by Leland Roys
He looked serious again.
“Have you told anyone else, someone you can talk to?”
“No, no— I don’t. I mean, there is no one anymore. How do you know all this? Do I know you?”
“I wish I could say you did. It would be a great honor to be your friend. You’re a wonderful person, Nikki.”
“Do I get a question now?”
“Of course.”
“So why are you up here?”
“Oh, my dear. I’m afraid that’s a very long story.”
“Well, we are not going anywhere it seems.”
He smiled and laughed. “Are you actually trying to speed this up?”
“No! I mean, of course not. I—” Then it happened. She laughed. She actually laughed. And then even worse, it turned into one of those uncontrollable laughs, like back in high school when you laughed so hard you threw up. She couldn’t remember the last time she laughed. It had been ages. She tried so hard to stop; she stared at him, he was laughing hard as well. Tears of laughter rolling down his face.
“Did you feel that? The building—” He looked at her calmly.
She did, and it had calmed her. “Yes, the sway.”
“So you can feel it, too, like the building is talking to you.” he said softly.
“Do you want to go back in now? I will walk in with you.” He seemed so calm.
She felt frozen, dazed. Actually she didn’t want to go back in. This was the happiest, weirdest moment she had experienced in such a long time. She had to snap out of this madness. He was now talking her down from the ledge!
“Yes, yes, let’s do that. She was shaking like crazy now, tears flowing. He was there so fast. He took her hand before she even knew what happened. He took her back through the window.
“Nikki, will you make me a promise?” Alex asked.
She nodded.
“Promise me you will hold on a bit longer. For me?”
“OK.” She felt completely numb, she wasn’t sure what she had just agreed to.
“It was my pleasure to make your acquaintance, Nikki.”
He kissed her hand, and in a flash was outside the window again. He pulled it shut from the outside.
“Shit!” She scrambled back up off the floor and ran to the window and yanked it open.
He was gone.
“Nikki, what’s happening up there? He inside? We lost your secondary radio.”
“He jumped! Damn it, Eric! He jumped!”
“Nikki, come back? No one jumped. We are clear down here. You said he is ESU— Nikki, copy?”
She sat down and pushed herself against the wall. She rubbed her eye where she had been punched, just like he said. She wiped the tears off her face and waited for her team. Her mind was like a blinding white snowstorm. And she was lost inside it.
• • •
Café de Flore
Alex walked to Café de Flore and took his regular seat. A hot cup of coffee awaited him.
How could he be such a fool? He was an idiot, plain and simple. He knew he wouldn’t have to wait long. When he saw her, it was the same. The rush, the pain, the emotions. So strong, overwhelming. He still loved her so deeply.
She sat across from him without saying a word.
“Rebecca.”
“Alexander.”
“So this was all a set up. Another one of their sick games?” he asked.
She sighed and checked her makeup. “Poor Alex. You’re just too good for this world. With all your honor and duty. Won’t you ever learn? Even after all these years?”
“Is her name really Nikki? She has it?”
“She gave you her real name then. See, you still have it, that charm, you never did lose that. I guess you never will. Maybe you can be lovers? The two of you.”
“Stop it, Rebecca. It’s not funny anymore.”
She looked more serious now and turned to him with focus. “You still love me, don’t you?”
He didn’t say anything. He did love her, even after everything. Decades later. He still did.
“Well, I would do it myself, but you know how that turned out the last time. I don’t have the skills like you. You always had a way with it. I guess I got lucky with you.”
“Maybe she wants to die. We don’t know her. Maybe she is ready. We are not gods, Rebecca.”
She tossed a file folder across the table.
“Read up. That’s her life. Everything. Sad actually. She hasn’t had a good time of it so far. You know that can all change. It’s all in there, medical records; she is one of us, Alex. Think about it. How often does this chance come around?”
“What makes you think I will do this?”
“We both know you will. Remember, I know you— honor, love, romance. It’s who you are, Alex. Don’t run from yourself now.”
He looked at her. She was so beautiful. He wanted so badly to look away. She still had him, he was putty in her hands.
“Where have you been?”
“Everywhere. Paris. Rome. The world. I was even a teacher for some time. I suppose you have been here the last 70 years. You waste it you know. This gift.”
“Maybe I don’t think it’s a gift.”
She smiled. He was still mesmerized by her smile, it was like nothing had changed.
“Do you remember Paris in the springtime? Making love under the full moon. The spring air like dancing flowers.”
He hesitated. The one place they had not been was Paris. They had planned on it before she left him.
She took his hand softly. He felt that same electricity, the connection. It reminded all his senses of just how much he missed her.
“I remember,” she said quietly, almost as a whisper. “Don’t waste it, Alex.” She started to leave. “I hope it goes well with Nikki.”
He wanted to beg her to stay, say anything, something that would make her understand that he couldn’t live without her another day. Nothing came out. He just sat there and watched her walk away. Just like she had walked away 70 years ago. Gone.
His coffee was refilled as he opened the file.
Nikki Edmanton— 29 years old— one of the youngest and best ESU officers... Rebecca hadn’t lied. Her life had sucked. Parents died in a car accident when she was 10. Relatives didn’t want her, grew up in foster care. Medical records... she had it— almost one in a billion— the genetic disease was killing her; two months maybe. The pain must be unbearable. He remembered the pain. He could still remember the pain like it was yesterday. Hundreds of years couldn’t erase the memories of that torture.
Pictures of her — jogging, laughing, all types of pictures. She had been happy once. Maybe for a short time it seemed. Then he saw it. A picture of her out cold in a dirty alley. Beaten and left for dead. Her eye, that’s why she had the black eye.
There was a handwritten note:
The drug dealer took his
last breath that night,
you can thank me later. — R.
He slammed the folder shut and spilled some of his coffee. He put his head down to think. Rebecca was right, of course. She was always right. She had tried to do it before. It had to be him if it was going to happen. And she was right about another thing. He would do it. He knew it when he looked into Nikki’s eyes on the ledge. He was already in too deep.
• • •
Records
Nikki was spent after the hours being debriefed. She was as good as fired this time. The guy was in the wind. She just had a name. Alex. And most likely that wasn’t his real name. None of it made sense. She walked down to the Records Division. It was a stupid hunch, he clearly must have been crazy. She didn’t say anything about the note. She knew she should have, the problem was, this was her last day. If she told them about the note, it would be weeks of investigation, and, of course, disciplinary action. It wasn’t worth it. She would be punished enough by death anyway.
Dianne was one of her best friends, or only close friend maybe, other than Eric. She could go to her for almost an
ything.
“I heard it was wild up there today. What happened, girl?”
“Just a crazy guy. We lost him. He didn’t jump though. At least not today.”
“Ya, they always try again, huh— sad, I guess.”
“Hey, can you do me a favor? A search for a squad member. Going back maybe 10 years or so?”
“Anything for you! Just write down the details; you know I’m a genius with these computers.”
She wrote down his height, must have been about 6’ 2” , 170 pounds or close. Grey-blue eyes, thick black hair with a slight wave. Fit for sure. There was one chance. A tattoo, she had seen it. On his arm. It had an old dagger encrusted with jewels. It seemed to be stabbing an antique looking pocket watch, and wings like from an angel, on both sides. It was unforgettable. She tried her best to remember it and draw it. Nikki’s foster mother was a good artist and had taught her how to sketch.
Dianne scanned the description and drawing. “Wow— sounds like a hunk! Looking for a boyfriend, are we?” She smiled.
“Nah, just a hunch I had about something. It’s a long story.”
“Where is Jake anyway? I thought you were going to marry that one!”
“Oh— he, I mean we decided it wouldn’t work out. It’s for the best.”
“I’m sorry, girl. I have a big mouth. Anyway I’m on it! Go get some rest. You look like hell, girlfriend.”
“Hey, sorry, one more quick one? A drug dealer, well known around here. He would be in the system under the street name of Razor. Could you pull him up?”
“Sure.” She typed it in. She swung the monitor around. “He didn’t have a good night.”
“DOA to the hospital. Full autopsy pending. Throat slit and broken. Massive internal injuries.”
“He was a narc of yours?”
“Ya, Yes. Looks like his time was up.” Nikki felt dizzy and almost fell down.
Nikki’s head was spinning as she sat in the back of the cab. It always trumped anything else. The pain. So bad now that she had turned to street drugs. She had no choice. The hospital shit was useless. It was coming down to morphine; she shivered at the thought.
Nikki didn’t feel like watching the city today. Usually she loved the busy streets, the people-watching. She kept her head down and stared at the dirty floor of the cab.
He kept flashing through her head. Alex. That wasn’t his name, well, what did it matter? He made her laugh, really laugh. Nikki smiled when she thought about it; even the pain didn’t break through for a moment.
Jumper? Maybe he was. She wasn’t sure now. If he was, then it wouldn’t be long before he tried it again. They always did. Almost always. Nikki tried her best to follow up on the people she talked down. Some made it, most didn’t. She remembered Julie— a beautiful sixteen-year old— Nikki had talked her down from the edge. She visited her for months. Julie was doing better now, had a job, even engaged to a nice guy. Those were the ones she tried to remember.
The cabbie tapped the glass. Nikki was in a daze again. She paid the fare and stepped out into the New York air. She glanced around. They probably wouldn’t come for her here, but she wasn’t sure. They caught her off guard the last time. She didn’t have it anymore, her sense of danger, her reflexes. The drugs and her condition had dulled her. She was an easy target now. Prey. Just like in the animal world, it was no different she guessed. Sick animals don’t last long, and she was sick and weak. New York City would eat her alive soon, it was just a matter of time. If Razor was really dead, was her dream real? Nothing was making sense today.
Nikki walked up the old stairs. No working elevator. Of course that was a code violation. No one gave a crap, not even her, and she was a cop. The rent was dirt-cheap for the city, no one would complain about a thing.
Paint chipped off the rails. She had to hold on now, she was losing that incredible sense of balance she always had. Nikki remembered as a child she had it. She could climb any tree, climb anything. She loved to be as high up as possible. Her parents would go crazy, but they couldn’t stop her, and she never fell, not once.
She opened her unit and locked the bolts behind her. She dropped her bag and collapsed onto the couch. Zoey jumped on her lap and purred, she was hungry of course. Well, she was always hungry, but Nikki did love that cat. She petted Zoey softly and closed her eyes.
She glanced over at the pile as she called it. She pushed it aside. The huge stack of unpaid bills. “Past due” marked on most of them in bright red, making sure to embarrass the recipient and all the neighbors.
And it was embarrassing. She had always paid her bills. She used to be so in control. The medical expenses crushed her. Insurance wouldn’t touch her condition. Rare, incredibly rare. One in a billion, no coverage for you. Jerks. She spent every cent she had on the pain killers and the tests. Most of it was a waste of time, she was going to die anyway. Nikki kicked herself inside for wasting all that test money. Useless. And even the pain killers didn’t work now.
She had turned to the street. She missed a payment and they had beat the shit out of her. Caught off guard. So stupid. She used to be so much better than this.
Zoey looked up at her. She still loved her, no matter what. Even though she was a junky, Zoey didn’t care.
She pulled herself off the couch and grabbed some cat food. Next was the needle. She didn’t have much left. She had to ration it now. It was decision time. The pain was unbearable without the drugs, and this time she would be out for good. She had to end it before that happened. Zoey seemed to know; Nikki actually thought Zoey did know. Animals seemed to have some type of sixth sense.
“Don’t worry, Zoey, I will find someone to take care of you. I promise.” Zoey purred and rubbed her legs as if in appreciation.
Promise me. He said: Promise me you will hold on. He was crazy, but still, she had said yes, just because. What was she going to say? Why would he say something like that? So weird. This whole day was surreal.
She was too tired to take a shower. She curled up with Zoey on the couch and tried to sleep. She hadn’t really slept for days, the pain was too much. She would try again. All she could do was try. A tear rolled down her cheek as she smelled his cologne.
She couldn’t believe she still cried. So he left her. Why should she hate him? She didn’t hate him anymore, she decided. He left her when things got bad, when he found she was going to die. She missed him so much. She shouldn’t, but shouldn’t didn’t mean shit. When you loved someone, it doesn’t matter. They can be dirt and you still love them. She wished she couldn’t smell anymore, she hated the memories that came with scents. His leaving, the city life, fun. She wished they could take away her ability to smell now. Never in a million years would she have thought it would come to a bizarre thought like that.
Zoey pushed against her face. She was right. Stop thinking, try to sleep. She drifted off.
• • •
Tattoo
Dianne had known Nikki since before she joined ESU. Something seemed off with her lately. She didn’t know what it was, but something was wrong. She was going to visit her soon, she decided, and have a girl to girl talk. Nikki was one of the reasons she enjoyed working here; if something bad was happening in her life, she wanted to be there for her.
She started to grab her stuff and pack up for the day when the computer beeped. She glanced over and looked at the screen.
A match had come back on the tattoo, the one that Nikki had described from the mystery man, the jumper. Her heart stopped for a moment as she looked at the details of the entry. It must be a mistake. It said 1945; that was impossible. The description of the tattoo matched perfectly. Still, there was no picture, so it was most likely a crazy coincidence. She realized she had forgotten to put in 10 years for the search window. The computer had searched the entire database.
She was fully involved now. She picked up the phone and called Lawrence at the warehouse.
“Lawrence, it’s Dianne, you have a second?”
“For you!
Always.”
She knew he liked her, and, well, she had always had a crush on him. Maybe if things had gone differently years back. She had been married, lots had happened since then. Who knew, maybe they still could get together someday.
“I got a hit on a tattoo, from a possible jumper today. Thing is, get this, it says 1945 for the date. Is it possible they still have the files from back then?”
He laughed. “They keep everything. If they had files back then, they kept it. Need me to take a look?”
“If you don’t mind?”
“Anything for you.” She could almost hear him smile through the phone.
“Can you call me back here? I don’t have a fax at home.”
“Sure, at least they gave me a golf cart now, so it shouldn’t take me that long to find it.”
She looked down at the hand drawn picture of the man Nikki had said was on the ledge. If he really existed, he sure was good looking. She started to smile.
She had almost dozed off when the phone rang.
“I think you owe me a visit down here, I had to climb to the top of an old shelf to find this one. ” He laughed.
“I would like that actually.”
“I am scanning it over now. There is a file on this guy. It was in the old section. It must be a computer error, because it is 1945.”
Dianne looked at the paper as it printed from the fax. Her eyes got bigger as the photo started to come into view.
“Nikki is going to freak out!” She said out loud.
• • •
Flashback
“Jake. You know I’m too sick to go anywhere, why are you packing?”
“I was going to leave you a note. You’re home early.”
“A note? Why didn’t you call my cell?”
She noticed he had only one bag.
