Broken and Beautiful

by Ryan, Kendall

  “These are the ornaments we used on the tree when I was growing up. I tried to get some of yours, but your parents never answered or returned my calls. A tree full of new glass ornaments seemed too impersonal.” His hands were in his pockets, a subtle blush on his cheeks as he avoided looking at me. There were good memories on this tree for him. Ones of the vanilla-scented and baked goods variety.

  “Is this your handprint?” Daniel nodded shyly, the color staining his cheeks deepening to a crimson. “I can’t believe you did this. It’s…I…”

  At a loss for words, I threw my arms around him and buried my head against his chest. He rested his cheek on top of my head and held me close. “We couldn’t have Christmas without a tree.”

  I would have loved any old tree, but the fact that he had put so much thought into it brought tears to my eyes.

  “You’re up shit creek for the second date,” I told him.

  “You haven’t even been on it yet,” he protested. We grinned at each other. “I better go get our groceries.”

  “I’ll help.”

  We unloaded the car, and he joined me on the back deck.

  “I wish Muriella were here. She’s not spending Christmas alone, is she?” I asked.

  His answering smile was secretive. “She’ll be here tomorrow. I couldn’t leave her alone for the holidays, but she insisted we have time to ourselves before she arrives.”

  “M’s coming here?” I shrieked, relieved she wasn’t going to be by herself.

  “I take it you’re okay with that,” he said wryly.

  I shoved at him. “Better than okay.”

  He pulled me into his arms. “This lake brings out the aquamarine flecks in your eyes. They’re beautiful.”

  I didn’t think he’d noticed, but clearly I was wrong. “Thank you. This place is perfect.” The scenery was incredible, but it was Daniel that made it perfect.

  “We’re going to stay a few days.”

  My face lit up. “I already don’t want to leave.”

  “Neither do I.”

  I pecked him on the cheek. “Do you think we could have a fire later? I know it’s not that cold, but it would be nice to have hot chocolate while we sit by a fire and wait for Santa.”

  “How is he going to find us?” Daniel asked, eyes dancing with mirth.

  “He’s Santa. He knows.”

  After he’d gone to take a shower, I scurried to the kitchen, digging through our haul. There were three stockings hung by the fireplace, and I dumped half a bag of miniature Mars bars into one of them. Then I searched through my purse for the gift I had for Daniel and put it under the tree. A box was there that most definitely hadn’t been before. I wrapped up one more thing for him, using the circulars from the grocery store and some twine I found in the kitchen.

  After dinner, we sat in front of the fire and drank hot chocolate, snuggling.

  Daniel broke the reverie. “I think we’ve had a visitor. Better go check and see what he left.” I looked up at him suspiciously. “Go on.” He indicated toward the tree.

  I scampered over, finding a package to me from Santa. I glanced at Daniel, my stomach jittery. He watched me carefully, and I finally blew out a breath, tearing open the paper to reveal a black velvet box. “What is it?” I whispered, frozen.

  “Open it and see.” His eyes brightened as that little upward curve of his lips I loved so much appeared.

  I opened the lid. A choker of large black diamonds surrounded by smaller aquamarine stones glittered up at me. I gasped. This was no doubt the most exquisite piece of jewelry I’d ever laid eyes on.

  “Daniel,” I breathed. “It’s too much. I-I can’t.” My eyes glassed over, and I blinked the moisture away.

  “You don’t like it?” he asked.

  “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I love it. But I can’t accept it.”

  His eyes were sweet as they stared at me. “You can,” he encouraged.

  My gaze dropped back down to the necklace, and I filled with longing. I didn’t want it because I loved the jewelry. I wanted it because it was from him. I knew if I put it on, it would be like him touching me, even if we weren’t in the same place.

  I noticed a key in the center of the box with ‘Yale’ stamped on it. I was pretty sure that was just a generic brand. It appeared ordinary enough, strikingly similar to the gold one that went to my apartment.

  “What’s this for?” I asked, still refusing to touch the contents of the box. If I did, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to let it go.

  “One day you’ll find out,” he said, taking the box out of my hand.

  “You’re not going to give me a clue?” There were a billion locks in the world this key could fit.

  “When the time is right, you’ll know,” he replied enigmatically.

  “It’s not to your apartment, is it?” I asked, sounding appalled, even though I didn’t mean it that way.

  Daniel frowned, appearing wounded. “No.”

  “What else could it be?”

  Daniel patted the sofa beside him. Once I sat, he positioned my back to him and gently pulled my hair to one side before placing the choker around my neck. Then he turned my shoulders so he could see the jewelry. “Perfect,” he said.

  “When? How?” I asked, still unable to touch the cool stones resting against my skin.

  “I saw a similar design in the window of a jewelry shop a few days after we met. It reminded me of your eyes, so I went inside and asked if they could make something like it with aquamarine surrounding the black stones instead of plain old diamonds. Turns out the shop specializes in rare custom-made jewelry. I picked out the stones myself.”

  “A few days after we met?” I asked incredulously, and he nodded.

  “I was in Paris. I can’t really explain it, I just felt compelled, like I had to go in that shop.”

  “Daniel…” I searched his face, trying to come up with adequate words. “I love it, but I can’t keep it. It’s too expensive. And you’ve already done all of this.” I reached for the clasp to take off the necklace.

  “Don’t,” Daniel said. “Wear it. What’s the harm?” His tone was indifferent, but his eyes were not. I couldn’t say no to him.

  Daniel put his arm around my shoulders. I leaned my head on his and let out a contented sigh. Then I turned my head so my chin rested on his shoulder and gazed up at him.

  He looked back at me with an expression I could only interpret as love. “Keep the necklace please. For me.”

  “I don’t want you to buy me expensive things,” I said quietly. “All I want is right here.”

  He swallowed thickly, but held me close. “Me too.”

  I glanced past him at the twinkling lights. “Can we sleep by the tree?” I asked. “I always wanted to do that.”

  Daniel tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. “I’ll make us a pallet.”

  I grinned at him. “I’m going to change into my pajamas.”

  I raced to the bedroom and put on Daniel’s old T-shirt and pajama bottoms. I took off my socks, but put the ballet slippers back on.

  The kitchen, living, and dining area were open plan, and when I arrived back, the only light was from the fire and the glow of the Christmas tree. Daniel had made a bed on the floor beside the tree and was sitting on top of the blankets in his lounge pants and a gray T-shirt. His eyes went straight to my feet, rounding when he looked up at me. He’d said on the subway how sweet it would be when he finally got to take them off. It was time.

  He held out his hand, and when I took it, warmth surged through me. I sat beside him, tucking my legs under me, making sure my feet were on the hardwood floors, not our covers, so that I didn’t get them dirty.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Because you listened to me. You never gave up. You’ve proved that getting to know me is more important than sleeping with me.” I touched his face, because I couldn’t not touch him. “You’re in this with me, even if it isn’t easy or comfortable for you
. I have never felt more wanted in my life. You are more than worthy, D.”

  He drank in my words, though they didn’t seem easy for him to believe. “I have never wanted anything as much as I want you. And that’s a problem. It gives you the upper hand.”

  “I already have the upper hand.” Daniel could only laugh. “You walked right into that one, Princess.”

  “I did.” His expression sobered. He sat up and took my chin in his strong hand, his eyes flashing as he spoke. “I want you, Vivian. All of you. Not just that gorgeous body, but your heart and your mind.”

  “Then it’s yours.” He looked stunned when I said this, like he wasn’t expecting that I would offer it so easily.

  “When you walked away from me at that charity auction, I should have let you go. I couldn’t. It was a selfish thing to do, chasing after you like a goddamn puppy.” He stopped and shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe his behavior. “No matter how much I want to keep you, I’m afraid I won’t be able to.”

  I searched his face for any kind of clue as to where this was coming from, what the hell he even meant. “I’ll take however long we have then.” Mentally, I crossed my fingers. There was no way in hell I was ever giving him up.

  “You never do what I think you will,” he said.

  “Daniel?”

  “What?”

  “I need you to make me a promise.”

  “I don’t know if I can, but I’ll try.”

  “No matter what, you will fight for me. For us. I can’t be with someone who won’t do that.”

  He cupped my face, his solemn eyes looking deep into mine. “That’s a promise I can easily make.”

  “Then let’s do this like there’s no tomorrow,” I said and he smiled, infinitely more relaxed.

  “I’m in.”

  Now it was my turn to smile, and he maneuvered me so I was on my back with his body covering mine. As he kissed the tip of my nose, I realized he looked as happy as I’d ever seen him, and a deep satisfaction came over me, knowing I had something to do with that.

  “I’d like to be kissed again, please,” I requested.

  “Is that all you want?” he asked, chastely brushing his lips across mine.

  “No.”

  “What else?” He licked my neck and blew his hot breath on the spot, making a shudder roll through me. I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of his teeth nipping at the sensitive skin. “I asked you a question, Vivian,” he reminded. I hummed, rolling my head to the side to give him easier access.

  “What was the question?” He laughed against my ear, the sound tickling me as warmth spread throughout my body. Black diamond eyes looked at me, and my breath caught in my throat. He had me exactly where he wanted me, and I didn’t care one bit.

  “What else do you want, Vivian?” He was using that voice on purpose, deep and throaty, and my stomach muscles tightened as my ache intensified.

  “You.” Getting that one syllable out was a major accomplishment, especially when he was back working on my neck with that lethal mouth.

  “You’re going to have to be more specific,” he taunted, and I groaned, lifting my hips. “With words.”

  I gripped his hair and tugged. “I want you to do things to me that I never imagined, to do everything.”

  His eyes danced, full of desire and longing. “I’m glad we’re on the same page, because I will do anything and everything I please to this body, which is mine. You’ve forfeited your last opportunity to get out.”

  “I don’t want to get out. And by the way, you’re not going anywhere either.”

  “I couldn’t even if I wanted to.” It made me inordinately happy that he would so readily admit that.

  “I hope you brought protection,” I said, and a little burst of laughter escaped from him.

  “It’s funny you should mention that. Hang on a sec.” He was gone before I could protest, and I flipped over on my stomach, watching him disappear. He returned a second later with an industrial sized box of condoms.

  “Expecting much?” I asked, grinning.

  “I found this in my suitcase. Apparently Muriella went to Costco.”

  “I wish I could have seen her buy those. That tiny little devil with a box bigger than she is.”

  He smirked and placed the open package under the tree. Excitement buzzed through me. I wondered now how I’d ever waited all this time for him. He oozed sensuality, those damn three-piece suits like foreplay. But my patience was fresh out. I wanted him to touch me more than I wanted to draw my next breath, so I put my slippered feet in front of him, to move him along.

  “Trying to tell me something, Princess?”

  “Just that I want you to hurry up,” I said, wiggling my toes.

  “We’ll get to that.” Daniel dropped to his knees, then stretched out beside me, and I rolled on my side to face him. “I like you in my clothes, even if they’re too big.”

  “I thought you were going to say they’d look better on the floor,” I said innocently, eliciting a laugh from him.

  “You have a point, but I’m going to take my time. We’re not in a hurry.”

  “The hell we’re not. Santa’s coming, and he won’t if we’re awake,” I protested.

  He gave me a look, like I was a mystery he couldn’t quite figure out. “Do you still believe in Santa, Vivian?”

  I blushed, but looked him in the eyes, the lights from the tree twinkling in them. “I know…” I trailed off. “But every year I hold out hope he’ll come. It’s silly, but I can’t make myself stop.”

  “That’s not silly, V.”

  “I thought he might not find us this year, since we aren’t at home, but I was wrong. Santa came early this year.” I pressed my lips to Daniel’s. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to unwrap my present.”

  “Not yet. I get to open mine first.” He licked the seam where my lips were pressed together. “Now sit up.” I shot him an unimpressed look. “Please.” I shifted to my knees, and he did the same. “Arms up.” I didn’t move, and he looked at me in exasperation. “Lift your arms. I’m not saying please.”

  I reached up with a saucy grin, and he fisted the hem of the T-shirt I was wearing. He paused for a moment, like he was preparing himself for something he’d been waiting to do for a long time. I held my breath as he disappeared behind the shirt. It went off over my head, leaving my torso bare.

  He tapped my knee. I rose, lifting my rear off my heels, the pajama bottoms falling because they were too large, my gray cotton boy shorts with black trim revealed. Daniel hooked a finger in the low-rise waist and ran it along my stomach, making goosebumps rise on my skin. “I like these. Very sexy, Princess.”

  I flushed with pleasure, swaying my hips, enticing him to do it again. My shoulders rolled as I shivered. He loved that he could do this to me with the simplest of touches, and I didn’t try to hide it, letting myself be open to whatever was in store.

  He grabbed my hips and eased me into a sitting position on our pallet. He removed the pajama bottoms over my slippers and tossed them aside. His eyes raked my body, appreciating every square inch of me.

  I leaned back on my palms, my chest jutting forward, and he licked his lips, ready to pounce on me, though he made no other move. I yearned for him to touch me, anywhere, even if only for a second, but he continued to appreciate me as no one ever had, and it had a powerful effect on me.

  “You are a vision.”

  “I’d like to know if you are, but you’re withholding my prize,” I retorted, only half kidding.

  He laughed at my petulance, running his index finger down my cheek. “My Vivian. What am I going to do with you?”

  “At the rate we’re going, nothing.” He seemed more than amused at my impatience.

  “If you can’t be more appreciative, I’m going to have to gag you.” I didn’t know if that was an idle threat or something he’d actually make good on. My pulse quickened, though I couldn’t decide if it was in apprehension or excitement. “One day I will
. And not just with my cock.” So it wasn’t a threat. A dark spot formed on my panties where I was wet between my legs. Daniel noticed immediately.

  He moved, spreading my thighs apart and settling between them. He ran his nose over the fabric of my underwear, inhaling deeply before running his tongue up the same path. I jerked as if I’d been electrocuted. No one had ever been so up close and personal, and my legs fell apart, welcoming him.

  “I can’t wait to taste you. I bet my Vivian is so very sweet.” His breath whispered over the damp spot of my panties, tickling my already sensitive skin.

  I watched his every move intently, anticipating what he would do next. He kissed my inner thigh, and I sucked in a breath as he ventured upward, his perfect teeth tugging down my boy shorts enough to reveal the skin over my hip bone. He licked and blew his breath.

  He caressed my stomach with his tongue, then glided up my sternum. My nipples hardened to tight buds, aching for his touch. But he continued upward, feathering kisses along my jaw.

  “No one has ever appreciated you, but I’m going to show you how special you are, V. Are you ready to be ruined for any other man?”

  “God, yes,” I groaned.

  To prove his point, he found that spot on my neck, the one that made me feel like I was vibrating when he kissed it, and I moaned. “Let me take care of you, Vivian. Clear your mind of everything else but me.”

  “Kinda hard not to, Daniel.”

  He chuckled, his teeth sinking into my earlobe. “Now you know how I am about you all the time.”

  I gasped, my eyes flying open to meet his. “Daniel. Please.” We hadn’t done anything, and I was already reduced to this.

  “I’m beginning to like that word. Please.”

  The word shot through me, fanning the flames of my already overheated body. He inched lower, running his tongue around one nipple and then the other, blowing cool air out of his mouth. They hardened to painful peaks, and Daniel sucked on one, soothing the ache.

  “I wish you had two mouths,” I complained, lifting a hand to my free breast, kneading. It wasn’t nearly as effective as his mouth.