When Glass Shatters

by J. P. Grider

  So, she was surprised when Noah abruptly withdrew his hold. She licked her lip and covered her mouth.

  “I knew you felt the same way,” he growled, his tone a paradox to the warm kiss he’d just bestowed her.

  Lorraine drew back in consternation. “Noah.”

  “You had me thinking I was out of line telling you how I felt. I thought, ‘Wow. I really misread her. I could have sworn, she felt as deeply for me as I did for her.’ I was pissed at myself for saying...what I did. But then, I’m in my room, right,” he leaned in closer, bending just enough to look directly into her eyes, “ready to punch a wall for saying shit I’d never had said in my life before meeting you, and then I thought,” he sat up straight, “no. I’m not wrong. I couldn’t have been imagining her intensity,’ so, I came down here...to see for myself. I’m not wrong, am I? You do want me...like I want you. Don’t you?”

  She swallowed hard and nodded, breathing out the word, “Yes.”

  After Noah visibly relaxed, he pushed her wind-blown hair away from her face. “Then why don’t we give this a try?”

  Taking his hand in hers and removing it from her face, she spoke quietly. “Because a whole slew of things could go wrong if it doesn’t work out.”

  “But what if it does work out?”

  “I don’t think we can afford to take that chance.” But, oh, did she want to.

  “Even if I’m away at school?”

  Lorraine crossed her legs and, letting go of his hand, wrapped her arms around her chest. “We’re still both responsible for the same kids. If you and I ended up hating each other, it’d be like putting the kids through a divorce. And it’s not like you can run away again. That would kill Norah. It’d kill all of us.”

  Apparently, Noah was thinking about what she’d said, because his face was twisted in what looked like a man deep in thought.

  She let him think it through while she took pride in the lapping waves—rising and crashing, rising and crashing. After every crash, those rolling waves gathered more strength and rose high again, not giving up though their fall was inevitable. Could she take a lesson from the mighty Atlantic? Could she learn to rise even after a fall? And if she continued to fall, would she continue to gather enough strength to do it all again?

  She couldn’t answer that, but she turned her attention instead to Noah’s hand which just landed on her knee. “I guess you’re right. But it sucks,” he told her.

  “It is what it is, Noah. Hey, in five years, they’ll both be adults, and,” she shrugged, “if we’re still interested in each other, we can try then.”

  “Five years?” He raised his eyebrows and scoffed.

  “I said if. We’ll still be stepsiblings, so, I don’t know.”

  He hopped up, landing on his two feet.

  “Nice trick.”

  “I need a slice of pizza. Wanna come?” He held out his hand to help her up.

  She took it and said, “Sure.”

  They walked the boardwalk to Three Brothers Pizza and ordered two slices, two cokes. “Didn’t you just eat a sausage and pepper sandwich?”

  Lorraine took her huge slice of pie to a table behind the counters. “I’m hungry,” she said with a shrug.

  Noah laughed. “You’re a breath of fresh air,” he mumbled under his breath, but Lorraine caught it, and it made her blush.

  They ate their pizza in near silence, talking only to pass the crushed red pepper and garlic powder. It was when they were tossing their emptied paper plates that Lorraine suggested buying tickets for the rides.

  “The rides,” Noah repeated. “You want to go on the rides?”

  “Sure. You don’t go on rides?”

  Noah cracked up. “I haven’t been on a ride since,” he thought about that and came up with, “I think I was eight. And I came off the ride and puked out my guts. I don’t do rides anymore.”

  Lorraine found that amusing. “Okay, no rides. How ‘bout the Skyride? That’s like a non-uphill skylift. And it goes reeeeaaaaally slowwww,” she teased.

  “The Skyride. It’s slow?”

  “Torturously so.”

  “Perfect. Lead me to it.”

  They purchased their tickets and climbed aboard. “If I puke, it’s on you...literally.”

  “I’ll take my chances.”

  “Oh, sure, now you take risks?”

  Lorraine sighed, but ignored his implication. To keep his mind from going back to their potential relationship, or lack thereof, she decided to tell him about Skyriding as a child. She started with, “My mom used to take me and Carter on this ride every year.” She sighed. “I remember the first time we brought Carter,” she laughed. “He was so scared. My mom had to tell him how afraid I’d been the first time she’d taken me up here.”

  “I know the feeling,” Noah joked. “You used to come here every year?”

  Lorraine nodded. “Until we met Brick. Then we’d go to Ocean City.”

  “New Jersey?” Noah snapped.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “Figures,” Noah said, his levity gone. “Nothing’s sacred to him, I swear.”

  “Sacred? Why, because that’s where he used to take you guys?” Now she understood.

  “I can’t believe he could just insert a new family and go on as if my mother was never in his life.”

  “Oh, I don’t think that’s what he did at all. He always talked about going there when you were young.”

  Lorraine waited for him to respond, but he only pursed his lips and looked straight ahead.

  “He told us he’d taught you how to surf there. Seventh Street, I believe.

  Noah turned to her and said, “He told you that?”

  “Yup. He asked Carter if he ever wanted to learn, when Carter said, ‘not particularly,’ I told him I would like to learn.”

  Noah widened his eyes.

  “He said,” and she deepened her voice to mimic Brick, “‘well, then, we’ll have to get Noah to come with us.’” In her normal voice, she continued. “He said it took him half a day to teach you, and by that afternoon, you were better than him. He’d said I’d want you to be the one to teach me. Then he said if he couldn’t get you to come with us, he’d teach me him…” she trailed off when she noticed Noah’s head in his hand, his elbow resting on the thin iron bar holding them in. “Hey.” She ran a finger across his forearm. “I’m sorry. I just wanted you to know he didn’t just insert us into his life and forget about you or your mother. I think he wanted to make us part of his past.”

  Noah didn’t raise his head, but Lorraine continued anyway.

  “He always talked about your mom. My mom loved to listen too. She shared her stories about my dad, and he shared about your mom. His face would light up when he talked about her. I think he enjoyed remembering.” Lorraine hesitated before she said, “That’s why I asked you to tell me about your mother. I thought it would...help. Everybody’s different, I guess.” Lorraine felt like she was having a conversation with herself, so she ceased talking. The Skyride turned on its pulley system and headed back in the direction it started.

  “Are you afraid of anything?” Noah mumbled.

  Lorraine wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly. “What?”

  Lifting his head and looking out into the ocean, he spoke over the open beach. “Are you afraid of anything?”

  His words were still unclear, but she was pretty sure she heard him right. “I’m afraid of everything.

  He looked at her with knitted brows.

  “I’m afraid of everything, Noah. I’m afraid the pulleys will give, and we’ll crash onto the sand. I’m afraid my grandmother will die, and I won’t have anyone to turn to. I’m afraid I’ll self-destruct and go back to letting guys have sex with me just so I can feel important. I’m afraid I’m never gonna breathe again the way I used to. Noah, of course, I’m afraid.”

  “I guess it was sort of a rhetorical question. Kind of.”

  “Oh. Then, sorry.”

  On a mirthless laugh, he
said, “I’m sorry you’re so afraid of everything. If I could ease your worries, I would.”

  “It’s not your job to ease them, don’t worry about it. So, I’m guessing you’re afraid? Since you asked?”

  He nodded. “I guess I’ve been masking it all this time. Hiding from myself. But yeah, Rain, I’m afraid. That oxygen you need so badly? Yeah. I need that too.”

  “What are you afraid of?” Lorraine asked him, unsure if she should have.

  “I’m afraid...of myself, I think. Without a plan. I’m, well, I’m scared to move forward. With a plan, you have no questions. You follow the path and don’t veer off. Everything’s laid out—finish college, become an Aeronautic Engineer, pay my bills, ride my bike. Maybe coach a pee-wee wrestling team, or something, if I get bored.” Noah took in two really deep breaths, and Lorraine was afraid he was going to have one of those anxiety attacks again. She lay her hand on his thigh and squeezed. He continued talking. “Now, I’m on some God-forsaken grass-worn trail with a bunch of overgrown trees in my way.”

  Lorraine chuckled despite the solemnity of his words.

  He crinkled his brow. “That’s funny?”

  “Not at all. I’m sorry,” she offered very apologetically. “It’s just, for a science guy, you’re quite poetic.”

  “I am?”

  “Your metaphor was. The trail. The trees.”

  Noah chuckled too. “Whatya know, I’m a poet and I didn’t even—” He immediately stopped and cringed. “Lame.”

  “Very.” They laughed, and their levity was back.

  “Don’t mind me,” he said with a wave of his hand. “The old me showed for a minute. He’s gone now.”

  “The old you? When I first met you, you were nothing like that. You were rude and obnoxious. Not contemplative.”

  “I’m talking about the fifteen-year-old me. The me that cried if his father looked at him the wrong way. The me that was scared to take a step in the dark. The me that saw no other way out but...out.” He smiled. “Don’t worry ‘bout me, kiddo. I’m not fifteen anymore.”

  “Noah.”

  “And I’m not that rude guy anymore either. Not to you, Rain.” His hand covered hers, which was still on his thigh. “Sorry ‘bout that. The first time I met you,” Noah shook his head. “My God, I was horrible.”

  “Eh, don’t worry about it. That was, like, a million years ago.”

  Softly, he said, “That morning after we slept together wasn’t a million years ago. I’ll never forgive myself for being that foul. I never meant a word of that, I hope you know. I was jealous.”

  Lorraine felt her cheeks grow warm. “I know it. You’ve already apologized.”

  “Not enough. I think about the way I treated you in those weeks after—” Noah squeezed her hand. “I’m just so sorry.”

  “Stop, Noah. I’m over it. Believe me. I know where your heart is.”

  He didn’t let go of her hand, and Lorraine let him hold it. She knew there were lines to be drawn; she just couldn’t build up enough willpower to actually draw them.

  When the ride ended, Lorraine suggested a walk through Casino Pier. “We can go on the merry-go-round, since all the other rides you can fit on go too fast for you.”

  Noah tugged her to his side. “No way. I’ll get dizzy.”

  “On a merry-go-round?”

  “Yes, on a merry-go-round. The dizzy part’s right in the name—it goes around.”

  Lorraine chuckled. “Wimp.”

  “Little pixie.”

  Lorraine enjoyed his term of endearment, but she didn’t let on. “How ‘bout we get some fudge then?”

  “Wait a minute. You just had a sausage and pepper sandwich, a huge slice of pizza, and now fudge? You have an endless pit in your stomach?”

  “Probably.” At that moment, Lorraine was in raptures; she cursed herself for being so. But, she kept her hand in Noah’s, and they headed for the fudge.

  The woman behind the counter had just handed over the two-pound box of chocolate-marshmallow fudge when Lorraine’s cellphone rang. “Oh. Here,” she said as she handed Noah the box to answer the phone.

  “Oh. It’s Norah,” she murmured before answering the phone. “Hey, Nor, what’s up?”

  She was greeted with hysterical crying and couldn’t understand a word.

  “Norah. Stop crying. I can’t understand you. Now...what happened?”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  Noah drove Rain’s Kia back home, so Rain could continue her conversation with Norah...via text.

  When Norah finally calmed down enough to tell Rain what she needed to tell her, Rain hung up with her and insisted Noah drive them home immediately.

  “Why can’t you just tell me what happened?” Noah pleaded with her for the twentieth time. “I’m her brother.”

  “She asked me not to. How can I put it any clearer?” Lorraine answered, her thumbs speed-typing over her phone. Her leg was bouncing nervously, so Noah knew it was something serious.

  “Aunt Margaret took her didn’t she?”

  “What?” she asked, distracted by her phone.

  “It’s Aunt Margaret. She got custody?”

  Lorraine stopped texting to look at him. “What? No. No. We didn’t even go to court yet.”

  Yeah. Noah knew that, but he was thinking irrationally, because he had no “Answers!” he yelled out loud.

  “What? Answers?”

  “Just tell me, Lorraine. What the hell happened?”

  She sighed and sat back, Noah’s hopes rising because he thought Rain was going to spill it.

  He was wrong.

  She closed her eyes and turned toward the window.

  “Rain.”

  “Not now, Noah. Please.”

  Lorraine didn’t utter another word. It was as if she’d sunk somewhere inside herself. She was done texting and remained with her gaze out the window until they reached home.

  “Rainy, Noah. What are you doing home? I thought you were spending the weekend—”

  “Norah needed me,” Lorraine responded as Noah said, “Wait, your grandmother didn’t even know?”

  “Norah? She’s been up in her room since she got home. What’s the matter?”

  Lorraine took off up the back stairs, and Noah shrugged. “Beats me. She was secretive.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Did you see her when she got home from school?”

  Corinne shook her head and wiped her hands on her plaid apron. From the looks of it, she’d been preparing some chicken dish. “She just yelled, ‘I’m home,’ and ran up the stairs. I figured she was going to do her homework.”

  “She usually does her homework at the kitchen table with Rain.”

  Corinne washed her hands, saying she’ll go check on her.

  Noah didn’t think that was a good idea, but they both followed her up despite his hesitations; he was curious.

  But as soon as they opened the door to Norah’s bedroom, his sobbing sister yelled, “Oh my God, get outta here, Noah.”

  “Meem. Please,” Rain said, holding up her hand. “We need privacy. Noah. Please.”

  Noah backed away, while Corinne said, “Can I get you anything, dear?”

  Noah didn’t hear a response, but soon after, Corrinne closed the bedroom door. “I guess we’ll give them some privacy,” she said with a shrug.

  “Come on, I’ll put on a fresh pot of coffee.” While Corrinne prepared the coffee, she started small talk. “So, you barely got about two hours in down there. Sorry ‘bout that.”

  “Eh, it’s okay. I just feel bad for Rain. She never seems to rest.”

  Corrinne turned to him and smiled. “No. She doesn’t. She worries me.”

  “Me too,” he didn’t mean to utter out loud. “You know, I bought a Keurig machine, you don’t really need to make a whole pot.”

  “Oh no, it tastes so much better this way.”

  “Agreed. Thank you.”

  While the coffee perked, Corrinne sat with Noah at the table. �
��So, you and Rainy have been getting along,” she said as a matter of fact, but Noah heard the curious undertones.

  He nodded. “Sure. She’s great.”

  “She’s an extremely passionate person.”

  “I’ve noticed.” Noah couldn’t help smiling; he loved Rain’s intensity.

  “She’s quite strong too…emotionally, not just physically, but she is vulnerable. She may not show it, but it’s there.”

  Noah nodded, unsure how to respond.

  “Just thought you should know, hun.”

  “Thanks.”

  Hmm. Maybe Rain’s grandmother did have an idea of his relationship with her granddaughter. He didn’t know how to take that. Would she be okay with it? Noah had a feeling she would be. He smiled and got up to pour the now perked coffee into mugs to hide his increasingly reddening face. It always made him blush to think about Rain.

  ***

  Lorraine finally got Norah to stop crying and talk clearly enough to be understood. The first fifteen minutes, Lorraine let her sister—sister? Maybe she should be considering Noah a brother. No, that’s a thought for another time. She’d let her sister cry on her shoulder until she had no more tears to cry.

  “Thank you, Rainy,” Norah said, wiping her face with the tissues Lorraine gave her.

  “Hey. What are sisters for?”

  “You really don’t think I’m a bad person?”

  “Oh, honey, of course not. Kyle took advantage of you. I just wish I knew he was fifteen.” Lorraine was mad at herself for not insisting she meet Norah’s friends before allowing her to hang out with them.

  “I know. I should have told you, but it’s only like two years. He just turned fifteen and I turn thirteen in a few weeks.” Norah wiped at her eyes again and said, “It doesn’t matter, he’s still a jerk.”

  “Yes, he definitely is. And I want you to know, you did the right thing, Nor. It’s hard to say no. It’s scary, but you did and that is awesome. You should be proud of yourself.”