Merely Alive

by Lalae Mozie

  I slammed my head into the window, hitting it as hard as I could, hoping to die.

  I ended up with my head in Greg’s lap. I could feel him rubbing my head. Rose was explaining what had just happened to Greg. I decided to pretend like I was asleep a little longer so I could wrap my head around things.

  A few minutes later, I sat up and yawned and looked up at Greg and Rose; their faces were strained with concern. I saw two great friends who were always there for me. I loved them with all my heart and realized I would do anything for them.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “We’re here,” Greg said solemnly.

  Rose and I got up from the seat. She took my arm and pulled me closer to her. I sniffled and then let out a huge sigh. All I wanted to do was go home. Greg led us to a different bus station; there we would wait for another bus to come by that would take us further out to the country. I sat next to Greg and laid my head in his lap. None of us knew what to do. We were all scared.

  “How long do we have to wait, Greg?”

  “Not very long; be patient!”

  “Well, we need to get Maya a place to stay.”

  “Rose! Just stop!”

  “What? What did I do wrong? I’m worried about my friend!”

  “Yeah? She’s not a baby, Rose! She can handle herself!”

  “Stop!” I jumped in before they got physical. “I’ve had enough fighting for one day. Just stop—I can’t take it!”

  Two hours passed, and nobody came. The road was as bare as a desert. Rose got up and walked away; I saw she was tired and frustrated. I scooted away from Greg and sat in Rose’s spot. Greg came closer and leaned in until our faces were close.

  “Greg, stop. We can’t do this. Rose needs me now, and I need her. I can’t leave her. We promised we would always be there for each other. This is a hard time. I’m sorry.”

  Greg leaned away and sighed. He pursed his lips, slapped his hands on his thighs, and said, “Maya, when are you ever going to think about yourself for once?”

  He got up and walked away.

  “Greg! I didn’t mean to .”

  Angrily, I made a decision. I got up and screamed, “Listen to me! We’re going home, and that’s it. My decision! I don’t care if we had different plans earlier! I’m in charge now!” Rose came dashing back, but Greg just looked back and shrugged. I started walking in the opposite direction of Greg, and Rose followed. We just left Greg behind us, not knowing what would happen.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “Rose, where are you?”

  We were hiding from Nazis once again. We had just gotten of a second bus when some of the Nazis that were chasing us before spotted us. I was crouched in a little ball in a dark alley. I had a twisted ankle that might be broken, and my clothes were wet. “Rose?” I called again, and there was no answer. What if the Nazis had caught her? Just as I was about to call her name louder, the Nazis came down the alley. Their guns were cocked and ready to shoot.

  “Da ist sie!” they called as they pointed to me. Like a lightning bolt, I scrambled out of my hiding place and dashed down the dark, dirty road. I rounded a corner and sped down the street. The Nazis were hot on my tail. I stopped in my tracks because I saw a Nazi coming toward me from the other side. I quickly looked for a way to outrun him and couldn’t find one. I decided to take my chances. I bolted down the dark road and hid behind a house. I peered behind the house and saw the Nazis looking around. After about ten minutes, they gave up and turned back around. I waited for half an hour before coming out of my hiding spot.

  I slowly turned around and looked at the house I had been hiding behind. I felt like I was going to die. I fell to the ground with a slight thump. It was my grandmother’s summertime home, but it had been deserted for years. Elana and I had always spent our summers there with her. I walked around the old, faintly pink house and remembered my past. I remembered when we cracked the attic window and how Elana drew pictures on the wall. There was a white, wooden fence running along the whole house. We had named the pickets.

  After my tour of the house, I tiptoed out into the lit street. I was hungry, tired, and alone with no place to go. I quickly walked down the road and peeked around the corner. The coast was clear. I jogged behind a tree and lay on the ground right next to a small pond. Once I was settled, I fell asleep with no dreams at all.

  I awoke with a start. I felt something touch me and was too afraid to look. Something smelled very bad, so I couldn’t resist wrinkling my nose.

  “I know you’re awake,” an old, shaky voice whispered.

  I sat up and rubbed my eyes. It was dawn, and the streets were empty. Looking up, I saw an old woman in her nightgown. She was leaning over me, looking concerned.

  “Are you all right, sugar?”

  “Yes . I’m fine,” I answered. “I’m just lost, that’s all.”

  “Come with me, dear. I’ll fix you up.”

  She lightly grabbed my arm and helped me up. I followed her down the street to her house. She opened the creaky wooden door and led me inside. Her house was filled with many gadgets and knickknacks; it looked like a wonderland. She sat me down in a rocking chair and disappeared into another room. She came back carrying a hot drink and a blue blanket.

  Handing me the mug, she asked, “Do you know how to get back home?”

  I didn’t answer. I was too shocked. I wanted so badly to be back with Greg and Rose, I couldn’t stand it! I started sniffling, and soon enough, tears were falling.

  “Well, my name is Andrew, Andrew Dafsari,” she said with a generous look on her face. “No need to be timid, my child.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  I had been living with Andrew for two weeks. After three days, I decided I could trust her. She had been very kind to me, and somehow she reminded me of Mrs. Coffman. I told her everything from Elana’s death to not being able to find Rose when the Nazis were after us. She took it all in. She tried to give me advice, but I shut her out. I didn’t want her to try to fix what couldn’t be fixed.

  To keep myself entertained, each day I would wake up and look out my window, searching for Greg, Rose, and even for Elana, which was hopeless since I saw her lying on the street covered in blood. I would search the streets when it was safe, calling their names in hope they would hear me. Every night, I would wake up screaming and sobbing from the terrible nightmares that suggested Greg and Rose were dead.

  Andrew knew that the searching was bad for my health, so to keep me sane, she would send me off with her oldest grandchildren, Sophie and Ryan. They would take me to places that kept my mind off of my loved ones. I was so thankful.

  One day, Sophie took me to an area where she used to play with her brother when she was little. In order to get there, we had to pass a cemetery that had graves for the people of Denmark lost in the war. I was drawn to the graveyard, so instead of following Sophie, I ran over to the cemetery.

  Searching through the cemetery, I realized I knew many of the people. So many memories raced through my mind. Someone had taken the time to identify and bury all of these people. I knew that I was going mad right then and there. I started to tremble and walk faster. Christine, our neighbor, Stanley, the butcher, Mary, the artist that lived up the street from the school that Rose, Greg, and I used to attend. All dead. But the most haunting of all was Rose Coffman.

  I sank to my knees, putting my hand to my heart because I was sure it had stopped beating. I was speechless. I knew that Rose was in danger, but never did I think she would be killed. Shock, disbelief, sorrow, agony, anger, all these emotions flushed into my body. By the time Sophie had run up to me, I was screaming and crying.

  “Why! Those Nazis! They’re aliens!”

  I started to curse them so loudly that Sophie had to cover my mouth and drag me away. I kicked her and punched her until she let go of me to clutch her wounde
d areas. I spotted the nearest Nazi—he was right beside a park bench—and sprinted to him. I caught him by surprise and lurched at him, baring my teeth like an animal.

  I beat him up, punching and kicking, until Sophie reeled me off of him and slammed my body into the ground. The Nazi pointed his rifle at me and cocked it, ready to pull the trigger. I knew this was the end and that I would soon join Rose and all the other people I had seen in the cemetery.

  When the Nazi pulled the trigger, Sophie leapt in front of me, taking the bullet in her chest. She fell to the ground, letting gravity take over. The Nazi left us there on the ice-cold street. I wanted to move to Sophie and to check if her heart was still beating, but I had hit my head hard on impact and knew it was bleeding from the fall.

  I managed to flip myself on my stomach, with my elbow propping me up. Sophie gave a moan and started to tremble. The area that had been shot was warm with blood. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I looked at her pained expression and felt hatred toward all the German Aliens. She gave me one last lovingly look and then went limp. She had left to join the others in heaven.

  Once again, I had lost a loved one from this treacherous war.

  It must have been nightfall when Ryan came searching for us and found his dead sister on the ground with an unconscious girl on her chest. He called for help, and a nearby neighbor came to his rescue. Together, they brought me to Andrew’s house and took Sophie to Ryan’s.

  I was taken care of by Andrew while Ryan held a funeral for Sophie. I had a feeling that she’d rather be mourning over Sophie’s loss with her grandson instead. She probably hated me for letting Sophie die instead of myself. A few days after the incident, we were sitting in her living room. I was in a soft, fluffy chair across from Andrew. The room smelled of tobacco.

  “You hate me, don’t you?” I said quietly, afraid of her answer.

  She looked at me as if I had lost my mind. I couldn’t argue with her because I had been swept away from reality. Oftentimes, she had to help me grasp hold of my life, which was slowly slipping away from the terror I had faced.

  “I don’t hate you,” Andrew said.

  “I don’t believe you. I know you would rather have Sophie here than me. If you would like, I could leave you.”

  “Maya, you’re in very bad condition and obviously need care. I couldn’t possibly leave you to fend for yourself,” she simply stated, showing no emotion. “But that’s not the reason. Even though you have caused something terrible, I do love you as my own daughter.”

  I was shocked, and she must have seen it on my face because she said, “Maya, if I didn’t love you, do you think I would have kept you here?”

  “Why did you take me in when I was on the street?” I asked.

  “You remind me of my own daughter, Sophie and Ryan’s mother. They lost her in a fire. She was very much like you. Strong, brave, and had great love for her friends and family. She could handle anything. I wasn’t sure at first, but when I caught you sneaking around my house, I knew you were just like Adelaide. She was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. One time, she got caught in school for looking at the teacher’s private possessions.”

  Andrew gave a little snicker, as if she were remembering the good times. She sat there staring off into space. I was sure she had fallen asleep because her eyes had closed and she was taking deep breaths. I left the room, so she could have some time alone.

  I couldn’t stand seeing the pained look on Andrew’s face any longer, so I packed up a few things: food, water, and two dresses that I had found in an old cabinet. I left the next morning around dawn. I walked the roads until the city was just dots when I turned around. I had left a note for Andrew. It said that I couldn’t hurt her any longer.

  When I couldn’t see the city anymore, I made an area to sleep on the ground. I took out the porridge and started slurping it up. All around me, there were a bunch of trees that had just begun to lose their leaves. It was a cloudy day, and the birds were away. I recalled all of the events that took place since I left my parents.

  I needed to get home. I needed to find Greg and tell him everything. He was the only person I trusted, but I wasn’t sure what he would do if I found him, considering the fight we had. I knew I never should have let Rose choose between her brother and her friend. Greg could have protected her. I didn’t, and now she was dead. I stared off into the sky, lying on my back and waiting for sleep to come.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “Maya? Maya! Maya! Wake up! It’s me!” I heard this voice toward the end of my usual nightmare, the one about my fight with Elana. Finally, I pried my eyes open and saw Greg standing over me. I jumped up and flung my tired arms around him, not letting go for a long time. We fell to the ground, laughing and crying, happy to finally reunite.

  “How did you find me?” I asked.

  “I was planning on going back to the bus station where we all left each other, and I saw you lying down.”

  We untangled, and I told him about Rose.

  He said he had been with her the night she left the earth. “Maya, I never experienced anything so extremely painful.”

  “I know, Greg. I was heartbroken. I attacked a Nazi,” I said.

  He raised his eyebrows, apparently stunned. “Aren’t you a daredevil?”

  I laughed at that and then grew quiet and solemn before saying, “Please, tell me how Rose died.”

  His face went dark, and tears filled his eyes. His curly hair seemed to droop at the mention of his sister.

  “We were in the city. Hiding in an alley when she got sick. I would take care of her, bring her food and water, and help her get warm and stay clean. Each night, she would whisper something crazy like, ‘I need her,’ ‘Where is the place,’ ‘You’re very beautiful,’ and ‘Dear, dear, dear.’ I couldn’t help but think she was mad. Then one cold night, Rose got a faraway look in her eyes. Her skin was pale, and she held onto me like she was grabbing ahold of her life. She told me she loved me and loosened her hold. I got one last look of warmth in her beautiful blue eyes, and she died.”

  I wanted to ask more questions, but I was afraid it wasn’t the right time, so I took him in my arms and lightly kissed him on his cheek. Not because I felt sorry, not because it felt necessary, but because he was my family now and my only friend.

  Finishing up all the food I brought, we decided that we should move back into the city and search for our houses. We had never really been to the city of Copenhagen before and thus didn’t know our way around. We made our way into Copenhagen without being seen after a few hours of walking. It wasn’t until we reached where Rose had died that I asked him how he found Rose. He quickly answered that he came into the city and went to Koby’s house. Rose had gone back there for cover. They found out they were doing checks for escaped prisoners from Auschwitz, and they had to take cover. After she died, he went to the bus station where we had left him.

  I sat down and took everything in. Greg was strong. Rose must’ve gone back to Koby’s for protection when we got split up. I suddenly remembered the crazy things Rose had said when she was dying. They were our memories that we shared. The “Dear, dear, dear” was when we were following this boy Rose had liked, Christopher Salami. We were laughing hysterically because he had said, “Dear, dear, dear,” right when he lost his pants. I wish I could have been there to comfort her just as she had done for me every day since we met. I was so selfish!

  After a day of searching through Copenhagen’s crazy, unfamiliar streets, we found the Coffmans’ house. It was hard, but Greg and I just kept going down familiar streets. Greg busted through the door to find his parents sitting on the couch weeping. They looked up, very scared, and then realized it was us. Confusion settled over them like a thin sheet. I knew exactly what they were asking: where was Rose? Greg and I took turns explaining everything, and I took the liberty to tell them that Rose had
died. The Coffman parents held hands. Tears fell down their cheeks. They were devastated.

  Suddenly, the bombs came. There were no sirens to warn us, and the watchmen must not have detected the planes. We were on our own. Mr. Coffman led us to the basement in a single-file line with Greg at the rear. He then shut the door, and we all huddled up. We knew that there would be no more life ahead of us.

  I couldn’t stand the thought that I would die in a dark, cold place just as Rose had. I had to get upstairs. I took Greg and told him how I felt—that I finally realized I loved him. I kissed him on the lips, very urgently, and then ran up the stairs with Greg yelling for me to come back.

  I opened the door and saw the road and the people, all the chaos, the same way it was when Elana died. I stood there out in the open, waiting to be killed by Germany. My one wish was that the war would be over. That’s when I saw my whole life flash before my eyes, Elana’s picture wavering. Everything around me turned white, and I was gone.

  EPILOGUE

  Greg walked out of his house the day after the bombings. He looked at all the debris and wreckage. After the shock settled in, Greg searched for Maya, calling her name every five minutes. He finally spotted a colorless, tall body of a thirteen-year-old girl holding a necklace. He fell to the ground and closed Maya’s eyes, his hands trembling. He then kissed her cheek and folded her arms. He made a makeshift grave and placed her in it. A tear fell from Greg’s eye and landed on Maya’s cheek. She then was covered up for all eternity. Later, his parents added a gravestone. It read Maya Findroff, may she rest in peace, friend, daughter, sister.

  For a while, Greg couldn’t forgive or understand why Maya had run up the stairs out to her death. After many nights of pondering the question, he knew that Maya wanted to join Elana, Rose, and Achena. He finally knew Maya could not live with herself, and he realized that Maya had done something for herself.