by Alie Nolan
When I’d told my parents I was splitting up my now ex-wife, Lauren, because I was gay, they hadn’t taken it well. My so-called friends hadn’t taken my coming out well either. Lauren was actually the one who encouraged me to start fresh.
Our split was amicable, and she was still my best friend, so I’d listened when she’d told me it would be good to move somewhere new. We both knew I hated the town I’d grown up in anyway, so it made sense to go. I had nothing holding me there anymore.
So, I’d packed up everything I owned, and Imogen and I had gone looking for something new.
I hadn’t picked Wiltonham for the town itself, but I’d fallen in love with my house. It was an adorable two-bedroom, hidden away from the world but not far enough that I couldn’t easily walk to the few shops in the centre of the village. It also had a big garden that was perfect for Imogen to play in and was surrounded by fields where we could go on endless walks.
Thinking about Imogen made my chest hurt.
She must have been so scared.
My sadness was squashed a little when I looked back at Wyatt and saw him smiling in my direction. He was a few inches shorter than me, slimmer than me, and maybe a few years younger than me. His dark brown hair was messy because he constantly ran his hands through it, and he had the kindest hazel eyes I’d ever seen.
Maybe when this was over and I had Imogen back home safe and sound, I would be able to work up the courage to ask him out on a date.
For now, though, my focus was on searching for Imogen.
After another full day of searching for Imogen with no luck, I dragged myself up to my front door and unlocked it. Wyatt had walked me home again after we separated from the rest of the group when the sun started to set, and he followed me up the steps to my door.
The day, while unsuccessful in our efforts to find Imogen, had shown me what a great decision I’d made moving to Wiltonham. Everyone I’d met was kind and helpful and welcoming. They truly rallied together to help me, even though I was a complete stranger.
When I pushed open my front door, Wyatt gently reached out a hand and placed it on my bicep. “When was the last time you ate anything?” he asked.
I racked my brain for the answer, but I had only a vague recollection of eating yesterday morning. I shrugged.
“Want me to come in and cook you something?”
“You don’t have to,” I assured him.
“Please. You look half-asleep, and I’m really concerned you’re going to run yourself into the ground if you don’t eat and sleep.”
I really appreciated how much he seemed to care about my wellbeing. It made my chest feel tight as he gently squeezed my arm and smiled up at me.
I nodded and motioned for him to come inside. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
Wyatt quickly got to work in my kitchen, riffling through my cupboards to see what food I had.
“Want anything specific?” he asked, glancing at me over his shoulder as he opened my fridge.
“Anything is great.”
He shot me a smile and started pulling different ingredients out and piling them on the sides. I sat at my kitchen table and watched him throw random things into a saucepan as the delicious aroma of whatever he was making floated through the room.
Probably the only benefit of spending the last two days out searching for Imogen was getting to know Wyatt. The occasional glances I got to sneak of him when he wasn’t looking my way were an added bonus.
I would have much preferred having Imogen back over getting to ogle a man I barely knew, but Wyatt was a decent consolation prize to brighten my otherwise devastating life right now.
“Here you go,” Wyatt said softly. “I hope it’s okay.”
I must have zoned out because last I knew Wyatt was in the middle of cooking, but when I looked up from my lap, he was standing next to me, placing a full plate on the table in front of me.
I looked over at the kitchen and was surprised to see that all the things he’d been using to cook had been tidied away.
How long had I been out for?
Had I fallen asleep?
I looked up at him and saw a shy smile ghosting his lips. I must have been staring aimlessly at him because he chuckled and nodded down at my plate. “Eat up before it gets cold.”
I did as instructed and picked up the fork he’d placed beside my plate while he sat opposite me with his own plate.
I wasn’t sure whether it was the fact that my taste buds hadn’t experienced anything besides coffee for two days or whether Wyatt was a culinary mastermind, but I moaned as I swallowed the first mouthful.
He’d made a medley of random vegetables in a tomato sauce, and while it didn’t sound like the greatest meal that had ever been cooked, it tasted incredible.
“Okay?” he asked tentatively, his lips tipping up into a nervous smile.
“Amazing,” I answered around another huge mouthful. “Thank you.”
We ate and chatted a little more, although I was getting more tired by the second, and I was sure I was moments away from falling asleep in my food, so I probably wasn’t being the greatest conversationalist. He didn’t seem to mind though.
After we were done with our food, Wyatt hastily cleared our plates away, and I walked him to my front door.
I didn’t want him to leave. I was enjoying his company too much. But I was exhausted, and I couldn’t think of a valid reason to get him to stay any longer.
“I’ll see you in the morning?” he asked with a smile.
I had been hoping he’d say that. “Yeah, see you in the morning. Thank you again for dinner.”
“My pleasure. Night, Adam.”
I watched him walk down my driveway, and butterflies fluttered around in my stomach when he turned and smiled at me one last time before disappearing down the road.
Wyatt might be the best thing to come out of being separated from Imogen.
I just needed to figure out how to ask him out or something because when we eventually found Imogen—there was no convincing me we wouldn’t—I knew I wasn’t going to be ready to stop spending time with him.
Three
Wyatt
I was eating dinner with Adam for the second night in a row. After cooking for him the night before, this time after another long day of searching for his lost dog, he’d offered to return the favour and had invited me in to have dinner with him.
I had learned a lot about Adam over the past few days. I knew a lot about his job; Imogen; his food and drink preferences; his favourite movies, TV shows, and music; and even random things like what part he’d played in his Year Five nativity play—a wise man—but I had yet to learn a single thing that confirmed, or even hinted at, his sexuality.
From what I’d learned, he was divorced—and was married to a woman before—but that didn’t mean he was straight. He could be bi or pan… I hoped, anyway.
There were several times I could have sworn I caught him checking me out or thought he might have been trying to flirt with me. I couldn’t be sure though. And I wasn’t sure how to bring it up.
What if he freaked out?
I didn’t want to fuck up the friendship we were forming if I was wrong.
I looked up from the pasta dish he’d for cooked me, and my eyes locked onto his gorgeous lips as his tongue darted out to collect some stray sauce.
I wanted to jump across the table and taste his lips so badly.
I couldn’t help it. This dinner felt oddly like a date.
And if it were a date, it would have been one of the best I’d ever been on. Our conversation was effortless. We joked and laughed, we shared things about ourselves, and we discovered we had a lot in common.
By the time we’d finished up dinner and I was getting ready to head home, I was trying to think of a reason to stay. I didn’t want to go home yet. I wanted to keep talking all night long.
I would see him first thing in the morning to go out sear
ching again, so it wasn’t like I was going to have to spend too much time away from him.
We stood silently in his doorway, about to say goodnight like we had the previous few nights, when I noticed his eyes lingering on my mouth. Without thinking, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. I did it on impulse, despite my brain screaming at me to stop and talk to him about it first.
It was too late now though. I’d done it, and there was no going back.
The second our lips made contact, I felt his entire body tense up. His muscles went rigid, and his lips were unmoving under mine. It was like kissing a corpse. A motionless, lifeless corpse that was in no way kissing me back.
Shit.
This had been a terrible mistake. I had totally fucked this whole thing up.
He hadn’t wanted to kiss me. He probably hadn’t even been looking at my lips.
Shit, shit, shit.
I quickly drew back, my face flaming hot as I struggled to make eye contact with him.
“Sorry,” I muttered and made a mad dash to escape.
I made it as far as the bottom of his drive before I heard him call out my name. I didn’t turn back though. I just kept walking away, too mortified to face the awkward conversation that was bound to occur if I turned around.
The walk from Adam’s house to mine was too far, but I made it there in record time. My feet carrying me away from the awkward situation as quickly as they could.
Once inside my house, I flopped down onto my sofa with an audible sigh and immediately reached into my pocket for my phone.
I pressed Matty’s name in my contacts and waited for him to answer.
“Hey, Wy.” His chipper voice greeted me through the phone. “What’s up? Did you find Adam’s dog?”
Hearing Adam’s name was like a punch to the gut.
“No.” That was all I said. I had called him because I needed advice and reassurance from my best friend, but now that I was on the phone with him, I didn’t really want to relive the whole situation over again.
“You okay?”
“Yes,” I lied. “Why?”
“You’re being oddly quiet. You’re never quiet.”
I sighed again, throwing my forearm over my face as if to hide my embarrassment even though he couldn’t see me.
“You obviously wanted to talk about whatever is going on or you wouldn’t have rung me.”
“I hate you.”
“Nope. You don’t. Now spill.”
“Fine,” I huffed. “I fucked everything up with Adam.”
“What happened?”
“I kissed him, and he was just frozen in place like a fucking statue. No, it was worse than if he’d been a statue. At least I wouldn’t have been able to feel how physically uncomfortable a statue was. It was mortifying. The worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” I didn’t care that I was being melodramatic. “We had dinner again, it felt very ‘datey’ and when we said goodnight, I thought he was looking at me like he wanted to kiss me. Clearly, he wasn’t. Anyway, I kissed him, and it was terrible. Ugh. Just kill me. Put me out of my misery.”
“Okay,” Matty said, his voice calm and level.
“Okay, what? You’ll kill me?”
He scoffed. “There’s no way I’m capable of committing murder.”
“Don’t think of it as murder. Think of it as putting me down. Just like you would a terminally sick animal. Is that better?”
It hadn’t been that long since I’d been the one giving Matty advice about what to do with Caleb and Elliott, and it felt weird being on the other side of the conversation. Not that this was in any way the same. All parties involved in that situation had wanted the same thing. Matty had just needed a little reassurance that pursuing a relationship with two men was okay. Adam and I were in the exact opposite situation. He didn’t want a relationship with me, and now I’d be lucky if he even wanted a friendship with me.
“How did you leave things?” Matty asked.
“I fled. Ran from his doorstep like I was on fire and didn’t look back.”
“Okay,” he said again.
“Stop saying okay.”
“Sorry, I’m thinking.” He laughed. “I’m useless at this shit. I’m trying to work out what advice would be helpful, like you would for me, but I’m fucking clueless when it comes to relationship shit.”
“You bagged yourself two gorgeous men who worship the ground you walk on. I’d say you’re doing okay.”
“And I am still confused about how I managed that.” He laughed again. “Maybe you should give him the night to cool off and process things. The same goes for you. And then go over and apologise in the morning. Tell him you want to forget it ever happened and go back to being friends. Or… you know, you could talk to him about it properly. Maybe he is interested but is a terrible kisser?”
I highly doubted Adam could be that bad of a kisser.
“I’ll ask him to forget about it,” I told him. “I’ll apologise and promise never to cross that line again.”
“I’m sure he won’t be a prick about it, and you two will be back to being besties in no time.”
“You’ll always be my number one bestie.”
“Good to know.” I heard the smile in his voice.
“Thank you.”
“Any time.”
Four
Adam
I shouldn’t have frozen.
That was what I’d been saying over and over to myself all night.
I’d fucked up the exact thing I’d wanted.
I wished I could go back in time and redo the whole thing. I’d do it so differently if given the chance.
As we’d shared another meal together, then said goodnight on my doorstep, I’d wanted nothing more than to pluck up the courage to make a move. I’d spent most of the evening staring at his lips, imagining what they’d feel like, what they’d taste like. And when I’d gotten the opportunity to find out, I’d panicked and stood there frozen like a fucking idiot.
I’d been so caught up in my own head about it being my first time kissing a man I’d completely forgotten to kiss him back. He ran away too fast for me to explain myself and reassure him I was interested in him, despite how terribly I’d reacted to his kiss.
Ugh.
I needed to track him down and apologise.
After another night of little sleep, I was out of bed and ready to find Wyatt as soon as the sun was up. I didn’t actually know where he lived, but he’d given me a rough location, and I was sure someone would be able to point me in the right direction. Worst-case scenario, if I didn’t find his house, I knew where he worked.
I grabbed my phone and keys and made my way to my front door.
I really wished we’d exchanged numbers at some point over the past few days. It would have made hunting him down a lot easier if I could have called or texted him.
As I pulled the door open, I was greeted by the beautiful man himself.
Wyatt was standing outside my door, arm raised like he was about to knock.
“Hi,” I greeted tentatively.
“Hi.”
“I didn’t think I’d see you this morning.”
“I’m so sorry about last night.” His voice was strained, and he looked so… not himself as he looked around at anything other than me.
I opened my mouth to offer my own apology, but he stopped me.
“Please, can we just forget last night ever happened? Start again. It was a mistake, and it won’t happen again.”
But I want it to happen again.
Before I could say anything, Wyatt continued. “I regret doing it. It was stupid, and I didn’t mean it. Please, please, please, can we pretend it never happened?”
The pained expression on his face and the sadness in his voice had me nodding my head.
I didn’t want to pretend it never happened. That was the opposite of what I wanted. But, if that’s what he wanted, and he truly hadn’t meant
to do it, then I respected that, and I wasn’t going to force the issue. Maybe he was just as exhausted as I was from all the searching and he had done it by accident?
“Want to head out? Today’s the day we find her. I can feel it.” He smiled. It looked a little forced, but it was an improvement over how he’d looked a moment ago, so I’d take it.
“Let’s go.”
I may not get another shot at kissing Wyatt, but at least I hadn’t lost him completely. I could still be his friend, and that was going to have to be enough.
Some of him was better than none of him, I supposed.
Wyatt and I were walking the endless trails that wound through the trees surrounding the village. We’d been walking for hours, and things were starting feel a little less awkward between us. Still, it wasn’t quite the same as it had been between us before the kiss happened.
“Wait.” Wyatt stopped me midsentence.
“What?”
“Shh,” he hushed me, his index finger pressed to his lips.
I heard it.
A barely there rustling sound coming from somewhere.
“Immy?” I called out.
The rustling sounded again, and I rushed in the direction where I’d heard it, running through the trees, shoving branches out of the way.
When my eyes landed on a muddy Imogen, I almost fell to my knees.
I’d never felt that level of relief in my life.
She was drinking out of a puddle, and she was covered in mud from nose to tail. Her fur was a mess, but other than that, she looked like she always did.
When she noticed me, she ran towards me, nearly knocking me over when I crouched down to her level. She licked my face and barked excitedly, her tail wagging rapidly.
“Oh my God,” I sobbed as I buried my face in her neck, not caring in the slightest that I was probably getting mud all over myself. I wrapped my arms around her as she continued to pepper me with sloppy kisses. “I missed you so much. I am never letting you out of my sight ever again.”
After what could have been minutes or hours, I released my hold on Imogen and looked up to see Wyatt standing a few feet away from us. His eyes were glassy, and his lips were tipped up in the sweetest smile.
