Open Wheel

by Shey Stahl

  “Nope. Works for a proposal too.”

  And he showed me it did.

  Bear Grease – Highly adhesive tape used to patch race cars.

  BEFORE WE KNEW it, fall arrived and leaves were changing like our lives were. Planning a wedding the second time around was completely different. Not only were we struggling to find time with my dad, Axel, Casten, and Rager wrapped up in an intense battle for the championship, I didn’t like planning weddings.

  A few weeks before the wedding, I watched my dad for a long time that afternoon while Emma and I went over the wedding details. He was singing more these days at the restaurant.

  “How long as he been doing this?”

  Dad sat on the stage on a wooden stool singing Chris Young’s “A Man Who Was Gonna Die Young.”

  I knew then he had to sing at my wedding. As he mumbled over the words, his slow rasp giving the country twang you usually heard to the song a particular appeal.

  Shrugging, Emma went back to her iPad and the seating chart. “A while. It relaxes him.”

  “Does Mom know?”

  “Yeah, he sings to her a lot of the times.”

  I knew I had to find the right time to ask my dad to sing at the wedding. I mean, this wasn’t something he would have willingly done. He liked the shadows. He didn’t want the spotlight any longer, and what I was asking him to do would put him in the spotlight.

  But I was his only daughter. Surely he’d give me what I wanted, right?

  That was before Gray, Savannah and Bristol came along. Now I had competition for his heart.

  “Dad?”

  His head turned at the sound of my voice because he knew my tone, the pleading in the way I said his name. “Yeah?”

  “I need a favor.”

  Maybe if I gave him that pouty look, he’d agree?

  “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.” He looked at me, and then Mom who was smiling, knowing what I was about to ask. I also knew if I couldn’t convince him of this, Mom could. Or I would be forced to put Gray up to it. She’d do anything for five bucks.

  “I was hoping you’d sing at my wedding.”

  There. I did it. Wasn't so bad.

  Until he gave me that look. The one where he blinked, repeatedly and said nothing. The one where you thought he didn’t hear you, but he did. He was just trying to let you down easy when he really wanted to say, “Fuck no.”

  He opened his mouth to reply when Mom kicked his shin. “Be nice. She really wants you to.”

  Dad glared at Mom. “Woman, you’re lucky my shins are strong for the amount of times you kick me.”

  “Please, Dad?”

  Gray, who walked up then did me a solid and climbed on his lap. When I pleaded with her to do something cute for her auntie with my eyes, she rolled hers.

  “Papa, you sing?” Her dark brown curls swept over her shoulder, bright green eyes wide and sweet met his.

  “I’m outnumbered,” he mumbled, bringing his hand up to pinch Gray’s cheeks.

  “Stop.” She slapped his hand away and pointed in his face. “No touching.”

  “And why not? You’re my girl.” His voice was soft and playful, making me hopeful he wasn’t going to be upset with me for using the kid for this.

  “I don’t like it.” Gray wiggled out of his arms when she saw Casten coming outside with her plate of food, Ryder on his hip trying his hardest to get the food from him.

  When Gray was down, Dad leaned forward and smiled at me. “What song?”

  “What?” I was so caught off guard that he would even consider this I hadn’t planned out what to say after asking him. But I knew what song would be our first dance. “Kiss Me” by Ed Sheeran.”

  He considered that, and then, “I don’t have the voice for Ed Sheeran. Too raspy.”

  “That’s okay. I want your voice with that song.”

  “And Rager’s okay with this? It’s not going to sound the same.”

  I nodded; the rush of his agreement had me wanting to run inside the house to tell Rager he agreed. I had to keep my cool though. “He’s okay with it.”

  With a heavy sigh, Dad looked at Mom, winked, and then smiled at me. “All right.”

  I WASN’T INTO the fancy weddings. I wanted a backyard wedding at my parents’ house and that was exactly what I was granted. After all, a pregnant woman could get anything she wanted.

  Yeah, Rager knocked me up again with that Outlaw Super Sperm he had.

  As I was standing outside waiting for the ceremony to begin, Dad found me, ready to walk me down the aisle. “You nervous?”

  “A little.”

  “Stop thinking about yourself all the time. What about me? I mean, it’s not every day your only daughter gets married,” Dad teased, elbowing me with a wink.

  “Dad!”

  He laughed, remembering. “Whoops.”

  I told myself I wouldn’t cry. Telling yourself something and sticking to it were two different scenarios. Seeing Rager standing there, his eyes could have been twenty feet away, but they still shined so bright their blue left me in awe.

  Just as the sun dipped down over the field, I stepped forward, my hand placed within his.

  His all black attire and the dark hair artfully crazy in the front and shaved close on the sides had me wanting to tug on it a little.

  His lips parted, his tongue darting out to sweep across his bottom lip where my attention was. It was a gesture he did often, to which I found sexy.

  Maybe he did it purposely so I could see the silent way he silently mouthed I love you to me before the preacher began. The way his lips moved around the words brought the tears.

  For so long, I wondered if I couldn’t make a relationship work with Easton, how would I with Rager?

  The answer was simple, right here in front of me, because this was where I belonged, in the arms of this country boy crush.

  DIRECTLY FOLLOWING THE ceremony, we moved to the dance floor we had set up in the field, twinkle lights strung up off the pillars and lilies, my favorite flowers scattered throughout.

  Hand in hand, we took the dance floor for our first dance as Dad took the stage.

  If he was nervous, he didn’t appear to be. He seemed relaxed, guitar in hand.

  That particular song meant a lot to Rager and me, as it held meaning for our situation. Dad sang it perfectly and gave the song a nice tone Ed Sheeran didn’t have. A rasp, a gritty side only my dad had. Dad had everyone’s attention right then as his strong sonorous voice carried through the field. The sound brought tears to my eyes when he threw his head back and belted out the lyrics that talked about falling.

  During the guitar solo, Rager’s hand rose, knuckles brushing heated cheeks, calloused hands softened by a girl raised on the same rush as him. “If I wasn’t sure this was really happening, I would think this last year was a dream.”

  Leaning into his warm hand, I smiled, lashes blinking away tears. “It’s funny how even the worst of a situation can give you the best.”

  “Until I met you,” Rager whispered against my lips, his own lashes fluttering closed, “I wouldn’t have thought that was possible.”

  “Me either.” Breathing in deep.

  When the song was just about over, Rager’s grip around my waist tightened, his lips ghosting over my collarbone. “Would it be too soon to start talking about the wedding night?”

  “Yes. Shut up and dance with me.”

  “I am.” Chuckling low and childlike, I knew instantly where that was going. “I’m just saying, you said once I married you.”

  Drawing back, I eyed my husband. “Is that all you can think about?”

  “No. I’m thinking about how much I love you.”

  “And...”

  His eyes dropped. “Your ass.”

  When the song ended, everyone clapped, but my eyes never left Rager.

  That was until my dad spoke again.

  With his foot propped up on the edge of a wooden stool, Dad’s eyes remained casted down
as he leaned forward, speaking lowly into the microphone. “I wanted to sing one more for my daughter.” His voice cracked when he spoke the word daughter.

  I sighed, my smile tearing up my eyes. He wanted to sing for me?

  Looking to Mom, she was crying, her hands clasped over her mouth, tears silently falling. Dad never looked up, not once, but I saw the internal struggle he was having, fearing his emotions would take over.

  “I watched for years as you two avoided what was really happening.” Looking to my mom, he blinked slowly, remembering…and then drifted back my way. “You two belong together, and this song reminds me of you two. It’s called “Hot Gates” by Mumford and Sons.”

  Rager’s hand reached out, grasping my trembling one. “I hope you don’t want me to serenade you. I can’t sing,” he teased, drawing me closer. “I leave that up to your dad.”

  “Just hold me. That’s all I want.” I could barely move with him, my head on his shoulder as the moment, the day, everything hit me right then.

  I was Rager Duncan Sweet’s wife.

  I was now, Arie Marie Sweet.

  Everything from a promise made under the lights of a dirt track. This boy, the one who was always there for me no matter what, that longneck loving, country boy crush from the sleepy dirt track town, married me.

  “We have something here that will never go away,” he whispered, bringing his lips to mine.

  He was absolutely right. It never did go away. It couldn’t.

  AT SOME POINT during the reception, when I was regretting wearing the dress all night and the fact that I squeezed a four-month pregnant belly into a dress, Rager had other ideas.

  It started with his speech, which I might add he was drunk when he gave it, but I took the meaning behind his words for what it was. A piece of his heart.

  Raising his beer in the air, the conversations drifted, letting my husband speak. He looked at me when he spoke, eyes destined on one girl, one heart. “I didn’t fall for you, Arie Sweet.” Whistles broke out around the yard when he said my new last name. Rosa, who was near me with the babies, one on each hip, screamed so loud the kids looked at her like she’d just spun her head around. Both of them lunged for me then, scared of Rosa. Taking them in my arms, I lifted my eyes back to Rager at the microphone, staring at me. “I raced hard for the line I wanted and you were a rut I got in and rode.”

  Okay, so maybe not the best speech to give at a wedding, but he was drunk.

  And my dad laughed it off like he understood the real meaning behind it. Hopefully.

  Stepping down from the stage, Dad patted Rager on the back, and they both laughed.

  Drink in hand, Rager approached me, and loosened the bow-tie around his neck. “Interesting speech,” I said, smiling a little seductively at him.

  He winked, and then gave me a hungry once over, his gaze lingering in the same places he was worshiping just last night during what he called the pre-wedding hot laps.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  He gave me another once over. “I think it’s a good thing you’re pregnant.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because if you weren’t,” his voice lowered, meant only for me, “I’d knock you up tonight like a proper man should.”

  “Do you want to hit me over the head and drag me by my hair back to the house?”

  “No…I want to smack your ass though.”

  His touch on my hips, the way his chest pressed to my side and his mouth lingered at my neck in front of everyone, it was so much more now. “Now what?”

  Taking Bristol from my arms, he handed her to Rosa.

  “We dance again.” His arm wrapped around my waist, beer in the other hand as he led me to the dance floor when “Cheerleader” by OMI came on.

  Smiling, I took his hand. Everyone was dancing to that particular song, crowding the dance floor but I cared about none of that with Rager showing his dance moves for me.

  He could dance, as could my dad, who was beside us with Mom grinding into him. To see them, this happy, gave me hope relationships could work when you found the right one. Looking around the dance floor, I saw love everywhere, from my parents, to my aunts and uncles to my brothers, all fighting to make it work.

  And they were.

  When the song slowed, I kissed Rager once more, and asked, “What now?”

  “We have sex as husband and wife.” Rager’s eyes traveled over the dress and the way the twinkle lights around us shined down on us, taking Bristol from my arms. “It’s about time I took this off you. Looks a little uncomfortable.”

  We passed the twins off to my parents where they were staying the night and walked back to our house. “I would carry you, but that’s a long walk.”

  Reaching out, I placed my hand in his. “That’s okay. Wouldn’t want you to throw your back out.”

  “Thanks for thinking of me.”

  I winked. “No problem.”

  When we walked by Lane and Bailey’s house, Rager squeezed my hand. Though the weather was changing and this all looked so different in many ways, this walk was familiar to us. The first night we were together, we made this walk as undefined as we were. Now that was completely different.

  “I can’t believe we’re finally married.”

  Rager sighed. “Is that so, Mrs. Sweet?”

  “Mmmm.” I twisted our joined hands so I could kiss his left one and the ring I gave him. “That has a nice ring to it.”

  He smiled, blinking slowly as if he knew. “It does.”

  I COULD SAY I was prepared for our wedding night. But then again, I’d be lying. So many nerves came with that night because I wasn’t sure about the whole ass thing. It wasn’t that it grossed me out, but it was more along the lines of trusting someone enough to stick something up your ass.

  I trusted Rager more than anyone else.

  Still didn’t mean I wanted him to do me in the ass, as Hayden put it. I made the mistake of talking to her and Bailey about it. Never again would I do that because there were just some things I didn’t want to know about my brothers or my cousin.

  Anyways, the night came. Mom and Dad took the twins for the next few days, leaving us alone in the house.

  After carrying me inside, Rager eyed the table. “Should we do it on the table for old time’s sake, or I could fuck you on the living room floor.”

  “Nope. We’re married now. Married couples consummate their marriage in a bed.”

  “Says who.”

  “Me.”

  “Fine. You win. Bed it is.”

  Once we were upstairs and in the bed, I don’t think he knew what to do.

  This was different.

  This was our first time as a married couple. I imagined this night a hundred different times.

  Sliding down my body, his knees nudged my legs apart, one by one, strong hands moved from my hips to my breasts, but, thankfully, didn’t stay there long. Having sex together these days with nine-month-old twins wasn’t easy.

  I knew I wanted to give him what he’d been dying to have for so long, but I knew there’d be time for that later. At that moment, he needed to be where I wanted him. Buried inside.

  Lifting my hips, I tried to coax him forward by grinding into him, my panties and his slacks the only articles of clothes separating us. “Please…I need you.”

  “I need you,” he repeated, the words delivered slowly, shaking, as the song “Almost Lover” by Jasmine Thompson flowed through the room.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” He swallowed hard, staring down at me with a knitted brow, eyes burning.

  “What?”

  “I just…I never thought I’d have you like this, be here with you. In this way. You’re mine now. It just all seems like it’s not real.”

  “It’s real.” Sitting up, I reached forward to the buttons on his dress shirt. His eyes dropped, watching me closely, his hands resting on my thighs as I removed his shirt. When I had the buttons undone, I swept my palms
over the curve of his shoulders and then down, sweeping it aside.

  My stare caught his tattoo, remembering the meaning he gave me for it. Misery.

  “Why does this mean misery?” My voice was soft, gentle, hoping he’d tell me. I didn’t want him to think I was prying again, but I really did want to know.

  His hand fumbled with the button of his slacks, his eyes on his work when he replied with, “Do you remember after Jack passed away and our interaction at the funeral?”

  “No…” I was in shock that day and barely remembered anything other than the numbness I felt.

  “I was hugging you on the side of the house, trying to get up the nerve to tell you that I loved you and didn’t want you to ever go back to him. But I didn’t. Because of the day, the situation…it was misery for me. Always was.”

  “So you got this tattoo after that?” I wondered, my fingertips brushing over the black and red ink.

  Rager’s eyes lifted to mine. “Yeah. And that night with you when I finally gave in, it was just about one night with you. It was about taking back what was mine all along. Giving into misery.”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  His smile was higher on one side. “I think it’s a reminder of the girl who makes my body burn.”

  Most would think, looking at Rager, he was just another hot-headed, raised on the rush, adrenaline seeking, dirt driven racer. That statement was true to a certain extent.

  The ones who knew him, the ones who realized this boy with the no-bullshit attitude was sensitive and vulnerable, those were the ones who understood him and appreciated things like this.

  Rager’s hands went to my dress and the zipper down the side, his fingertips brushing my heart. “I’ve always belonged here.”

  “You have.”

  With care, he laid me back on the bed, his hands cradling my head as it touched the pillow, his body in line with mine. A sigh fell from his lips as he entered me, still shaking. The sudden fullness, I felt with him inside me, buried completely, made me shake as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

  I wouldn’t have imagined that Rager would be capable of this kind of sex. It was just…so unlike him.