by Leland Roys
Prologue
Rebecca stared at the ocean. She wiped the mist from the porthole and watched the fog change the sun into a rainbow of colors. The sound of the ship’s horn echoed through the room.
Mia jumped up from the bed. “Mommy!”
“Shhh— It’s OK, sweetheart. You were having a bad dream.”
Mia grabbed Rebecca and held on to her like she would never let go. She started to cry. “I want my mommy —”
“I know, my dear,” said Rebecca, softly rubbing the child’s hair. She turned away for a moment and tried to wipe away her own tears. “You are going to see the world, Mia! Did you know there is a place called America?”
Mia shook her head as she rubbed her eyes.
“Anything is possible there; you can even fly!” Rebecca exclaimed.
“Fly? Like a bird?”
“Yes! Faster than a bird. You are going to have so many adventures. You will have a new home there.”
“Will you be there, too? Are you going to stay with me? Please stay with me.” Mia begged.
“Go back to sleep now. Do you feel the boat rocking? It’s telling you it’s time to sleep.”
“Tell me a story, please? My mommy always reads to me before bedtime.”
“Of course. Did she tell you about the handsome prince?” Rebecca’s voice cracked. She couldn’t hold it together much longer.
“No. Tell me! If it’s scary, I’m going to hide.” She pulled the covers over her head.
Rebecca looked over at Mia, now sleeping; she quietly pulled the blanket closer to her. She slowly moved off the bed, making sure not to wake her, and poured herself a drink. She opened her luggage, pulling open the secret compartment, and felt the familiar leather book. Her eyes burned like fire. She started to write:
December 4th, 1968
Departed England today with Mia. I had the fleeting thought of running with her before we boarded. His men were waiting, watching my every move. If it takes me a thousand years, I will find a way to destroy them. I will avenge this unspeakable evil, it is my only reason for living now. I will send them all to hell and join them there for an eternity, I swear it upon this sweet girl.
God forgive me for what I have done. For what I have become. — R.
• • •
New York City
— November 2013 —
“Show me the love!” He came up behind her and gave her a bear hug.
“Oh, I will show you the love all right!” Nikki turned around and smiled. She decided not to flip him off today. She really was going to miss these guys.
“I know why I like my locker right next to yours. After all this time, I figured it out!” He had a crazy look in his eyes, it always made her laugh.
“Oh, please! Do tell.”
“Your locker makes mine smell good, too,” he laughed hard.
“Yeah, yeah.” She smiled and actually felt good for a second.
ESU gave women squad members the choice to have private locker quarters. She didn’t opt for that. What the hell, was the way she thought about it. It’s not like she or the guys hadn’t seen a naked body before. And she didn’t want to miss out on all the fun and bonding. Most of the joking and relaxing went on in the locker room, blowing off steam after a bad day. And then the important part. She remembered the first time for her that a rescue went bad. The mangled body in the street, the blood. They talked it out in the locker room. This is where they could express their pain without anyone judging. It was like their own secret club. Once you left the locker room, it was back to business.
She slowly opened her locker. Was this going to be it? She kept saying this was her last day to herself. It had been the last day for a month now. As the locker door swung open with the familiar clank, a folded piece of paper fell to the floor. Her eyes locked onto it.
She picked it up and unfolded it —
55th & Broadway
Plaza 55 Rm 2002
Go alone, Nikki.
It’s important.
A shiver ran down her spine. She looked around. The guys loved to play practical jokes, but not like this. No one would make a joke about a building. And going alone? That was off limits, even for these guys. She looked at the note again. The writing was antique looking; she couldn’t think of a better word for it.
She jumped a foot in the air when the first beep went off. The alarm blared out and then stopped. “We have a potential jumper, 55th and Broadway, the old one. Gear up. Local police don’t see anyone yet. Civilian called it in and hung up.” Her face went white. The guys started running for the trucks.
Nikki pulled her coat on and set up her radio. She tried to hide the fact that her heart was about to explode. She jumped on the truck and sat next to Eric; her best friend on the squad. He had been her mentor, not really her official one, but somehow he stuck, like glue. They could talk by just looking at each other. She thought for a second about telling him she got a note. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t. Now she was more sure than ever this was not an inside prank. No ESU squad member would ever make a real call as a joke.
“Hey, do I get a kiss this New Year’s?”
She smiled. “You know, I could write you up for harassment.”
He raised his hands, “Guilty!”
“OK, I might let it slide this time. Let me think about the kiss.”
She did like Eric. If she had more time she probably would give him that kiss, actually date him. She almost told him a couple of times about her being sick, but then she thought, why tell him, it wouldn’t change anything. He deserved a girl that he could spend more than a couple months with. He was one of the good guys. She felt sad as she realized that she wouldn’t see the ball drop this year. She always went to Times Square for that special event; usually she was on duty, but that was OK, it was still fabulous.
She could see the burn marks on his arm. He used to be bomb squad; he would never tell her why he quit. She remembered he took her out to the test range once and showed her the power of just one ounce of liquid explosive. The blast was so powerful, just one ounce. She even remembered that it was actually easy to make. Scary, she thought; almost anyone could make a bomb like that.
Nikki looked at the busy streets of New York as they raced toward the scene. Her eye was killing her. They had come for her. Beat the shit out of her in an alley. She wasn’t sure how long she was out, she had wet herself by the time she came to. She didn’t even remember how she got back to her apartment. She was having bizarre memories of a woman and blood, must be the drugs. Hallucinations messing with her mind. But she could have sworn she saw a woman gut her attacker in that alley. Couldn’t be. Just a stupid drug dream.
They arrived at the scene. It was quiet, almost too quiet. Usually the local police and reporters showed up. Today, just one squad car.
She thought about the note. It was totally opposite everything she normally would do. But then she was dying; maybe she wanted this one last thrill, a mystery. The note said that it was important, clearly enough for someone to fake a call, it seemed.
“Let me go alone, Eric. I’ll go check it out up there, probably a false alarm anyway.”
He looked at her. She did have the best rate. And hell, she was on her way out anyway. He really liked her. She was damaged goods for sure, but she was damn good at her job, probably the best he had ever known. She had a special gift when it came to talking people down from the brink. People naturally trusted her, and she wasn’t fake; people can always tell when you are faking it, especially when they are ready to die.
“Sure, for old time’s sake, right. And hey, use your cable this time.” He pulled her arm, “I mean it, use the cable.”
“I promise. Cable. Got it.” She gave him a wink.
Pe
ople stared as she stepped into the elevator and hit the button for the top floor. They always stared. She used her override key that all rescue squads and police had; it meant no one could stop the elevator on the way up. She liked this quiet time in the elevator. She could think. She had decided to end it, and soon. She didn’t have much time left with ESU, and without the job nothing mattered. She thought about how she would do it. Actually it turned out jumping was at the top of her list. Almost funny. Live by the sword, die by the sword, right? Of course you had to be high enough, and she didn’t want to hurt anyone on the ground, so somewhere remote. Her short adult life had been about saving people, not harming anyone; that had to be a top priority.
She snapped out of it as she reached the top floor, and hurried down the empty hallway. Everything was clean and new; she thought she remembered this building had been renovated.
She found the door, 2002. It was open a crack. “ESU! Anyone inside?” She pushed the door open. It was empty, not even a chair. She started to get a bad feeling and pulled out her service weapon. She held the gun as she walked around the corner to the kitchen. It looked like no one had been here for a long time. She felt the stove just in case; no heat. Not even pictures on the wall. Another door. Maybe a bedroom? She slowly turned the knob and walked in. Again, empty.
There was the open window. So maybe it wasn’t a crank-call after all. This had set up written all over it. But why? No way this was Razor — the drug dealer who had beaten her up. He couldn’t think up something this good in a million years. She grabbed her radio and put her hand on the transmit button.
She hesitated for a moment, then slid the radio back into its holster and dropped her cable on the floor. She climbed outside the window and started to make her way onto the ledge. She could see him now. Even though he was sitting down she noticed he must be very tall. He hadn’t seen her yet. The wind was blowing toward her, masking any sound she made.
Alex waited at his favorite spot on the ledge. It had been so long since he had been here, he didn’t think he would ever be back here again. The wind blew across his face. A bit cold. A good day for them to meet after all this time. She had picked this day, she must have remembered he liked this time of year. Rebecca had always been completely unpredictable. He had loved that about her. Now he was more nervous than curious. What did she want after so long? It must be something important for her to call this meeting. He almost thought he had started to get over her; of course, he knew that wasn’t true.
He remembered how he loved the smell of the air in the city; it still smelled the same, even after all this time. Well, car exhaust was new, but even that added a new flavor to the mix. He took a deep breath. He could feel the building sway ever so slightly. Even a normal person could feel that if they really tried. Most people were not focused enough. A pity.
He froze when he saw Nikki. He had been expecting Rebecca. He had never seen this woman. He looked into her eyes; he saw it all in a flash; the kindness, the sadness, the pain. It shook him to his core.
He composed himself as quickly as possible.
“You come all the way out here now? You are with rescue?” Alex asked softly.
“Come out?” She usually wouldn’t start with a question. She was off her game today. She made her way onto the small ledge. He was sitting down, looked quite calm actually.
He smiled. A calm smile, almost as if a laugh. She had seen so many people ready to die. He didn’t have that look. For some reason, she felt he hadn’t written the note. He had been surprised to see her; she was trained to read every emotion, every tell. He clearly didn’t know she was coming, meaning he didn’t write the note. She started to wonder if she should just call it in, the whole story.
“You know, a long way back, you rescue types never came out like this, not out on the ledge. Do they make you do this now? It seems foolish if you ask me.”
That took her focus back to him again; she forgot her radio for a moment.
No one had asked her that before. In all her rescue attempts; no one ever asked why she came out on the ledge. It was always about them. Their lives. Their problems. Their pain.
She hesitated. “Actually, no one has asked me that before. Yes, it’s in our training.”
“Are you planning on shooting me?”
She looked down and realized she was holding her gun. She put it back in its holster. “No, not today.” She smiled.
“You’re very young,” the man said, “and I can see you are not scared. You have it in your blood then, helping people, I mean.”
Her radio came alive and snapped her out of the daze. “What’s the status, Nikki? We can’t see anything from down here.”
She pressed the transmit button. “Eric, we are good. We are OK, hold on the backup. Single male, I think it’s a false alarm.”
She had to get it together. What was wrong with her? This was probably a shit crazy guy ready to jump and she picked now to lose it.
“What’s your name? Let’s get down from here and talk. I’m sure whatever it is, it can be fixed.”
“My name is Alexander, please call me Alex. May I ask your name?”
“Nikki. It was my mother’s middle name.” Why did she add that last part? It just flew out of her mouth.
“You lost your mother?”
“Oh, yes. A car accident, my mother and father. I was young; it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Of course it matters.”
His eyes. He looked hurt, and not for himself.
She was totally losing control of the situation. This had to stop.
“You’re with ESU, I see. I was on the squad once. Do they still make you climb the Hazing Tower?”
The Hazing Tower? No one knew about that unless they had been in ESU training. Even the families didn’t know. Now it was making sense. Maybe it was a squad member who wrote the note, trying to save a buddy at the brink. Maybe they knew one of them was going to jump today and this was a cry for help. Her mind was spinning. She pulled out her radio. “Eric, I think he is one of us, you copy? He might be ESU.” She quickly focused again on the ledge ahead of her.
“Listen, Alex. I don’t know who you are, but you seem like a kind person. Please help me out here. Let’s get off this ledge.”
She looked down for a moment. The thought raced through her mind.
“You don’t have a cable, a rope on. That cannot be protocol. Nikki, who did that to you? Your face.”
She reached down and switched off the constant transmit mode on her secondary radio. Eric would be pissed, but she didn’t want him hearing about her not using the cable.
“My face? My eye— Right. It’s nothing. I fell.”
“Someone hit you, I can tell by the shape. What devil would dare strike you?”
Shit. She had already lost control. He had all the power now. He was asking the questions, controlling the conversation. And why, how? Maybe she should jump. It was just a matter of time now anyway. A tear rolled down her face.
“What’s your rate, Nikki? I bet it’s high.”
“I’m 97%, when it’s just me, when I go alone;” she said it without even thinking. She just blurted it out again. He really was ESU. He knew the slang. And she knew. You always knew a fellow squad member. Why didn’t she recognize him? She knew everyone, even the ones retired or kicked out.
“So you saved a lot of souls. You’re a caring person, Nikki. May I ask you a question?”
She nodded. She was at a loss for words.
“You don’t care anymore, do you? About dying I mean. That’s why you don’t use a cable?”
It was over. She had lost it. Her only joy in life had been helping people. She did want to die, she wanted to die so badly. Her mind was spinning. She threw up, soaking her shirt. The wind started to pick up. She opened her eyes wide and looked at him. She looked at him closely this time. He was incredibly handsome, not that she would even usually notice that kind of thing. Tall, tan, built like granite, and dark thick hair; he also
had kind eyes, just like he had told her she had. His eyes met hers and time seemed to stop for a second.
“The doctors say maybe two months,” her voice shook. “A lot of pain at the end; actually the pain started already.”
“I am so sorry, Nikki.”
She had told only one other person. She had just given up her closest secret to a complete stranger, a crazy ready to jump. She felt frozen. The thing was, he did look sorry for her. He looked sad, and not for himself, for her. No one else ever had. Almost all of the doctors never did. All the tests, the studies they did on her. She was just a number— a lab rat. A one in a billion genetic anomaly to be studied. They didn’t give a damn about her.
She noticed his face had lost its color suddenly, almost like he was scared. Seconds before, he looked like a guy who wouldn’t be scared of anything.
“Pardon my rudeness, is it a genetic condition?”
“Yes. How— I mean how would you know that? Did you write the note, the note in my locker?”
She looked at his eyes again; it was like he had just realized something very important. She felt totally off guard now; nothing was making sense. How could he possibly guess it was genetic? Most people would assume cancer.
“Note?” he asked. He sounded confused.
“Someone wrote me a note, gave me this address, before the call.”
He put his head down and she thought she heard him swear.
“I didn’t write it, but I think I may know who did.”
“A friend of yours? Someone trying to help you?”
“You could say that. It’s complicated.” She noticed he was looking at her more closely now. And he looked like he was in pain now.
She smiled a bit. “Isn’t it always? With women, I mean.” She made a guess that it was a woman involved in all this.
