Love Until It Hurts (Crazy Love Book 2)

by Carmen DeSousa

  Accepting my outstretched hand, Charity slipped off her shoes, hooking them on the crook of her finger, then bounded out of the vehicle.

  “Ahhh … that’s right.” I smiled. “You love the beach.”

  “I do. Especially when there’s no chance that I’ll get sunburnt.”

  “Not much chance of that.” I laughed. “We hardly even have any moonlight.”

  Charity tugged on my hand. “We don’t need any!”

  We strolled down the beach a ways, away from the partiers. We walked until we found a private spot. Charity actually pulled me up the dune, stopping in front of a fenced-in yard. It was dark inside, so it didn’t look as though anyone was home, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t be home soon.

  Even the outside lights didn’t cast much light, though. All the exterior fixtures on the seaward side of the house had covers over them that directed light only toward the ground or the house.

  “Sea turtles,” I said aloud.

  “What?” Charity asked.

  “The reason there are so few lights on the back of the house, and even the ones that are lit are directed at the house, not the beach.”

  Charity smiled, then pushed through the gate. “Exactly.”

  I grabbed her by the shoulders. “What are you doing?”

  She shrugged. “Come on. No one’s home. It’s warm enough. Let’s go for a swim in the pool.”

  “Charity,” I whispered as if someone might hear me. “That’s Breaking and Entering. You can’t just walk onto private property.”

  Charity turned out of my grip and proceeded forward again. “We’re not breaking anything. I happen to have the code, and know for a fact that no one is home.”

  I stood there, arms crossed over my chest. “Whose house is it?”

  She turned, a wide smile lighting on her face. “Mine. Well, my parents, but they’re rarely here this time of year.” She hit a few numbers on the keypad, then opened the door.

  I sighed again. I felt like I walked out of the gladiator arena unscathed, only to stumble into the lion’s den. Charity would be the death of me, I was certain. I was going to get hurt badly by her, I knew it. As surely as I knew that walking through the gate to her house was a bad idea. And yet, I couldn’t find the strength to say no. I wanted her. Every single part of her, body and soul.

  Chapter 14 – Charity

  When Brock had turned toward the beach, I thought it was too good to be true. I’d wanted to suggest coming to my parents’ beach house, but I figured he’d say it was a bad idea.

  I couldn’t think of one reason why it was a bad idea, though. I loved Brock, and I wanted to be with him more than anything I’d ever wanted. Definitely more than I wanted to find a job or start college.

  If what I was feeling was lust, then fine, I planned to figure that out. But if it wasn’t … if it was something more, then I intended to figure that out, too.

  As soon as I crossed the threshold, I dug through the basket of bathing suits by the door. One of the jobs of the cleaning service was to keep them clean and stocked. That way there were always suits for visitors. Even though I’d prefer to skinny dip, I was pretty sure Brock wouldn’t go for it.

  “Here,” I tossed him a pair of board shorts I was certain would fit. “There’s a bathroom down the hall if you’re shy.”

  Brock snapped up the shorts midair, then flashed me what I could only interpret as an I’ll-show-you grin before walking off.

  Encouraged by his playfulness, I jumped up and ran to my bedroom, looking for my favorite suit. Before heading back out to the family room, I lit a couple candles and sprayed some of my favorite Hollister perfume on the bedspread, since the house had been closed up for a while. The last time I’d slept in this bed was nine months ago.

  Well, slept wasn’t an accurate word. It had been spring break and a bunch of us had gathered for a party on the beach. But as always, Nathan had led me back to my beach house.

  Afterward, while Nathan was buttoning up his jeans, he’d broken the news that he thought we should see other people over spring break and the rest of our senior year.

  “Charity,” Brock called, breaking me out of my stupid thoughts. “You okay?”

  I swiped away a tear. I wasn’t upset. I was mad. Mad because Nathan had used me. Mad because I’d let him. I’d believed him when he’d told me about his past. How he’d told me he needed me to keep him safe. But I wasn’t mad anymore. If Nathan hadn’t been such a childish fool, I never would have met Brock. “I’m right here. Just putting on my suit.”

  Brock knocked on the doorframe. “You decent?”

  “Hardly …” I purred.

  Brock whistled. “Hardly, is right. I always had a good imagination. Now I don’t need it.”

  I smacked his shoulder. “It covers everything.”

  “If you’re a dancer!”

  In response, I stuck out my bottom lip. “You don’t like it?”

  “I didn’t say that,” he burst out. “I love it. You can give me a private dance whenever you want. Now, do I want to take you into public wearing it? Not really. I’d be afraid I’d get into a fight, and I’ve been good about keeping my nose clean lately.”

  An unbelieving huff masquerading as a laugh escaped my mouth. “My dad said almost the same thing about my mother. What’s up with that? Men don’t really challenge other men for women, do they?”

  Brock shrugged. “Depends on where you are. But yeah, I’ve known plenty of dudes who’ve walked right up to a girl, just to see if her man was tough enough. In the hood where I used to hang out, I watched one girl walk off with the new guy when her guy didn’t man up. When it comes to possessions, the world I grew up in wasn’t much different from Wild Kingdom . A good woman was considered the most valuable possession. No matter how poor a man might be, he always had his woman and family. Take his woman or family from him, and he’d have no reason to live, so yeah … he’d be willing to fight.” He shrugged. “Then again, I kind of ran with a wild crowd. We weren’t as civilized as y’all rich folk.”

  “Please …” I crooned. “My family might be rich, but I went to East Lake. I know a little about rough.” Nathan had gotten into a few fights off-campus. I never knew what they were about, as he’d only said that he had to put someone in his place. I’d never considered that he might have gotten into fights over me.

  Brock lifted an eyebrow. “You didn’t go to a private school?”

  “Nope! My parents tried, but I refused. I wanted to go to a public school. I tried it their way once. One year. Tenth grade. But I swear, the girls were vicious. I cried until they sent me back.”

  Brock stepped forward. “I can’t imagine anyone being able to make you cry.”

  “When it’s twenty of them against one of me, it’s hard to hide. It was horrible.”

  He wrapped his arms around me and gathered me to him. God, I loved the feel of his warm hard body against mine. I reached up and traced the tattoo on his chest. “It’s beautiful. Ever since our first evening together I’ve been wondering about it, wanting to see more of it.” Brock’s lips turned up only slightly, so I continued, “Is it a shield?”

  “Armor.”

  “Ahh … Guarding your heart?”

  “Yes.”

  I lifted up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his, then dropped back to my heels. “I won’t hurt you if you promise not to hurt me.”

  “Never. When I love someone, I give them everything. All of me.” He ran his hand down my hair, then tightened his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. “Can you handle that?”

  Unable to speak, I simply nodded. He hadn’t actually said “I love you,” but the meaning was there. Could I handle everything? Could I handle giving all of myself, too? Was I ready for forever? I knew I loved Brock, but I was still only eighteen. Unlike my cousin, who even though she was younger than I was had passed me in age by all her life experiences. What had I done? Nothing. Tonight wasn’t the night to think about that stuff, though
. All I wanted was a little fun, a little romance. Tomorrow, I’d worry about forever.

  Brock pressed his lips to mine again, but then pulled back too quickly. “Talk to me, Charity. Tell me like you mean it.”

  I directed him backward, then pressed down on his shoulders until he sat on the edge of my bed. My hands on both sides of his face, I ran my thumbs over the thin line of facial hair, which wasn’t quite a beard, but it wasn’t a rough five o’clock shadow either. “Tell you what?”

  “If you don’t know —”

  I kissed him once, cutting off his words, then pulled back, focusing on his hazel eyes, which were usually golden with only a hint of green. Not now, though. The candlelight reflected in them, and they appeared greener … glowing, like cat’s eyes.

  Without one doubt in my mind, I lowered my head again, my lips inches from his, and whispered, “I love you, Brock Ryan.” I might not know if I wanted to spend forever with him yet, but that wasn’t what he was asking me. Yes, without a doubt, I knew I loved this man, and I wanted him. If only —

  Brock grabbed me so quickly it nearly knocked the breath out of me. He hitched me up on his lap, then spun us around so that I was on my back and he was hovering over me. He pressed his lips below the line of my jaw, working his way up to my ear with tiny kisses. “Charity Jane Bauer, I love you, too. Happy New Year!”

  It was the first time in my life that I could remember loving the sound of my name.

  He picked me up again, this time cradling me, and carried me out of the bedroom, right out the door toward the — “No, Brock!” I cried. “I need to ease into the pool —”

  Splash!

  I broke the surface with a scream, then smashed my hand over my mouth, afraid that one of the neighbors might call in a disturbance. “I can’t believe!” I gasped. I knew I’d get used to the frigid water, but plunging in all at once still took the breath out of me. Something like how I felt with Brock.

  Brock pulled me into his arms and kissed me. Long, deep, hot. Even though I was still shivering, my insides boiled. His strong arms tightened around me, then he rubbed my skin, attempting to warm me up from the outside. It worked inside and out. Lava pulled between my legs.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he hitched me up, tighter. Our bodies molded together perfectly, and all I could think about was the two thin pieces of fabric keeping us apart, keeping me from experiencing him fully.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard my phone — Nathan’s ring tone, It’s Too Late To Apologize, which I’d never bothered to change since he rarely called. He’d never liked talking on the phone, so he’d always texted me. I ignored the ring, determined to make the man in front of me mine. All of him, as he’d said. Funny how that stupid ring tone used to bother me, but not now.

  Brock pulled back from my lips. “Do you need to get that? Could it be your mom?”

  “Nope. That’s not Mom’s ring tone.” I smashed my mouth over his again, taking what I wanted. I reached between us, determined to remove all barriers.

  Brock stopped my hands. “Let’s go inside.”

  My heart thrashed against my ribcage. He hadn’t said no.

  Brock hitched me up again and stood. I could have stood, but this was so much more fun. I laced my fingers around the back of his neck and enjoyed the ride. Enjoyed the feel of hardness between our two scraps of material.

  Not that I cared about getting the bed soaked with pool water, but he set me down just at the edge of the bed. I stepped forward, released the string that held his body captive. I took a deep breath and couldn’t keep from smiling.

  Brock smiled too, then pushed me back toward the bed, but then stopped. “Umm … Charity … I wasn’t anticipating …”

  I darted from below him and ran to the nightstand, where I was pretty sure I had some condoms from when sex was a regular Friday night activity. My eyes landed on my phone as the text message lit up: i know ur w/him. saw u at beach . Meet me on skyway in 1 hr, or I jump

  I gasped without meaning to. Nathan was bluffing again. Why would he kill himself?

  “What happened?”

  I turned, and Brock reached for his shorts, holding them up in front of him.

  “Nothing.” I dug in the drawer and pulled out a condom. I didn’t love Nathan. I loved Brock. And I wouldn’t allow Nathan to bully me into believing that he’d kill himself every time he saw me with another man. Nathan had begged me to get back with him over texts, but he hadn’t bothered to show up in person in the last month, so why would he have all of a sudden been here tonight?

  Brock walked toward me, and I held out the condom, but he reached behind me instead. He opened the side of the iPhone and turned off the ringer again. I’d only turned it on because we were out … in case my mother had news.

  “He’s bluffing, Charity, and if I didn’t want you so much right now, I’d go outside and teach him a lesson about being a peeping Tom. But I don’t need to prove myself, so I’m staying here, and so are you.”

  “I’m sorry … I didn’t mean to look. Didn’t mean to ruin the mood. It just lit up, and I couldn’t help but notice —”

  Brock covered my lips with his fingers, drawing me back to the bed. “It’s okay. It’s not you, it’s him. He was so full of himself that day. Whining and carrying on. I should have realized that’s why you were there. That you were the one he was crying to … because he’d recognized me.” He closed his eyes as he shook his head. “You have no reason to be sorry. I’m the one who should apologize. I’ve thought of nothing but you day and night for the last month. I’m so sorry it took me until tonight to call you. I do love you, Charity, and I’ll never stop.” He drew me beneath him. “You realize if we make love, it changes everything, right?”

  I gulped, then nodded. As much as I wanted to tell myself that I was just having fun … that this was just sex, I knew better. Everything meant something more than it should when it was with Brock.

  “When I fall, I fall completely, Charity. Are you ready for forever, because it won’t be me changing my mind? I look at sex as a commitment.”

  Forever … The word sounded so foreign and yet so appealing. I reached up and ran my hands through his soft waves. He was such a man. Only twenty-two, and yet he seemed so mature. I wanted that, I realized. I wanted Brock. I wasn’t sure what could ever come between us, but I knew I’d never want any man as much as I wanted him. I loved being with him, laughing with him; even fighting with him was exciting in a weird and sexy way.

  Decided, I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. “I love you, Brock. Make love to me.”

  Brock ran his finger between my breasts, untying the flimsy bikini top. He lowered his head and kissed me, making my back arch with need. He slipped one finger beneath the waistband of my bikini bottom. “God, you’re beautiful, Charity.”

  I opened my eyes to find him admiring my body, noticing that based on his body’s reaction, he liked what he saw. Not wanting to wait for him, I hooked my thumbs in both sides of my waistband and shimmied out of the bikini bottom.

  I reached for his hips, guiding him. “We have forever to go slowly, so please don’t make me wait any longer.”

  “Forever?”

  “Yes, forever,” I promised. “I won’t be the one breaking any commitments either.” And I knew I wouldn’t. I was a one-man woman, always had been. I loved being loved and wanted, and in return loving and wanting —

  A loud BANG had Brock pulling away before we consummated our agreement. Then he was on his feet, pulling on the board shorts. “What the fu —” Brock turned back to me, breaking off his expletive. “Stay here!” He snatched the Jawbone speaker off my nightstand and headed for the door.

  I jumped off the bed, wrapping the beach towel around me. “Brock —”

  His eyes burned with intensity. “I said, stay here, Charity!” He walked out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him, making it clear he didn’t want me to follow him.

  Realizing I should call the
police, I reached for my phone. Seven unread messages filled my screen, each one only a few words long, the way Nathan typed when he was mad.

  I shoulda known!

  morgan told me ur a slut

  then she proved she is too

  bunch a cunts

  baby killers

  im done

  c u in hell!

  The door opened, and Brock walked back in, holding one of the rectangular border stones that lined the landscaped area around the pool. “Someone … threw this through your family room window. Of course, I suspect I know which one of our exes it was. And I thought my ex was looney.” He set the stone on the dresser and rushed to the bed. “What happened? You’re pale.”

  I shook my head as I finally put the pieces together. Jesse had told the truth. The baby was never his. It was Nathan’s. Morgan had aborted Nathan’s baby, and he couldn’t live with the guilt.

  “Oh, my God!” I screamed. “He’ll really do it. I gotta go!”

  “What are you talking about, Charity?”

  I hobbled to my dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. “Nathan. The baby. Morgan’s baby was his. He’d always said he’d never allow me to abort a baby if I got pregnant.”

  Brock tilted his head. “What baby?”

  I waved my hands, tears pricking my eyes. “Morgan. Nathan cheated on me with Morgan, and she got pregnant and aborted the baby — It doesn’t matter.” Nathan hadn’t broken up with me because he didn’t love me. He’d broken up with me because he’d felt guilty.

  Dressed, I ran out of the room. I had to stop him.

  “Charity,” Brock called behind me. “What are you doing?”

  “Come on!” I grabbed my keys off the credenza by the door. This wasn’t about my feelings for Nathan. I had no desire to get back with him. I loved Brock. But Nathan was still someone I cared about. He would always be my friend. I was the only person who knew how shattered he was inside. “We have to stop him!”

  Brock stood with his arms crossed. “No. I’m too old for this high school drama crap. No way is that mango bajito gonna kill himself.”