The Girl of Sand & Fog

by Ward, Susan

  But, damn, he was MIA for twelve hours.

  What am I supposed to think?

  He’s with Caroline on the slopes.

  Getting pissed off seems a reasonable response to me.

  Why does he want me in the driveway?

  Me: Fine. Driveway. Then maybe you can tell me why you were a jerk last night and didn’t answer a single text. You have some explaining to do, Bobby.

  I toss off my blankets and shove my feet into my Roxy slippers. Maybe something happened last night and Bobby couldn’t text me. Maybe Bobby sent me an apology present. I probably should have gone and checked before I sent that last text. Oh well, I can’t fix that now. I already hit send.

  Faint wails greet me when I enter the hallway. Frowning, I go into the nursery and peek into the crib. Khloe is wide awake and crying. Jeez, why hasn’t anyone gotten her? No one in the house ever lets Khloe cry. That’s so unlike Mom. She hears everything where the baby is concerned, like a dog picking up sounds unheard by normal humans, and I’m pretty sure Lourdes has the baby monitor on and with her 24/7.

  Seeing Khloe cry is so weird it bugs me. Pouting, I stare down at my sister. So freaking cute. Not even really crying. Whimper and wait. Whimper and wait. This baby is so spoiled. She knows she doesn’t have to put up a fuss to have her way.

  I check her diaper. Wet. And she’s probably hungry.

  “It’s OK, Khloe. You want to go find Mom?”

  Her eyes widen and I smile. You get your way always, baby girl, but at least you are easy to make happy. I pick her up, cuddle her close, and the baby complaining sounds stop. I change her when I don’t want to because I know Mom expects it and it’s there again, that prick of guilt for stealing her spit for the kinship test.

  I carry her to Chrissie’s room with my lips to her forehead, and I knock once. No answer, but I go in anyway.

  My eyes widen.

  Bed still perfectly made.

  Mom didn’t go to sleep.

  Oh crap, I must have really worried and upset my mom last night. This isn’t good. She must be on the patio. I don’t even need to look to know what this is.

  She stayed up all night, sitting in a chair the way she does when she’s emotionally oozing, waiting for the dawn, the new day, her internal reset ritual.

  It’s going to be another great fucking day around here.

  Passing through the kitchen, I pause at the doors out to the patio. I quickly scan the furniture. Don’t see Chrissie. Nope. But she’s out there somewhere.

  The morning air has a faint ocean mist as I step out into the yard. I’m surprised Chrissie didn’t come in from the chill. I must have really rocked her world. Another unwanted stab of guilt.

  I snuggle the blanket tighter around Khloe as I continue searching for my Mom. I’m pretty sure she’s not indoors; the sunrise is just starting to spread across the sky. I take a few steps and then freeze, completely overcome by what I’m seeing.

  Oh God—it’s a picture I know well and etched in my memory. A mirror image of perhaps the most famous photograph ever of my complicated parents: them sitting together on the terrace of my dad’s New York apartment, back in the day, when they were both young and first in love.

  They are sitting on a double chaise just like in that famous tabloid shot, curled into each other, my dad slouched against her and my mom’s holding Alan with her cheek resting on his head. She may not be eighteen anymore, but she is as stunning now as she was then.

  Fragments of memories leap in my head, forgotten moments of my own childhood revived, and the rock in my stomach grows painful. They love in such a naked and exposed way, but in their quieter moments, like this, it is leveling because it makes everything about what they’ve done to me more agonizing and less comprehensible.

  They love.

  They always have.

  The fucked-up status of my life shouldn’t be.

  My sister frets in my arms.

  Oh God. I don’t want to disturb them, but I have to.

  “Mom, Khloe is awake. Do you want her or should I fix a bottle and give her to Lourdes?”

  Chrissie snaps up, turns and smiles. “No, give her to me.”

  Crap.

  I cross the grass to their chair and lean over to place Khloe in my mom’s arms, carefully avoiding my dad’s stare.

  “Sit down, Kaley. I want to talk to you,” she says, adjusting my sister in her arms and pushing aside her nightgown to give Khloe a breast.

  Fuck, does she have to nurse in front of me and then announce she wants to have a mother-daughter chat first thing in the morning?

  With Alan here.

  Tit hanging out.

  Awkward.

  I sink down on a chair facing them.

  My mom doesn’t look at me; she’s too busy focused on Khloe.

  “I know it’s been hard on you,” she says, never lifting her gaze from my sister. “Moving. All the changes. I shouldn’t have yelled last night. I probably should have listened instead…it’s not always easy to know what to do when you’re concerned…what I mean to say is, I know it’s been tough on you—”

  I just wish I could disappear.

  She’s rambling.

  No point listening.

  Hurry up, Chrissie. I want to get out of here.

  And why the fuck does Alan have to be here for this, alertly listening to her very not-clear parenting moment with me as if this is going to go somewhere coherent before the next century?

  “Just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I have all the answers and do everything right,” she says, pausing to look at me. “I didn’t last night. I’m sorry. Maybe there was a little overreaction all around. But it’s because we both want what’s best for you, Kaley. That’s a good thing, right?”

  Alan shifts his gaze to me.

  I nod, in contradiction to my thoughts. Alan, if this makes sense to you, you’re an expert in Chrissie-speak. I’m her daughter and even I don’t know what the fuck she’s trying to say.

  Time to end this.

  Ready to be out of here.

  “It’s OK, Mom. I’m sorry, too. We’re good.”

  Chrissie’s wide doe eyes lock on me. “We’ll always be good. Remember that. I’m your mother and I’m always here for you. No matter what happens, I love you, Kaley. I know there’s been a lot of change and uncertainty, that things haven’t been clear for you. And if I could have made it any other way I would have. But change is what we do to get to where we’re going—”

  Oh groovy, now she’s quoting Grandpa Jack.

  Change is what we do to get to where we’re going.

  Yep, that’s Grandpa Jack.

  I stare at the ground, waiting for her to finish.

  “And maybe I haven’t been as focused on what’s going on with you as I should be—”

  Really?

  You think?

  “What Chrissie is trying to say—”

  Thank you, Alan, for cutting her off.

  “—we’re getting married on Sunday and we hope that’s something agreeable to you.”

  My eyes go wide.

  Did I hear Alan correctly?

  My parents are getting married?

  What the hell happened out here last night?

  Shit, they’re both smiling and staring at me expectantly for some kind of reaction.

  “What do you think?” Chrissie says in a bubbly, cute-cute way.

  “I think…it’s agreeable.”

  Alan laughs and Mom beats back a smile.

  I stand up. “Can I leave now?”

  Mom nods. “We wanted to tell you first, but don’t say anything to Krystal and the boys.”

  “I won’t, Mom.”

  I hurry into the house and close the door behind me. I lean against the glass. It feels like my head is about to explode. I don’t have the first clue how things got from where they were yesterday to what just went down on the patio.

  My cell vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out, swipe it open, and grimace.
The driveway. I forgot.

  After shaking my body to rid myself of the last few minutes—Chrissie and Alan are freaking getting married—I hurry toward the front door.

  I step out outside, and halt mid-step.

  My breath catches in my throat.

  Oh God.

  “Bobby.”

  I run and fling myself into his arms. In a flash, I’m surrounded by him, flattened against the car, and he’s kissing me across my face, my cheeks, and my lips. I don’t know why he’s back early, but I am so glad that he is. All I can feel inside me is him, blocking out every nightmarish minute since he left for Tahoe five days ago, and I can’t get close enough to him. It would be so nice to forget everything in my life but him.

  Bobby breaks off.

  We’re both breathing heavily.

  “God, I missed you,” he says, leaning his forehead against mine.

  I feel dizzy and euphoric.

  “What are you doing back early? I thought you were staying on the slopes until the end of next week.”

  His arms are quivering. “Tahoe was no fun without you, Kaley. It was nothing without you.”

  My eyes widen and I study his face. As sweet as that is, nope, not buying it Bobby Rowan. Suspicion nips at my gut.

  “Zoe told you everything, didn’t she?”

  Those green eyes meet mine directly. “Yep, she did. Yesterday afternoon, everything you should have told me yourself, and I drove all night to get back here.”

  My face burns red.

  Damn it, Zoe. So not cool.

  I exhale.

  “What did Zoe tell you?”

  He shakes his head. “She told me enough.” He runs a hand through his hair, then leans in and gives me a featherlight kiss. “That you needed me here and I’m here. And that should you tell you a few things, Kaley.”

  I curl into his chest and his arms tighten around me. Crap, the tears give way and I don’t want to cry in front of him, but it’s been an emotional week, I still haven’t gotten my head around Chrissie’s bombshell of the morning, and the relief that Bobby is back is too overwhelming to contain.

  He strokes my arms gently, painting light kisses across my curls. “Shush, Kaley. Whatever it is, it’s going to be all right. Let’s go somewhere we can be alone. Can you sneak away for a while?”

  I nod, not caring that I’m grounded, but then Chrissie will probably not remember, her attention definitely totally claimed by Alan at present.

  With his thumbs, Bobby brushes the tears from my cheeks. “Baby, why are you crying? Those don’t look like happy tears and I thought surprising you today would make you happy.”

  “It does make me happy.”

  His brow crinkles quizzically. “Then what’s going on?”

  I lift my gaze. “My mom is marrying Alan on Sunday.”

  Bobby’s eyes goes wide with surprise and comprehension. “Are you OK?”

  I shrug. “Why shouldn’t I be? It only took them eighteen years, but I’ll be like one of the few people I know whose parents are freaking married. Pretty groovy, huh?”

  He pulls me back against him. “It will be all right. We’ve got each other. Don’t wall me out because I want to be here for you. And it doesn’t matter what happens in your parents’ lives. It doesn’t matter if they get married. What matters is us. We’re our future, Kaley. You and me. I love you.”

  * * *

  One week later

  “I now pronounce you man and wife,” Grandpa Jack says.

  Bobby’s arm tightens around my shoulders as his lips touch my hair. I stare at my mom, the breathtaking smile on her face, and the way her eyes light up when she looks at Alan.

  “Are you going to kiss the bride?” Grandpa Jack asks, louder and amused.

  “This better be legal,” Alan teases.

  Everyone laughs.

  “It’s legal once you kiss her,” Jack counters.

  My dad runs his thumbs along my mom’s face. It’s like he can’t see anything but her. “I just want to stare at you for a little while. Let me.”

  Chrissie’s face is consumed by her smile. “No, I want to be kissed. Kiss me fast since we’re not married until you kiss me.”

  They laugh and they’re kissing and then the intense hush on the cliffs above the beach in my grandpa’s backyard is shattered by applause, laughter, and moving guests.

  Chrissie steps back, laughing. “Holy crap. We did it, Alan.”

  Bobby leans in to me. “You OK?”

  I nod. I don’t know what I feel. The entire ceremony passed as sort of a slow-moving film in front of me, and still I couldn’t keep up with everything roiling through me.

  It’s just so freaking weird. Tears fill my eyes out of nowhere. Why am I crying? Maybe it’s just because my mom looks so happy. Alan does, too. Maybe it’s just inescapable to get emotional at a wedding, even a wedding as bizarre and confusing as this. Linda has been Niagara Falls since it started and she’s the least emotional woman I know.

  Bobby stands up and holds out his hand to me. “Come on, Kaley. Everyone is moving to the tent.”

  I snap out of my thoughts.

  Oh crap, we’re the only ones left sitting on the chairs facing the cliffs, and I didn’t go give my mom a hug or something at the end of the ceremony and I probably should have.

  The inside of the tent is a crush of bodies by the time we get there.

  “There’s a buffet,” Bobby says quietly. “Do you want something to eat?”

  I exhale. “I’m not hungry.”

  He does a cute little pucker of his brows. “Do you mind if I eat? I didn’t get a chance to grab anything this morning and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need my energy later.”

  “You are, are you?” I tease, trying to match his lighthearted mood but I know I’m failing at that.

  He smiles, his expression sweet. “You may not be here with me, but I’m here with you. Hopefully you arrive soon. You look so beautiful today. It’s going to be torture keeping my hands off you during the reception.”

  My cheeks flush.

  Message received, Bobby.

  I’m behaving pathetically. My parents got married. No big deal. My self-absorption and emotional botheration needs to end. He wants me to focus on him.

  I peek up at Bobby. “Instead of waiting for me to arrive, maybe you should whisk me away from this shindig.”

  Bobby laughs. “Shindig?”

  “I thought I should use a word appropriate for how you’re dressed.”

  His eyes twinkle. “You don’t like it?”

  My brows hitch up. “Oh, I definitely like. We need to clean you up more often. Very sexy. Very hot in that suit.”

  “Sexy enough that you might want to slip away now and find somewhere to be alone?”

  I can feel my eyes grow sparkly and I lean into him. “I’d love it, but I think we should wait until the party really gets going so no one notices us cutting out. I don’t want Mom getting all butt-hurt today.”

  He takes my hand. “Then come on. I’m going to eat. You’re going to eat. We’re going to sit through the toasts. Dance. And the second the happy couple takes off, we’re going somewhere so I can get out of this suit.”

  I hold my lower lip between my teeth, gnawing on it a few times. “Out of the suit, huh? I kind of like you in it.”

  “You’ll like it better when it’s off,” he whispers, his lips close to my ear. “It’s been a week, Kaley.”

  I pout. “Not my fault. And I hated being on lockdown.”

  He kisses my nose. “Then don’t get grounded again.”

  “We’re at Grandpa Jack’s. I’m on temporary parole.” I grin salaciously. “And I know just the place to go when we slip out of here.”

  “Oh, thank you.” His body shudders against me.

  Laughing, I take his hand and cut through the people toward the buffet.

  Eight hours later, the reception is raging. Mom and Alan are still at the party which makes it pretty much no bueno to disappea
r.

  I sway on the dance floor, clutched against Bobby, our bodies barely moving, and we’re both beyond ready to be out of here.

  Jeez, why aren’t the newlyweds out of here?

  “If we don’t find someplace private soon,” Bobby whispers, “I’m going to explode.”

  I giggle. “Me, too.”

  I rapidly scan the room. “Follow me. No one important is by the exit. We’re busting out of here.”

  He grins, very happy, and I flush and grab his hand. Once we’re outside, we both start to laugh.

  “Grandpa Jack has a pool house.”

  “I knew there was something I liked about Jack.”

  In a few seconds we’re alone, kneeling on the bed, rapidly undressing each other. His hands run down my hips, then my legs, closing around my ankles and giving me a tug until I’m flat on my back.

  He puts on a condom, covers me with his body and presses his mouth over mind as he sinks himself deep inside me. I convulse as he pumps into me, gloriously wet between my thighs even though we fast-forwarded past foreplay and went directly to fucking.

  Seeing Bobby nude and ready; yep, that was enough to get me on fire before he even touched me.

  “Bobby…ah…ah..,” I cry as he sinks into me faster and faster.

  I wrap my legs around his hips and he scoops my butt from the bed, up and into his hard thrusts. I’m close, so close, and I can tell by the tension across his back and the twitching of his arms that he is, too.

  “Open your eyes, Kaley. Watch what you do to me.”

  My lids flutter wide.

  That’s it.

  I come apart, staring at him, jaw tense as he spills into me. He collapses down on me and we’re both laughing. He turns us until we’re on our backs.

  He kisses my forehead. “We could have done that hours ago. We would have been back at the party before anyone noticed us gone.”

  I kiss his chest.

  He groans. “I don’t want to go back to the ’Sades tonight without you.”

  I lean up and stare down at him. “It’s so stupid that I have to stay here with the rest of the kids while Mom and Alan are off on their honeymoon. I should be able to be home alone if I want to.”