair of black khakis and matched them with a white shirt. Calvin hadn’t mentioned anything about the dress code and I didn’t have enough guts to call him and ask. I had done some thinking, coming to the conclusion that he had every right to not want anything to do with me because I had acted on impulse and it was immature not to hear him out. She could be his sister, I highly doubted it, but I honestly had no clue. No matter who she was, I shouldn’t have run – I should have stayed and heard him out.

  My only solution was to try and face him. I had to explain the poor attitude I had last night and what came up over me. I still didn’t know what to think about this whole Zach and Calvin situation. My head and my heart were in an endless argument. I crossed my fingers that I hadn’t blown everything. I carefully emphasized my blue eyes with a thin line of eyeliner and a swipe with my magical mascara made my eyelashes look full. I took one last look in the mirror before I had to leave. I looked professional but a little on the tired side. The natural sparks in my eyes hid behind my mixed up emotions. I just wanted to go there and get over it.

  I grabbed my jacket and slipped my feet into my worn out boots. There was a white carpet of snow outside. Since I had moved to New York, I’d hoped for a white Christmas. I’d never lived in a place where it snowed during winter, I was used to year round nice weather.

  The white carpet managed to bring a smile to my face. I walked down the sidewalk, leaving a trail of footsteps behind. This was great. A big, bright happy smile appeared on my lips, at least, until I got to the gym. Then, the nerves kicked back in and my hands grew damp and shaky.

  Energized music played inside the gym and a soft fresh laundry-like scent floated in the air. That alone made it seem like a nice gym. I looked around and noticed all the machines which were available. I had never trained in a gym before, so I knew close to nothing.

  “Iris.” A woman's voice startled me and I turned around, curious to see who it was.

  I think my jaw hit the floor when I saw who had spoken to me. It was the girl from the bar last night, the same one who’d had her hand on Calvin’s knee. Her sleek hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her abs were on show for everyone to see. The sports bra she wore seemed to be a little too tight for the size of her breasts and her shorts seemed more like underwear than sportswear.

  “Hi.” I tried to keep a warm smile on my face and reminded myself that I didn't know her and shouldn't judge.

  “Calvin asked me to show you around. You'll be helping me at reception. I’m Danielle.”

  I nodded in agreement, relieved that so far, I seemed to still have a job. “Yes, that's right. I’m Iris Hartwell as you already know.”

  “Here, you can change if you want or pu
t it on over your own shirt. It’s the gym's employee t-shirt.”

  “Thanks, I think I'll take off my own shirt and just wear this one.”

  She showed me to the employee bathroom where I changed into the form-fitting black top. My name was printed on the back as well as on the left side of my chest. Banks Health and fitness' logo appeared underneath my name. It fitted well and I blushed at the knowledge that my curves were being exposed.

  When I came back out of the bathroom, we did a tour through the entire gym. She showed me the free weights area, the cardio machines, the aerobics class rooms and a lot of other areas whose names I struggled to recall. “There's your boss.” Danielle pointed towards where Calvin was training with a personal trainer. “This is where he comes to blow off steam. Whenever he’s having a hard time, he comes in here to calm down.”

  His hair was loose and drenched in sweat. I barely recognized him. The well-dressed man I had known in the past few days had transformed into an athlete. He looked really professional as he kicked and threw punches. I saw few hints of how buff he was in his sleeveless top. Damn he was hot. I was melting, just watching him. But I had to keep my composure. We were at work and I needed to behave. I wished Danielle would have let me watch him longer because for a short moment I felt like I was standing in a Nicholas Sparks’ novel where the girl was falling in love with the male lead.

  “Calvin's cute and all, but stay away if you don't want to get your heart broken. He's way too busy with his work and the competition to get into his pants is relentless. Trust me.” Danielle said.

  I didn't know what to say to Danielle. Listening to her speak, I didn’t think he’d mentioned me to her last night. “Thanks, I'm taking notes.”

  Danielle also showed me where the laundry room was located, which was part of my duties and something I would need to do on a regular basis as the gym required clean towels at all times.

  Although I was still questioning myself about her, she seemed kind of nice. I envied her toned body, but I doubted that I would ever manage the same type of physique because I’m not a gym lover.

  “By working here, you receive a free membership and you get half price on massages, and appointments with a dietitian.”

  “Okay, I'll take it as I must have a few pounds to shed.” I thought out loud.

  “Oh! No. No. That’s not what I meant. I was only trying to let you know we get a good deal on the various services offered here.” Danielle sighed. “It’s a good job and a fun place to work. You'll like it here.”

  “Yeah, no doubt.” I answered casually, as we walked by Calvin.

  My eyes burnt into his back, and he must've felt it, because he stopped mid-punch and turned in my direction. He stared at me for a long moment, and then a tiny smiled played against his lips and I smiled back in relief. For that short moment, I believed everything might be okay, and he wasn’t about to fire me for the ridiculous way I’d acted last night. For that short moment, I believed we were all good.

  I followed Danielle back to the reception desk. Further instructions followed on my role at reception, how to greet the clients, how to answer the phones. A few clients arrived and they all seemed nice and were all in great shape. Danielle showed me the catalog of uniform items I could choose from for working here. There were many to choose from, but I decided to keep my belly hidden unlike the other people in the gym, I didn’t have amazing abs to display.

  “Hey, sweetness.” I heard Calvin's voice from a few inches behind me. Sweetness? It was an endearment he’d used when we were having sex, and I was surprised he would use it here at the gym.

  “Hey, Cal.” Danielle answered. I turned around and he smiled at me, his eyes locking on mine. “Hey Iris.” His voice has changed to a different tone, somehow it sounded smoother or maybe I over analyzing. I must have turned three shade of red.

  “Hey.” I dared to say, under Danielle's curious gaze.

  His arms, covered in sweat, pulled me closer and he kissed my forehead. I felt like I had just betrayed my new co-worker. My heart was beating fast, both with excitement and shame. “I'll show her around and get her to sign all the necessary papers. Thanks, Danielle.”

  He pulled on my hand as he headed to the employee room, and he locked the door as soon as we were inside. Panic rose in my chest, I honestly thought he was about to sack me. Or maybe not as he’d kissed me just a few minutes ago. This was all so confusing.

  “We need to talk.” His voice was firm and cool. I knew I had to apologize for what I had done.

  “I'm sorry about everything. When I saw you with Danielle at the bar and how close you guys were sitting together, I freaked out because of my past. I behaved immaturely and I should have let you explain and not run off. I'm sorry.” I paused, taking a deep breath. “If you don't want me working here, I'll leave.” I sucked in another deep breath as soon as I was finished because I was certain I was about to faint. All of the stress of being here with him was killing me. I thought I was fine when I saw him training earlier, but everything came rushing back as soon as we got in here.

  “You drove me fucking crazy. I had a shitty night, I didn’t sleep much. I care, okay? And I didn’t want you to think that I was with her. Danielle and I, we’ve been through hell and back together. I’ve known her since I was in preschool. Yes, we dated for some time, but it didn’t feel right. She’s like family to me. So I understand why you didn’t like seeing me with her, but I wish you would have let me talk to you about it. I really tried to explain, but you ran away, twice.” He looked pissed and I hated myself for making him feel this way.

  “I’m really sorry. I understand if you want nothing more to do with me.” I felt as if I needed to give him the out, if he wanted to take it.

  He shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t you understand what I’m telling you?” He sighed. “You pushed me away, you ignored me, but when I saw you again, it didn’t matter. I don’t know what it is about you, but I can’t seem to get enough of you, Iris.”

  Was I dreaming? Calvin really liked me? He was interested in me. I had done nothing to get his attention. This had to be some sort of destiny, I thought.

  He’d opened up to me, told me how he felt about everything.

  “I don't think I'll ever understand why or what made you pick me. I'm simple, average. I have curves – too many of them. I’m not… I… You could have someone beautiful, like Danielle.”

  “Don't say that. I know I could have any one I wanted, Iris. I did that for a while, but it became meaningless and boring. When I first saw you, I knew right then that I had to talk to you. You’re beautiful, Iris. Everything about you pleases me.” He chuckled. “It only took longer than I thought, but then, I felt bad for you that day. I wanted to kick that man's ass.”

  “Yeah, he was an ass. I'm glad I won't have to deal with that again.”

  I closed the distance between us and cupped his face between my hands. “Kiss me.”

  I could tell he was being careful not to touch me but I didn't care about the sweat. I leaned against him as our tongues danced together. One of my hands gripped on to his hair, while the other one ventured under his wet top to his marvellous abs. Calvin deepened the kiss and lift me into his arms, which I was rapidly deciding was one of his favorite moves. He held me prisoner, his grip on my behind was strong and ferocious. His scent was different, his cologne mixed with the sweat from his hard work. All the fears I’d been suffering were gone, he was still very much mine.

  Chapter 6

  His muscles rippled beneath my touch, and his response to me only motivated me further. I tried pulling his top over his head, but being wrapped up in one another didn't help.

  “Iris. We have to stop or at least try,” he breathed.

  “Wh... Why?”

  “You deserve more than this. I have to stop doing this to you. Tonight, I'm taking you out for dinner and then you're staying over at my place afterward.” It wasn’t a request. Calvin made it sound like a statement of fact.
/>   “I can't. I'm working.”

  “Until four. Then you are going home to get ready.” He let me down onto my feet but not without one last kiss. “You have to sign some paperwork.”

  “Sure,” I said, completely unstable on my feet. The rush of excitement, the taste of his tongue against mine, everything had left me lightheaded.

  He appeared to be about to say something, but it seemed as if he was embarrassed to ask. “I feel like a complete idiot, because I know nothing about you.” He kept his gaze fixed on the paperwork in his hand. “When I told human resources that I’d hired you, I couldn't even tell them your last name. I’ve never felt so ignorant in all of my life. I should have asked you, way before now.”

  “Hartwell. Iris Hartwell.”

  He smiled. “It sounds like a rock star’s name.” We both chuckled.

  Together, we filled out the paperwork and enjoyed being in one another’s company. He found out a little more about me, such as my birthday, my social security number and a few more personal titbits of information.

  “I like your hair like that.” I tucked a strand behind his ear. “You look like a surfer boy,” I teased him.

  “That's crap. I'm a man, and definitely not a surfer.” He pouted, giving me the cutest face ever.

  “I think you're hot,” I chuckled as I touched his strongly muscled bicep.

  “Better.” He took my hand in his. “You’re gorgeous, everything I want in a woman.” We locked gazes, and I knew we were both tempted to start over, tempted to leave this place and go somewhere private. At that precise moment I didn’t know if I was going to be able to stop myself from going ahead. This man’s eyes could drive me straight into uncontrollable passion and I was already half way there.

  Calvin shook his head. “Iris. We have to wait until later, after we’ve been on a date.”

  I closed my eyes, and tried to let the building tension subside.

  Calvin glanced down at me his expression growing serious. “What did you mean about your past, Iris?”