The Honorable Choice (Victorian Love Book 2)

by M. A. Nichols

  Lucas stepped back, giving her a lingering perusal. “But you were entertaining.”

  And with that final blow, he turned and strode away. Clutching herself, Ruby stared off into the distance, her eyes not focusing on the world around her as she dropped onto the bench.

  Chapter 27

  Weariness seeped into Conrad’s bones. Trudging along the road, he sorted through the myriad of details that needed attending. Though the winter flurries filled the town with a festive aura, it was not a good turn of events for the masters who needed to rebuild, for now they had to clear the snow as well as the rubble.

  But one way or another, things would be set right again.

  Conrad didn’t know if that thought came in response to the mill or his brother. Both were equally vexing at present. Giving a heavy sigh, Conrad sent out a billowing puff of vapor that twisted through the winter air as the snow beneath his feet squeaked and groaned with each step.

  There was no easy solution for Lucas Ashbrook, and each hour Conrad was forced to spend in his company only made matters worse. Usually, it was easy to make himself scarce when Lucas was sniffing about, but there was no avoiding him while they were both staying at Oak Hall. And as much as Conrad preferred scrounging up a meal at an inn or pub, he longed to see Ruby and would not abandon her to face a family dinner alone.

  Oak Hall came into view, and Conrad’s footsteps quickened. The last he’d heard, Lucas was drinking the pubs dry, and they might have an evening free of him.

  Entering the front door, Conrad cast off his jacket, gloves, and hat and took the stairs two at a time. But when he entered their bedchamber, the room was dark with the curtains pulled closed. Conrad’s foot caught the edge of the rug, and he stumbled before moving to the window. Afternoon light poured into the bedchamber as he tugged back the heavy fabric, and when Conrad turned, he found Ruby curled up on the bed. She did not flinch at the light or give any sign she noticed his intrusion; she merely gazed sightlessly at the wall opposite.

  “Ruby?” Conrad came to her side, but she did not reply.

  Her face was blank and emotionless, and the spark in her eyes was gone, leaving that lifeless version of herself to meet his gaze.

  “What is the matter?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” she said, though the denial would have been more convincing if her tone held even a hint of life.

  There were moments when Ruby displayed such strength. At times when her world was ripping at the seams, she straightened her spine and met it with a fortitude that awed Conrad. But then, there were moments like this. Moments that broke Conrad’s heart. For this Ruby wrapped her arms around herself, retreating inwards.

  “Please speak to me, Ruby,” he murmured, crouching beside her and brushing aside a strand of hair that had fallen across her cheek.

  “It has been a trying day, that is all.”

  Conrad shot to his feet, his muscles tensing. “Lucas has been causing trouble for you, hasn’t he?”

  There was no need to ask the question, for Conrad knew the answer. He’d done his best to keep his brother occupied, but his responsibilities at the mill had forced him from Ruby’s side, leaving her vulnerable. The bellows in his chest stoked the smoldering embers, burning through him at the sight of her so listless and broken.

  Conrad stalked to the door. There was no telling where the blackguard had hidden himself, but he would search every pub if need be. One way or another, he would make certain Lucas never tormented Ruby again. Conrad’s hands vibrated with the need to enforce that message, but his wife’s tremulous voice called after him as he touched the door handle.

  “Please, don’t leave me.”

  His hand lingered at the door, and though his fury prodded him to act, there wasn’t a man alive who could resist such a tender plea. It slipped through the flames, cooling them enough for him to release his hold on the door. Dragging a chair to her side, Conrad sat; Ruby did not meet his gaze, but neither did she turn away, so Conrad took one of her hands and pressed a kiss to the back before enfolding it in his.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “It was nothing.”

  Conrad dropped his head and sighed. “Please do not lie to me, Ruby. If nothing else, I wish there to be honesty between us.”

  Ruby met his eyes once more, wide and pleading as a sheen began to gather. Her hand trembled in his, and that tremble spread through her.

  “I do not wish to make more trouble,” she whispered.

  “More?” he murmured as he stilled. Conrad’s brow furrowed as he tried to comprehend her meaning. “You have not caused a shred of trouble, Ruby.”

  But even as he spoke, Conrad’s mind landed on the truth. He didn’t know why he hadn’t expected Lucas to lay the blame on Ruby, as that was his brother’s favorite pastime. For his part, Conrad had long ago learned to ignore Lucas’s accusations, but his dear Ruby was too tender to fend them off.

  “Lucas is a liar and always fobs his guilt off on others, Ruby. Do not countenance his words.”

  She shook her head and turned into her pillow. “It is of no consequence what happened.”

  “It is of consequence, and I do not want you to say otherwise,” he said, putting some force behind his words. “You needn’t hide your heart and pretend all is well.”

  “There is no need to stir up more trouble.”

  “Yes, there is,” said Conrad, tugging on her hand until she met his gaze. “Your voice is too often silenced, Ruby, and you deserve to speak out. If anyone has been harmed by Lucas’s behavior, it is you, and remaining mum is only causing you more pain.”

  The more he spoke, the more he felt the truth of the words. Knowing what little he did about her family, Conrad suspected Ruby had never been allowed to speak of what had happened. And though she was speaking more freely in their marriage, he could not recall a time when she had truly expressed the pain Lucas had caused—and Conrad knew it was no small amount. He’d heard the tears she’d silently shed those first weeks of their marriage.

  But even as he watched her with pleading eyes, Ruby remained mute, and Conrad decided some prodding mightn’t go amiss.

  “I am so angry with Lucas,” he began, though anger was too little a descriptor for the emotions burning through him. “My whole life, I’ve watched him swan about, using my parents and my siblings to get what he wants, and then my parents forgive everything the minute he shows the tiniest shred of human decency.”

  Sucking in air through his nose, Conrad felt burning embers flickering to life in his chest. “Lucas feigns remorse, and they trip over themselves in their hurry to get him whatever he desires while ignoring the rest of us who are shouting at them to see the truth. My parents say they love all their children equally, but I have watched them time and time again favor Lucas at the expense of the rest of us. Forgiving him when he has repeatedly hurt and used us.”

  Conrad squeezed his eyes shut, his jaw tightening until it ached as he took another breath that only stoked the flames. “I am the one who has toiled to keep the mill running, yet he is to inherit, and not because my father thinks Lucas will succeed at it, but out of some ludicrous belief that it will spur him to accept responsibility for something. All our work will be destroyed in an instant, and the livelihoods of our workers gone, all for the sake of luring the prodigal son to change. But Lucas does not wish to!”

  Sometime in his speech, his hand had tightened around Ruby’s, but when he eased his hold, she clung tighter to it, her brows pulled tight together.

  “And then you appeared in my life, bringing me such happiness,” he said, his breath trembling. “I love you and our child, but even now, Lucas stands between us. For the rest of my life, he will make snide comments about ‘his’ child and your history together, and I worry you will never be able to see me without his specter haunting us. And I hate him for that.”

  *

  Though she hadn’t moved, Ruby’s heartbeat picked up as though she were sprinting. Conrad’s words burned her
heart, and she struggled to know what to say about such a confession. This dear man had given her so much, and again, she had hurt him.

  “Conrad, I did not mean—”

  But he hushed her and shook his head. “Ruby, this is not about me or my feelings. You have never been allowed to be angry or grieve openly. You have kept all this pain inside, and it isn’t right.” Getting to his feet, Conrad prodded her upright and sat beside her on the edge of the bed. “You have earned the right to speak your mind, Ruby.”

  She shook her head. “What if someone were to hear?”

  “Then they would hear the truth, and that is not something to be ashamed of,” said Conrad.

  “But your parents…” The words drifted off as Ruby’s memory played through all that had happened. Her heartbeat slowed with each memory, and numbness wrapped around her as she came to the saddening truth. “They care more about him than us.”

  Ruby’s hand flew to her mouth, and her breath quickened, coming in and out in short bursts as a flare of temper took her to her feet. Conrad remained on the bed, watching her as she paced back and forth, one hand propped on her hip and the other covering her lips, as though that would hold back the surge pushing her to speak.

  “She said she wanted me to be her daughter.” Ruby’s heart shuddered as she gave voice to those thoughts, but once begun, she could no longer hold them back. “She said she would love me as one of her own, but then he shows up and she expects me to smile and pretend that all is well. She knows what he did to me. She knows how much it hurt me. Yet now, she defends him and insists on my forgiveness as though this was naught but a petty squabble.”

  “Go on,” prompted Conrad when she paused. “I know there’s more in there you want to say.”

  Stopping in her tracks, Ruby turned burning, tear-filled eyes on Conrad, and she could not say whether it was anger or heartache that drove her, for both were present in equal measure. “How can your parents say they love me when they want to brush me aside?”

  Ruby dropped her hands to her sides, clenching her fists as she continued to march. “But no, I suppose I should just be happy with what I have, as Lucas did me a favor. A wager was the only way a desperate, lonely spinster like me would end up as a wife and mother.”

  Conrad got to his feet and crossed his arms. “Did Lucas say that to you?”

  Energy thrummed through her, tightening her muscles until she shook. Ruby’s eyes filled with tears, blurring his face, but she saw the angry pull of his expression and hard clench of his jaw, and she nodded. Reaching over to the armoire, Conrad snatched a Staffordshire figurine of a shepherdess, put it in her hand, and nodded towards the wall. Not giving herself time to rethink the action, Ruby hurled it, her muscles heaving it with far more strength than was required but every bit of what she needed. And for the first time in her life, Ruby shouted. She bellowed a wordless shriek of rage filled with all the helplessness and misery she’d felt towards her parents, the Ashbrooks, and Lucas all in one.

  The porcelain struck the wood, the figurine shattered, and Ruby’s anger evaporated with it. Covering her face, she sobbed, her legs giving out beneath her, though Conrad’s arms were there around her before she fell to the floor. Tears ran down her cheeks, wetting Conrad’s shirt and waistcoat. He held her silently, not hushing her or murmuring useless comforts. He simply stood there, holding her together as she fell apart.

  “How can you ever love a doxy like me?” she asked between broken, jagged breaths.

  Conrad stiffened, though he did not release his hold on her. If anything, he held her closer, his warmth enveloping her. “You are not a doxy.”

  Ruby gave a coughing chuckle. “Yes, of course, because a doxy is paid. A trollop, then.”

  His arms fell away, and a chill swept through her. Ruby’s head dropped, her shoulders slumping as she turned from him, but then Conrad was standing before her, taking her chin in his hand so that she had no choice but to meet his unflinching gaze.

  “You are not a trollop or a doxy or anything the like.” Conrad’s words were clipped, his tone hard as flint, and temper sparked in his eyes. Ruby’s lips trembled and more tears filled her eyes as he took her in his arms once more and whispered, “You are a good person, Ruby. One of the best I have ever met, and I am honored to have you as my wife.”

  Ruby’s breaths heaved, and once more it was Conrad who held her upright as she clung to him. “You deserve someone better.”

  “There is none better than you.”

  Leaning away, she met his gaze. Her own eyes were watery, but his burned with such certainty and determination; it flowed through her, settling into her heart, warming her through. Here was a man that was better than any of the fantasies she’d created. Ruby had never imagined loving someone so deeply as she did Conrad, for she could not imagine a gentleman more worthy of being loved.

  But even as she reveled in the adoration shining in his eyes, fear whispered its insidious words. Shutting her eyes, Ruby shook her head as though that might dislodge it. Before she allowed herself to think the better of it, she admitted the whole truth to him.

  “And I hate Lucas more for making me so afraid to accept and return your love openly,” she whispered, her lips trembling. “You are such a good man and nothing like him, yet every time I want to embrace what I feel, I grow terrified that you will break my heart as well. And I know I would not recover from that.”

  Conrad’s eyes widened, a slow smile turning up his lips. “You love me?”

  Ruby scowled and huffed at that idiocy. “How could I not?”

  Giving a jerking, halting chuckle, Conrad closed his eyes and touched his forehead to hers. He took a deep breath and then another before leaning back. His gentle hands framed her face, and it felt as though he surrounded her, enveloping her in comfort and love.

  “You have nothing to apologize for, Ruby,” he said. “I know you have every reason to fear, and we have time aplenty to sort through this.”

  His thumb brushed across the apple of her cheek, and Ruby noticed tiny flecks of gold woven through the rich brown of his eyes as Conrad gazed upon her as though she were not some plain woman with an upturned nose and severe features, but the embodiment of beauty.

  “Though I wish you’d been spared such heartache, I am grateful for the circumstances that brought us together. I would never have met you otherwise,” he murmured. “You are a blessing to me, and I cannot imagine my life without you in it, Ruby. I love you more than I thought a man could love a woman.”

  His words echoed through her, and the world shrank around them. There was no mill or family, no gossip or scandal, no past or pain. Simply Ruby and Conrad.

  Though they were already quite close, Ruby moved nearer, and Conrad’s hands fell from her face and wrapped around her waist. Biting down on her lips, she took a breath to calm her racing heartbeat, but there was no slowing that thundering beat. For a brief moment, reason fought through the love fogging her good sense, whispering that she ought not to do such a thing, but Ruby’s heart was in control now, shoving that aside. They had time. They did. But she wanted—no, needed—to show him how much he meant to her.

  Conrad watched her with knowing eyes, but he did not move. They gleamed with desire, and Ruby knew he wanted to kiss her, but still, he waited for her to set the pace.

  Her lips brushed against his, a feather-light touch, and Ruby closed her eyes, pressing them fully to his. By most standards, it was simple and chaste, but that touch held her heart, giving it to him without caveat or condition. Though she felt it stirring within her, passion did not muddle the sentiment or give life to this moment. This was no flirtation or thoughtless ardor. This was love as pure as any ever felt.

  And then it was over, and Ruby’s breath caught in her lungs as she stared at him. Conrad’s own eyes were bright, shining with joy and adoration.

  Ruby opened her mouth to speak, though the words caught in her throat. Squeezing her eyes shut, she forced air in and out and shored up her resolve
. Opening them again, she met his gaze and said with halting words, “I love you.”

  Chapter 28

  Turning the book over in her hands, Mary wandered through the halls in search of her husband. With winter well on its way, she was in the mood for something ghostly and gothic, and she hoped this novel would prove as titillating as the bookseller promised. Her head ached as though a vice were squeezing the left side of it. Reading would not ease the pain, but Mary needed the escape. They’d dress for dinner soon before suffering through another evening of stilted conversation and uncomfortable silences.

  Mary took the stairs and wondered what was needed to heal the breach in her family. Conrad and Lucas had often been at odds, but this animosity of late was turning their skirmishes into an all-out war. Pausing, Mary tapped the novel against the banister. Perhaps she should speak with Ruby, and between the pair, they could bring the brothers together. But even as she thought that Mary knew it was a fruitless plan on many fronts.

  Her heart hung low in her chest as she pondered this breach with her daughter-in-law. Mary’s footsteps moved slower than usual, and the stairs felt as though they were a mountain she could not climb. Surely, she and Ambrose could mend things among their children. They had to. They were a family, and families do not turn on each other. She would not allow it.

  Pushing her steps faster, Mary went to the second floor. She needed a few minutes free from the children, the mill, the town, and all the other heartaches pressing on them. Some time alone with her husband. But as she was about to turn towards the study, a sound from above halted her steps.

  Ruby was crying, and Mary’s own eyes filled with tears at the sounds of her distress.

  Leaning against the handrail, Mary looked up at the door just beyond the third-floor landing as though she could see into Ruby’s bedchamber, but it was shut, and Mary was left to imagine the pain her daughter-in-law was suffering. There was a murmur of voices, and she knew Conrad was with his wife.