She stiffened. “She could have told you.”
“You could have too. You’re my mother.” I turned away and sucked in a breath trying to get myself under control. I knew my mother would find it easier to dismiss me if I appeared unhinged. Finally, I turned back, and pointed my figure at my mother. “He’s coming here tomorrow and you will be kind to him.”
“Maybe you should take him to your place,” Bri said.
“He needs to meet his family. He’s a Roarke. All this,” I held my hands out to indicate the house and all that my family owned. “It will be his someday.”
My mother hissed out a breath. “He’s not one of us.”
I leaned to her. “Whose fault is that?”
“You don’t talk to me like that.” Her hard eyes stared back at me. “That woman wasn’t good enough for you.”
She was right about that, but that wasn’t the point. “He’s a part of me. A part of you. Can you be so heartless?”
“Devin.” My father’s voice was stern but not censuring. “If you believe he’s your son, the boy will be welcome—”
“We should have a DNA—”
“The boy will be welcome here,” my father said to my mother.
She gave him a scathing glare.
“This is an innocent child, Katherine. It isn’t his fault he’s in this situation. It sounds like it’s partly your fault.” I wondered if it was his illness that made my father seem much more empathetic.
“I will not—”
“He will be welcome in the home and Devin and the mother can work out whatever needs to be done.”
“What about our reputation?” my mother hissed.
“I suspect that if what I’m hearing is true, we’re probably lucky that this woman didn’t sell the story about how Katherine Roarke tried to sell her grandchild.” My father sat and ran a hand over his head. He looked exhausted.
“I did not sell my grandchild. I’m not convinced it is my grandchild.”
“You offered her money to go away,” Bri said. “That sounds like selling to me.”
“I don’t have to take this!” With her chin up, my mother strode out of the room.
My father looked up at me. “You’re sure that this child is yours?”
I nodded.
“Have you talked to a lawyer yet?”
“Not yet.”
“What? Why? You’re not going to take him away from his mother, are you?” Brianna stepped up next to me, putting her hand on my arm. “That would be too cruel.”
“You think I should be nice to her?” I quirked a brow.
“I meant for the boy.”
I gritted my teeth, wondering how long before they fell out from all the tension. “I’m not taking him from her, but I’m damn well going to protect my rights.”
“Good.” She smiled. “I’m an auntie. How fun.” She turned and skipped from the room.
I was left with my father. Slowly he stood. “I’ll do my best to keep your mother under control, but you’d be wise to have a paternity test—”
“You saw him.”
My father held up his hand. “I did. But your mother may not be the only one to question his paternity. It would protect him and you to have it confirmed officially. It would protect the mother’s reputation as a gold-digger as well.”
While I didn’t care much about protecting Serena’s feelings, I didn’t want her smeared either.
I suppose he had a point about having a confirmation to shut up people who might question it. But in the end, all that mattered was that I believed it. I knew it. Andrew was my son.
“Now. You’re going to have to think about running this business and being a father. I know today, young people think they can do everything, but you’ll need to consider getting a nanny.”
I closed my eyes, remembering what it was like spending time with Andrew, in contrast to my doing that stuff growing up with a nanny.
“One step at a time,” I said, not wanting to discuss it with my father. Would I need childcare? Probably. But right now, I was going to focus on being Andrew’s father.
I headed up to my room. As I went down the hall, I considered which might be best for Andrew. Or maybe I should have him sleep in my room.
I opened my door and found Bri sitting on my bed.
She stared at me with that smile sisters got when they were ready to hassle you.
“I’m not in the mood.” I took off my coat and tie, tossing them on a chair.
“Oh come on, Devin. You have some explaining to do. Who is the mother?”
I went to the window, looking out over the river. “It doesn’t matter.”
Bri came and sat in the window seat. “I know I’m a pain in the ass sister, but I’m a pain in the ass sister that cares for you.”
I sat next to her. “Her name is Serena.”
“The event lady? No wonder she was pissed when I told her you were canoodling Evie at the anniversary party.”
God, that felt like a million years ago. “She accused me of cheating and lying and the whole time she was keeping him from me.” I looked at Bri. “Is there something wrong with me?”
Her expression was a mixture of pity and annoyance. “Don’t get all melodramatic, Devin. No. There’s nothing wrong with you. But there is with this family. I have to tell you, in her situation, I might have thought twice about disclosing that information.”
“Really? I’m his father.”
“His grandmother offered money to make her go away. Mom knew that child was yours. Was her grandchild, and she sent her off. Who’d want their kid around that kind of callousness?”
I rolled my shoulders. “I can see that, but—”
“But what?”
“I told her I loved her. Since the moment I saw her again, I’d pursued her hard. Worked to convince her I was sincere.” I looked at Bri with my heart bleeding out. “She wouldn’t have ever told me if she had her way.”
“Oh Devin.” She threw her arms around me. For a moment, I let myself be held by her. But I didn’t have time to wallow in my pain. Only pussies did that.
I pulled away. “I’ve got to get ready. He’s coming tomorrow at nine.”
“I can’t wait to meet him.”
I smiled. Despite the pain, thinking of Andrew filled my heart. “You’ll love him. He’s so smart.”
“Well of course. He’s a Roarke.” Her brows pulled together. “Will you have him take your name?”
I nodded. “Maybe I should ask him though. I know he’s only four, but I don’t want to overwhelm him with change, you know?”
She stood and smiled. “You’re going to be a great dad. And me, I’m going to be the best auntie ever.” She put her arm through mine. “Come on, let's go find him the best room in the house. I think some of our old toys are in the attic. Let’s see what cool treasures we find there.” She stopped. “No…let's take him up there and let him explore.” She grinned as she led me out the door. “It’s going to be so fun.”
25
Serena
The next morning, I woke to a cold, rainy day. The gray, dreariness fit my life, I decided. Normally, I’d take the subway in the city, but since Andrew was going to the Roarke home, I didn’t want him showing up wet and tired from the walking the invariably went with taking the train. So, I ordered a car.
My mother and father stopped by as I helped Andrew put on his backpack.
“I’m going to see my daddy,” he told them. He was keeping a firm upper lip, but I could see he was nervous. The mother in me wanted to protect him from his anxiety, but I knew I couldn’t.
“You’re going to have a good time, too,” my mother said. I could see in her face that she was feeling like I was. She was putting on a brave front for him. “I made you some cookies to share with your dad.” She handed him a plate. “Oh and, I’ve tapped the Irish stew recipe on the top.”
I quirked a brow.
“Way to a man’s heart is through the stomach, right?” she said.
>
I gave her a wan smile. I appreciated her effort, but cookies and stew wouldn’t make up for what I’d done.
“You ready?” I asked.
“Yep.”
“You have fun, young man,” my father said. He didn’t look like he’d slept all night. When I had the time, I’d have to reassure him that it was okay he leaked my secret. I suspected no matter how it came out that Devin would have taken it badly. Should he have heard it from me? Yes, but I’d waited so long that there was no way he wouldn’t have been upset.
“I will, Grandpa.”
They rode with us down to their floor, and then it was just Andrew and I. Me and him against the world, I remember thinking when the nurse put him in my arms after a long labor.
“I love you, Andrew.”
“I love you too, Mommy.” He leaned against me as the elevator slid down.
“I just want to be sure that you know that. You’re going to spend some time with your dad because we both want you and we have to share.”
“I know.” He shrugged. I guess it was a good thing that he didn’t feel like I was trying to get rid of him.
The car was waiting when we exited the building. I helped Andrew in and gave the address for the Roarke mansion. I wondered if I should warn Andrew how different it would be there. Devin might think I was somehow trying to sway his experience, so I kept it to myself.
We pulled up in front of the limestone home along Riverside Drive in the upper west side of the city. My hands shook as I helped him from the car. Please God, don’t let them hurt my baby, I whispered the prayer as I walked Andrew up the front steps to the arched front doorway.
“Does Daddy live in a castle?” Andrew asked as he took in the ornate carved scallops and cherubs adorning the building.
“It’s a big house, isn’t it?” I said, not sure how to respond. I knocked on the door and was surprised when Devin answered. I’d expected a butler or something. How strange that I’d felt so close to him five years and then recently, but I’d never been here.
He smiled when he saw Andrew. “Hey champ. Welcome home.”
I flinched, and bit back a response that this wasn’t his home.
Devin’s smile was polite to me. “Come in.”
Andrew and I stepped into the foyer. It was marble and wood with a coffered ceiling.
“It’s fancy here,” Andrew said as he took in the surroundings.
“We’ve got a pool in the basement,” Devin said.
Andrew’s eyes widened. “In the house?”
It was stupid because I was in this situation from my own selfishness, but I wanted to lash out at Devin. He didn’t need to rub in how much more he could give Andrew than I could. But I bit my tongue.
I mustered a smile. “Andrew sweetie, I’m going to go now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“’Kay.” He gave me an absent hug as his eyes continued to scan the room. I tried not to take it personally.
“I’ll bring him home tomorrow,” Devin said as I reluctantly went to the door.
I nodded, swallowing the cry of pain that threatened. “He’s got cookies for you and your family. And my mother sent you the Irish stew recipe, since you seemed to like it.”
His eyes narrowed and I wasn’t sure if he was surprised or suspicious by that.
“Thank you.”
I took a last glance at Andrew, who was looking at a painting of a nineteenth-century man I suspected was an ancestor of Devin’s.
“Andrew, be a good listener,” I said.
“I will,” he said absently.
It took every ounce of strength I had to walk out that door. It was only 24 hours, but so much could change in that time. Andrew loved me, but he was a little boy. This house was going to be more fun. Devin could buy him all the things I couldn’t. His mother could poison him against me. I was terrified that the child I was dropping off, wouldn’t be the child I received back tomorrow.
“He’ll be fine, Serena.”
I nodded. “Yes. Of course. If you have any questions or—”
“If there’s a problem I’ll call.”
I’d reached the bottom of the steps when I heard Devin say, “Andrew wait just a minute. I want to ask your mom something.”
I turned as Devin came to me. “Why didn’t you take the money?”
“What?”
“When my mother offered you the money, why didn’t you take it?”
I couldn’t imagine why it mattered. “The first time it was—”
“The first time?” He set his hands on his hips and frowned.
“Yes, she offered me money to soothe the pain of losing you, I guess. It sounded like I wasn’t the first one she’d had to soothe.”
He was shaking his head, but I wasn’t sure if it was at me or at his mother.
“I didn’t take it that time because I was pissed at being dumb enough to fall for you, when I should have known you were just being a player.”
“That’s not true. I cared for you.”
I shrugged. “The second time, I was so offended by her that I vowed I’d never take anything from the Roarke family.” I worked to bite back the words I wanted to use to describe his mother. “I accept full responsibility for your pain. But she was ready to let you go through life not knowing you had a son, too. In fact, she was ready to pay money to ensure you never knew. Once she made the offer, I knew I didn’t want my child anywhere near a woman who’d do that to her own child and grandchild.” Worried I’d gone too far, I looked down and took a breath. Once I felt stable, I looked at him again. “I know you can give him more things, Devin. And I know you care for him—”
“I love him.”
“I’m glad, because he needs that more than things or stuff or a reputation in an elite family.”
He glared. “You have some nerve to judge me.”
“Not you. Your mother and I made this bed. And I get that you can’t walk away from family like you can walk away from me. But you asked me why I didn’t take the money. Why I wanted to keep Andrew from you. She’s a large reason why.”
“You were wrong.”
“I was wrong to keep him from you. Absolutely, but I’m going to be honest with you Devin, I’m scared to death of what your mother might say or do to Andrew.”
His jaw tightened but he didn’t defend her. “I won’t let anyone hurt him.”
I tried to smile because this was going to be my life from now on. Me and Devin trying to be civil while co-parenting Andrew.
“You should probably get back to him. He’s a good boy, but he is four and likes to explore.”
“One more thing,” he said as I turned to leave.
“I want him to take my name.”
It was a fair request and yet the timing was such that I felt like he was purposefully trying to hurt me. I nodded my agreement and then started up the street since I hadn’t asked the car to stay. I’d get a block away and then decide what to do next. I didn’t have to work. I didn’t have to be with my son. I didn’t want to be at home or with my parents. What was there to do for a sad lonely woman in New York City?
26
Devin
I trotted back inside, pushing aside the idea that mother twice interfered with my relationship with Serena. Serena was wrong to keep Andrew from me, but I couldn’t deny that it would be impossible for her to go up against my mother. Serena was right, my mother was a part of keeping Andrew from me.
“Andrew?” I called when I entered the foyer but didn’t see him. Oh shit, had I fucked up already.
“You looking for this guy?” my sister said, at the top of the stairs that went to the main floor. “I found him exploring. You should probably deter him from that. The monster won’t like it.”
Andrew’s eyes widened. “There’s a monster.”
“Jesus, Bri, don’t scare him. There’s no monster,” I said, taking the steps up two-by-two.
“Mother. I meant mother.” She smirked at me. “Breakfast is ready.”
&
nbsp; “Give me a minute.”
She bent down and looked at Andrew. “If he gets too boring, you come see your Auntie Bri, okay?”
He nodded. “Okay.”
She headed toward the dining room.
“It probably is best if you don't explore alone,” I said. “You can with me or Bri.” When I reached him, I squatted down to his level. “Did you have breakfast?”
His head bobbed up and down. “Toast and peanut butter.”
“For breakfast?” Was that a real breakfast?
“It has protein. Mommy says I need protein in the morning for my brain.” He pointed to his head.
“What about eggs?”
He squished up his face. “Yuck.”
“Pancakes?”
“I like pancakes but those are only for the weekend. Is it the weekend?”
“Yes. I’ve got pancakes for you this morning, if you’re hungry.”
He shrugged.
“Come on.” I took his hand and led him to the dining room. I inhaled a breath and second-guessed the wisdom of introducing him to my parents so soon. Maybe I should have taken him to my place.
We stepped into the entryway. Only Bri was there. I had a moment to regather my wits.
“How many people are in your family?” Andrew asked as he looked into the room.
“Four. Five including you.”
“Why do you have such a big table then?”
“He is brilliant,” Bri said as she poured herself coffee from the buffet.
“I don’t know,” I answered him. “Here, sit next to me.”
He climbed into the seat, but he was too short to adequately reach the table.
He maneuvered onto his knees. “I didn’t bring my booster.”
“I’ll get you one later,” I said. I hadn’t even thought about what he might need. Jesus, I was fucking up this father thing from the get-go.
Carl entered with a plate, bringing it to Andrew. “Pancakes, sir.”
Andrew frowned. “I’m not a sir.”
Heart of Hope: Books 1-4 Page 43
