Open Wheel

by Shey Stahl

  I did when I married him. My problem was that I loved Rager more. And it took me a long time to realize that.

  Easton nodded. “I know…I’m not bent. I’m not.” His thumb brushed over my tears. “I have enough sense to know it’s not me you’re meant to love. It’s him.”

  “I will always have love for you, E.” I pressed my lips to his cheek once more.

  This was our goodbye.

  “I know,” he said, his own tears still flowing. “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I made this last year so unbearable for you. I don’t know what I was thinking.” His hands dropped from my face. “He’ll take care of you. I know that. It’s the only reason I can let go of you right now.”

  I stood, removing myself from his lap. “What about you?”

  “I’ll be fine.” He winked, trying to ease my mind a little. “I’m gonna take a little time off. Head back home for a few weeks.”

  I couldn’t say anymore as a wave of fresh tears hit me again, like a slap to my face. In reality, this had nothing to do with Easton leaving, but the fact that I was emotional, pregnant, and worried about how this was going to look to everyone. “You know this is going to be so messy when it comes out.”

  “Hey,” he tugged me into a hug, “don’t cry anymore…let’s just end this on a good note, one where we’re both happy. I think we both deserve that.”

  Did we?

  Reaching inside my pocket, I pulled out my wedding ring and place it in the palm of his hand. He didn’t say anything, just stared at the ring for a moment. And then placed it in his own pocket as he stood.

  Some probably would have kept the ring. Not me. It wasn’t mine to keep any longer.

  When Easton nodded to the door, I gave a weak smile and reached out to touch the side of his face, feeling the warmth, the passion, and the love. “Take care of yourself.”

  He gave the same weak smile. “You too.” He hugged me once more, then whispered, “Would it be weird for me to say, if he fucks up, you know how to find me?”

  I laughed, it was such a guy thing to say, but it lightened the mood. “Probably.”

  His hand reached out and drew me against his side as he placed a kiss on my temple. And then he started to walk away. When he got to the door, he turned and gave me one last look, smiled, and walked out.

  In that moment, it was easy to think our plan to withhold the news, worked.

  But then again, when we released our statement two days later, and the headline in US Weekly was: SWEET PULLS SLIDE JOB ON NASCAR’S NEWEST PLAYBOY I thought a little differently.

  Regeneration - refers to the electrical energy returned to the drive when a motor acts like a generator as it is slowed mechanically.

  YOU WENT THROUGH a process once someone asked for a divorce. It wasn’t right away.

  It started with a problem. Someone wasn’t happy.

  It ended with a decision. Someone had to make it.

  Separation. Nothing made any sense at this stage.

  Divorced. Final. It was over.

  Ex-wife. A word.

  Divorce wasn’t easy. In the public eye, in front of thousands, it could become downright nasty when fueled by rumors.

  Suddenly, people who had no business knowing anything about your life, knew shit and ran with it.

  Destroyed you.

  And then some deceived you for the possibility of money, monetary rewards on lies.

  We were hidden behind the truth for so long, what now?

  Where did this leave us?

  Lying in bed that morning, January second, the day after the divorce was announced to the public and the paparazzi got a hold of it.

  Rager was on his way out of town with his dad and uncles on a hunting trip, and I wasn’t sure he saw the headlines that morning.

  Part of me hoped he hadn’t.

  COMPETITION CAUTION THROWN FOR RILEY FAMILY

  SWEET PULLS A SLIDE JOB ON NASCAR’S NEWEST PLAYBOY

  LEVI MAKES FIRST PUBLIC APPEARANCE WITHOUT HIS WIFE

  IS THE HALL OF FAMER JAMESON RILEY HEADING FOR THE WALL

  It was sickening to read the articles printed about me and my family.

  LEVI MAKES FIRST PUBLIC APPEARANCE WITHOUT HIS WIFE

  Most everyone in the racing community saw this one coming. Easton Levi, 25-year-old Simplex Shocks and Spring NASCAR Cup driver made his first solo public appearance at the NASCAR Cup Series Awards, without wife, Arie Riley. Rumors fueled that this revved up couple—who’d been thrown into the spotlight at a very young age—was heading for the wall. Levi was crowned champion for the third year in a row.

  Days later, Easton Levi’s publicist announced the couple had filed for divorce back in January. Levi, three-time NASCAR Cup Champion, and Arie Riley, only daughter of Jameson Riley, and recent Hall of Fame inductee, confirmed the divorce through the families PR Director, Alley Riley, declaring the divorce was a mutual decision. “This is, and will remain, a sensitive matter between Easton and Arie. They still care for one another and wish each other the best.”

  But was it a mutual decision?

  A source close to the family revealed there could have been infidelity on both parts.

  Most remember the commercial for Atry Sunglasses that came out this summer, you know, the one with Genevieve Paris and Levi lip-locked poolside. Rumors sped and where was Riley?

  She found comfort in the arms of the five-time World of Outlaws Champion, Rager Sweet. Not much has been said about Sweet to the press, and he usually snubs reporters out of interviews, much like his boss, Jameson Riley.

  Yep. That’s right. Arie Riley seems to be making the rounds on her daddy’s payroll.

  A source close to the family also told reporters Riley and Sweet had been intimate long before the divorce was filed.

  So did Sweet pull a slide job on this NASCAR superstar? Word is he’s the father of the unborn twins Arie is pregnant with. You do the math, but sources say she’s due in March…

  Neither, Levi or Riley has publicly commented on the divorce, however, Rager Sweet had this to say, when asked about the news breaking and if he was responsible for the split.

  “Don’t make me out to be the guy who was preying on a married woman. That’s not fair…or how any of this went down. Get your facts together before you print this bullshit!”

  Now what the fuck was I going to do?

  I tried calling Rager immediately, only his phone went straight to his voicemail, which meant he was either already out of cell range or he purposely wasn’t answering.

  Was he upset with me?

  Of course he was!

  He couldn’t have picked a worse day to go hunting in Montana.

  Riding a Wheel - Riding a wheel can spell disaster in sprint car racing. The nature of the sport is wheel to wheel racing, but it is often too close for comfort. The most common version of this accident is when a driver tries a big outside move, all it takes is for the car down low to move up track, just slightly, and you have wheel to wheel contact. The front end of the car attempting the pass is usually lifted into the air, the result being one expensive repair bill.

  MY HEAD COULDN’T wrap around it, and I searched for something to dull the edge of frustration I held after reading that article in US Weekly.

  Half a bottle of whiskey later, I could focus. A little.

  That was when Jameson found me in my truck outside the shop, waiting for my dad to arrive before we headed for our annual hunting trip to Montana with my uncles. Beside me, my phone laid dead, because I forgot to charge the battery last night.

  Knocking on the window, I clicked the door lock to let him in. Anybody else I would have ignored.

  “You best not be driving like this.”

  I didn’t look at him and instead tossed the newspaper in his lap. “Does it look like I’m driving?” Bringing the bottle to my lips, I took a long pull, waiting for him to call me a dumbass, or something equally as stupid.

  In his eyes, I was probably one of those things.


  “I’m sorry we lied to you,” I said, feeling like it needed to be said.

  “We are never more vulnerable than we are when we’re in love with someone and they finally see it.” Jameson always had a way of delivering words in a way where you had to look for the meaning behind them. He looked at me and then the paper in his hand, holding it up for me to see. “Life and everything in it isn’t about avoiding getting tangled with other drivers. It isn’t about trying to avoid flipping down the backstretch. Maybe it’s about those two minutes you’re in the work area and fighting to get back out there. It proves who showed up and fought the hardest.”

  I nodded at his words, understanding the meaning.

  “I’ve always thought of you as a son, Rager. There’s a reason why you’re the only driver who’s signed an indefinite contract with me. I didn’t do that with Easton or any of the other drivers on the Cup side. I’ve also known since before she married Easton that you two had something going. I let it go because you were always there for her, and that’s what mattered to me. I’m not stupid, and I appreciate how careful you were about it, given the age difference at the time. But you’re a good kid. And you looked out for what she wanted. Arie was always your concern, and I appreciate that.”

  “You’re not mad?”

  “Mad?” He shook his head, gesturing to the paper. “What I’m mad about is this. I don’t like any type of negative press, I told you that, especially when it’s regarding my kids. I’m not mad that you two kept a secret.”

  The thing was, we did keep a secret and I never wanted it to be that way.

  Over the years, I had planned on telling Arie everything, how I felt, that she belonged with me, had I been given the chance, but my words failed me when I did have my chance. Before she married him.

  I tried to move on. I did. I slept with other women, sought to ignore it.

  Only there was never an ounce of emotion in fucking other girls. It was all a ploy to get lost in a feeling and avoid the one breaking my heart.

  I tried not to steal her away or act on the opportunities placed in front of me.

  In my free time, I worked out and tried not to think about her.

  I raced, felt the adrenaline, the passion I held for the sport, and when that didn’t work, I gave into the desires and let her take little pieces from me. After a while, I had nothing left to fight against her with. I was done.

  Now, knowing what I know, I didn’t regret that at all.

  I felt like I had spent years waiting for her to see that I wanted her, only for her to constantly ignore it and marry someone else. I tried to tell myself to let her go when that ring was placed on her finger and if she really wanted to be with me she would have given me a chance, but I couldn’t for the life of me subject myself to that torture, all the while telling myself if she didn’t give me a chance, it’d be the last time I let her lead me on.

  Before Jameson went to leave, parting himself from my truck, he stole my whiskey and turned his grass green eyes that mirrored his daughter’s on me. “I can’t tell you that everything will work out just fine. I can tell you that my daughter loves you. It takes courage to look past what you’ve been through and the ways you’ve been wronged. It takes courage to trust someone with your heart again. You both know that very well.”

  He left me with those words, as if I should have understood their meaning.

  Finally, I did.

  The more intimate you were with someone, anyone, the more you witnessed their flaws. If I had to guess, I think that was why marriages failed. You saw them differently when you had nothing, or everything. Loving someone and making that work, the love last, that was hard work and not something everyone wanted to do.

  Arie was afraid to love me in the beginning. She feared anything that made her vulnerable again. A place where she couldn’t control when it happened. She didn’t like the idea of falling, but she did with me just as easily as the wind blew.

  Loving someone, in some ways, was deliberate. It was sacrificing yourself for them. Being selfless. It was defying the impulse to run away the moment it went wrong.

  Stagger - Sprint cars use stagger, meaning that the left rear tire is smaller than the right rear tire. Why do they use stagger? Well the best way to explain this is to think about your road car, it has a differential that allows the rear wheels to rotate at different speeds when cornering. If you turn left, the right wheel will turn faster than the left wheel and vice versa, without this your car would not corner very well.

  “A FAMILY ISN’T anything but people. Some hate each other; others, they’re tight. But a family, a good family, is made from some of the biggest assholes who just happen to get along,” Casten said, as if I should find meaning in the statement as we sat around my house the morning the news was released and we found out Cole was the one who told the media Rager and I had a thing for each other.

  A thing. Like it was some kind of high school shit where we flirted.

  “I’m going to kill Cole,” I told him.

  He laughed, shaking his head and reaching for another donut. “I’m pretty sure there’s a long list ahead of you on that one.”

  Rosa showed up that afternoon with her slippers on, drinking a Slurpie. And one for me.

  “Where’s mine?” Casten asked, frowning at her.

  “I drank it already. Sorry.”

  I took my strawberry Slurpie from her. She knew my cravings. “The media got a hold of the divorce.”

  Rosa shrugged, as if she didn’t care at all. She probably didn’t. “We’ve all got problems.”

  I laughed—no one got sympathy from Rosa.

  Sitting on the couch, she stole the remote from Casten and started flipping through the channels. “Now, if you want me to move in with you, just ask.”

  “Why would I want you to move in?”

  Rosa appeared offended. “You’ll need someone to take care of you and your kids. Like clean and shit.”

  “But you don’t even clean my parent’s house.”

  Rosa raised her Slurpie. “That’s because your dad is impossible. He thinks I should clean every day. This isn’t China.”

  Casten leaned forward, joining the conversation. “Most people do work every day.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  And then she was quiet and stared at me, like really stared at me. “We could get married. Then I wouldn’t have to clean. But I could live with you.”

  “Why do you want to live with me?”

  Rosa sighed. “Because then I wouldn’t have to pretend to clean. Or we could get married.”

  “No,” I said immediately, never entertaining the idea, for obvious reasons.

  Rosa sighed. “You’re impossible.”

  “Wanna spend the night?” I asked her, feeling like I didn’t want to be alone. It wasn’t the first time Rosa had stayed over.

  “Do you have any Captain Crunch?”

  “No.”

  “Well, go get some, and then I will.” She flicked her hand the direction of the door.

  “For someone who just wanted to marry me, you’re awfully demanding.”

  “No, demanding would be me requesting photos of Rager naked. But I won’t.” She tapped the side of her head. “I have a good visual from the night in Elma.”

  I laughed, and it felt good considering I thought I would be depressed all day.

  Then Rosa leveled me a serious look. “You don’t happen to have any pictures, do you?”

  “No, Rosa. I don’t.”

  Thinking of Rager made me wonder if he was okay and wishing he would answer his phone. Surely he was mad. He had to be. They painted him to be an asshole who broke up a marriage. If anything, that should have been Genevieve getting that rap.

  Okay, well, Rager was partly to blame when he knocked me up like some kind of Super Sperm Outlaw Villain. But then again, I was okay with that.

  OF COURSE, I tried calling him over and over again after the news broke. It rang a few times, each one longer than the last. A
nd then it’d beep, sending me to his voice mail. He always picked up when I called. Until now.

  “It’s Rager, leave a message, or don’t.”

  I hung up and immediately redialed. All my attempts went to voicemail.

  “He’s out of range, Arie,” Casten tried to reassure me.

  “I’m so pissed at him right now,” I told them as we sat in my living room eating Chinese take-out, Casten curled up on the couch right beside us, but watching a movie. “He couldn’t have picked a worse time to go hunting.”

  Rosa gave me this look, one that said, what a fucking mess this chick is. I nodded, though she didn’t say anything to me at all.

  Rosa smiled, a sympathetic one that made me believe I was wrong. “I don’t understand why you’re freaking out. He loves you in his own weird, unstable way. An article isn’t gonna change that.”

  “He’s such a jerk.” I sighed, letting out the heavy breath. “I mean who does he really think he is going hunting at a time like this, jerky bastard?”

  It felt good to say all that. Though none of it was true. None of it. He wasn’t a jerk. But I was emotional.

  Rosa looked over at me, handing me a bag of Puffs Cheetos. “You could say that, yes, but that’s a mouth full. I just prefer asshole.”

  Taking the bag from her, I rolled my eyes. “Thanks.”

  “Do you want me to kick his ass? Doubt that,” she answered herself. “Too predictable.” She thought for about half a second. “I know…how about I set his truck on fire?”

  “That won’t work. We can’t find him, remember?”

  Every five minutes, Rosa came up with another way of hurting Rager. None of which I agreed to. I didn’t want to hurt him. I wanted him to come home.

  Some were definitely appealing, but she found my unwillingness to cause bodily harm to him completely unacceptable.

  “You know, okay, I’ll take one for the team. I’ll find him, take a few pictures of him naked, and then tell him you’re looking for him.” She stood and walked over to the door. “You can thank me later.”