Hard Core

by Tess Oliver

  Rachel laughed. “I suppose you may, but remember, I need three hundred of these bags.”

  I pulled on some gloves and picked up a lemon cookie.

  Rachel had already filled and tied off a bag before I’d even gotten my first square of parchment sandwiched between the cookies. “You sure are in a good mood lately, Jacy. Must be the great sex.”

  The coconut cookie broke in half in my hand. “That was your fault for bringing up the sex.”

  “Ah ha. So it is great. Of course it is. How could a man like Ledger not be good in the sack? I’m glad for you, Jacy. Jealous as hell, but I’m happy. You deserved this.”

  I hadn’t told Rachel about the incident at the pier. I’d avoided the topic by focusing on the day’s bike ride and how you really never do forget how to ride one. But I was starting to feel guilty about holding back so much. Rachel was always quick to tell me everything that was happening in her life, like a true friend would and should.

  I held up my first finished bag. “How is this?”

  “Great. Now move faster or we’ll be here all night. And I’ve got a date.”

  I picked up three cookies and set to work separating them with parchment. “Who is this new Mr. Right?”

  “Shh, you’ll jinx it. I think this could be him.” She was holding back a smile.

  “Rach, what’s up? You’ve got that look.”

  She huffed. “O.K., I’ll tell you but then you have to tell me something, a secret of some kind. I’m always telling you the nitty gritty and never getting any in return.”

  “You’re right. I promise. And I have something pretty nitty and gritty, for lack of better terms.”

  “I signed up for one of those on-line dating sites.” She blurted it out fast as if she was sure I’d disapprove.

  “I think that’s great, Rach. So, this man was on the site?”

  “Yes. His name his Quinn. He lives about twenty miles inland, but that’s no big deal. He owns a restaurant, a pretty swanky one, it seems, because I, of course, Googled it and him to find out more. He’s a little older, thirty-two, but I think that will be good for me. And get this—he wants to start a new restaurant, and he’s interested in having a new pastry chef.”

  I tried to keep my expression neutral, but my silly, judgy expression popped up anyhow.

  She dropped her shoulders. “What?”

  “Nothing. Just don’t get too ahead of yourself. You’re talking about your first date, and in the same sentence, you’re talking about working as his pastry chef.”

  “Thought you’d be excited.”

  “I am, Rachel. I’m very excited. So ignore me. I’m just terrified at the thought of you moving away from here.”

  “We’re friends forever, Jacy. So, no worries there. And, like you said, I can’t get ahead of myself.” She tied off another bag.

  I slipped three more cookies into the crisp, cellophane bag.

  “Sooo . . .” she said, “what’s your nugget of fun?”

  “Well, it’s not small enough to be a nugget, and it wasn’t much fun when I found out.”

  Rachel’s green eyes rounded. “Damn. You’ve got my full attention, so go.”

  “It started when we got back from our bike ride.”

  She pointed at me with a peanut butter cookie. “I knew something had happened that day. You were acting funny afterward. Continue.”

  “Mike, the guy with bike rental stand, was being robbed.”

  Her mouth dropped. “I heard something had happened on the pier and that there were a bunch of police and some fight or something.” She pretended to zip her mouth closed, signaling for me to continue.

  “Mike had tried to fend them off, and he got slammed to the ground. Ledger raced in to help him.” I stopped to think about that scary moment. “He didn’t think twice or hesitate for a second. He took on both thieves easily.”

  “Oh my, that is hot. Braveness to go with all that good stuff. And then?”

  “The police came. Without stopping first to find out the particulars, they had the two thieves and Ledger handcuffed. The situation looked volatile enough that they decided to subdue everyone first and ask questions later. Which was when something came up about Ledger. Something he’d conveniently forgotten to mention to me.”

  Rachel was practically leaning over the cookie racks waiting for me to drop the bomb.

  “Ledger has been in jail. He’s on parole for taking a joy ride in a police car.”

  A laugh spurted from her mouth, but she sealed it off fast. “Sorry, but that’s kind of funny. Not exactly your everyday crime.” She looked at me across the counter. “Not enough to be a deal breaker, is it? You two seem suited to each other.”

  “I’m not thrilled about it, but I was more disappointed that he’d kept it from me. If we keep secrets from each other, we’ll never really get this relationship moving forward.”

  Rachel harrumphed loud enough to scatter the pieces of parchment. “Seriously, Jacy? So you’ve been completely open and honest with him? And if you have, I’m going to be pissed because we’ve been best friends for a year, and I only know that your ex is named James and that he’s an asshole.”

  I set the stack of cookies on the counter and reached for some of the scattered parchment. I was keeping a lot from Rachel and from Ledger, but that was mostly for my own protection. It was too painful to talk about. Maybe it was time to open the cork and let some of the bad stuff flow. Maybe it would be good for me. “You’re right, Rachel. But not today. I have to work up the courage first.”

  Chapter 28

  -Ledger-

  Jacy leapt for the napkin as it took off. She snatched it and held it up in victory. Sand rained down on the blanket we’d carried down to the beach. It had been warm enough during the day that we were convinced it was suitable weather for dinner on the beach.

  Jacy flicked the sand away. “Dinner on the beach always sounds so romantic in theory until the reality of wind and sand snaps you out of the delusion.” She pulled the last taco out of the bag. The sound of the taco wrapper caused Rex to lift his big head and wiggle his nose in the air.

  “You can have this one,” Jacy looked pointedly at Rex. “Not you, so go back to your dog dreams.” As if he understood every word, the dog dropped his head back down with a sigh. Jacy handed me the taco. “I thought I could eat two, but I helped Rachel package up some cookies today. I got to eat the broken ones.” She pushed her unruly hair back with the side of her arm. “And the strangest thing happened. Those darn cookies just kept breaking. Especially the coconut and chocolate ones. They were obviously the most fragile.” She smiled. There was nothing on the whole damn planet like Jacy’s smile.

  “Does that mean that all the cookie casualties are gone?” I opened the taco and took a bite.

  She scooted over to the ice chest that we’d filled with drinks and grapes. “Would I do that to you? Tell you about broken cookies and then not bring you any?” She pulled out a cellophane bag that had been tied neatly with a pink ribbon. It was filled with cookie pieces.

  “You are a good, thoughtful girlfriend.” I finished the taco in three bites and wadded up the paper.

  She moved right in front of me. Her face smoothed as she gazed at me with glittering blue eyes. “Am I your girlfriend?”

  “If you play your cards right.” I winked at her.

  She stuck the cookies behind her back. “Uh, you seem to forget that I am the one holding the cookies.”

  “The broken cookies,” I amended.

  “I assure you they taste just as good as the unbroken ones. But I’m not sure I’m going to share these now.”

  Jacy laughed as I lunged for her. I pulled her into my lap and grabbed the cookie bag from her hand as she tried to lift it out of my reach. I opened the bag, and we each
pulled out a sizeable chunk. She turned around and sat between my legs, leaning her back against my chest, and we stared out at the dark water. The moon was only a sliver, and the only light was coming from the houses up on the hill.

  “It’s a little colder than I expected, but it’s a nice night.” Jacy rested her head against my shoulder.

  “The beach dinner was a great idea, sand or not. The cool air is probably the reason we are out here completely alone.” I slid my hand under her sweatshirt to touch her skin. It was a habit I couldn’t break. When she was near, I wasn’t satisfied unless I was touching her.

  “Ledger,” she said softly. There was a change in her tone. The light, humorous sound was gone. “Since I was upset by the fact that you didn’t tell me about your jail term, I decided it was only fair that I tell you some things, things that I think you should know.”

  I hadn’t expected it. I was thrown off for a second, searching for words. “Only if you’re ready.” Pretending not to know what was coming next was making my gut harden into a knot.

  “I think I am.”

  There was a long hesitation, and I was sure she’d changed her mind. I was slightly relieved. Guilt was weighing heavy on me. I knew I needed to tell her everything, and I planned to do just that . . . eventually. I needed to be on more solid footing. She’d only just learned about my stint in jail. I didn’t want to throw anything else onto the heap. I would know when the time was right.

  “I had a baby.” Her voice faded away at the last word.

  I wrapped my arms tighter around her.

  “A little girl named Autumn. She was extraordinary and perfect and from the first second I held her in my arms, I knew my life had changed forever. I knew there would never be anything I loved more than my little girl.” Jacy turned to the side and crawled onto my lap. She pressed her head against my shoulder. Her hand rested against my chest. The swirl of emotion surrounding her caught Rex’s attention. He got up, moved closer and flopped back down. “There was an accident.” Jacy’s words grew fainter. She curled up against me as if she wanted to disappear in my arms.

  I kissed her forehead to let her know that I understood, but she went on. It seemed she needed to say it out loud. “James—” I could hear the bitter hatred in her voice when she said his name. I felt that same unflinching hate for the man. Even more so now. “James was drunk—and—he was an awful man.” Her body shook in my arms, and I knew she was crying. She hadn’t lifted her face to me, but I knew there were tears. “The baby was crying.” She swallowed hard. “He wouldn’t let me go to her. He was a selfish, horrid pig, jealous of his own little girl. There was a crash and—silence. She stopped crying. In my mind, I tried to reason out why she’d stopped so suddenly.” A sob followed. It was a sound that twisted around my chest and squeezed the breath from me.

  “She’s gone. My extraordinary little girl never got to play in the sand or laugh at a funny dog or taste a cookie.”

  Some of the tension flowed from her body. I squeezed my arms tighter and held her. She was finished telling me. I knew there was more, but she didn’t say anything else. She didn’t need to. Because I knew everything.

  Chapter 29

  -Ledger-

  Orson State Penn, 3 months till release

  Tank had received a phone call. I was glad to have him out of my sight for awhile. His mood had been dark since the visiting day when his wife’s lawyer had handed him the divorce papers. He hadn’t talked about her at all, and while I missed hearing about Jacy, I was glad to know she’d freed herself from the asshole.

  One thing was for sure, Tank seemed to be itching for a fight. I wasn’t about to throw away my upcoming freedom for a few seconds of pleasure as I pounded his face into pulp. I’d been avoiding him as much as possible, which was tough considering we were stuck in the same brick cell. I spent my entire time on the exercise yard either running or working out so I could avoid any unnecessary conversation with him.

  Tonight, my reprieve was short. A few minutes of solitude came to an end when the guard brought Tank back. He was wearing a smug grin. I figured that meant he had some bullshit to boast about.

  “Whooee!” he yelled as he walked back into the cell. “I’m going to be out of this hell hole in a week.”

  I sat up on my bed. “What? You’re getting out? I thought you had another year.”

  “Yeah, I do. For now.” His grin widened. “Lawyers are working on that. But I’m moving to a facility that’s, let just say, not filled with the gutter trash of the world. It’s more of a high end place. You know, business guys who haven’t paid taxes and shit like that. So I’ll kick it in the new facility until my dad gets me out for good.” He stretched out on his bed. “Fucking hell. It’s about time. This whole fucking thing was just a big mistake. I shouldn’t have been in here in the first place.”

  As unfair as it seemed, I was happy as hell that I wouldn’t have to see him anymore.

  “Guess since you have never told me why you’re in here, I can’t really agree with you.” I’d started the conversation more than once, but he had never fallen for it. Whatever had happened, he’d kept it bottled up tight. But tonight, he was in a pumped up mood, and he seemed to be thinking about it.

  I scooted back, picked up my book and leaned against the cold wall.

  Tank stared up at the ceiling and started talking to himself. “I’ll be out soon. Then I can make things right. She knows this was all a mistake.”

  I put the book down. “Who? Jacy?” I said her name as if I knew her, as if we were good friends. That was how much I’d grown attached to her, a woman I’d never met. Only, it felt like I’d known her forever.

  Tank’s face snapped my direction as if he had just remembered that I was sitting there, only three feet away. “Of course, who the fuck else would I be talking about?” He glanced at the book on my lap and laughed. “You can read all the fucking books you want, Cain, but you’re still just going to be a loser.”

  I ignored the barb. He was trying to piss me off again. But I hated the asshole too much to care about anything he said . . . unless it had to do with Jacy.

  “Jacy will come back to me once I get out and see her. I’m sure of it.” A harsh laugh, as cold and hard as the bricks surrounding us, followed. “My dad said she moved to some place called Rockwood Beach.” Another angry laugh. “She started a fucking coffee house. Guess the world can’t have too many of those damn things.” He sighed and covered his face with his arm. “That stupid, independent streak, it was always the biggest problem in our marriage. It’s the reason I’m in here. We’d been arguing because she thought I was controlling her life. She felt suffocated,” he mimicked in a feminine tone. “I wanted to show her what real suffocation felt like so she would stop being so fucking dramatic.”

  I picked up the book and held it tight enough in my hands that one good turn of the wrist, and I was sure I could rip the damn thing in half. I needed it. I needed something in my hands to keep me from wrapping them around his throat. I hadn’t considered seriously enough that he was in here because he’d hurt Jacy. In my mind, there was no one mean enough in the world to want to hurt an angel like Jacy. It seemed, though, I’d underestimated just how creepy my cellmate was.

  “She’d pushed me to the limits with her constant complaining. I’d had too many beers. You know how that goes, Cain. Too much liquor, and it’s easy to forget reason. And the baby—the baby kept crying and crying, but I wouldn’t let Jacy go to her. She spent day and night with that kid in her arms. I asked her, for once, to let her be. To pay her husband some fucking attention.”

  It was the first time he’d mentioned the baby since he told me Jacy had been pregnant. All this time, I’d wanted to know what he was in for. Now that I’d started the floodwaters, I wanted to damn them up. I balled my fist thinking how right it would look jammed in his mouth.

&
nbsp; He fell silent. I released a breath, hoping I’d be spared the rest of the story. But when your cellmate wanted to tell you something, there was no place to go in the twelve by twelve room to avoid hearing it. I was a prisoner in every sense of the word. I kept saying the phrase freedom over and over again in my head, hoping it would keep me from doing something that I’d regret forever.

  “She tried to push past me,” he continued. “I took hold of her and pushed her up against the wall. I was only kidding around. But the beer and the whiskey—” He lowered his arm and stared back up at the ceiling.

  My knuckles were white from gripping the book.

  “I wrapped my hand around her throat, to show her what real suffocation felt like. I was teaching her a lesson. I had no idea how tight I’d been holding her until her lips turned white. I let her go, and stumbled back, as she fell to the ground. I spun around and smacked hard into the bassinet. It fell over. The crying stopped.” His voice had deepened, and he seemed to be talking to himself again. “It was all an accident. Those newborns, they have soft heads. I never meant any of it. Jacy has to understand that. When I see her, I know I can convince her that it was all just a horrible accident.” His bed creaked as he turned to the wall. A few minutes later he was snoring.

  I stared at his back. My fingers were numb from holding the book. Freedom, I said to myself again. Freedom. Soon I’d be away from this asshole, and I’d never have to fucking see him again.

  Chapter 30

  -Ledger-

  “Exactly where are you taking me?” Jacy asked.

  “You’ll see.”

  I’d taken Jacy to dinner. It felt incredibly good to have money in my pocket that had been earned with hard work. I was feeling a part of the world again, something I hadn’t felt for a long time, even before the time in jail. The drugs and my shiftless decisions had pulled me away from what was real and what was important, like the woman sitting next to me.