Plus 1

by Erica Lee

  When the day of the wedding came, I helped Mr. and Mrs. Hanson put the finishing touches on their house, where Jasmine had decided to have her wedding. There was a large tent covering just a small fraction of their acres of backyard space. Under the tent, the dance floor, dj booth, and tables were set up. The ceremony space was just a few feet away from this.

  When the time got close for the wedding to begin, I took a seat near the back of the rows of chairs. As I stared ahead, I felt someone scoot in beside me and elbow me in the ribs.

  “Hey Cous. Fancy seeing you here,” Valerie remarked, not seeming nearly as surprised as I would have expected her to.

  “Val,” I replied excitedly. “I didn’t think about the fact that you would be here. This is so great.”

  “Yeah, it’s shocking to think that I would be at my cousin in law’s wedding,” she remarked with an eye roll.

  Before I had the chance to reply, the ceremony started. I smiled as each member of Jenny’s family walked down the aisle, the smile growing exponentially when it was Jenny’s turn. The knee length rose gold dress looked stunning on her. It was a flattering dress that looked nice on the whole bridal party, but the way it hugged her curves was better than anyone else. As I stared at her, I felt an elbow come into my side again.

  “So, are you guys going to get married at the old homestead also?” Valerie whispered as she leaned in close.

  I scowled at her. “It’s not like that between us and you know it,” I whispered back.

  She patted my hand. “Whatever you say Rory,” she teased.

  Valerie was the only person I knew who could tease someone relentlessly and still look sweet doing it. It must have been the perfect Christian girl persona spilling out of her. For that reason, I couldn’t even get mad when she squeezed my hand and giggled every time she caught my eyes lingering on Jenny, which happened to occur throughout most of the ceremony.

  I spent the cocktail hour catching up with Valerie and John while Jenny and the rest of the bridal party got pictures taken.

  When it was time for introductions, we found a table that the three of us could sit at together since Jenny was going to be sitting at the bridal party head table. Since I had a feeling Valerie wasn’t going to back off of the teasing during dinner, I went to the bar and had two mixed drinks made, gulping one down before I even got to the table.

  When Valerie caught me with one empty cup and one half empty cup, she lifted an eyebrow at me. “Be careful Jenny,” she warned. “You know what they say about alcohol.”

  “You mean what the Bible says in 1st Timothy, that we shouldn’t just drink water, but instead wine, for our ailments?”

  I smirked cockily, feeling very proud of myself. I always loved when I could come at my cousin with bible verses. Sometimes I felt guilty, wondering if this was the only reason I actually read the Bible, since most of it seemed to be over my head.

  “Good one. And as proud as I am that you are quoting the Bible to me right now, that’s not what I meant. I meant that little saying about alcohol making you more honest. You know… causing you to admit your actual feelings. Feelings you have for a certain maid of honor who happens to look stunning in her dress.”

  I felt my face turning red, but instead of saying anything, I quickly finished the rest of my drink. I held it up toward her. “And on that note, I’m going to get another drink.”

  I went to the bar and ordered two more, not because I particularly wanted any truth to come out, but rather I just wanted to forget about that longing ache and my cousin’s teasing wasn’t helping.

  By the time the introductions, toasts, and dances were through and Jenny finally had a chance to come to our table, I had a pretty decent buzz going.

  I grabbed her hand and pulled her down to my level. “Has anyone told you yet that you look absolutely stunning in that dress?”

  “Someone has actually,” she said apologetically. When my face fell, she added, “But it was my mom so I’m not quite sure if that counts.”

  She looked me up and down in a way that had my heart racing, then shot me her signature half smile. “I must say though, you clean up quite well yourself,” she flirted.

  She caught up with Valerie and John, then apologetically said her goodbyes when the food arrived, promising to talk to us more after dinner.

  Before she left, she placed a hand on my shoulder and winked. “Save a dance for me pretty girl?”

  “I’ll save every dance for you,” I retorted before I could think my words through. I cringed as soon as the words left my mouth.

  Luckily, Jenny just giggled and patted my shoulder. ”You also might want to save some alcohol for the rests of the guests,” she joked before walking away.

  Valerie gave me a smug look and I pushed my unfinished drink out of the way.

  “I think I’ll switch to that water now,” I quipped sarcastically.

  Once the dance floor opened up, I immediately headed out there to dance off my buzz. I grabbed everyone and anyone who was willing to dance with me. Yep, no bad decisions would be made tonight.

  Near the end of the night, someone grabbed me and twirled me around. When I came face to face with the person, I realized it was Jasmine. After spending a few songs seeing who could do the most ridiculous dance moves, the DJ announced it was time for the last song. To my surprise, a slow song began playing. I never understood why people would want to end a fun reception with a slow song, but to each their own. I started to look around the room for Jenny, but Jasmine draped her arms around my shoulders instead.

  “Don’t you want to dance with your husband?” I asked while we swayed to the music.

  “Eh. I have my whole life to dance with him. This gives us a chance to talk.”

  I gulped, wondering what Jasmine wanted to talk to me about.

  After a few agonizing moments, Jasmine finally started to speak again. “I’m really glad you could be part of this. It’s been awesome to finally get to know you. I’ve heard so much about you from my sister over the past few years.”

  “Thank you for having me,” I said, relaxing a bit. “Spending time with your family this week was wonderful. It’s easy to see why family is so important to Jenny. You guys are all so loving and accepting. She’s lucky to have you.”

  “Funny. I was about to tell you how lucky she is to have you. I’ve never seen my sister as happy as she is when you’re around. After she graduated from high school, I always worried how much of her happiness was sincere, but I don’t have to wonder that when you’re around. She sparkles around you.”

  Before I could think of how to respond, I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Mind if I cut in?” Jenny asked.

  “She’s all yours,” her sister said with a wink. Jenny gave her a kiss on the cheek, before grabbing me and pulling me in close to her.

  “I didn’t think I was going to get a dance with you. My own sister got a dance before me. I’m hurt,” she joked.

  “What can I say? You Hanson women can’t get enough of me.”

  Jenny sighed. “It’s true. I’m surprised my mom isn’t over here asking you for a dance.”

  “Oh guess what?” Jenny added excitedly. “One of my dad’s friends was telling me about a small diner in LA called Faye’s. I figured next time you come to visit, we should try it. Have you ever heard of it?”

  “Oh yeah. Todd and I had breakfast at that diner just a few…” I let myself trail off before I could finish my statement.

  “Weird. I didn’t realize you and Todd went out to breakfast. Was that some morning that I was working?” There was nothing accusatory about her voice. Just actual curiosity. I knew I could lie and she would never know. But I didn’t want to lie to Jenny.

  “No, that’s actually not when we went,” I whispered while looking down at the floor. I looked back up at Jenny and added, “Do you think we could talk about this a little later? In private?”

  Jenny looked confused, but not hurt or mad. “You’re being super weird right now.
But yeah, of course we can.” She then leaned in closer to me and whispered, “By the way, no offense to my sister, but if I was ever going to have a wedding it would NOT end with a slow dance. What a buzzkill.”

  I tried my best to laugh, but inside my stomach was tying into knots. I had to find a way to explain to this perfect girl why I was avoiding her without spilling to her just how perfect I really thought she was.

  Chapter 15

  After all of the guests left and we had helped with cleaning up, Jenny and I headed up to her bedroom. We both changed into pajamas and I paced around the room as I waited for her to return from the bathroom.

  “What is going on with you?” Jenny asked as she walked back into the room. “You’ve been weird ever since the last dance. Is this about the diner? Are you going to divulge the details of your super secret diner trip?”

  She grinned from ear to ear as I walked over to her and placed my hands on her arms.

  I cleared my throat a few times before formulating my confession. “The truth is, Todd and I actually went to that diner back in November.”

  Jenny’s face scrunched up like she was thinking. “I don’t get it. You haven’t been in LA since your dad’s wedding last summer.” She thought for a few more seconds and then her face dropped. “Unless you came to LA and didn’t tell me.”

  I stared at a quote on her wall about never giving up in order to avoid seeing the hurt in her eyes. “I’m sorry. It was a really short trip. I needed to come for work and was literally in town for less than 48 hours.”

  “Ok…” Jenny stretched out the word. “But we still could have figured out a time to see each other, even if it was really quick. Didn’t you want to see me?”

  I let out a frustrated sigh. She wasn’t going to make this easy on me and truthfully, I deserved it. “Of course I wanted to see you Jenny. I just couldn’t, ok?”

  “That doesn’t make sense Rory.” I could hear anger starting to build in Jenny’s voice. I had never experienced her being angry before. “You wanted to see me but you couldn’t. Were you actually even super booked with work all those months you told me you didn’t have any time to video chat?”

  “Honestly, I wasn’t any busier than usual. I just had some...stuff..going on. I’m really sorry Jenny. It was stupid and I realize that now. I realized how dumb I was being right after I left LA. I regret it. I really do. But you have to know that it had nothing to do with you. It was all me.” I knew I was rambling now, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  Jenny was trying to keep her voice calm, but I noticed the shakiness behind it. “If it has nothing to do with me, then just tell me what was going on with you. You know you can tell me anything.”

  “I… I just… can’t tell you this.” My voice cracked as the words came out and I tried to keep myself from crying.

  Jenny’s voice was no longer calm. She was clearly pissed. “What the hell Rory?! You literally make no sense. You’re going on and on about how this was all about you and what you were going through. Yet, you still made time for Todd so clearly it has something to do with me. So just tell me. Tell me why you would try to avoid me for months. Tell me why you would fly all the way to LA and not say a damn word to me. Tell me why I was suddenly not good enough to be around.”

  By the end, she was shouting and I found myself bubbling over as well. I knew I was probably going to regret the words that were about to come out of my mouth, but I couldn’t stop them.

  “Do you really want to know why? I didn’t tell you because every time I’m with you, all I can think about is how much I want to kiss you. Heck, it’s so much more than that. I want to hold you and tell you how pretty you look. I want to take you on dates and hold your hand while we eat dinner. I thought if I pulled back a little these feelings would go away. I know that’s not what you want and it’s confusing, because it’s normally not what I want either. But pulling away didn’t work so now I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to ruin what we have. You’re so important to me and I just....”

  Before I could finish my sentence, Jenny’s lips were on mine. It took me a few seconds to register what was happening, but once my brain caught up with my mouth, I put my hands on her hips and pulled her closer. I didn’t know exactly what was happening, but I knew this was the best damn kiss of my entire life. I opened my mouth to hers and moaned as our tongues met for the first time. Every part of my body was on fire. Jenny pushed me up against the wall as I kept my hands on her hips so there wasn’t even an inch of space between our bodies. She moved her hands into my hair and pulled at it lightly as she bit my bottom lip, before bringing her tongue back into my open mouth. I’m not sure how long this lasted, but at some point we broke apart to catch our breath. I kept my eyes closed for a few seconds, not wanting the moment to end and worried if I opened them I would find it was all just a dream. I finally opened my eyes when I felt Jenny’s forehead against mine. To my surprise, Jenny’s eyes were still closed and a small smile played on her swollen lips. When she opened her eyes, her smile widened as our eyes made contact. Just as quickly, the color started to drain from Jenny’s face and her smile faded.

  “Shit,” she whispered as she backed away from me. “Shit shit shit. I’m sorry. I never meant for that to happen.“

  She ran a hand through her hair and then began to rub her forehead. “You were just saying all the right things. Everything you said put exactly how I’ve been feeling into words. Then I just lost all control.”

  I cupped her cheeks between my hands and forced her to look at me. “Hey. Calm down. It’s going to be ok. Just breathe.”

  Jenny took a deep breath, then moved away from my touch. She looked down at the ground as she spoke. “I can’t do this Rory. That can’t happen again. Whatever this is between us - I can’t do it. I can’t have these feelings. I can’t get hurt again.”

  With that last sentence, her shoulders started to shake and I realized she was crying. Instinctively, I reached out and took her into my arms. She put her head onto my shoulder and sobbed. I held her tight until I started to feel her pull away.

  I took her hand in mine. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

  Jenny looked at me with red rimmed eyes. “I’m scared,” she admitted. “I haven’t let myself have feelings for someone since high school and at that time, I vowed I never would.”

  “This person you had feelings for...” I hesitated. “She’s the reason you don’t date.”

  Jenny nodded her head and looked back down at the ground.

  “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” I informed her.

  She looked at me and the slightest smile returned to her face. “No, I want to. It was a big part of my life and you should know what happened. You deserve to know why I’m such an ice queen when it comes to feelings.”

  Jenny took a few minutes to gather her thoughts before she started speaking again.

  “When I was in 6th grade a girl named Tonya McGregor moved into my neighborhood. She instantly became my best friend and together we made more friends. I didn’t really have any close friends before she came around. I was quiet and kind of a loner, while Tonya was confident and outspoken. By the end of middle school, all of my friends, including Tonya, started being interested in guys. I figured I just hadn’t reached that point yet, like maybe I was a late bloomer. I asked my one friend what it felt like to have a crush on a guy and I realized that all the feelings she was describing were feelings I had for Tonya. I tried to blow it off for awhile, but by the middle of freshman year, I couldn’t deny it to myself anymore. I knew I liked Tonya and kind of figured that must have meant that I was gay. I decided I was going to keep this newly discovered part to myself. The only friend that I felt close enough with to tell was Tonya and I was afraid she would figure out that I liked her if she knew I was gay. So the plan was to just keep it to myself during high school and then give myself a fresh start in college by coming out.”

  Jenny stopped her story to
take a few more deep breaths. She looked toward the ceiling and tried to blink away tears before continuing.

  “It was weird though. I started to notice that Tonya treated me differently from our other friends. She always had to be touching me in some way, whether it was a hand on my arm or her head on my shoulder. I thought maybe I was just imagining it, but then Tonya pre-gamed before going to our high school’s first football game our sophomore year. She was completely hammered and I worried she would get in trouble, so I drove her home during halftime. When we got to her house, I helped her change into pajamas and tucked her into bed. Right before I was about to turn around to leave, she grabbed me and kissed me. I didn’t really react because I was so shocked and I also didn’t want to take advantage of her when I was sober. The next day, she didn’t acknowledge what happened. It continued like that until she got drunk again and repeated the kiss. It became a pattern that every time she drank she would get me alone and kiss me. I noticed that with each kiss though, it took less and less alcohol for her to do it. Our first real sober kiss came that New Year’s Eve. It was one of the many times she had sworn off drinking so she asked if I wanted to stay in with her. When midnight came, she kissed me and I swore I saw fireworks. We got into a heated make out session that lasted until the sun came up.”

  I took a big gulp of air. I was starting to figure out why Jenny and I never talked about our sexual encounters. She was telling me about a pg make out session she had in high school and I still felt jealous for some reason. I looked over to Jenny and nodded for her to keep going.

  “After that, we found any excuse to be alone so we could kiss or even just snuggle. Every time, Tonya would say she was just practicing for her future boyfriends, but the way she would hold me in her arms and look at me made me believe differently.”