Death Calls

by Al K. Line

  "Shit, are you okay?" I shouted, picking myself up and running down the path. Gavin was bent over the gate, back arched in a very uncomfortable looking way, and I wondered if he'd broken his spine.

  He groaned and moved carefully to get off the gate, then turned and held his knife up. I knew he wouldn't give up, would try to kill me no matter how much it cost him. I didn't blame him one bit. It became clear he would rather risk his life, and lose out, than take on the mantle. I didn't know how this all worked, and I didn't think he did either, but my guess was that if I didn't take over, or someone did, and soon, then he'd get lumbered with it. If he died, maybe he'd have to skip the role, as he wouldn't be coming back here after that.

  Sure, he'd rather live and know I was doing the job, but even regular death was preferable to being Death.

  Great. A suicidal wizard intent on my destruction, that was all I needed.

  "Time to go," I said out loud to Wand.

  "Agreed. Shall we do what we always find best under such circumstances?"

  "Already ahead of you, buddy," I said as I sped up, vaulted the low hedge, and ran down the street away from Gavin.

  If in doubt, run. It's the one act that never lets you down.

  Running, and Chasing

  "Thought you were cross with me?" I asked Wand, gripping him tight as I legged it down the street.

  "I am, but I don't want you dead. Much as I believe you should have done what you agreed to, I also don't fancy spending who knows how long being an inanimate stick unable to move or speak while you deal with all the souls. Ugh. Boring."

  "Fair enough. So, we back being a team?"

  "We always were. I just don't want to get into trouble with the bigwigs. You've done it now though, so let's make the most of it and try to stay alive as long as possible."

  "Good plan. Let's find Jake, get the damn book, and return it. I feel sorry for Gavin, and I sure don't want him having to go back, but maybe there's something we can do."

  "Like what?"

  "Like I was hoping you'd have some idea. Anything?"

  "Sorry, nothing. Maybe he won't have to. Maybe when we get the book and it returns, someone else will get the job, the next guy in line."

  "Maybe. But it's a big risk. Okay, how about for now we focus on getting it, worry about the rest later?"

  "Sure, deal. Shake?"

  "Um, okay." I held Wand out in front of me, then shook my arm. "You are very odd, you know that?"

  "You are." Wand went limp so I put him back in my pocket to sulk.

  I risked a glance behind only to find that Gavin was still at the house, holding his back and looking pained. He'd live. He was a strong wizard with a lot of power, so he'd be okay. He'd also be after me, intent on my death to guarantee his freedom, so time for action stations.

  I turned back to my car and woe of woes, nightmare with compound interest, here was the one thing I really didn't want to see right now.

  "Hello, Vicky," I said, smiling. "How lovely to see you, my little munchkin. What brings you to these here parts on such a crappy day?"

  "I was waiting for you to call, but you didn't. So I came to see you. To help." Vicky put her hands on her hips and did her best glare. Damn, I had to get in on this glaring action, it was truly terrifying.

  "Oh, I was just about to call you, but don't you have to get the girls from school? That would be a shame, but parental duties come first."

  "Stop trying to weasel out of this. It's four o'clock, they're at Ivan's. Kim is babysitting."

  "Kim?"

  "His aide, his girlfriend, you idiot. You know who she is."

  "Oh, yeah, right. Oh, well, isn't this lovely? So great you could come."

  Vicky got up close and tried to get in my face, but she just bumped her chin on my chest. "Are you trying to be funny? Don't leave me out of this, Arthur. I'm just as involved as you are."

  "Not quite, but it's nice to know you care."

  "Care? Care! I shot myself in the head for you, to rescue you. Don't you dare tell me that—"

  "Um, can we finish this in the car while we're driving really fast?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder to find Gavin storming down the street. He looked a little miffed for some reason.

  "Who's that? What's wrong with his face?"

  "He's a little angry. It's the old guy, Death before me. He wants to kill me so he won't have to return to his old job."

  "Oh, in that case, let's roll."

  Vicky jumped onto the bonnet of the car and tried to slide across. For the second time, she just left a great scratch in it from the rivets in her jeans.

  "Will you please stop doing that? Just get in," I sighed.

  Vicky pouted, then stuck out her tongue and smiled. She loved this stuff, which was a worry.

  I jumped in, started the engine, and sped off with Gavin charging after us. He looked like he was swearing, which was just plain rude.

  The Team Returns

  "Keeping busy then?" said Vicky with a big smirk.

  "Yeah, you could say that." I scratched at my beard, my skin feeling all weird and sensitive. In fact, my whole body was kinda tingly, like ants were crawling across my skin, or underneath it more like.

  "What's wrong with you? You're acting strange."

  "Am not. You are. You... you... strange person."

  "See, very odd. Why didn't you call?"

  "Um, let me see. Went home, had some great... er, sleep. Tee-hee. And then—"

  "Arthur, you can say sex, you know. Every time you think about getting it on with Penelope you do this silly tee-hee thing. It's very obvious," lectured Vicky.

  "Is not. You are."

  "See, you are definitely being odd. Okay, after the minute you spent having sex, what else?"

  "I slept a little, I came back to the city, Gavin, the previous Death, showed up and said he was gonna kill me because no way was he being Death again. Oh, and I rescued Penelope's cousin, Jake, from gangsters, he stole the Death Book, and I'm just about to go find him. Or at least try. And I almost forgot, I asked Penelope to marry me."

  "That's so great! Congratulations. She's way too good for you." Vicky leaned over and gave me a huge hug and began kissing my cheek repeatedly.

  "Geddof, you nutter. I'm driving."

  "I'm just really happy for you. For you both. Maybe now you can get over me. I told you, we just aren't compatible."

  I turned to Vicky to see if she was being serious. She was.

  "I'll try to get over you, promise. I know it can never work between us, it's just that you are so damn hot in your child's clothes and your teeny tiny sweaters that it's hard to resist. What I especially like is how you tie your hair back in a ponytail so tight it makes your face stretch onto the top of your head."

  Vicky played with her ponytail and frowned. "No need to be mean."

  "Just joking. Vicky, you are a wonderful person but we both know how it went when we, you know. Tee-hee."

  "Had sex? Yeah, it was weird."

  "Very. Anyway, glad you came. I don't think we've done much together for quite a while. Life seems to keep getting in the way. That, or mad vampires, Cerberus, or what have you."

  "I know, it's been ages. But you aren't leaving me out this time. You keep having all the fun and I'm going nuts not doing anything."

  "Then now is your chance to let loose."

  "How did you let this guy Jake nick the book?"

  "He kind of cut the strap on the backpack and ran off. He's a junkie, a total mess, and not a nice guy. I've got a pretty good idea where he'll be going, or the area at least, but it won't be fun. There will be bad people, mean people, and they're dangerous."

  "I can handle myself."

  "I know you can. But talking people to death doesn't always work. And no repeat of last time. You and your big mouth got me killed and that's what started all this. You need to promise me you won't go mouthing off to gangsters and goading them into shooting me. Next death means I am Death, and I want to get married and live my lif
e, a very long one, so do not screw this up."

  "It wasn't my fault you got shot! I was just saying how tough you were and that nobody could kill you. That's all."

  "That's encouraging someone to shoot me. You should keep quiet."

  "Maybe I will." Vicky folded her arms and tried to look cross, but I could see the smile already surfacing. "This will be so cool. Hunting down druggies, searching for the Death Book, the most important book in this world and the next, and you're getting married too. How wonderful."

  "Oh, yes, it is the ideal way to spend the afternoon. Don't forget that there's also a hundred-plus-year-old wizard after my blood. I'm in trouble for breaking my contract, and have a small piece of the Death Book with my name on it in my pocket, and something despicable is probably being planned by an unknown entity right now, and it makes it just about perfect."

  "I know, right?" Vicky beamed at the prospect of an afternoon of untold adventure.

  "You need to learn the concept of fear. You should be scared, worried for your life. This is dangerous and the people who deal with drugs and guys like Jake are lowlife scum. They'll eat you up."

  "Nonsense. I can handle any of those idiots. And besides, death doesn't scare me any more. I've been there, done that, and that's twice now I've crossed over. The only thing that scares me about it is that the girls will be alone. I won't get killed, I can't, so there's nothing to worry about."

  "Fair enough." I said nothing more as I didn't want to shake her faith in the universe being a fair place that was doing its best to protect her. It didn't work like that, and bad things happened to the nicest of people, but if it gave her confidence and allowed her to sleep at night, then who was I to take that away from her?

  Besides, her confidence made even the most hardened of criminals think twice before being rude to her, let alone hurting her. I'd seen it happen many times. The toughest guys seemed to weaken when in her presence, began to act nicely, speak with less swearing, and wilt under her steely gaze when she stood with hands on hips and gave them the well-honed glare only a mother of two young girls can deliver with such terrifying directness and authority.

  To my surprise, I found myself smiling, happy to have Vicky along for the ride.

  People!

  I parked in the same garage, except this time I didn't ask my passenger to remain in the car. There was no point, as Vicky was a law unto herself, and asking her to stay behind would be like asking her to sit still while I hacked off her ears with a screwdriver. Which, let me tell you, I had been tempted to do on many an occasion.

  And yet, for all her annoying ways, I felt rather chirpy and was horrified to discover I'd missed her. It felt like an age since we'd been a proper team. Super wizard thief and accident-prone comedy sidekick. Lately, things kept getting in the way, and we'd only done one job together for months and we all know how that ended up. It led to here, to us parking in a garage unused for years until today, back where the memories were bad and the smell worse.

  These streets were poison. They were infected and nothing could scrub them clean short of a bomb destroying it all and eliminating the past. It was so ingrained into the dirty brick facades of the crumbling terraces that they felt like they were talking to me. Pleading for help, asking for a way, any way, to make things better, to make things right. The gaping voids of broken-teeth that were the windows and doors asked me a question I had pondered so many times over the years, never finding an answer. Why is it so bad here yet so good other places? Why is everyone desperate here yet a stone's throw away people live in luxury, seemingly without a care in the world?

  Because it was all lies. Rich people usually aren't rich, they've just got jobs that allow them to borrow eye-watering sums of money from the banks and the credit card companies. People have massive mortgages, they lease their cars, they have monthly direct debits for the clothes they can't afford and the watches they flash, and it's all a sham. Hardly anyone is actually rich, like not care or worry about money rich. Most people have merely found themselves in this strange position where they have a decent salary but it gets eaten up by all the monthly repayments. And every so often, in the quiet times, when they are alone in their bedrooms or when there is a quiet spell at the office, they wonder how they got into this mess and surely there must be something more to life than this mindless drudgery day after day.

  Everyone was trapped. Trapped in poverty, no way to get a job or even consider buying a house. Or trapped in a pointless job, with a pointless spending habit way beyond their means. Miserable, and just as poor when you got right down to it. And with no way to get out, because you can't, can you?

  It isn't the done thing to jack it all in and think of something different to do with your life, and what is there to do? You have to work so you can eat. You need a car to get to work and the supermarket, and you have to wear the uniform. The high heels, or the shirt and tie, because that's what is expected of you and there's something inside telling you that you can't let everyone down, that you have to toe the line, when the truth is nobody gives a flying fuck what you do. You wouldn't be missed, not really, if you did just bugger off and go do something different.

  Suitably depressed, and suitably judgmental about the lives of people I really knew nothing and cared even less about, I strode down the streets like I owned them, gangster face in full effect, my swagger a thing of beauty, my mood genuinely dark, no need to pretend. What was wrong with us all? Why did this happen? Why were there places like this that forced people to turn sour? Where we made them lose their dignity and their grip on reality because they didn't know what else to do? Because we were clueless, that was why. How did you organize a society, ensure everyone had enough? Buggered if I knew. It wasn't like I didn't believe in capitalism, in keeping what you earned, in trying to get more, in doing what you wanted. But something was wrong with it all, and I accepted it same as everyone else. What else could you do? And that was where the problem lay. Nobody had a bloody clue how to sort the mess out, or what the alternative might be.

  "What's wrong with your face?" asked Vicky, trotting along beside me, looking like a school mom off to pick her kids up from ballet lessons.

  "Nothing, it's just how it looks."

  "No, you're stressed, and grumpy. You should be happy, you're getting married."

  "If I don't get killed, made to be Death, and spend an eternity doing the worst job in existence, you mean?"

  "Exactly. And anyway, even if you do have to be Death, you'll come back to this time. You said so yourself, that you'd have to return to the present or your body would go all rotten."

  "Way to cheer me up," I grumbled.

  "You will though, won't you?"

  "I guess." I stopped and looked down at my pint-sized sidekick. "Vicky, it's not just the Death thing, and if I have lives left then I guess I will return to the present, it's what I'll be when I return. I can't handle it. I cannot deal with dead children or dead anyone. It will screw with my head and what will I be like afterward? I'll have had all these endless years of being Death, seeing the best and the worst of people, knowing what they did, how they thought and felt, all the disgusting things they did in their lives, and it will go on and on and on. I won't be the same person. For you, George, and Penelope it might only seem like a few hours but I won't be me, I'll be something else. A monster."

  Vicky looked at me with true sympathy and shook her head with sorrow. "You don't get it, do you?"

  "I get it. It'll be enough to drive me insane."

  "It didn't do that to the other guy. You're forgetting one very important thing, the most important."

  "Oh, and what's that?"

  "Sure, you will see the bad side of people, the gross stuff they do, but you'll be able to see the lives of everyone, right?"

  "Yeah. Nightmare."

  "No, because most people are good. So you are lucky really, very lucky. You will get to see all the kind things, all the nice things people did for others. You'll experience millions of wonderf
ul people, see how they touched others, made them feel better, and that's a true gift. It didn't send the last guy mad because he saw that as well as the bad stuff. You must remember, people are mostly nice. Decent."

  "My dear friend, most precious Vicky, you really have no fucking clue about the things people are capable of."

  I stormed off, mood darker than ever.

  She didn't know what the human heart could harbor. The bitterness, the resentment, the downright cruelty some people were capable of. It didn't matter how many nice people I met, the horrors even a single person inflicted on innocents is enough to send you over the edge into a madness you can never hope to recover from. Plus, I was rather dubious about most people being nice.

  I wanted the world to work that way, I knew better, is all.

  Hello Again

  I filled Vicky in on my day, and explained why we were going where we were going. I warned her about what Jake had said, about these guys probably trying something funny with her given half the chance, and her face hardened, same as mine, at the thought of men being capable of such things.

  She was asked repeatedly to wait somewhere safe, told that I'd take her back to the car, but she insisted on coming. Maybe I wasn't insistent enough, maybe I should have point-blank refused to let her come, but she was a grown-up, we were a team, and although my better judgment said this was no place for a woman, I wasn't sure if that was me being old-fashioned, and would get me into trouble for thinking women any less capable than men, or if I was being daft and of course she should come visit the gangster kidnappers and would-be rapists. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

  I knocked on a crappy door for the second time that day.