At some point I'd have to go over. I couldn't avoid them all forever and I really didn't want to, I just wanted to try and find a way of fixing whatever wire was loose in my brain that said Logan was a good idea. Hopefully, I could do that soon because I missed them all like crazy.
***
I was wiping down the tables at the end of my shift when Cassie burst through the door - literally. That wasn't good. She had on her I'm on a mission face as she stalked towards me.
Pointing her freshly manicured finger, she said, "Right, you and me are going to sit down and talk about why you're back to looking like you're not sleeping much or eating properly. And why you're avoiding us. If you think I believe you forgot about seeing Nell you're very mistaken."
"I'm working, Cass."
"Then give me a cloth and I'll wipe tables with you... while you talk."
So there was no way I was getting away with this. Cassie didn't give up when she set her mind on something and it would seem that operation get Chloe to spill all was her number one project right now.
But I really didn't want to tell her.
"I'm just worried about uni starting up again."
"Bull. Shit." Her eyes widened a fraction. "If you think I don't know what's going on you're stupid."
"Well, if you know then why are you asking?"
"Because I want you to come to me. I want you to tell me."
I can't, I can't, I can't. God, I wanted to. I wanted someone to talk to about it but Cassie was the wrong person for that. Jesus, Nell was the wrong person. My friends had the right to give me their opinion and I already knew that what I felt was wrong.
She couldn't know the real reason or she'd be pulling my hair out and telling me what a terrible person I was. There was nothing she could say to me that I didn't already know. It shouldn't be Logan.
"Come on, Chlo. We've been through so much, you can talk to me about anything and I'm not going to judge."
"Not going to judge?"
"No. I promise I won't."
I wasn't sure if she really did know. It sounded as if she did and she was clearly confident that she did but I couldn't help thinking she would hate me.
I dropped the cloth on the table and sat down. Cass joined me. I felt sick and the words got stuck in my throat. "I don't know what to do," I said.
She sat still, silent and patient, not giving me any help to get out something as big as what I was about to tell her.
Dropping my gaze to the table, not being able to maintain eye contact, I said, "I like Logan."
"I know, Chloe."
I swallowed a lump in my throat and looked up at her with tear-filled eyes. "I'm so sorry, Cass. I don't want to and I tried to stop myself. I can't help it."
"Hey, it's okay." She reached across the table and took my hand. "It's really okay." I could've cried I was so overwhelmed that she was supporting me rather than spitting on me. "I know you like him and it's nothing to get yourself this worked up over. We're all worried about you."
All including Logan?
"What kind of person am I?"
"One who lost so much and deserves every bit of happiness."
"You're not getting this, Cass."
"No, I think I am. You were going to fall for someone eventually, no one expected you to stay celibate for the rest of your life. If it was my choice I'd want it to be Logan."
Was I asleep?
"What?" I asked.
"You're like a sister to me and I know Logan cares about you, he's the one who gets through to you, he protects you and keeps you safe. I get it, I really do, but I also know that if Jace had the choice he would want the two people he loved most to be happy. He would want Logan, someone he trusted with his life, to be the one who looked after you for the rest of your life."
That all kind of sounded like better the devil you know. She wanted Logan because she knew he wouldn't hurt me. I wanted Logan because he turned my world upside down, he made me question everything, he made me see impossible love in my future, he just made everything better.
"I appreciate that, Cass, but how can you not be mad? Jace is your brother, too."
"And I love him just as much but Jace isn't here, Chloe, and there's nothing we can do about that. Logan's here and you two have the chance to be happy. You'd be an idiot to ignore it when you know Jace would want you to do what made you happy."
"See, I can't wrap my head around that. Surely it would be anyone but Logan?"
"Why?" she asked.
"I don't have to explain that."
Sighing, she leant her arms on the table, getting closer, more serious. "You can't help who you fall for, period. I know you and I know there is no way in hell you'd want Logan to be the one you fell for. I can see how hard this is on you and I hate that. You shouldn't feel bad. We all love you, Logan and Jace. No one wants either of you to be unhappy. Life is so short, Chloe. Please, don't make a mistake and push Logan away."
I felt like I had just been abducted by aliens and planted down on Mars.
"I feel horrible, like I'm betraying Jace. I wish I could've just liked Rhys."
"But you don't and you don't have to feel bad for something you can't control. If Jace was still here then I'd be shouting but if his death has taught me anything it's grab happiness whenever and wherever you can. No one wins if you don't give this thing with Logan a chance, there's just more loss and I'm so tired of loss."
She struggled to keep it together when she talked of loss. Three years ago she had both brothers, a husband and was starting to try for the baby they both wanted.
"Even if something could happen with Logan, if I can get over the guilt, I don't want to rush anything."
"I'm not saying you should run into his arms right away, just don't close yourself off. Nothing has to change now, Chlo. Logan knows something is up but he doesn't know what, which is half of the reason why I'm here right now. I won't tell him though, of course."
Great, he knew something was up.
I groaned. "I don't want him to be suspicious. I want to keep everything normal until I know if I can act on these stupid feelings."
"If you want to keep things normal then you need to act normal. Logan doesn't know so there's no need for you to avoid him, and he deserves better than that." Yes, he did. "Go do your ridiculous exercises, hang out, and do all of the things you usually do. Let it happen naturally or not, but keep an open mind."
"Ugh, you're right. Just because I feel like this doesn't mean I have to act on it." I hadn't given myself any time before I condemned myself to going to hell. I could control it long enough to figure out what I wanted to do and until I, hopefully, stopped feeling like the evilest bitch on the planet.
"Exactly. Be what you are now and if it's meant to be, which I believe it is, then it will happen when you're both ready for it."
I didn't know how Logan felt about me, that was not a conversation that I planned on having, but the way she was talking was as if the ball was entirely in my court and one word from me would see us as a couple. I wasn't sure how I felt about that so I had to ignore it. That was way too much pressure on an already fragile situation.
Chapter twenty
Logan
Something was definitely going on with Chloe. She'd been distant and cancelled two of our workouts already. It was unlike her and it bothered me way too much. The last time I'd seen her she was weird and not just in the I'm female, try and guess how I'm gonna react weird way.
I didn't want to hope because I'd thought she had feelings for me before, right until she got with Jace but she'd avoided physical contact and barely looked at me. That might mean something.
I was between clients at work so used the half an hour to try getting hold of her, again. The last few days had been, well, shit without her around. Like the big pussy I was, I didn't function that well without contact with her.
Her phone rang off and went through to voicemail, again, and I tried not to think too much into it, again. She could be busy or
sleeping. It was the summer holidays in uni world and she might be sleeping. Or at work. She was probably at work.
"Sian," I called. "If anyone asks I'll be back in thirty."
She nodded and went back to whatever it was she did behind that desk, browse clothes online probably.
Driving to the pub in the hope that I'd catch her was slightly too clingy and psychotic for my liking but she didn't leave me much choice. Something was going on and we just didn't let the other deal with shit alone, not anymore.
I parked in the only empty space and noticed her tiny, baby blue car immediately. That was why she didn't answer. Not that she could use that excuse for the other million missed calls she had on her phone from me over the last few days, unless Sam had taken to kidnapping his staff now.
I walked through the doors and they were in the middle of the lunchtime rush. Chloe and the R named guy she had a brief thing with were behind the bar while the rest of the staff were running food to full tables.
She broke it off, they weren't together and I still wanted to punch the guy. I had it bad. I watched her for a second as she smiled at the customers she'd just served. Her hair was sexy messy and I could see her running around having woke up late, shoving mousse in it and saying that'll do.
She looked up, eyes locking with mine, and stilled. She looked wild and panicked. Then she straightened her back, gave me a smile and stepped closer to the bar.
What the fuck?
I stopped on the other side and sat on a stool. Don't get ahead of yourself. I wanted so bad to believe that her avoidance of me was because she wanted more but I couldn't let myself run with it. That was a fall I didn't ever want to experience again.
"Did you contract a highly contagious disease?"
She frowned. "No..."
"Murder someone?"
"No."
"Get amnesia?"
"What're you doing, Logan?"
"Just listing the only reasons I'll accept for you avoiding me."
"Murder is a reason I can avoid you?"
"Hey, if you've snapped I don't wanna be next."
She rolled her eyes, fighting a smile. "Can I get you something, Scott?"
"Yeah, Holland, you can get me you." Now there was a sentence with a double meaning. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," she replied, her eyes darting around the room, avoiding me, again. "I've just been working, planning my parents' trip, and tired."
"So you're not avoiding me on purpose? I haven't done anything?"
"Of course not." She looked back at me all soft eyed. "I'm sorry. I should have called you back, I just needed a couple days to catch up on some sleep."
"You're not doing that thing where you barely exist again?"
"No," she said, her fierce eyes begging me to believe her. I did. "Just needed a bit of me time, that's all."
"Alright, I'll accept that reason too." She smiled. Fuck, I'd missed that smile. "You up for a run tomorrow?"
Her lip was pulled between her teeth and I had a hard time breathing evenly. R guy watched us carefully between serving drinks. I wasn't sure if he wanted her or not but he was far too interested in us to be completely fine with their just friends status. Welcome to my world, buddy.
"Tomorrow sounds good. Not early though, I'm not working and would love to have a lay in on a Saturday, can't remember the last time I got one."
"I'll drop by at midday. Or better still, you come to mine, Cass misses you, too."
"I'll be there at twelve."
"Good, now I have twenty minutes before I need to be back at work and I'm starving."
She leant forwards on the bar. "You want me to get you a grilled chicken sandwich and chips?"
"You're the best, sweetheart."
Pushing away, she gave me a wink over her shoulder and headed out the back.
"Can I get you a drink, Logan?" R asked. Tension was dripping off him. If I wasn't sure about him liking Chloe before I was now.
"Bottle of water, please," I replied.
His grin was false and a little sarcastic. Thank God I ordered a bottle and not glass, he'd probably spit in it if he could. It was pretty damn clear that he knew I wanted Chloe. I just had to count on things being too awkward between them for him to mention it to her.
Between serving customers, Chloe hung out with me. She gave nothing away today but that could've been because we had a bar separating us so there was no danger of any real contact. There was a lot of eye contact, if that fucking meant anything.
God, I used to tease Cassie for obsessing over someone and here I was doing the same damn thing.
While I ate I watched her work, tilting her head when laughing and chatting to the customers. "Stalker," Ollie said, sitting on the stool beside mine.
"What? What're you doing here?"
"Lunch," he replied. "And you're stalking her."
"I'm not stalking her." No way was I admitting that today I kind of was. I pointed to my half eaten sandwich. "Lunch."
"Mmm hmm."
"I hate you, man."
He chuckled. "No, you don't. What's going on then?"
"Nothing."
"One day you'll tell me straight away and we won't have to have an argument before you spit it out."
I looked up to make sure Chloe and R were nowhere around. "She's been avoiding me." What does that mean?
"Why?"
"If I knew that..."
"Alright. Well, I can't help you, I don't speak woman. Hey, maybe she's on?"
I rolled my eyes. "This is the first time in ten months she's avoided me, I'm fairly sure that's not it."
"Got any theories?" he asked, taking a swig of my water and picking up a menu.
One that I didn't want to share and make it real, you know, in case I'm left crying like a girl again. "Nope, she said she's tired and helping her parents but I don't buy it."
He looked as out of his depth as I was. "Sorry, bud, can't help you," he said.
"Don't worry," I replied, looking up at Chloe pulling a pint of beer. "I think there's only one person that can."
Chapter Twenty-one
Chloe
"So what have you got in store for us today? Just a run?" I asked Logan as I walked up the path, praying that I looked and sounded normal when I felt like everything I did screamed I want you.
He was outside the house, stretching on the lawn. I bet the female neighbours had their blinds pulled back. He looked so painfully perfect I wanted to slap myself or gouge my eyes out.
Since he came into the pub yesterday I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him, not that I'd thought of much else recently, and I knew that I had to ignore what I was feeling so we could have our friendship back the way it was.
Looking up, he smiled. My heart beat that little bit faster.
Not good.
"Hey, Chlo. Run, push ups, run."
The first and last sounded okay. Push ups I hated, but Logan was the personal trainer so I trusted that he knew what he was doing.
"Don't make that face, I won't get you to do many," he said, smiling.
"Our definitions of not many differ greatly, Logan."
With a devilish smile, he replied, "You're right, you're going to hate me after today. Bingo wings'll be gone, though."
My mouth hit the floor. Did I have flabby arms?
Unable to keep a straight face any longer, he laughed and shook his head. "I'm kidding! There is no excess fat on you anywhere, sweetheart."
"I'm still going to kill you."
Rolling his eyes, he nodded to the front door. "Cass made me promise to send you in before we left, she said she wants to say hi but I'm assuming that's girl code for I need to talk to you but don't want the ones with penises to know."
"Nicely put," I muttered as I walked past him.
Of course, he couldn't have waited until I was inside to start stretching, he raised his arms up over his head. His t-shirt lifted and I caught a glimpse of the toned muscle of the top of his arse and over the hips. I
took a deep breath, forcing myself to stay behind him and not run round the front for a look at that V.
Lord, help me!
It took literally every ounce of self-control to get myself inside the house but I managed it.
"Cass," I called.
"Kitchen!"
She was sitting at the table with her hands around a mug of tea. I sat opposite her. "What's up?"
An envelope was pushed towards me. This didn't look good. She didn't look at me as I opened it. Divorce papers. "I'm sorry, Cass."
"I knew it was coming so I don't know why I feel like this."
"It's the legal end of your marriage, you're allowed to feel however you feel." I shoved the papers back in and put it down. "This isn't just the end of one chapter in your life, Cass, it's the start of another. This new chapter will be better."
She sighed. "Well, it couldn't get much worse."
"Stop it. Cassie, you're only twenty-five, you're still a baby. Rick is the biggest idiot on the planet but that's over. You have a chance to start again and build a new life. You're not past it just yet. When you're ready we'll have a night out and celebrate your single status."
"Okay, and get me good and laid!"
"Oh God!" Logan groaned in disgust behind me. "I was checking if your arse is ready yet but I'll give you two a couple more minutes while I go shove my head in the oven."
Cassie laughed. "A little dramatic, Logan. You're on though, Chloe. I could do with a night out and a man in."
Groaning louder, Logan swivelled around and left the room, throwing his hands up in the air and letting out a string of swear words.
"Now we know what we have to do to get rid of him," I said, standing up. "I've gotta go run a lot but I'll talk to you later, okay."
"Thank you," she replied, pushing the mug away.
"Anytime," I called over my shoulder as I went in search of the grossed out one. "You ready?" I asked, finding him leaning against his car, shuddering.
"I need warnings for shit like that," he said, waving his hand in the direction of the kitchen where I'd left Cass.
"Hey, we thought you were outside. That's what you get for walking in on a private conversation."
"Very private in the middle of the kitchen. I don't wanna think about my sister sleeping with some random guy she met in a bar."
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