Second Chance

by Natasha Preston

  "Stop," he whispered. "Please, I can't..."

  "Painful, is it?" I spat through clenched teeth. I started crying again at the memories. It hurt just as much thinking about it as it did when I was going through it.

  "You were safe, that was all that mattered. I couldn't let anything happen to you or my family. You have to understand that, Chloe. There wasn't another choice. You had to believe I was gone."

  I shook my head. "No. You could have found a way to tell us the truth but you didn't. You sat back."

  "I'm sorry."

  "We had to bury you so don't you dare try justifying it. I would have never let you go through that."

  "I don't know what you want me to say. I've told you my reasons and I'll never apologise for keeping you safe."

  "You just apologised!"

  "For hurting you, not for protecting you."

  It was the same thing to me but I couldn't have that pointless fight with him. He didn't even seem to realise what his 'death' had done to us.

  Sniffing, I wiped my nose with my sleeve. I wanted to leap into his arms and breathe him in but I was still too angry. I missed him. As much as I knew I was beyond lucky that I got to have him back in my life, I was pissed that he didn't end our suffering.

  "Where have you been?"

  "Wales. A remote little village in the middle of nowhere." He was just a few hours drive away. "I lived with the other survivor. I finished college and then we went to university together, using a student flat share as our cover."

  "God." I stood up and ran my hands over my face. This was too much to take in.

  Jace didn't seem to think so; he didn't stop his story.

  "We helped each other. She missed home as much as I did but she dealt with the new identity a lot easier than me. Alyssa was having a hard time coming out but being April gave her the opportunity to be who she is. She picked me up and reminded me why I was torturing myself by staying away. The men that planted the bomb and killed all those people deserved to go down for it, Chloe. I didn't want them walking the streets with you."

  I almost snipped that I didn't walk the streets but I understood what he meant, and I knew it wasn't easy for him either.

  He stood up slowly, cautious of my reaction.

  "You and my family are the last people in the world I want to hurt but I couldn't risk it. Please, understand that. I just needed you to be okay... and you are." His voice faltered, and I think part of him wanted to come back to me being a total mess still.

  "It took a long time for me to be okay, Jace."

  "Logan helped," he said, his voice cold, hard and detached.

  It was obvious where this was going and I knew we'd need to have several conversations about me and Logan but right now I just wanted to make sense of my ex being alive.

  "I don't want to talk about Logan right now."

  "I think it's a pretty important subject, Chloe."

  "So is you coming back from the..." I couldn't say dead.

  "You know what happened there. I did what I had to do to help put two dangerous men behind bars. Now I want to know how the hell you fell for my brother."

  "I don't know what to tell you, Jace, I just did. We got closer and it happened."

  "It happened?"

  "Yes. What else do you want me to say? We've been over this."

  "Well, maybe I can't get my head around it."

  "Well, maybe I can't get my head around what you did." I was shouting now. I wanted to have a calm conversation but that wasn't going to happen, there were too many fucked up, mixed feelings for this conversation to be anywhere near civil.

  "Where does that leave us?" he asked.

  I shrugged. It was too soon to decide that.

  "Are you going to keep seeing Logan?"

  "I don't know," I replied. I wanted to but I had to find out how he felt about everything. He loved me, that much I was sure of, but I didn't know if he'd be able to stay with me now that Jace was back. Brother came before girl.

  "Right," he snapped. "I'll see you, Chloe."

  Without another world or glance back in my direction he left as quickly as he could. My door was slammed behind me and I fell to my knees as soon as it was closed, winded by the situation and our argument. It was all way too much. I collapsed back against the bed and cried.

  ***

  Again, Nell burst through my door as if she owned the place. I really needed to get my parents to start announcing her arrival, or getting her to call first.

  "You're still in bed," she said as if she'd expected me to be doing anything else.

  I rolled onto my back, looking up at the ceiling and groaned. "Jace stopped by a while ago."

  "Oh." She was sitting beside me in a flash. "How did that go?"

  "We argued. Big shock there."

  "Have you spoken to Logan?"

  "Not yet. I figured he'll have a lot on at home at the minute. His family needs to deal with Jace being back rather than the Chloe/Logan/Jace drama right now. We've waited long enough, I don't think a few more days are going to hurt."

  She sighed. "Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, you're running again."

  "No." She didn't look convinced. "I mean it, Nell. I promised him no more running and I meant it. This is just time and space so we can both deal with something that's..." Yeah, there really wasn't a word for what we were dealing with right now.

  "You mean it? This isn't you bolting for the hills?"

  "I mean it." I couldn't leave him again but I could stay away long enough to let him and his brother, hopefully, sort things out.

  "Okay," she replied, nodding, her long, hair falling in her face. "Do yourself a favour though, don't leave it too long before you talk to him again."

  "I won't. Anyway, tell me about what's going on in your life."

  "You want to talk about me when all of this is going on?" she asked.

  I looked over at my best friend and nodded. "Of course. I kind of need to think about something that's not my screwed up love life or my ex who's not lying below a grave I've cried over more times than I can count."

  Nell's leafy green eyes shone with mischief. She shoved her long, pitch-black hair behind her ears. "Wow, my problems seem so small compared to yours."

  "Thanks, sweetie," I said sarcastically. "Spill."

  With a pissed off sigh, she launched into her rant, "Damon, the prick, has stepped up said prickiness. You know he had the cheek to ask me on a date. A date! Did the four thousand conversations we had about me not wanting a boyfriend not make him understand that I don't want a boyfriend?"

  I held my hand up. "Hold on, not so long ago you were telling me you wanted something real."

  "I changed my mind, Chlo, keep up!" Right. "Men are too much hassle. I mean, look at what you're going through. I told him I understand that he wants in my pants so we're just keeping it casual."

  "Yeah, your problems are tiny," I muttered.

  She slapped my arm. "Okay, I say we use the next few days to get your head around Jace being back and mega pissed off that his girl is shagging his brother and maybe get a little drunk too."

  "Sounds good and thanks for being so sensitive there."

  "How do we get your head around this?"

  I shrugged. "Don't know. I don't even know if Jace will ever forgive us. If he doesn't what does that mean for me and Logan?"

  "You and Logan continue without his blessing. The guy let you believe he was dead for over three years, what right does he have to walk back in and have an opinion on anything?"

  "Well, he left knowing I loved him so I understand why he's hurt."

  "No, I get it, but he needs to get over it. You're definitely staying with Logan, right? Oh God, this isn't going to be one of those messy love triangles, is it?"

  "No. I told you I'm with Logan and not even Jace can change that. No love triangles and no confusion."

  "Good, because Logan is way hotter. Those muscles." She wolf whistled and wiggled her eyebrows.

  This was going somewhere
I did not want to be.

  "Think maybe we can go back to talking about anything else for a while?"

  "Sure. Would you rather have your arms cut off or give birth to a twenty pound baby?"

  Well, I asked for something else.

  Chapter Forty-one

  Chloe

  I'd passed being nervous to see Logan about an hour ago, now I was just plain scared. After a week I couldn't stay away any longer, even though my head was still seriously messed up from Jace walking back into our lives like he hadn't pretended to be dead. Me and Logan hadn't spoke once, not even a text. He was giving me time and I was doing the same. But I was starting to go a little crazy.

  "Hey, Chlo," Ralf said, pinning a fitness poster to the wall. He looked at me a little longer than usual; it wasn't hard to understand why with all that's been going on.

  "Hi," I replied as I walked past. Usually, I'd stop for a minute and chat but I was too anxious for small talk and I had a feeling he'd be lost for words, wanting to ask about Logan and Jace but not wanting to at the same time.

  The main gym was pretty big, one side was cardio equipment and the other side was for weight lifting. Men with ridiculous muscles and no necks grunted as they lifted weights that were probably heavier than me.

  Logan wasn't in here. He wasn't working out or training anyone. If he wasn't in the juice bar then I had no idea where I could find him, and I had to see him. It'd been too long. I was a huge idiot and I needed to put things right between us.

  "Ralf," I said as I made my way back down the hall. "Do you know where Logan is?" Could he be in the staff room? He said he didn't really like it in there and preferred to be out with everyone else.

  "Sorry," he replied over his shoulder. "Check the bar if he's not in the gym."

  "Yeah, was going there now. Thanks."

  My heart was going like a train as I approached the open double doors to the bar. Please, be in here.

  Stepping through, I stopped dead. He was sitting at a table with Jace. Logan was facing me and looked up the second I stepped through the doorway as if he sensed I was there.

  Eyes solely on me, he stood up. That was when Jace craned his neck around. Seeing them both was like a kick in the gut. I would always love Jace and I hated that I hurt him by being with Logan but we didn't know he was coming back. I moved on with the one person that made me happy. Unfortunately, I couldn't choose who was in my heart. It was Logan.

  "Hi, Chloe," Jace said.

  Smiling, I replied, "Hey."

  Why was Logan just standing there looking at me? He didn't move, didn't talk, didn't bloody blink.

  "You want to join us?"

  Did I want to join my ex and my boyfriend? Awkward. And they were brothers. Double awkward. I had to do it, though. If we were all going to get through this we had to find a way of being in the same room together.

  "Sure."

  I sat on the spare chair at the table and Logan lowered himself down. Oh, I definitely would have preferred to do the trio thing after me and Logan sorted everything out.

  Stealing a glance at him, I saw his eyes were still glued to me as if he didn't think I'd ever come back. I just needed time.

  "Hi," I said.

  He smiled and looked so handsome my heart gave a squeeze. "Hi, sweetheart."

  God, I had missed him saying that.

  I was painfully aware that Jace was still sitting with us so I dragged my eyes away from Logan. "What're you two doing? Never thought I'd see you in a gym, Jace."

  He grinned. I used to love the way he looked at me but now I hated it. I wish he wasn't still in love with me. "Very funny. I just came to see Logan."

  I'm intruding.

  "Oh. I can go if you're busy."

  "No," Logan said, almost snapping. "You're not interrupting anything."

  I was, but I understood that I had stayed away for a week so Logan probably felt like if I left he didn't know when I'd come back again. I was done running away and ready to face Logan and Jace and hopefully work through the issues we had.

  "Okay." I sunk further into the seat.

  "I'll get you a juice," Logan said, standing and heading to the bar.

  "How are you getting on being back?" I asked Jace. There was just about a million other things I wanted to ask but I didn't know where to start and I didn't want to get into the heavy stuff in public.

  He pursed his lips. "It's strange. Good strange but taking some adapting. I've had the same conversation with Mum, Dad, Logan and Cassie about a hundred times over."

  "It's going to take everyone time to get over everything."

  Everyone's lives were finally back on track. We were all starting to feel happy again. When someone died, as much as you wanted to, you never in a million years expected to find them standing in the kitchen again. You adjusted and found a way to go on without them there. Jace coming back flipped everything again, for the better, of course, but we still all had questions we needed answering. There was still anger and confusion and hurt that had to be addressed. As much as I understood he couldn't tell anyone he was alive I would never forgive him completely for breaking us so much.

  "I know. I understand that you're pissed. I just wish you could be happier I'm not dead."

  I gripped the edges of the chair. I wanted to swing for him. How fucking dare he say that?

  Jace groaned. "I'm sorry."

  "Chlo," Logan said, putting my juice on the table and crouching down. "Hey, you're whiter than Casper right now." He tilted my chin so I looked at him. "What's wrong?"

  I looked back at Jace. "How could you say that?"

  "Say what? What did he say?" Logan asked.

  "I didn't mean it, Chloe. You know I didn't, it's just..."

  "Just what?"

  Logan watched us, still crouched on the floor. He put his hand on my thigh, claiming me. I hated that he felt the need to do it. I was his and nothing was going to change that.

  "You ran away pretty much the second you saw me. I had to come to you and when I did you shouted. What else am I supposed to think?"

  "You sound surprised. You don't get it, Jace. You have no idea what it's like to think the person you love is dead."

  Logan tensed and I realised I'd used present tense. Damn it.

  "I know I don't but-"

  "I'm going to go," I said, standing up, forcing Logan to get up as well. He stared at the table, barely moving. Shit, I've done a real good job here. I wanted to fix things with Logan but I've had a pretty public almost fight with Jace, hurt Logan, and was on the verge of tears.

  "Chloe, you don't have to leave," Jace said. "We'll change the subject."

  "We can talk later. I'll come over tonight. Your mum's been asking when I'm coming back. I don't want to do this here. Logan, will you walk me to my car, please?"

  He nodded robotically, still not making eye contact.

  "See you later," Jace said. I smiled in return and walked away.

  Why was nothing ever bloody simple?

  Me and Logan walked in silence. He kept his focus ahead. He was far too tense and brooding. We stopped at my car and I leant back on the door. "Logan, I was talking about the past."

  "Were you?"

  Gripping his top, I pulled him closer. "Yes. I love him still, of course, I do, but it's not how it used to be. Logan, how I feel about you... What Jace and I had, it doesn't even come close. God, I'm rambling. I love you. I want you." I couldn't talk to Jace about us in front of Logan anymore. Of course he was going to feel insecure.

  "Are you sure?" he asked, leaning forwards and pressing his forehead to mine. His eyes searched for the truth. "I don't know what I'd do if you went back to him and I know that's a shitty thing to say, you were his first and things only ended between you because you thought he was dead, but I can't help how I feel. I can't help loving you so much I feel like I can't fucking breathe."

  I kissed him, pulling him closer, pouring everything into us, and praying that he felt how much I loved him, too. Logan squashed
me against my car, one hand fisting my hair and the other gripping my hip desperately.

  His tongue flicked my bottom lip and my knees almost gave way. It had been a week and I wanted nothing more than for him to take me home so we could make up properly.

  "Logan," I said against his lips. "Logan?"

  Groaning, he pulled back and frowned. "What? I was busy."

  "I know but you have to go back in there to your brother. Not to mention we're in the middle of a car park."

  "I don't care about any of that. It's been ages, Chlo."

  "And later we'll make up for lost time. At mine. Stay over?"

  "I'm there," he replied, grazing my neck with his fingertips. I closed my eyes and sucked in a sharp breath. I'd never get enough of him touching me, teasing me like that. "We could go now if you want." His voice was low and rough and seemed to have a hotline to my groin.

  I pushed him back with one hand, needing to put some distance between us before I agreed. I really wanted that but we had things to do first.

  "Tonight," I said.

  "Fine, but I want you to know you've got five minutes of small talk with your parents and then I'm taking you to bed. I don't give a flying fuck if they're still up. And you're not getting any sleep."

  I wanted to ask if I could have that in writing but the wild hunger in his eyes was enough.

  "Deal," I said, claiming his lips in a soft, controlled kiss. "I'll see you at yours after work, then we'll go to mine."

  "I love you, Chloe."

  "I love you, too."

  He smiled. "Forever and a day, sweetheart."

  I melted.

  Watching him walk back to the gym was hard. I forced myself to get in my car and lay back against the seat, trying to cool down. Get a grip, Chloe.

  Chapter Forty-two

  Chloe

  After going home and agonising about my whole screwed up situation, I texted Jace to ask if I could come over earlier and talk to him. I'd expected him to say no outright or at least make an excuse but he told me he'd just got home and I could come over whenever I was ready. I wasn't sure exactly how ready I was for another round but it had to be done so I got back in my little car and drove to his house.

  I stopped in the drive and thankfully, I had the only car so hopefully no one else was in. Jace must have walked home, that or he wasn't really going to meet me.