What's Real

by Daaimah S. Poole

  “Well, I am going to keep dealing with him.”

  “Well, that is on your dumb ass.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Don’t ever come in my grandmother’s house and act like you want to say something to me. One, I wasn’t trying to talk about you. Everything I said I told you to your face. You need to listen to all the shit Nene said Lil’ Ron being saying about you.” I walked her to the door.

  Monica called me the next day like nothing had happened. I didn’t say sorry to her and she didn’t mention what had gone down. She wanted to let me know about Derrick’s party.

  My grandmother was playing her gospel music real loud and was on her way to church. She had cooked breakfast. I could smell the beef scrapple, pancakes, and eggs she makes every Sunday. Every so often, she comes into my room and asks me to join her. I always say I’m tired and maybe some other time. Occasionally she will take the kids with her. She came into my room this morning and said, “Tanya.”

  “I’m asleep,” I said. Me telling her I was asleep still did not stop her from walking into my room.

  “Mom-Mom, I’m asleep.”

  “Wake up! I have something I want you to do around the house.” She had a list in her hand. I got out of the bed, looked at the list, and said, “I’ll do it when I wake up.”

  “It’s nine o’clock, you are up, and nobody sleeps past nine in this house. Tanya, I want those dishes done by the time I get back.”

  “Huh?”

  “I didn’t stutter. I want the dishes washed and the refrigerator cleaned out because I’m going to buy food after church.”

  “Mom-Mom, I can’t do all that.”

  “You can and you will. If you don’t clean up this house by the time I get back I’m going to put you out. Tell Deja and Davon to do the rest.”

  She walked out of my room. I got up and looked at the list again. It read dishes, clean the refrigerator out, vacuum, dust, clean the bathroom, and take out the trash. She is tripping! She won’t have to put me out. I’ll just spend a couple of days over at Monica’s house and I’ll be right back. I couldn’t take the kids there because of all the drama. No matter how mad she gets she will never put the kids out.

  Chapter Forty-three

  Natalie

  I put up with a lot of shit over the years with Anthony and his stupid mom. I used to let shit shake off me like okay, that lady is insane, she don’t know any better. But she has gone too far. Today I came home and there was a message from her saying, “Anthony, call me when you get home. I was at church earlier today and I met a few nice decent wholesome ladies. I told them about you. I think you should meet one of them. I’m sure they wouldn’t run away to Miami for the weekend. Well, call me when you get in and remember what I said, we need to get a blood test on that baby. That boy dark as the dickens and you light and that girl brown. That baby shouldn’t be that dark.”

  I called my mother and let her hear the message. She said that Ms. Renee left that message for me to hear and for me not to fall into her trap. I wasn’t going to fall into her trap, but Anthony better call her up and put her in her place once and for all. I’m sick of this mess.

  Anthony came in, listened to the message, and said there was nothing wrong with it and I was overreacting.

  “She said she wanted you to meet a new woman.”

  “She means well. I’ll talk to her.”

  “Talk to her now, Anthony. I’m your wife. You going to let her disrespect me like that?”

  “I’ll talk to her,” he said as he unwrapped a new game for his PlayStation.

  I’m just done with Anthony. Maybe a divorce is the best thing for us. I have tried to make it work and he is not making any effort at all. I don’t want to grow old with regret. I think Anthony’s just not the man for me. I think he is feeling the vibe too. He looked at me this morning and said he had a feeling that I was going to start acting up. Sometimes I feel like he can read minds. Because how does he know I can’t take his ass anymore? What was I thinking about when I got back together with him? Why did I want his ass back? I shouldn’t have ever gotten back with him. There was a reason I snuck away to Miami, because I was not happy. He was making me miserable then and he is making me miserable now. It’s not working out between us. I can’t take him. The other night we were in bed and he farted. Then he dug up his nose and flicked it into the air. Then he went to rub my leg and I turned my back to him and pushed his hands away. I was not interested in him. I was tired of living a lie. This is never going to work, never, ever. We are too different and don’t want the same things in life. He is satisfied with being a mechanic playing with his Playstation 2 and car. And I want more out of life. Much more. I want to have another baby and go to school and just be happy. I know all marriages are not happy all year-round, but they’re not supposed to be sad nine months out of the year either.

  I sat down and wrote a list of all the reasons I wanted Anthony out of my life. So in case one day, when I get lonely and want him back, I can remember why I let him go. I hate the way he looks, and acts. I hate his mother. I hate the way he just wants to sit and watch television all day. He doesn’t help out with the baby. He wants his way or the highway, spoiled motherfucker.

  When Anthony comes home today I’m going to have his shit ready for him to leave.

  I need to get on with my life. The one thing I learned from Janelle is that there are good men out there and I deserve one. She got a good man giving her the world and he is not even her husband. I’m going to find someone to make me happy, make me laugh, and love me. Here I am sitting around with this asshole for what? What the fuck do I need him for? Starting today, I’m going to change. I’m going to keep losing weight and I just have to get myself together for myself and my child.

  I waited on the steps for him.

  “Anthony, I want a divorce!” I screamed when he came through the door from work.

  “Don’t say that. You don’t mean that,” he said as he tried to hold me.

  I pushed his hands off me and said, “No, I’m serious. I thought we could work all of our problems out, but it is obvious we can’t. I can’t take it anymore, I don’t love you anymore. You make me miserable. I’m not the woman for you. The only woman you will ever love more than yourself is Renee Grant.”

  He tried to plead with me. Once he saw it was no use, he went upstairs and began moving. He hadn’t even been home a full six weeks. Some of his boxes were still packed from when he moved back in. I didn’t care, I couldn’t take it anymore.

  Chapter Forty-four

  Janelle

  Kelly and I made the four-hour drive to Raymond James Stadium for the game against the Tampa Buccaneers. I still hadn’t figured Kelly out. She seemed like she was in love with Carl at times, other times just his money. This time we were going to sit in the crowd with all the fans. I had an extra set of tickets that Damon gave me.

  “You have tickets. Give those away,” she said. She pointed to these white guys in the ticket line. I saw a black man in the next line with his son. I gave them the tickets. The man said, “Thank you” and offered me money. I didn’t accept the money and the man thanked me again.

  I didn’t really follow the game. There were so many different plays. Special teams, field goal, interception, punt return, it just didn’t make sense and was boring. Especially if I didn’t see Damon on the field. The one thing I was certain of is that we lost.

  “This is the second loss. Carl is going to be in a bad mood,” Kelly said. “They are always in a bad mood when they lose.”

  After the game I was prepared for Damon to be mad, but he was cool. I waited outside the visiting team locker room for him. Reporters were everywhere. He came out in a black tailored suit and light blue shirt. My baby looked good. Damon wasn’t upset, he said it was only preseason and that it didn’t mean anything. It was a Friday evening. “Let’s go to the movies,” he said. I was tired. I just wanted to go home.

  When we got in the house Damon started screa
ming, “Janelle! Why don’t you clean up around here?” There were only four dishes in the sink.

  I looked at him like he was crazy. “There are only a few dishes and I’m not cleaning the bathroom. Damon, that’s why we have a housekeeper.”

  “Man, you can clean up after yourself.”

  “Okay, Damon. I don’t know what is going on with you, but you need to calm down. You’re getting mad at me for no reason.”

  “Look, don’t tell me what to do. As a matter fact, I need to leave for a while.”

  “Damon, calm down.”

  “No, you calm down,” he said as he went into the bedroom and shut the door. I didn’t know what I said or what was going on. And I didn’t like it. I didn’t do anything to him and he was snapping on me. I guess Damon was mad about the game and he needed somebody to take his anger out on.

  Chapter Forty-five

  Natalie

  With Anthony gone I now had time to fantasize about my new man. I made a list of all the things I wanted him to be. I want a man that is not going to be up his mother’s ass, that would be good. I want him to be loving and comforting. I want my man to be sweet and good. But I guess they all are good in the beginning. Anthony was so good at the start. Ms. Renee wasn’t even a bitch until he asked me to marry him. That’s when she went crazy and she said I was taking her son. I just hope one day I will fall in love again.

  I was sitting watching Brown Sugar. I love that movie. The guy Boris Kudjo looks so good. He is tall and sexy. That’s another thing I added to my list, I want a tall man. A man that can tower over me and make me feel secure. He also has to be able to fuck Anthony up if he gets out of line. My favorite part of the movie is when Boris Kudjo sends Sanaa Latham all of these roses. He also shut down the restaurant and cooked for her. A man that can cook. How sexy is that? I need a man to treat me like that, but maybe that’s just in the movies. I don’t think there are any sweet men out there like that. And if there are, his name is not Anthony Grant.

  I fixed me and baby Anthony something to eat. He was walking, crawling, playing with his little truck. I had to go to my parents’ and break the news about me and Anthony. I called their house and my father answered.

  “Daddy, you going to be home?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Because I got to come over and tell you and Mommy something.”

  “Your mother has clients downstairs and I’ll be here.”

  I drove over to my parents’ house. I called my mom from out of the basement. They both sat down at the kitchen table.

  “Mommy, Daddy, it’s not working out with Anthony. We are getting a divorce.”

  “Thank God. I thought you were going to say you were pregnant again,” my mother said as she put her hands together.

  My father looked over at my mother like cut it out, then back at me and said, “But you just got back together.”

  “I know, Daddy, but we just aren’t compatible.”

  “Well, baby, we are here for you and baby Anthony.”

  My mom hugged me and said, “Natalie, I told you. You were too good for him.”

  “Okay, here’s the problem. He might kick me out of the house,” I said.

  “That’s not going to happen. You can take him to court and get alimony, child support, and that house.”

  “Well, if he kicks me out, can I move back in, Dad?”

  “Of course, baby.”

  Chapter Forty-six

  Tanya

  Monica gave Derrick a coming-home party. All his friends came in and out. It was more like a get-together than an actual party.

  Derrick looked like a different man. I hate to say it, but jail must have done something to him. His skin was clear, he had gained a few pounds and had muscles. He looked a lot better.

  “I got a job already at the barber shop on Woodland Avenue. You should bring your boy down there,” he said.

  “I will,” I said.

  “My probation officer is cool as long as I’m working. I’m good. These streets are deadly. I’m good. All I want to do is raise my boy and live my life. I don’t want anybody telling me when to eat, sleep, and drink. I’m never going back to jail.”

  “That’s what’s up,” I said.

  “This food tastes good,” he said. “Somebody must have taught you how to cook, Monica, while I was away.”

  “Shut up, boy. I’ve been cooking for you your whole life.”

  “Where you working at, Tanya?” he asked.

  “I’m not working right now.”

  “Yo, you need to get a job. When you don’t work you get in trouble.”

  Between mouthfuls of macaroni, Derrick changed the subject and said, “I don’t like the dude Lil’ Ron, he is sneaky. He came up in my face on some what-up shit. I was like nigga, get the fuck away from me.”

  “Yeah, he ain’t my favorite person either.”

  “My sister don’t need no bad-news-ass nigga around her.”

  “I told her that.”

  “That’s all right, I’m going to have my man step to him. He ain’t running shit no more now I’m home. And he ain’t going to fuck up my probation.”

  “You are crazy, Derrick.” I said as I finished my plate.

  I took Derrick up on his offer and went to get Davon’s hair cut. I walked into the barbershop, and all heads turned as the bell on the door jingled when I opened it. One guy was sweeping, two others were cutting, but I didn’t see Derrick. I asked one of the barbers where Derrick was.

  “I don’t think he’s coming back, but if you want I can cut your son’s hair. I have one more person.”

  I thought about it for a minute and decided to stay and get Davon’s hair cut. He needed a haircut in the worst way. His hair was nothing like mine, his had a deep thick wave. Him and Deja take after Barry’s side. I’m going to have to keep them little girls away from my son. He has smooth dark ebony skin, he’s going to be a heartbreaker.

  The guy had just started working at the barbershop. He was light brown, about six two, and looked good. His arms were nice and shapely. His name was Buc.

  Buc finished cutting his client’s hair. He said that Davon could have a seat. Davon got in the chair.

  “How you want your hair cut, shorty?” he asked. Davon just shrugged his shoulders. Then Buc looked at me and asked me how I wanted his hair cut.

  “Just low, but not a baldy.”

  Buc made small talk as he cut Davon’s hair. He asked where I lived, was Davon my only child, and was I still with Davon’s dad? He kept asking me so many questions. I had to tell him to mind his own business.

  Then he looked down at Davon and said, “Why your mom got a smart mouth?”

  “My mom don’t have no smart mouth.” Everybody in the barbershop started laughing.

  He cut Davon’s hair and I thumbed through a few sports magazines.

  “You’re all done, shorty,” he said as he sprayed oil sheen in his hair and took the hair cape off him.

  “Thank you for cutting his hair,” I said as I stood up and gave Davon the money to walk over and pay Buc.

  I washed me and the kids’ clothes while Mom-Mom was at her bingo game. I know she would have told me to go to the Laundromat. She tries to say I’m not allowed to use her washer because I broke the last one by overloading clothes. I wasn’t going to anyone’s Laundromat. I emptied out Davon’s and Deja’s pockets. I got in the habit of emptying pockets. The last time I didn’t, Deja left a crayon in her pocket and it ruined all of the clothes. I pulled Davon’s pocket inside out and a ten-dollar bill dropped out. There was a white piece of paper balled up inside it. The paper read The cut is on me and when you call me, so is dinner, Buc.

  Thanks for the free haircut, but I’m not calling you, I thought. Then I came up the stairs and called Monica’s house to see if Derrick was there. She put him on the phone.

  “What’s up, Tanya?” he asked.

  “Nothing. Why weren’t you in the barbershop earlier?”

  “I went to se
e my son. You know my baby’s mom be tripping. Bring your boy through tomorrow.”

  “He already got a cut.”

  “Who cut his hair?”

  “That guy Buc. Who is he anyway.”

  “Some bawh from VA. He is cool peeps, he’s up here helping his grandmother out ’cause she sick.”

  “Oh.”

  “Why?”

  “No reason. He just cut Davon’s hair ’cause you wasn’t there.”

  “All right then, I’m going to sleep, I’m so tired.”

  “Tell Monica I’m going to get with her later.” I knew Buc sounded like he had a little drawl. I should call him. No, I ain’t calling him, but I will keep his number just in case.

  Chapter Forty-seven

  Janelle

  “Oh my God, you don’t have my size? Call one of your other stores,” I cried out to the saleswoman.

  “Our other store is in New York.”

  “I don’t care! Call and see if they have them and have them sent to me.” I wanted these Giuseppe Zanotti black, red, and yellow, calf-high, patent leather, and stiletto-heel sandals. The lady made some calls and said she would have them for me in two days. I had to pay for them and give her my address. Besides that dilemma, I didn’t have anything to wear to meet Damon’s family. It was the first time I was going to meet them and I didn’t have anything presentable to wear. I had been in every store in the mall looking for the perfect outfit. I wanted something that said classy, but I still wanted to look youthful. I didn’t want to come off as whorish either. We were going to a wedding. His cousin Benny or somebody was getting married.