When Glass Shatters

by J. P. Grider

  “I am not sleeping in the same bed with a dude,” Carter announced inside the room.

  “Yeah. You are,” Noah told him. “Unless you’d rather sleep with your sister.”

  “Eww. Gross. No. Wait. Which one?” Carter shook his head. “No. Eww. It doesn’t matter which one. No.”

  “Then you’re sharing a bed with me,” Noah told him. To Lorraine, he held out two twenties. “Go get yourselves dinner. I’ll be back in a couple hours.”

  Pushing his hand back, she said, “I don’t need your money. I have my own.”

  “Suit yourself.” He stuck the twenties back in his pocket and left.

  “Can we go eat right now, Rain?” Carter, sitting at the edge of the bed, tapped his foot impatiently. “I’m starving.”

  “Yeah. Norah, you hungry? You wanna go right now?”

  “Sure. I just wanna go to the bathroom first.”

  Lorraine looked at Sunny, who was sprawled out on top of the bed. “Hmmm. Carter, maybe you and Norah can go down to that restaurant next door and bring stuff back. I can’t leave Sunny alone, and he won’t be allowed in the restaurant.”

  “Why the hell you take that dog? It was stupid.”

  “Shut up, Carter. I just did, okay?”

  “Fine. I’m not takin’ care of him, though.”

  “No one asked you to.”

  When Norah came out of the bathroom, Lorraine asked if she’d mind going with Carter and bringing food back.

  “Sure. No problem.”

  Girls were so much easier.

  Once Norah and Carter left, Lorraine used the bathroom and washed the long ride off her hair and skin. Sunny sat at the foot of the tub while she showered and dried off. She took a clean shirt and a pair of sweats out of her bag and got dressed. It felt so refreshing to be clean. She unmade the bed closest to the wall of the bathroom and slid under the covers, Sunny at her feet. She’d close her eyes until the kids got back.

  The black behind her lids lit up like the silver screen. Noah, in the driver’s seat; she in the passenger’s; Sunny, Norah, Carter, squeezed in behind them, practically on top of each other. God, it’s so uncomfortable. Gotta get out of this tiny car. But the Pilot’s not tiny. She looked out the windshield; they weren’t in the Pilot. They were in Brick’s Porsche. The one he and her mother died in. No. Why were they in the—“Noah, watch out!” the Lorraine behind her lids shouted, just as rain poured down and the headlights of a Mack truck came at them head on. Noah wasn’t paying attention. “Noah!” she yelled again. “Noah!” He was growling at the puppy. Norah and Carter were bopping their heads to whatever was playing through their earbuds. “Noah!” she screamed again, realizing that the oncoming headlights were a pair of familiar bright green eyes. But again, Noah didn’t hear her. “Noah,” she yelled again, blinded by the green spotlights in front of her. “The truck!” The Mack hit their car just as Lorraine bolted upright in her bed.

  “What the hell?” It was Noah, standing at the bottom of her bed.

  She absently rubbed at her now throbbing head. “How long was I asleep?”

  “About two hours,” Norah said from the table at the window.

  “Yeah. Your burger’s cold,” Carter so kindly informed her.

  “And he ate your fries,” Norah added.

  Noah sat at the edge of her bed and raised his eyebrows. While he pet Sunny, he asked, “So, uh, why were you shouting out my name in your sleep?”

  Lorraine immediately recoiled. “I was not.”

  “Yeah. You were.” He winked.

  “You were, Rain. He’s not lying. Geez. There’s, like, three channels to choose from.” Carter tossed the remote, got off the other bed, and went into the bathroom.

  “You sounded scared,” Norah added.

  Lorraine noticed Norah had changed into pajamas and there was no light coming through the curtains. “Must’ve had a bad dream, I guess.” She didn’t want to tell them about it, despite the obnoxious smirk on Noah’s face.

  But Noah dropped the smirk and went to the table. “You should eat, Lorraine,” he said, picking up the burger and her soda and lifting it up. “You haven’t eaten anything but those damn M&Ms.”

  She got out of bed and went to the table. “Did you get all your stuff?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What about your bike?”

  “We’ll drive by my place...we’ll get it tomorrow.” Noah and Lorraine sat at the table with Norah. Carter returned from the bathroom and continued flicking through the paltry channel selection on the television.

  Lorraine devoured her burger without ever tasting it, and afterwards, she felt guilty for not giving any to Sunny. “Sorry, boy. I was really hungry.”

  Sunny pawed her legs.

  “We bought him one too,” Norah said. “He ate.”

  “Thanks,” Lorraine said, her mouth over her soda straw.

  “You’ll be all right driving eight hours by yourself?” Noah tapped a finger on the table.

  “Yeah. Maybe I’ll start drinking coffee. That should help, right?”

  Noah laughed. “Hopefully. You know, I can always see about renting a trailer for it.”

  “No. Don’t. I’ll be fine.”

  “What about your precious pooch? You don’t want him jumping on your lap while you’re driving.”

  “He’ll be fine. He’s pretty mild, have you not noticed?” She laughed.

  “Yeah. Hopefully, he’s not sick.”

  Lorraine frowned.

  “No, no,” he said quickly. “He probably needs a good yard to run around in.”

  “Yeah, that’s all.” Lorraine hoped.

  She and Noah stared at each other for an uncomfortably long time—almost as if trying to reach in and grab a thought or two from the other’s mind. The chime of Lorraine’s cell interrupted them. “I better see who that is.”

  Noah nodded, not breaking eye contact, while Lorraine retrieved the phone from the night stand. “Dean. Hey.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Noah made Lorraine drive in front of him. If she were behind him, he’d be looking into his sideview mirror too often and wouldn’t focus on the road ahead of him. An extremely dangerous situation when riding on a motorcycle. He made sure no one cut in front of him, but in case they did, he had on his bluetooth so they could communicate.

  As he kept his eye on the Pilot filled with his family? in front of him, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to last night’s phone call from Dean. Once Lorraine started talking to him, Noah went to bed. Norah did too. Carter stayed up watching some terrible movie, and Noah lay awake listening to the sweetest voice he’d ever heard.

  And it put him in a bad mood, because she was talking to some other guy.

  They made it back to Jefferson an hour later than Noah would have, had he traveled alone. Lorraine wasn’t the fastest of drivers. They all helped Noah unload his stuff into his apartment, and the irony of him living back at Brick’s place was not lost on him. “You’ll be back,” his father had challenged when Noah moved out the end of his senior year of high school. His friend Stan took him in; said his mother would love to have Noah stay with them. “No. I won’t. I’ll never live under your goddamn roof again. Mark my words,” was Noah’s response.

  Well, look who got the last laugh after all.

  When they were done unpacking, Lorraine said she’d ordered a pizza, and Noah should come into the main house to eat with them in about a half hour.

  “Not hungry. See you in the morning.”

  Norah and Carter left his apartment, unphased, but Noah noticed a slight drop in Lorraine’s shoulders.

  Oh well. She can call Dean.

  ***

  Noah could not sleep. His frustration levels were rising, and he suddenly felt like he was standing in the center of a quicksand pit in a glass house in the middle of an earthquake—afraid to move for fear of sinking; unable to stay still lest everything shatter around him. Acting on impulse usually worked for him, but would this be
an exception? Would Norah have been better off with Aunt Margaret? Would she thrive with proper guardianship? Noah had just left his teenage years; who the hell was he to raise another teenager? He barely got through his own teen years.

  Unable to stew in his jumbled thoughts any longer, Noah threw on a pair of sweats and went for a run. At the end of the development, a figure moved in the dark in front of him. His pace slowed, because he recognized the tiny silhouette. Rainy Morning. The thought made his lip quirk. It wasn’t her real name, but it suited her. It comforted him. Don’t ask him why, because he had no idea.

  Though he slowed, she didn’t. And a few more strides, she’d slam right into him. “Whoa, Rain,” he shouted in a whisper, his hands reaching out and grasping her shoulders.

  “Oh. Oh my God.” She came to an abrupt stop, right into his arms.

  “Don’t you watch where you’re running?” he asked, dropping his hands and sinking them into his hoodie’s front pockets.

  “Yes,” she said defensively.

  “Not well.”

  She sighed and warmed her own hands in her front pockets. “I was listening to my music,” she admitted. “And I think my eyes were shut.”

  “Multitasking?”

  “What?”

  “Exercising and sleeping? Saving time?”

  “Ha, ha.” She paused. “Sometimes, I get so involved in my running and whatever song is playing that I close my eyes.”

  “Well, you better break that habit. I could have been a serial killer or a rapist or something.”

  “In Jefferson?”

  “Oh, your precious town is immune to violence?”

  “No. I don’t know.”

  “Well, you could have run into a moving car as well. You shouldn’t be out here alone; it’s dark and it’s late, and you really shouldn’t be sleeping while you’re out here.”

  “I wasn’t sleeping, and this is my normal routine, Noah. Get used to it.”

  He held up his hands in defense. “Fine. Suit yourself.”

  “I will. I do.”

  “Bitch,” he muttered again, as he returned to his run.

  ***

  Lorraine wondered how all this would play out. Two kids who could barely act like adults, responsible for the caring and upbringing of two other kids. The blind leading the blind. Inexperienced teaching the inexperienced. If this was going to work, Lorraine had better find a way to not let Noah get under her skin. It was all in her head; she knew that. Her defenses flared in front of him. He was smart; she was not. She liked him; she should not. Her stomach was a wild mess when she was around him, and he was cool and collected. He had it together, and she couldn’t even stay on her own two feet for very long without getting injured.

  Ugh. She was supposed to outrun her thoughts and emotions, but she was more frustrated now then before her run.

  ***

  The next days went uneventfully by. Lorraine went shopping for new pet supplies, got her new dog groomed, and helped Sunny get settled into his new home with his new orphaned family. She made lists for things that were needed for her siblings, organized the house, and tried to make things as normal as possible for this most abnormal of situations. Noah got up in the mornings to see that Carter and Norah went to school. He was there for homework after school. Lorraine, in and out between work and school, made sure dinner was cooked, or bought, and on the table. And between Noah and Lorraine, they made sure Carter was staying on the right side of the window and not climbing out. Noah bought the family a one-cup coffee machine, because he said if he was going to be living here, he didn’t want to be taking a trip to the deli every morning for his coffee, and there was no way he was learning how to use that contraption Mimi used to make coffee. To justify the purchase, he told Lorraine she’d be able to make her tea more quickly now, since she could use the brewing system for plain hot water as well. He signed guardianship papers to get custody of Norah and awaited approval, and both he and Lorraine saw the lawyer to wrap up some loose ends with their inheritances—Noah was surprised to find out that Brick had left him and his sister a million dollars each from his life insurance policy. What was supposed to be left to Tatum, was also left to Noah, as the secondary beneficiary. From their mother’s policy, Lorraine and Carter were left a quarter of what Norah had received from her dad. All in all, they wouldn’t struggle financially. Mimi called several times a week, and though Lorraine’s grandfather was no better, Lorraine needed her Gram only for moral support and was okay with the long-distance relationship for now.

  Lorraine felt relatively happy come Easter Sunday and decided her mother’s good china set around the dining room table would keep spirits up. She even stuffed baskets filled with Bromilow’s chocolate for each of them and set them in the center of the table. Sunday morning, with Sunny at her feet, and the rest of the house asleep and quiet, Lorraine reached up into the china cabinet, slid her hands under the stack of plates, and yelped in agony. Her Italian curse words—the only Italian words she knew—rushed out of her mouth freely. Leaving the dishes where they were, she slid her hand back out, and cried out again. Blood. Why wasn’t she surprised? Whether it was her own screams, or the intense pain taking up all her senses, Lorraine hadn’t heard the back door.

  “What happened now?” Noah said behind her.

  Lorraine made her way to the kitchen while attempting to pick out four tiny shards of glass. She didn’t respond to Noah.

  But he followed her and watched her hold back tears. “What’d you break this time? Another glass?”

  Not amused, Lorraine tended to her wounds and said quietly, most embarrassedly, “Same ones from last time. I thought we’d gotten it all.”

  “It’s glass,” Noah explained, as if she didn’t know. “It shatters.”

  “Really, Sherlock?”

  “Just when you think you’ve picked up every last piece, you go and slice yourself up on an errant shard months later.”

  “Reassuring.”

  Noah shrugged.

  Lorraine finished covering her hand, then grabbed a wet paper towel to wipe down the cabinet shelf. They could eat on the everyday dishes now; she was no longer in the mood for the china, since she’d have to wash them in case there were still left over pieces of glass scattered around.

  “The Easter Bunny came?” Noah joked when he saw the treats on the table.

  “I got the stuff yesterday.”

  “What? There’s no Easter Bunny?”

  “Shut up.”

  He smirked, but said, “It’s a nice gesture, Rain. You’re sweet.”

  “‘S been a crummy two months.”

  “It has,” he agreed.

  “Figured chocolate would help.”

  “Yes. I have heard that chocolate bunnies make good parental replacements,” he said dryly.

  “Ha, ha.” Lorraine felt her lip quiver, but she ignored Noah and continued her Easter chores.

  As she passed him on the way to the kitchen, he took her wrist. “Hey. I was teasing.” His face was stone serious, his voice, quiet, his words, genuine.

  “It didn’t sound like a joke.”

  “I’m not good at humor. I’m sorry.”

  Her lip quivered again, and even though she tried to stop the trembling, the tears formed.

  “Oh, oh, Lorraine,” he whispered, tugging her wrist and embracing her completely. Both arms wrapped tight, his chest against hers. “We’ll get through this,” he said softly. “I promise.”

  ***

  Noah was feeling good about his promise to make things better, or at least get them back to normal. He helped Lorraine make the brown sugar sauce for the ham and mashed a bunch of potatoes with the hand blender. First time ever that he prepared any kind of food product that wasn’t microwave-ready. “What the heck do you eat?” Lorraine asked when he admitted the fact.

  “During wrestling season, Weight Watchers meals mostly. Off-season, pizza, bagels, Taco Bell. Whatever the cafeteria offers.”

  “Hmmm. Truthfu
lly, if I were on my own, I’d be eating the same way.” She laughed. “My mom always cooked. The only thing I knew how to make before she died was macaroni and cheese from a box. I’ve been Googling recipes, though. I figured it wasn’t good for Norah and Carter to eat take out every single day.”

  “I’m appreciating your meals. They’re not bad.”

  Lorraine shrugged. “I still order a lot.”

  “No one’s minding.”

  They were sitting at the table waiting for the ham to set, Norah and Carter somewhere upstairs, when Lorraine blurted, “Are you going to apply to colleges around here?”

  The levity in Noah’s mood crashed like a brick at her question. He stood and said, “The ham’s ready,” then moved the roast from its pan to the cutting board and started up the electric knife. No way was he thinking about college right now—no way.

  He figured Lorraine got the hint, since the next thing she said was, “I’ll bring the rest of the stuff into the dining room.”

  The subject dropped, Lorraine called down the kids, and they all four sat at the dining room table and almost enjoyed a normal Easter meal. Conversation was stilted, but not absent. Lorraine, mostly, initiated the chat, but Noah tried hard, against his usual nature, to keep the dialogue going. When Lorraine asked Carter if he wanted to have a couple friends to the house over Spring break, to keep her from feeling too bad when Carter rolled his eyes and ignored her, Noah chimed in with, “Good idea, we can all play some ball at the courts. I’ll join you.”

  At this, Carter’s eyes widened. “Really?”

  “Sure. And if no one’s around, you and I can. Or, we can go over some wrestling moves, in case you were interested in, you know, going out for the team next year.”

  “You’d do that?” Carter started to say excitedly, but reigned it in by saying, “Okay, thanks.”

  Dinner conversation hit a high just before the doorbell rang.

  “Who in the world?” Lorraine asked, getting up to answer the door, Sunny beating her to it.