by K C West
“The best. It’s been wonderful.”
I sighed. “Good.”
“You, know, it was very kind of you to ask Josie and Laine to join us.”
“Oh, Jesus!” I slapped my forehead. “I forgot my call to Jonathan!” I stood and walked to the desk where the phone rested. “I’ll just be a few minutes. Some business I need to finish up. Relax and enjoy the music. There are earphones in the cabinet under the TV.”
She gave me a bemused look, but plugged in the earphones and slipped them on, while I dialed the number of my accountant. He was an employee of my father’s and I knew he’d be spending the holidays in Newport. I watched a dreamy smile appear on Kim’s face as she listened. Her eyes closed in contentment.
You look so peaceful… and so beautiful by candlelight.
I sighed, punched in the number, and waited for Jonathan to answer his cell phone.
“Fletcher here,” came the terse voice.
“PJ Curtis here,” I mimicked his speech. “How’s it going, Jonathan?”
“Hey there, sweet pea? Why aren’t you with us?”
“Long story, I’m afraid. Listen; if you aren’t too busy right now, can I go over that fax I sent you earlier?”
“I’m free as the wind, for you, sweetheart. Tell me what you need.” His voice warmed with the usual paternal tone he used on me. I had known him forever it seemed and he had known me since I was in diapers … a fact he delighted in recounting to anyone who would listen.
“Can you get the money transferred like I requested?”
“Sure. No problem there. You want checks made out to those names you sent, and I should post them to the Foundation account.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“But, the money will actually come from your discretionary fund?”
“Yes, nobody needs to know the actual source. I think it will look better coming from the Curtis Foundation.”
I heard him wheeze a bit as he made notes. No electronic notepads for Jonathan; he used a yellow legal tablet and scrawled his notes with a wide-tipped fountain pen. “No problemo. I can make some electronic transfers and Express Mail everything to you tomorrow if you like. You father has some documents going out then.”
“Great. We still have lots to do here. Our next step is arranging for press coverage and publicity for the project, but I’m sure it won’t be a problem if the checks come early.”
“Do I tell your father … or keep it confidential?”
“Hmm. I don’t think he’ll object. It isn’t illegal, the money is mine from my trust fund, right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, then I don’t care if you tell him or not. He can’t change my mind, it’s already made up.”
He chuckled. “If you only knew how much you sounded like your mother just then, Priscilla.”
I felt a rush of heat to my chest. “Thank you, Jonathan. That’s a lovely compliment.”
We talked for a few more minutes and then I replaced the receiver with a satisfied smile.
Kim was still stretched out on the sofa tethered by the earphone cord to whatever music soothed her soul. I watched for several minutes, admiring the view.
That’s a very becoming blouse you’re wearing. It fits you so well and the rich, burnished gold color gives your skin a healthy glow. I especially like the way your chest expands under the silky fabric. Gawd. I’m going to have to talk to you. I’m turning into such a pervert, admiring your chest.
I checked on the girls. They were asleep in the twin beds, so I closed the door and walked back to the sofa. As quietly as possible, I sank into the plush leather cushions and stretched out beside Kim. She stirred, but didn’t open her eyes.
Okay. You’re obviously still enjoying the music. I’ll just wait until you finish and then we’ll talk. Laine and Josie are safely tucked away. There’s nothing to disturb us.
I yawned. My eyes seemed full of sand. Everything grew soft and hazy; my mind focused on the warm body only inches away from my own.
Something firm pressed against my hip and I came awake as if surfacing from the depths of a deep, sensual dream. When I shifted and stretched, my thigh nudged Kim’s.
My God, I fell asleep next to her. I’m practically on top of her. How embarrassing…how mortifying…how pleasant and comfortable. Why didn’t she wake me up or push me over to the side of the sofa?
I let my hand graze her hip. Kim gave a quiet moan and turned toward me, her face close to mine, her lips parted slightly in sweet temptation.
Jesus, she’s asleep. I guess she’s been asleep for some time. What do I do now?
I reached around her head and gently slipped the earphones off. Kim moaned again, louder this time. My brain entertained a warm and wicked thought.
What if I … um … just tried a tiny kiss? Right now, while she’s sleeping. She’ll never know and I’ve been dying to find out what it feels like.
What would I risk if I tried it?
The answer came back with jolting clarity.
Everything.
Is it worth it?
My body heat elevated. My back and chest grew damp with tense anticipation.
She won’t stay asleep forever. Do I… or don’t I?
I leaned in as close as I dared, breathing in the scent of her hair. It was a spicy, fragrant herbal concoction. Her skin had a clean, warm essence that enticed me further. I took a huge breath and held it. My head tilted to just the right angle and then I touched my lips to hers. Tiny wisps of air escaped as I exhaled.
Incredible. They’re so soft … like velvet. Better than I imagined. And there’s no stubble on her chin, no five-o’clock shadow, only smooth, tender skin. Look at those long eyelashes. Oh, God. I want to do it again.
Her mouth opened a fraction and I inhaled the aroma of pumpkin and cream.
Delicious.
I nibbled her bottom lip. She sighed and her lips responded, pushing with intensity against mine. I felt dizzy. The next sigh I heard … was my own.
Passion flamed in my abdomen, spreading upward through my chest, making my breasts tingle.
I’ve got to stop… now. I’ve got to break this off, sit back, and act as if nothing happened.
Yeah, right.
I squeezed my eyes shut, concentrating on my heart rate, the alternating chills and fever coursing through my body and my overactive libido. Those stolen kisses, as brief as they were, nourished my soul like gentle rain over a desert arroyo.
I would never have believed I’d feel such intense pleasure from this. She’s not even awake. Imagine what it would be like if…
There was a blast of moist of air against my cheek. When I opened my eyes, two startled brown ones stared back at me.
Oh, Shit! Shit… Shit… Shit.
She sat up quickly and I slid off the edge of the sofa onto the floor.
“Hey!” we both cried.
Kim stood up, fingers probing her lips, her expression dazed.
“What?” Her voice was husky. “Was I dreaming … or did you just kiss me?”
My butt was bolted to the floor, my legs too weak to support me. I couldn’t escape anyway. There was no place to hide … nowhere to run.
“I … uh … I wanted to see … that is, I had this overpowering urge …You were sitting there … and I didn’t know you were asleep until… but even if you—”
Exasperation knotted Kim’s brow. “PJ, a simple answer will do, okay. Did you or did you not kiss me while I was sleeping?”
Oh God. You’re in shock now, but when you get over that … I’m toast.
I struggled to my feet. “Yeah … I did … um … kiss you.”
“I see.” She took a deep breath. “I think I’d better go.” She slipped her feet back into her shoes and picked up her bag and jacket.
“No … Kim, please.” I held up my hands. “Don’t go, not like this. Let me explain. I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time. I know I shouldn’t have done it when you were asleep, but I just couldn’
t help myself.”
I could have sworn you liked it as much as I did. Oh, shit, I’ve blown it. The realization of that fact produced a pain in my chest.
We moved in slow motion, two trains on a collision course, despite all attempts to avoid disaster, glancing at each other and then quickly away, evading even the slightest possibility of touching by accident. I murmured apologies; she gave vague, one syllable replies, all the time gathering her gear, moving toward the door.
She paused with her back against it, her hand on the knob. “PJ, you’re a very attractive woman. Our friendship means a great deal to me, but I’m not going to let myself be used to satisfy your curiosity—”
“But, that’s not—”
“And I won’t become another name on your long list of conquests, just another notch on your bedpost. I’m going home now. I’ll see you onsite Monday or whenever you return to work. I’m sure by that time, we will have forgotten this unfortunate situation.”
She turned and opened the door.
“Kim, please don’t go. Let me explain—”
“Thank you for a wonderful dinner. It … uh … it was a lovely birthday.” She dipped her head and was gone.
I stood with my forehead pressed against the closed door, wishing like hell I could replay the last half hour. I slapped my palms against the wood, welcoming the stinging pain of despair.
Damn it! Why did I have to kiss her? Why didn’t I stop sooner?
She did seem to enjoy it, though. I’m sure that was a good moan I heard.
It doesn’t matter; she doesn’t want to remember any of it. She wants to forget everything that happened.
How can I do that?
My body was numb; I acted purely by rote. I scribbled a note for the girls in case they woke before I did, assuming I could ever get to sleep now. I put an extra keycard with the note that told them to come and go as they pleased, use the pool, charge any meals to my account.
I wasn’t sure what my plans were for the next day. In truth, I wasn’t certain about any plans for any days. I turned out all the lights in the living area, blew out the candles, and made a weary trek to the master bedroom, snatching up a clean tee shirt and cotton, drawstring shorts for sleeping. I stripped off what I had been wearing, my clothing landing in a pile at the bathroom door. Sadness enveloped my body like a heavy robe.
I stared at myself in the mirror over the sink.
I gambled and I lost. Kim doesn’t trust me now. I saw it in her eyes… the confusion, the uncertainty. When she first woke up, though, and realized what I had done, there was something else in her eyes … need. There’s a need in her … and there’s a need in me…
My vision blurred. I bit down on my lower lip and turned to fumble with the shower faucet. Feeling thick, choking tears at the back of my throat, I stepped into the stall and let them mingle with the icy spray.
What do I do now … about that need? Do I give up on us …on our friendship …on any love there might be between us? Or do I find Kim and force her to listen?
It was all too painful right now. I finished my punishing shower and rubbed my body dry. I dressed for bed, knowing full well that a long, tear-filled, sleepless night awaited me.
Chapter Nineteen
I stepped into the motor home and was greeted enthusiastically by Pup. He was such a good companion, always pleased to see me. I could always rely on his unconditional love. He didn’t play the head games that we humans are apt to.
I dropped my shoulder bag onto the sofa and removed my jacket, hanging it in the closet. Stuff left lying around in the close confines of a motor home led to chaos. There was a place for everything and as long as everything was in place, living in such a small space was tolerable.
Why did I act like such an idiot, PJ, when you kissed me? I was aware of it. I liked it and even responded to it. You kissed me. So what! Why am I so afraid to admit any of that?
Because I’m afraid of being hurt again, that’s why.
I undressed and caught sight of my naked body in the mirror.
Is there any chance that you, a young, extremely attractive and desirable woman could love me? I covered my breasts with my hands. I wonder what it would be like if you …?
“No!”
My cry startled Pup. He growled … his way of scolding me for my outburst.
“Sorry, friend,” I whispered, pulling on my faded green, sleep scrubs.
I tossed and turned until the bed was a shambles, the covers in a heap. I couldn’t turn off the replay of the kiss. It repeated over and over like a tape with no ending.
“Don’t be an old fool,” I told myself.
We had been in a romantic setting … in a comfortable, nicely appointed suite. Soft music had been playing in the background; candles reflected flickering shadows on the walls. The stage had been set.
I should have been prepared, but I didn’t think….
You were carried away in the moment, that’s all … a big meal and wine will do that … cause a person to do strange and foolish things. I know it doesn’t mean a thing.
Pup, who had been sleeping on the floor beside my bed, turned over and looked at me with just one eye open.
“She hasn’t dated in a while, Pup, and she has needs.” He ignored my profound statement and settled back to sleep. I tried to clear my mind, but the thoughts kept crowding in making sleep impossible.
It was easy to fantasize while lying there in the dark, but as fast as my mind wandered, I reined it in.
Perhaps, PJ, you think I can satisfy your physical needs since you don’t have a man around at the moment. You think I don’t know it’s just curiosity on your part? Or is it that you think I’ll jump at the chance to hop into bed with you. Having it on with the boss would be quite a notch on your bedpost. But you should have known better. You do now, don’t you, after my hurried departure? You know I’m not about to satisfy your idle curiosity or any physical frustrations you might have, that I’m not one of your pick up and drop ‘em suitors.
I don’t go for one-night stands and a relationship is the last thing I need in my life, however tempting the prospect.
I went to sleep thinking about her impetuous act and how it would complicate our working relationship.
If only we could erase yesterday or pretend it never happened. I don’t want to lose you, PJ, as an assistant, but how do we get around it? It would make life so much easier if you just didn’t show up for work on Monday, or ever again.
On Friday morning, with the events of Thanksgiving Day still on my mind I prepared to head for the site. Since I had given my people time off to visit with family and friends, I was looking forward to being alone on the mountain.
It was a lovely, sunny morning, a little on the cool side, but it would soon warm up. I filled my backpack with enough food for the weekend, and while it was heavy, the framed pack fit snuggly on my back. Pup carried his own supplies in a doggie pack slung across his back like a saddlebag. The hike from the trailhead into the site felt good after an over indulgence of food and wine.
I was more comfortable with the Amazons now that the immediate shock of my likeness to Marna had settled into my consciousness. I gave up questioning the why or the how of it and just accepted the fact that she and I were somehow connected. I looked forward to spending time alone with them, perhaps even asking their advice about my situation with PJ.
I concentrated on my feet as they moved up the trail, one booted foot in front of the other. Tiny eruptions of trail dust accompanied each step. It was mesmerizing. This was travel at its most basic level… one step at a time.
Life should be lived that way, one step at a time.
Proof positive, I thought to myself, that the passage of even a single being changes the face of the landscape. I felt the tingle created by the combination of exercise, fresh air, and the touch of the warming sun.
This tingle I feel … it’s almost like making love, but not exactly. Could you make me tingle, PJ?
“Sto
p!”
I was in trouble enough already without fantasizing and dismissed the thought.
I still hoped against hope that she would leave.
Once inside our tent headquarters, I stowed away the food supplies, lit the camp stove and put on the teakettle. Soon I was nursing a cup of steaming Earl Grey. I noticed the Krater that PJ had given me. I put down my cup and picked up the Krater. It was a special gift, one that would forever hold her in my heart, but one that I should not, under the circumstances, keep. I touched it to my lips and set it down on the table where it reflected an aura of its own.
Oh PJ, why did you have to go and spoil it all when we had been getting along so well?
I made my way over to Site One and climbed into the cave. I sat cross-legged beside the two Amazons and pulled on a lightweight, cotton glove before laying my hand on Mama’s bony shoulder. I chose always to wear gloves when handling human remains to protect them from me rather than me from them. But sitting there alone in the silence of the cave, I didn’t like the barrier the thin material created between us. I removed the glove. This time, when I put my hand on Mama’s shoulder, it felt warm … as if there was life there yet… as if she knew I was there and was reacting to my presence. I felt strangely comfortable.
I thought about PJ. My question was directed at Marna. “If she doesn’t take the initiative and resign on her own, do I have the right to insist? She’s all I could ask for in an assistant, a damn fine archaeologist. You know that. You know how careful and respectful she was of you and Leeja, and the others. Do you know they are near by, that you’re all together on this mountain?
“Oh, Mama, do I have the right to fire PJ for an indiscretion that has nothing to do with the job, and doesn’t affect the project in any way? It’s not as though I hadn’t thought of kissing her myself … on several occasions. She just acted on something I had fantasized about many times. The only difference is that she acted and I didn’t. If I had taken the initiative, would the outcome have been any different?
“She’ll probably come to the site to pick up her stuff, or maybe not. She might have one of the crew gather her things together and deliver them to the hotel. I’m sure she’s as eager as I am to avoid a face-to-face confrontation.”
