Broken and Beautiful

by Ryan, Kendall

  "Hey, mija! I just had Celia mail those signed books for you. I also added some little extras. If Cole's mom and aunt want anything else, let me know."

  My younger sister, Celia just graduated from UNC and “worked” as my mom’s assistant.

  “Thanks, I’ll keep my eyes open for the package. How are you?”

  "I'm fine. I'm on deadline as usual, but I haven't been late in over twenty years, so I'm not about to start now."

  “How’s Papi?” I asked.

  My mother let out a deep sigh. “He’s thinking of running for governor.”

  “Are you serious?”

  "I wish I wasn't. I don't think your father will go through with it, but he's going to give himself a heart attack if he doesn't take it easy."

  “Where is he?”

  “He’s here. I told him if he didn’t get his culito back home, he'd be his own client."

  “Mami, you would never get a divorce.” I laughed.

  “No, I’d kill him first, but I think your father fears divorce court more than death.”

  “You’re probably right.” I chuckled.

  "So how are you? How's the baby?" She paused. "How's my future son-in-law?" I could hear her smiling through the phone.

  “I’m hanging up.”

  "I'll just call back," she said matter-of-factly, and I giggled.

  I didn't want to get into too much detail about my and Cole's confusing situation. I was so hurt after he proposed that I spent the week punishing him. He mostly deserved it, but seeing him react to CJ swallowing the ring made me realize that he did what he did to protect him. I couldn't think of anything I wouldn't do for that little boy, and I decided to stop being angry. I could sort out my feelings after the adoption hearing and focus on taking care of my little nugget. I didn't see Cole any more than usual because he worked the same long hours.

  The energy shifted when he came home. I could feel him even in my room. Sometimes, I was ashamed to admit, I felt myself while I was feeling him and made a point to invest in a quieter vibrator. These weren’t thoughts I would share with my mother.

  “Ma, it’s not a real engagement. It’s just so he can get custody of the baby. I thought Papi explained it.”

  “He did, but you never know what could happen…”

  Like a pint-sized EMT, CJ chose that moment to come to my rescue. "Hey, Mami," I called into the phone. "That's the baby. I have to go. Thank you for signing the books. I love you."

  “I love you too, querida.”

  * * *

  Cole and I spent the next few weeks falling into a comfortable routine. We probably saw each other a total of twenty minutes a day, but they weren't tense or awkward anymore. I still wasn't wearing the ring and not just because Cole kept forgetting to get it cleaned. The nurse who gave it to us in the specimen cup assured us that she personally scrubbed and disinfected it, but it still weirded me out. I also didn’t wear the ring because of how much I loved it and how sad it made me that it meant nothing.

  My first engagement ring was more for my ex than it was for me. The proposal was an embarrassing grand gesture. The ring was big, expensive, and gaudy. I had no say in its selection. He'd never bothered to have it properly sized, so it rolled around my finger and gave me tiny scratches. He always insisted I wore it whenever we went out, even after we were married. I always thought that it meant he was proud to have me as his wife, and loved to show me off, but now I knew better. When I started to gain weight, it no longer fit, and I stopped wearing it. That should've been a sign.

  Every time I wore the ladybug ring, I would be reminded of Cole, bringing me to the jewelry store and letting me choose the ring I would like best. I would always remember CJ's chubby finger pointing at the display case while saying his second word. I'd always see CJ's little fist wrapped around Cole's finger as he sat beside his hospital bed as he slept, Cole's face etched with worry. The ladybug ring would be a constant reminder that I was faking an engagement that I desperately wished was real.

  * * *

  “You ready for this?”

  “I think so?” I shifted the bag of books to my other shoulder as Cole typed the code into the keypad of his parents’ front door.

  “Hey,” Cole called out. “Lord CJ and his personal assistants have arrived.”

  "Oh, please." A tall, thin, beautiful brown-skinned woman with long, tightly coiled hair swept into the room wearing a crisp white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbow and a colorful skirt. "Give me that baby and stop being so dramatic." She grabbed Cole and kissed him. "You must be Lisa. Hello, I'm Beverly."

  "Hello, it’s so nice to meet you. My mother sent these with some other little gifts." I motioned to the bag on my shoulder, and I couldn't believe how nervous I was. I knew Cole's mom used to be a model, and I've seen pictures of her around Cole's house, but seeing her in person was a completely different story. She smelled like cocoa butter and flowers. Her skin was flawless and seemed to be glowing. She looked like Kimberly's wiser and more regal older sister.

  “Come in. Breakfast is almost ready.”

  Cole’s father introduced himself and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

  “Was your dad a model too?” I whispered to Cole as we walked to the dining room. Judge Simmons reminded me of Idris Elba.

  “No.” Cole chuckled. “But I’m gonna tell him you said that.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him and slapped him on the bicep.

  Kimberly and Adam were already seated in the dining room, and I waved at them.

  "Hey, Lisa," Kimberly said.

  “Hey.” Adam waved back.

  Cole's family was just as funny and sweet as he was, and I could see glimpses of his personality in both of his adoptive parents. He was patient and wise like his mother, and quick-witted and clever like his father. His easy rapport with the slight competitive edge with Kimberly made me miss my own brothers and sisters. And of course, they all adored CJ. He was like a little celebrity and definitely reveled in all the attention. His vocabulary had expanded to include the words ball, juice, more, no, and sleepy. And he recited each one to resounding cheers from his doting fan base.

  "So, what kind of law does your father practice?" Cole's dad asked.

  “He specializes in divorces,” I answered.

  "How interesting," his mother mused. "Your mother creates love stories, and your father helps end them."

  “Wow.” I nodded. “I guess I never thought of it that way.”

  “Beverly will analyze everything to death. What you ate for dinner, why you picked your shoes…” he said.

  “You better hush before I call Lisa’s father.”

  The table erupted in laughter.

  “Please, I’m not worried. You’d miss me after a day.”

  “A peaceful day,” she quipped.

  "So, are you excited about going to Barbados, Lisa?" Kimberly chimed in, changing the subject, making me wonder if Cole's parents were as uncomfortably flirty as my parents.

  "Yes, I've never been, and I heard it's beautiful."

  "It is," she mused. "There are gorgeous sunsets and pink sand beaches. Plus, the food is amazing."

  “How’s construction coming along, Adam?” Judge Simmons called from across the table.

  Adam started talking about breaking ground on the resort, and I wasn't aware until I felt Cole squeeze, but I had been holding his hand under the table. I quickly let go and tucked my hair behind my ear. I caught Cole's eye, and he winked at me.

  Cole’s mom gave me a bemused look that made me blush. I rose from the table. “I should check CJ’s diaper.”

  “It’s okay. Today’s your day off, I’ll go,” Cole said.

  “I don’t mind.” I began to unstrap CJ from his high chair. “Is there a place where I can change him?”

  “I’ll show you.” Beverly stood and led me away from the table.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to show her?” Cole gave his mom a pointed look.

 
"No," she responded with a sly smile. "We'll be fine." She put a hand on my shoulder and led me away from the dining room. We ended up in a small bedroom that was turned into a nursery.

  “Is there another baby?”

  "No," Beverly laughed. "CJ is the closest thing I have to a grandchild, so I got a little carried away. I don't regret a thing."

  I placed him on the changing table and began to undress him.

  “So…” Cole’s mother crossed her arms and leaned on the doorjamb. “How long have you been in love with my son?”

  “I…um…I…” I stammered, unable to answer. I wasn’t sure what she would think if I told her the truth. My feelings for Cole and our situation were complicated. I wasn’t sure I could explain it to her. I could barely understand it myself.

  "It's okay. Cole is pretty lovable." She moved over to the table and took over changing the baby because I apparently froze with CJ lying on the mat spread-eagled and exposed. "Does he know?"

  I shook my head.

  "I usually make it a point not to interfere with my children's lives, but I love seeing them happy. And Cole's happy. He hasn't always had the easiest time, and Lord knows Reggie and I did our best, but something has sparked in him since you and CJ came into his life, and it's good to see it. I just hope it continues." She pulled up CJ's pants and gave his belly a tickle before picking him up and bouncing him on her shoulder. "And don't worry. This conversation won't leave this room unless this one"—she indicated CJ—"picked up about a thousand more vocabulary words in the last five minutes."

  When we reentered the dining room, I was more relaxed, but Cole was visibly tense.

  “Did you find everything you were looking for?” Cole asked me while looking at his mother.

  “I’m not sure what you mean,” Beverly said, retaking her seat at the table.

  She smiled at me, which made Cole narrow his eyes.

  “Yeah, I’ll bet,” he muttered.

  22

  cole

  "So, does your family always fly in a private jet when you go on vacation?"

  "Not always, but definitely for the last dozen years or so. My dad hates flying commercial, and my mom got tired of being asked if she was kidnapping me every time we went on vacation."

  I was downplaying it, but traveling was really stressful for my family when I was a kid. My mother would carry a file folder with all of my paperwork—birth certificate, adoption papers, family photos, and my passport—even if we were flying domestic. No matter how many times she tried to tell me it wasn't my fault, I always felt guilty. One year we missed our flight to Cancun because of it, and Dad had enough.

  "I've never been on a private plane before," Lisa said.

  "This is definitely the nicest one I've ever been on," I said while smoothing my palm over the soft leather seats. "Kimberly's soon-to-be brother-in-law is a billionaire, and this is his plane."

  “Is there really a bedroom?”

  “Are you getting ideas? My parents are on this plane.”

  “Hey, that’s an improper employee/employer conversation.” She narrowed her eyes at me with a smirk.

  “You’re the one talking about bedrooms. I’m gonna have to report you to the HR department.”

  “The HR department?” She laughed.

  “Yup.” I pulled CJ into my lap. “Sir, I’d like to file a complaint about one of our employees. What do you think?”

  “Joosh,” he replied.

  “Well, that takes care of that.” I reached into CJ’s diaper bag and handed him a juice box. “Consider yourself warned.”

  “Goofball.” She flashed me a grin that I never got tired of seeing.

  My brother climbed onto the plane and started looking around, inspecting the seats, the paneling, and the windows before he approached me.

  "Hey, RJ!" I called. My youngest sibling was four years younger than Kimmy and me. He mostly resembled my dad making him slightly darker than Kimmy, but he had Mom’s eyes. He’d also grown a beard since the last time I’d seen him.

  We clasped hands and pulled away, snapping our fingers before bumping fists and splaying our fingers and making an explosion sound. We've been greeting each other this way since he was five, and I was nine.

  “This is Lisa.”

  “Hi, RJ. I’ve heard so much about you.”

  “Ah, yes, Lisa—the nanny and fake fiancée.” He waved at Lisa. She waved back.

  “How’s school?” I asked.

  “Well, calling it school is an oversimplification. I’ve been awarded a research grant to develop robotics that could revolutionize modern medicine.”

  “RJ is trying to turn people into the Terminator,” I said to Lisa.

  RJ's brow furrowed, and he gave me a condescending look. "I know you meant that as a joke, but I could tell you about a dozen reasons why that would never work. First of all…"

  I looked at Lisa, expecting to see her eyes glaze over with boredom, but she seemed to be hanging on RJ's every word.

  "I always wondered about that," she said. "They said no dead tissue could time travel, which is why they arrived naked, but technically would the robotic material in the Terminator not be able to time travel as well? I mean, I know the robotic stuff was covered in living tissue, but a robot isn't really alive, is it?"

  “Exactly!” he exclaimed and smiled at Lisa.

  Something small and green stirred in the pit of my stomach. I leaned closer to her and cleared my throat. "Hey, how's your lab partner? What was her name, Claudia?" I asked quickly.

  Lisa gave me a knowing look, and I ignored it.

  “Oh, yeah.” RJ was suddenly wearing a dopey grin. “She’s actually my research partner, but she’s fine, I guess. I don’t know exactly how she is because she’s in China visiting her family for the next two months.”

  This explained RJ’s sudden interest in China.

  “Reggie Jr.?” Aunt Patrice called from the back of the plane. “Are you gonna talk about the robots all day or come say hello to your auntie?”

  “And your sister,” Kimberly yelled.

  “And your mother?” Mom chimed in.

  “And your old man,” Dad added.

  RJ sighed, clearly frustrated that a conversation about his two favorite subjects, robots and his research partner, was being interrupted.

  “I shall return,” he said to Lisa, and Lisa only, before retreating to the back of the plane.

  “What was that?” she turned to me and asked.

  "I'm not sure what you mean." Smirking, I strapped CJ into his car seat as the plane prepared for take-off.

  * * *

  Five hours later, we landed in Barbados. It was hot and humid, but we took turns using the bedroom in the plane to change out of our fall clothes into more weather-appropriate attire.

  Lisa and CJ were the last to change, and she emerged from the plane wearing a tight pink tank top and cutoff jean shorts that hugged her every curve, and my mind began to stray. I tried to refocus on more suitable employee/employer thoughts and was having trouble until I noticed CJ wearing a pair of baby aviators.

  “Where did he get those?”

  "I saw them in a store last week, and I couldn't resist. They're exactly like yours."

  “I know.” I pulled my glasses out of the collar of my shirt and put them on.

  “We should take a selfie. Hold on.”

  Lisa pulled her own pair of identical aviators out of her tote bag and pushed them onto her nose. The three of us pushed our faces together, and Lisa snapped a photo with her phone.

  "Awww, aren't you guys so cute?" Kimberly teased before she squealed and took off running towards a black van where her fiancé stood with another man. Adam opened his arms, Kimberly jumped into them, and they kissed.

  "Hey, everyone! This is Francis," she said when she'd extricated herself from her fiancé to gesture at the brown-skinned man in the white button-down shirt and black pants standing next to him. "He is the best tour guide and driver in all of Barbados."


  "Well, I don't know about all that," Francis said. "But it would be my honor to show your family around our beautiful island."

  We climbed into the van and made the half-hour drive to the resort with Francis happily answering RJ's dozens of questions about everything we passed. He insisted on sitting in the front seat, most likely to get a better view of the scenery, but I also knew that he had a smaller chance of making unwanted contact with anyone. My brother was really sensitive about being touched. He was also particular about which fabric he could wear without irritation. He rarely hugged or shook hands. Our handshake routine took years to perfect, and it hasn't changed in sixteen years.

  We pulled up to The Sterling, and it was as beautiful as Kimmy described. Adam led us through the grounds of the resort to the apartment we would be staying in. We entered the apartment and looked around.

  “I called ahead and had the apartment baby-proofed for CJ,” Kimberly said.

  I looked around and saw the sharp edges had been wrapped with foam, and all of the outlets had covers on them. "They also closed the pool." She pointed to the balcony.

  “Wait, is this the apartment that you and Adam stayed in last February?”

  “Yeah, why?” She narrowed her eyes, clearly a step ahead of me.

  “How many times has it been disinfected since then?” I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

  Kimberly smirked and gave me the finger.

  Lisa and the rest of my family were exploring the balcony while I walked around the apartment. There were two large bedrooms on either side. One was smaller than the other. The third bedroom was in the middle, and it had two twin-sized beds. I planned to order a portable bed to sleep in so Lisa wouldn't feel uncomfortable, and the travel crib Kimberly ordered for CJ was sitting in the living room. The largest room made the most sense, so I pushed the crib into the master bedroom and had started to drag the rest of our luggage down the hall when my mother stopped me.