Blades of Bluegrass

by D. Jackson Leigh

  Of course that bundle of gears and electronics wasn’t her lost limb, but it eerily felt like a reincarnated version. She recognized the long, slender fingers, the shape of the forearm. Will was still waiting patiently for her to touch it, to take it. Shaken, Britt glanced at Teddy, who nodded. Britt reached for the hand end of the prosthesis, and Will laid the other end across her knees.

  She expected the mechanical arm to be heavy and feel like plastic. Instead, it was deceptively light and the covering as soft as skin. It was…warm? Britt frowned up at Will.

  “Yeah. The covering is almost indistinguishable from real skin. A Swiss toy company developed it. We enhanced it a bit by figuring out how to warm it to your average body temperature. Unfortunately, it won’t vary with the outside temperature like your real body parts do. So, when your other hand gets cold or sweats, this one will remain at about ninety-eight degrees.”

  “I can live with that.”

  Will took the arm back. “Ready to try it on?”

  Britt was both eager and nervous. She held out her hand to Teddy, who took it.

  “You can do this, Britt.” Teddy squatted beside her. “You adapted to your first prosthesis quicker than anyone I’ve seen.”

  “It’s weird. Those are…I recognize those fingers.” Britt didn’t need to explain further. She knew Teddy would understand.

  “I know. It will feel weird at first.”

  Britt nodded to Will. “Okay. I’m ready.”

  Will paused to hold Britt’s gaze. “Before we start, I need to caution you that this is only a preliminary fitting. Unlike the more rudimentary arm, Lucy is a delicate instrument that connects to your brain through the nerves in your arm. Today, we’ll start mapping her movements to your brain messages. It takes a lot of patience and determination and a hundred small tweaks.”

  Britt blew out a breath, then turned to Colonel Winstead and Teddy. “Hoo-ah,” she said quietly.

  Colonel Winstead gave her a thumbs-up and dragged a chair over for Teddy to sit next to Britt for moral support.

  Will rolled up Britt’s T-shirt sleeve and explained she didn’t need a compression sock. After he pressed a few buttons on the outside of the arm, a computer automatically sought out and aligned with the nerves that had been surgically placed just under the skin on the inside of her residual limb, then expanded the gel liner inside the cup to fit snugly. Teddy removed Britt’s shoulder harness and replaced it with a lighter mesh harness without the cable and pulleys that had operated the hooks on the other prosthesis. Lucy attached to the new harness with a Velcro flap. Easy on, easy off. Less bulk and barely noticeable under a shirt. That was nice.

  Lucy bent at the elbow, jerking upward toward Britt’s face. She reached to stop Lucy with her real hand, but the bionic hand had already stopped short of her face. Will looked as surprised as she felt. “Will this thing go rogue and kill me in my sleep?”

  Will opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if he couldn’t decide what to say. Then something dawned in his eyes. “What were you thinking about right before Lucy moved?”

  Britt frowned down at Lucy’s bionic parts, tiny lights blinking inside like something alive in the long fingers. She hesitantly raised her real hand to finger the crescent-shaped scar near the base of the thumb. “I wanted a closer look at this. The computer replicated my hand so closely that it copied this scar where I broke my thumb when I was sixteen and it was surgically repaired.”

  “Excellent. Wow.” Will was jubilant. “This might not take as long as I thought.” He began scribbling notes on his clipboard. “Lucy is already communicating with your brain. We just need to smooth out her response.”

  An hour later, Teddy called an end to the session where Will had asked Britt to flex individual fingers, make a fist, rotate her wrist, and various other movements. She’d been appointed timekeeper and monitor over Britt’s tolerance levels, since she knew the patient best. Britt was relieved. Sweat ran down her back, and her back ached from the tension of trying to get Lucy to respond to her thoughts.

  “This is excellent progress,” Will said, scanning his notes. “We never expected such compatibility with the army’s first subject.” He looked up at Colonel Winstead. “I’d say the army’s program is a lock. It has a high probability of success, and I’ll be happy to testify to that before Congress.”

  “We should have several more subjects soon. How long before we can actually test her under simulated combat conditions?” Colonel Winstead asked.

  “Whoa, hoss.” Britt’s tired brain screamed incoming. “I haven’t signed up for that.” She ripped the Velcro fastener open and pressed the controls Will had shown her to contract the gel cup and release her residual limb. “Lucy is a really cool toy, but I refuse to be the army’s bionic toy soldier.” She stood and jerked off the shoulder harness, throwing it into the chair where she’d been sitting.

  Britt strode out of the lab, not thinking about where she was going. Minutes later, she found herself in the parking lot, shaking with rage and with no escape. Pop had dropped her off. Shit. She’d forgotten her old harness and arm, her shirt and her phone on a table in the lab. Shit, shit, shit. Britt closed her eyes and took a deep breath, counting to ten as she let it out slowly. She’d never experienced fits of temper this strong before this last deployment. The fury that had engulfed her and propelled her out of the lab began to drain away. She turned back to the hospital. Teddy stood on the curb, studying her. She held the items Britt had forgotten.

  Britt unconsciously started to cross her arms, then realized a stump wasn’t enough to complete the defensive posture. She felt ridiculous. Again. She’d been so enamored with Lucy, she’d followed their carrot right up to the door of the army’s trap. Like a rookie private. Is that why Teddy had been so distant on the way back from Louisville? Had she known they planned to lure her to a point where the army would give her no choice?

  Her hand in her pocket, her eyes on the pavement, she walked slowly to where Teddy stood. “I can’t do this.” She couldn’t meet Teddy’s eyes for fear of what she might see there. Disappointment. Disgust at her weakness. Because, honestly, Teddy would know. Principle wasn’t the only thing holding her back.

  “I know.” Teddy cupped her cheek, and Britt leaned into its warmth. Only then did she chance a look, and the understanding in Teddy’s eyes made her throat tighten. She needed Teddy so much. She hungered for the calm that flowed through her when Teddy’s arms were wrapped around her, when Teddy’s heart beat against hers. “Let’s go to my office, where we have a little privacy, to get you armed and dressed,” Teddy said, leading her back inside the hospital.

  * * *

  The offices, including Teddy’s, that ringed the huge rehab gymnasium were all glass on the interior wall with incapsulated mini blinds. Teddy didn’t close the blinds. When she’d said privacy, she meant the implied privacy of a therapist working with a client in an open gymnasium but among others who were concentrating on their own therapy. She closed the door to indicate she was with a client and shouldn’t be disturbed without good reason, but she intentionally didn’t close the blinds. She couldn’t be really alone with Britt. She was too weak. Torn between shame and desire, she was afraid she’d give in to the desire that screamed for her to grab Britt and kiss her until they both were breathless.

  Instead, she methodically inspected Britt’s arm, dressed her in the shoulder harness, and installed the prosthesis. Britt watched her quizzically. Teddy hadn’t done this since Britt had mastered doing it for herself. She only glanced at Britt a few times, afraid her own eyes would lay bare her confused emotions. When she held up Britt’s shirt, Britt slipped her prosthetic arm in first, then leaned forward so Teddy could bring the shirt around Britt’s back to slip her right arm into the other sleeve. The move brought their faces close together, and Britt brushed her cheek against Teddy’s.

  “Teddy.” Britt’s breath was warm on Teddy’s ear.

  “Don’t, Britt. I can’t.” Teddy stared at
the floor when Britt slid her arm into the sleeve and sat back to button her shirt.

  “Sorry. Of course. I forgot where we were. Will you have dinner with me? At my hotel? Pop’s already headed back to the farm, but I thought I’d stay another night. We can eat in the restaurant or order room service. Whatever you want.” Britt’s eyes blazed like blue flames that heated Teddy so hot, she had to turn away.

  “I…I can’t. Colonel Winstead invited me to dinner with him and his wife. Afterward, we plan to catch up on the status of the prosthesis project. We haven’t had a chance to do that with me at the farm for the past month.” She could feel Britt’s eyes boring into her back. She hated herself for being one more person to disappoint this beautiful wounded warrior and for being unable to let go of the past. Her desk phone rang, and she welcomed the interruption.

  “Lieutenant Alexander.”

  “This is the reception desk in the lobby. I have a man here with some papers for you.”

  Teddy had no idea what papers they could be, but she wanted desperately to jump at this excuse to cowardly avoid the talk she needed to have with Britt. She needed to explain that her vows didn’t die when Shannon did, and prolonging that talk would only extend her misery. “Ask him to leave them there at the desk. I’ll come pick it up before I leave today.”

  “He says he has to deliver them to you in person.”

  “Really?” Teddy let out an impatient huff. “All right. I’ll be right there.” She hung up the receiver and turned back to Britt. “I have to go to the reception desk to pick up something I must have to sign for. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t have a ride.”

  Teddy stopped just as she reached the door. “What?”

  “Pop dropped me off. I thought we’d…I can call an Uber,” Britt said, her face flushing and eyes shifting away from Teddy’s.

  “You were in the parking lot.”

  “Yeah. I was so mad I kinda forgot that. That’s why I was just standing there when you came out. Once I got out there, I realized I didn’t have my truck or my phone to call for a ride.”

  Teddy wanted to laugh and hug away Britt’s embarrassment. For someone so smart and confident, Britt could be a big goof sometimes. But she didn’t laugh. She couldn’t hug her. She had to remember to keep her distance from Britt. It was the only way to cut the bond that had formed between them. “Don’t leave until I get back. We need to talk.”

  * * *

  “We need to talk.”

  The words echoed around Britt’s brain like a ricocheting bullet. You never wanted to hear that phrase from a girlfriend. Was Teddy her girlfriend now? They’d spent a lot of time together over the past month, sharing nightly walks, therapy sessions, interrupting each other’s nightmares. They’d shared occasional kisses and one romantic, passion-filled night. But neither had talked about their deepest feelings, fears, or past hurts. All Britt knew for sure was that she’d finally met the one person with whom she wanted to share those things.

  A woman in scrubs poked her head in the office, looking directly at the empty desk chair, then startling a little when she noticed Britt. “Oh, I was looking for Teddy. Lieutenant Alexander. Is she around?”

  “She said she’d be right back.” Britt frowned. Was Teddy always in such high demand?

  “Oh. Okay. Would you tell her that Colonel Winstead wants to see her in his office right away? General Banks is on a very tight schedule and wants to talk with her before he leaves.”

  Britt nearly growled. What the hell did that ass Banks want with Teddy? She was medical and not under his command. But the woman didn’t wait for an answer. She apparently was just carrying a message and not privy to Banks’s purpose.

  Britt checked her phone. Did she have new orders? Maybe Banks wanted a report on her medical progress. She scrolled through email and text messages. A text from Marianne said Home from War would be heading to South Carolina early the next morning. Various other business emails were related to the week’s sale of other yearlings. One email in her personal account was from her mother, asking when she planned to visit. “You can always come visit me, Mother,” Britt muttered to herself.

  Bored with her phone, she stood and reviewed the photos on the wall of Teddy’s office. She studied the faces of the people in Teddy’s unit. She didn’t recognize any of them. That wasn’t unusual. Teddy appeared to have been attached to a policing unit. Britt’s unit was a ground unit of army intelligence—advance scouts. Drone units were slowly taking over their jobs. She paused at the photo of Teddy kneeling by her medic pack. She was closer to the camera in this picture, so close Britt could read her nametag. T. DICE. Wait. Why was her name different? She went to Teddy’s desk and was reaching for the photo of the tall blonde when she jerked toward the door at the sound of a knock.

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you. I was looking for Teddy. Uh, Lieutenant Alexander.” The husky female soldier wore a modified mohawk and the insignia of a staff sergeant on her desert camos.

  “She went to sign for a package at the reception desk. She should return soon.”

  “Do you mind if I wait? I only have a few minutes. I’m with a convoy passing through on our way to Bragg. We stopped for a break and early chow about a mile from here, so I’d thought I’d surprise her.”

  “No. Not at all, Sergeant.” Britt held out her hand. “Britt Story.”

  “Alisha Denning.” Alisha shook Britt’s hand. “Captain Story, right?”

  “Uh, yes?”

  “Relax. No rumors or anything. I have a friend still in Afghanistan who says you’re the best captain she’s ever served under.”

  “Tell your friend I said thanks.” Britt suddenly felt conscious of her prosthesis and turned so it wasn’t in Alisha’s line of vision. “How do you know Lieutenant Alexander?”

  She gestured to the photos on the wall and smiled. “We went through basic and advanced training together, then deployed in the same unit that first time.” She shook her head. “We were so damn young and naive. Got our cherries popped pretty quick.” She went to the photo and touched one of the figures smiling at the camera. “That’s me. It’s hard to tell because of the shadow across my face.” Her fingers slid over the other faces. “Only about half of us came back after eighteen months over there.”

  Britt gestured to the photo on Teddy’s desk. “Did you know her?”

  “Shannon? Oh, yeah. Everybody knew Shannon. She was like the unit Wonder Woman. We all thought she was bulletproof because she acted like she was. Sharpshooter, fastest runner in the unit. If there was a hot spot, she was there. She could throw a grenade like a major-league pitcher. She and Teddy were the big love story of the unit. There’s a long story about how they met over a game of craps that I won’t bore you with, but Teddy always said Shannon was her lucky seven.”

  Britt stared at the photo, remembering Teddy’s words at the hotel. Seven’s always been lucky for me. “Where’s Shannon now?”

  Alisha looked up from Shannon’s photo, surprise replacing her sad expression. “You don’t know?”

  Britt shifted uncomfortably. Should she? “No. I don’t.”

  “Killed. By a suicide bomber on her last deployment about five years ago, just days before the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act. Teddy had a bad feeling about Shannon going back to Afghanistan, and Boston, where Teddy’s parents lived, was still Teddy’s home on record with the army. So they’d driven up to Massachusetts and got married before Shannon deployed. A national group of LGBTQ service members took up her cause, and backed by her and Shannon’s own unit, they filed a lawsuit to have Teddy granted survivor’s benefits following Shannon’s death. There was lots of media about it. I’m surprised you didn’t see any of it.”

  “That circus must have been hard to go through while she was grieving.” Britt was lucky she was already serving when her father decided to run for the senate. Duty had saved her from the worst of the campaign dog-and-pony sho
w. Still, the army had encouraged her participation in the hope that his success in Congress would translate to more money in the military budget. And she’d hated every minute in the spotlight.

  “Shannon was her true love. Don’t get me wrong. Teddy’s dated. She dated another widow for a while, but she said they both knew it was just for comfort and wasn’t going anywhere. And she spends a night or two with other women now and then. I mean, she’s only human. We all understand that she’s still a young woman with needs.”

  “We?”

  “Her family, Shannon’s family, her military family. We’re all still tight, you know? Teddy’s like a daughter to Shannon’s parents. But we’re okay with her doing what she needs, because she’ll always and forever love only Shannon.” Alisha glanced at her watch. “Damn. I’ve got to go, or the convoy’s going to leave without me. Their thirty-minute break is almost up.” She grabbed a sheet of paper from the computer’s printer and rummaged in the desk for a pen, then scribbled a quick note for Teddy.

  “Nice to meet you, Cap.” She gave a quick salute, even though Britt wasn’t in uniform.

  “Safe travels.” Britt returned the salute.

  When she reached the doorway, Alisha looked back at Shannon’s photo. “I hope that one day I’ll find my one great love like Teddy did.”

  She must have left, but Britt didn’t notice. She was staring at the same photo. …She spends a night or two with other women now and then. …She’ll always and forever love only Shannon.

  * * *

  The only person at the reception desk was a civilian worker, as were most of the VA hospital employees. But her meticulously neat attire and severe bun and rigid posture screamed retired military.

  “Hello. I’m Lieutenant Alexander. You called and said there was a package I needed to sign for.”

  “I don’t know if you have to sign anything, ma’am. But the man over there insisted he must put a document directly in your hands.” The woman stood from her chair and leaned across the circular desk to whisper. “I had one of our security officers speak with him, and the officer said it was okay. Still, he’s standing by over there.” She pointed discreetly, and Teddy glanced over to see a lean man with a steel-gray crew cut and wearing a security-guard uniform. He stood at the ready, a few feet down a hallway that led away from the lobby, purposely out of sight of the man she noted was approaching from her left.