Effortless

by S. C. Stephens

Chapter 11

 

  Gone But Not Forgotten

  After our jam session, the girls and I finally got everything squished into Griffin's van. I sighed when we all looked at the empty stage before us. It was dark and lonely now, as its owners traveled farther and farther away. I wasn't even sure where they were right now. Matt had given us all a tour schedule and their first show was tonight in Spokane, on the very east side of Eastern Washington. I figured that they were probably close to heading up the mountain passes by now. The same passes that Denny and I had traveled on the way over here. The same mountains that had brought me to the place where one love had eventually superseded another, was now taking that love away.

  Interesting, how life had a way of coming full circle.

  Jenny beside me sighed in a melancholy way that matched my own. Suddenly straightening, she turned and dashed out of the front doors. We all watched her leave, curious over her sudden departure. When she came back a few minutes later, holding a large poster frame under her arm, she was beaming.

  I smiled as she walked up to me. "I nearly forgot I brought this. " Twisting the poster around so we could all see it, she displayed the finished artwork that she'd been doing in class-the drawing of the band. I nearly had tears in my eyes as I gazed at her perfect recreation of Kellan. Nodding at the stage, she smiled. "It's wrong to leave that stage without a piece of them up there, right?"

  I eagerly nodded and helped her rearrange some of the decorative guitars hanging on the wall so we could hang it. After centering it, we took a step back and admired her handiwork. She'd turned her pencil drawing into a stunning black and white sketch. It was incredible. She really did have a knack for it.

  Nearly wanting to place a kiss on the lifelike vision of my boyfriend, I slung my arm around Jenny's shoulders. "It's perfect, Jenny. " Laughing a little, I added, "I think the boys may not be the only famous people to come out of this bar. "

  She flushed and laughed, looking down. "It's alright, I guess. " Staring at it in awe, Anna and Rachel both assured her that it was better than alright.

  Before leaving for a few hours, since Jenny and I both had to work tonight, we said goodbye to the staff we didn't spend too much time with-Sal, the part owner of the bar, Hun and Sweetie, the longtime waitresses, and lastly, Troy. He seemed brighter with the addition of Jenny's portrait on the back wall, and I smiled that at least we'd made him feel a little better.

  Getting back into our respective cars, we headed out to Evan's. Mechanic girl was walking across the lot when I pulled up in Kellan's car. Her eyes instantly swung to the Chevelle. She looked highly disappointed when I stepped out of the vehicle, and not her former. . . whatever. She waved at me, then stepped into the shop. Maybe she was going to go write her book: Groupie lovin' 101.

  Sighing, I rolled my eyes. After grabbing instruments from Griffin's van, I followed Jenny and Rachel up to the loft, Anna trailing behind us. I knew I was being too hard on mechanic girl, especially since I wasn't even really sure if she had been with Kellan or not. And even if she had, it was in his past and it shouldn't really matter anymore. I was being jealous without good reason. . . and I needed to stop doing that if Kellan and I were going to work as a couple.

  Evan's place was oddly bare when we stepped into it. Having taken their travelling instruments on the road, only Evan's drum set remained. All of the various groups on the tour had decided to share some drums, instead of each band bringing their own, so Evan had left both of his sets here in Seattle. Being used to playing other people's equipment, Evan had seemed fine with it. I smiled, thinking of Kellan lugging his guitar onto the bus. He'd never settle for playing on just anybody's.

  As I was setting down Griffin's bass, I saw a small note taped on the back. Now, normally, I wouldn't touch anything of Griffin's, even handling his instrument was questionable, but the note had my name on it. Curiosity getting the better of me, I tore off the securely held piece of paper. Unfolding it, I cringed, waiting for some horrific comment from the crude bassist. I was pleasantly surprised at what I discovered, though.

  I know you hate touching anything of Griffin's, so I thought I'd make it a little more bearable for you. Thank you for doing this. I love you, Kellan.

  Grinning like an idiot, I tucked the note into my pocket. Warmth flooded through me, both from the fact that he knew me so well, in regards to Griffin, and also from the fact that he'd been thinking about me far enough in advance to plan leaving that message behind. He must have put it there prior to the show. Biting my lip, I wondered if this was also a part of his plan. I wondered what else I might find, tucked here and there, just waiting for me to discover them.

  We got all the instruments and equipment brought in with only a couple of trips to the van. After Jenny arranged Evan's second drum set next to his first one, she sighed and came over to rest her head on my shoulder. Placing my hand over the normally perky blonde's head, I offered what comfort I could. As much as Kellan and the boys missed us, being left behind was so much harder than leaving. I knew we'd all be sifting through our emotional baggage for a while, finding a new mood every ten minutes. Jenny confirmed that for me by brightly popping her head up.

  "Oh, we have to remember to pay the neighbors. "

  I stared at her blankly, not having a clue what she meant. Rent or something? Noticing my puzzled expression, she shook her head. "You know, Matt and Griffin's neighbors. " Still confused, I shook mine. Jenny tilted her head. "Kellan didn't tell you what he did?"

  Narrowing my brows, I wondered just what he'd done. "No. . . "

  Laughing a little at my sullen tone, she pointed out the window, to the direction of Matt and Griffin's suburban utopia. "He paid all the neighbors to not call the cops if the party got a little. . . noisy. "

  My mouth lowered. "He paid all the. . . what?"

  Jenny shrugged. "Well, since he knew the party would get started late, I guess he figured it would go until the early morning. Most suburbanites aren't okay with that, so he gave them money to encourage them to let it go for one night. " She shrugged again. "He said if they did, he'd double the amount. We're supposed to deliver that payment. "

  I shook my head at how much that must have cost him. And all so he could give everyone a good time on the band's last night in town. Shaking my head, I glanced out the window. "That must have cost him a fortune. " I looked back at Jenny. "Is that even legal?"

  Jenny shrugged. "I don't know, but I told him I'd take care of it. He left some money here. . . somewhere. "

  As Jenny began to search for the envelope padded with hush money, I frowned and put my hands on my hips. "Why didn't he ask me?" I muttered.

  Anna, resting on the couch with her feet up, heard me. "Probably because he knew you'd get that look on your face, and object to him throwing his money away. "

  She smirked after she said it and I frowned at her. Damn right, I objected. But still. . . I was his girlfriend, not Jenny. Slipping money under people's doors should have been my job. Laughter swung my attention around. Jenny and Rachel were in the corner of the room reserved as the kitchen, and were staring into a can of coffee grounds, chuckling.

  Curious, I walked over to them. Jenny shook her head, pulling a thick envelope out of the can. "Kellan and his coffee," she murmured.

  I flushed, my own memories of Kellan, coffee, and an espresso stand that I'd never forget, mixed erotically in my head. Not noticing my face, Jenny opened the envelope and did a quick count of the cash. When she got to the end of the wad, she pulled out a piece of paper. Seeing my name on the outside, she looked up and handed it to me.

  "Here, it's for you. "

  I smiled as I grabbed it. I smiled even more reading it.

  Don't be angry. I asked Jenny to do this because I knew you'd be upset with me for spending so much money. I had to, though. I had to give you a memorable evening, and preferably one that didn't end with us all being arrested. . . although, seeing you in hand
cuffs. . .

  Anyway, please don't be mad. I did it for you. You deserved a good night last night. You deserve everything. I love you, I miss you. Kellan.

  Gazing stupidly at his handwriting across the paper, I didn't notice the person reading over my shoulder. I noticed when she shoved me forward. "Goddamn, he's sweet. I really wouldn't have expected that from him. "

  Folding the note, I looked back at Anna. She giggled and hugged me. Kissing my head, she added, "You're one freaking lucky girl, sis. I hope you know that. "

  Smiling, I raised my chin a bit. "I do. "

  Squeezing my shoulders, Anna laughed a little harder. "And I'm lucky, too. I'm going to have the hottest brother-in-law on the planet!"

  I playfully pushed her away from me. "We're not. . . he's not. . . "

  Slinging her arm around Jenny, Anna continued undaunted. "Can't you just picture what my nieces and nephews are going to look like?" Jenny laughed as Anna sighed. "Those deep blue eyes, that jaw, those lips. . . "

  "That hair," Rachel quietly added.

  I flushed and smacked my sister on the arm. She was the one that had started this little, embarrassing conversation, and as family, I had the right, no. . . duty. . . to wail on her; I was pretty sure that had been covered in my ethics class.

  Stepping away from me, Anna leaned over to Rachel. "And you know I'm going to have loads and loads of them, because their parents can't keep their hands off each other. " As I covered my face with my hands and shook my head, Anna sighed again. "I'll have to get a bigger place, just so all the beautiful little babies can visit me. "

  Removing my hands, I rolled my eyes. Anna shrugged. "Just saying. " As I turned to leave the loft, since we were finished with the instruments, I heard my sister murmur to the girls, "I cannot wait to see our dad's expression when he finds out that a rock star impregnated his daughter. . . it's going to be epic. "

  They were all laughing as I left the room, my body heating at just the thought of one day carrying Kellan's child. It was a very nice thought. I wondered how Kellan felt about having kids. . . Hmmm, maybe I should wonder about how he felt about getting married. First things first and all.

  I smiled as I opened the door to his Chevelle. I'd never truly considered marriage with Denny. Maybe because we'd been so young, maybe because I always knew he'd never agree to it until he was settled in his career. With him, it had just seemed a far off goal that we'd eventually reach one day, and I hadn't felt the need to make that day come any faster than was necessary. But with Kellan. . . well, my heart beat faster at just the thought of a ring on my finger. And aside from the honor of being his wife, a ring on him would be a back-off symbol to every other girl out there.

  I paused as I reached the key to the ignition. I didn't like that thought. I didn't want to marry him just so he'd be "off the market. " I wanted to marry him because he was my world. And he was. . . but there was an ulterior motive in me being his wife and I didn't like myself for it. I guess I wasn't ready yet. I had to get over wanting to stake a claim on him first. I had to be so comfortable in our relationship that no one outside of it mattered.

  I had to learn to trust him.

  We both had to learn to trust each other. . . and this tour was just what we needed, really. It provided an opportunity for us both to stray. I knew I wouldn't, and I prayed that Kellan wouldn't, but either way, we'd know for sure after this.

  Anna had to go to work so she headed home, but Jenny, Rachel and I completed Kellan's task for him. Giggling, we stuffed envelopes with thank you notes into the cracks of people's doors. None of us wanted to knock on the doors to deliver the money personally, since we really weren't sure about the legality of it all. We felt a little spy-like dropping off the payment money, and I started to think that this was another thing I could cross off my bucket list. At this rate, I'd complete the entire thing while Kellan was gone. Well, except for the growing old with someone I loved part. . . I'd need him for that one.

  Luckily, Matt and Griffin's place was backed against a greenbelt, so we only had to worry about the neighbors on either side and across the street. We were finished in no time. The last door we went to was the home of a sweet elderly lady. Jenny was trying to get the envelope to stay in the closed crack of the door when it suddenly opened.

  The wrinkled woman smiled warmly at us and held her hand out for the envelope. "Ah, good, my bingo money, as promised. "

  Jenny and I glanced at each other and then Jenny handed over the wad of sealed cash. Taking it, the stooped woman tried to lift herself up to her full height and look over the top of us. Rachel quickly ducked down behind me, trying to hide from the woman that I was pretty sure couldn't see farther than a few feet anyway.

  "Is that good-looking boy with you?"

  Shaking my head, I murmured, "No, Ma'am. " A little sadly, I added, "He had to leave town for a while. "

  The grandmother patted my arm consolingly. "Well, that's too bad. " She leaned in to whisper, "He was very easy on the eye. " I giggled as the woman leaned back. Yes, Kellan was very easy on the eye. . . effortless to look at. Shrugging her sagging shoulders, she added, "His bottom was very nice, too. "

  Jenny snorted, then girlishly slapped her hand over her mouth. Rachel popped her head up over my shoulder and giggled at the spunky old lady.

  The neighbor's gnarled hand pointed across to where the raging party had been going until the early hours of today. "That was some celebration you all had. " Her eyes glassed over, reminiscing. "I used to tip back a few in my youth. " Shaking her head, she grinned. "It was illegal back then, so we all met underground, in secret places. " She lifted the envelope. "We had to pay people to keep the coppers away, too. "

  Shaking my head at her, I smiled wider. Man, she was way older than I'd anticipated. I hoped I was as put together as she was when I was in my nineties. Glancing at all of our tired faces, she squinted her graying eyes. "You all look like you're suffering from the excess. Why don't you come in. . . I have the perfect cure. "

  Jenny and I looked at each other and shrugged. My headache had dialed back at lot since this morning, but it still ached and throbbed, especially when I moved my head too fast. Plus, I hadn't dared to eat anything yet. My stomach was only mildly queasy. . . I didn't want to push it over the edge. Maybe the former flapper knew a sure-fire fix. We're always being told to listen to our elders, right? Surely that includes hang-over advice.

  So, the three of us spent a good chunk of the afternoon having a really horrid cup of tea with a surprisingly interesting old lady. I'd have to tell Kellan all about her when he got back. He'd get a kick out of her. I probably wouldn't mention that she enjoyed his backside, though.

  Once finished delivering the rest of our payments, I went home to get ready for work. Anna was long gone and my home was empty. Running my hand along the back of Kellan's favorite chair, the chair he'd given me when I'd involuntarily moved out of his place, I wondered where he was now. Probably in the middle of nowhere, probably out of cell range.

  Sighing, I pushed it from my mind and went to take a nice, hot shower. After a long night of partying, I'd never felt so grimy in all my life. The ancient woman's miracle cure kicked in once my body was cleaned and refreshed, and I amazingly felt one hundred percent better when I stepped from the shower. Better. . . and starving.

  After quickly dressing into my work clothes and throwing my wavy locks into a haphazard pony tail, I made myself a meal fit for a Queen. Okay, it was a bowl of spaghetti, but I was so hungry it felt like the best meal on earth going down.

  Feeling full and content, more like myself, I pulled my cell phone out of my jacket and stared at it for a moment. Running my thumb over the screen, I considered trying to call Kellan. Maybe he was close enough to a large town that he could pick up a tower now. On second thought, cell towers lined practically every freeway in the world nowadays. Maybe I was wrong about him being in the middle of nowhere. Middle of nowhere didn't really e
xist in our world anymore. With modern technology, you could almost always be found, anywhere you went.

  But, I'd just talked to him this morning, and he had said he'd call tonight. I didn't want to be "that girl. " The obsessing girlfriend that checked in every hour on the hour. I wanted to learn to live my live fully and completely without him, as well as with him. That was the mistake I'd made with Denny. Letting my happiness revolve around him for so long.

  When Denny had left for Tucson, it had left a hole in me, a void that Kellan had filled. I didn't want to repeat that pattern. I didn't want anyone to fill Kellan's place, now that he was the one that was leaving. So I had to fill the ache of him being away with something healthy, something all my own. I wasn't sure what yet, but I was positive that I could. Losing Denny the way I had, doing what I'd done to him. . . that had forced me to grow up some.

  Guilt and regret flooding me, I dialed a number that I hadn't in a while, a number that I should really call more often. Bringing the ringing phone to my ear, I bit my lip while I waited for the other line to pick up. It did on the third ring.

  "Hello?"A familiar voice said happily, clearly mid-laugh.

  "Uh, hi. . . it's me. " I rolled my eyes at my awkward greeting. Really, after everything, things between us shouldn't be awkward anymore.

  "Oh, hey, Kiera. "

  Denny's accent wrapped around my name and I smiled, memories coming back to me. In the background, I heard a female voice asking him a question. I instantly did the time zone math in my head and cringed. It was late Saturday afternoon here, so it was Sunday morning in Australia. He was probably having a leisurely brunch with his girlfriend, Abby.

  Being the honorable man that I knew he was, Denny answered her question truthfully. "It's Kiera. I'll just be a minute, Abb, then I'll show you how to make pancakes without burning them. " In the background I clearly heard, "That was not my fault! You completely distracted me. "

  Denny chuckled at her and I instantly felt stupid for calling. He had his own life, he really didn't need me interfering in it. Thinking I should just tell him that I'd call back later, his voice shifted back into the phone. "What's up? Everything alright?"

  I sighed, forcing the image of him with another woman out of my head. He was happy. That's all I'd ever wished for him. "Yeah, no, everything's fine, Denny. I just, we haven't. . . " I sighed again, not knowing exactly how to put my feelings into words. I'd really have to work on that, since English was my major. "It's just. . . we don't get to talk as much as we used to, and the last time we talked things were. . . weird. I wanted to make sure you were. . . okay. "

  I bit my lip, hating that I'd brought up that conversation. Kellan had drunkenly talked about our sex life with him, something Kellan had been really careful to never do, not since the night of the fight, the night Denny had broken his arm, nearly broken my skull.

  Denny sighed. "Yeah. . . I already got a call from Kellan this morning, Kiera. The two of you really don't have to worry about me. You don't need to walk on eggshells. You don't need to treat me with kid gloves. I get it. You're together. I know what. . . that entails. I'm fine with it, Kiera. I left you. I broke up with you. . . but I never wanted you to be alone, bab. . . "

  He stopped himself short and my eyes widened. He'd nearly called me baby, right in front of his girlfriend. I closed my eyes as I heard him sigh again. "I know," I whispered. "But still. . . we don't want to hurt you. You're. . . a friend. . . to both of us. A close friend?" I added, my tone coming out as a question instead of a statement.

  Denny chuckled. "You guys are close friends to me too, all right. So, let's just skip over this weird part. . . "

  "But. . . ?"

  "Kiera, do you want to know if I hurt?" he whispered, his accent thick with emotion building in it. "Yeah, sometimes I do. I mean, yes, it sucks that my girl cheated. . . " I hung my head as he broke off his sentence with a long exhale. "No, it's not that you cheated, Kiera. It's that you fell in love. If you'd just strayed a couple of times. . . I could have. . . I probably could have looked past that. But you didn't. . . you fell in love. So yeah, that hurts, okay?"

  I sniffled, thinking I never should have called him. "I'm sorry. . . "

  A long moment of silence was all I got to that, then, quietly, "I know, Kiera. You don't have to keep saying it. You can't. . . you can't help falling in love. It's not a reaction you can control. I get that, I really do. So please. . . quit apologizing, I don't want to hear it anymore. "

  I swallowed and whispered, "Okay. " In my head I added another, I'm sorry. I probably always would with him.

  I pictured his dark brown eyes staring at me, a hand coming up to run through the piecy, dark hair. After another moment of silence, he finally spoke again. "What are you going to do with Kellan gone for so long?" Almost like he didn't want me to take that the wrong way, he added, "I mean, what are you going to do to keep yourself busy?"

  I chuckled a little, in a not humorous way. "No, you mean am I going to cheat on him?" He didn't say anything and I sighed. "No, I would never hurt someone like that again. It's not the person I want to be. " Exhaling softly, I said, "I had a boyfriend once who was the best person I'd ever known. Honorable, loving, sweet. . . sappy. He's who I aspire to be someday. "

  He chuckled now. "Well, sounds like you were an idiot for letting him go. "

  I grinned, shaking my head. "Yes, I don't think that's ever been in question. "

  Denny laughed genuinely and I reveled in the sound, my mind picturing the goofy grin he always got, the warmth in his deep eyes. Once the moment of levity leveled, he asked, "What about Kellan? Do you think he'll be. . . honorable?"

  I blinked that he'd basically asked me if Kellan would cheat on me. As if, he too, questioned the solidity of our relationship. "Um, yeah, I think so. . . " I bit my lip, hating that I couldn't give Denny a definite and resounding, "Yes, of course, don't be ridiculous. " That sort of bravado was pointless with Denny, though. We both knew Kellan's past, and we both knew how Kellan and I had gotten together. Kellan was capable of being with someone in immoral situations. Our relationship was proof of it.

  Denny sighed. It was a sympathetic sound. "I'm sure he'll be good, Kiera. " He paused a minute while we both reflected on his statement. Softly he added, "He'd be an idiot not to be. "

  I smiled and sighed, feeling oddly reassured and a little sad. It wasn't as if I'd left a bad relationship for a better one. I'd left a good relationship for a different, and also good, one. Things would have been easier if I could have painted Denny as an abusive, emotionally cutoff asshole. But he wasn't. He was as close to the perfect boyfriend as they come. Truly, his habit of getting wrapped up in his work was his only real fault. And that was pretty minor, compared to the horror stories that I'd heard out there.

  Shaking my head, I murmured, "Abby is very lucky, Denny. You're. . . a really great guy. "

  He laughed once. "Yeah, I tried to tell you that. . . "

  I laughed once, too. "I know. . . I miss you. " He didn't respond and I quickly added, "I should let you get back to your brunch. It sounds like you have some cooking to do. " I did miss him, his friendship, his sweetness, his loyalty. . . but I shouldn't tell him things like that. Kellan had my heart, wholly. I didn't want to be misleading.

  Denny started chuckling, and I could hear the joy come back into his voice. "Yeah, Abby is many things, but cook isn't one of them. I don't even know how a person messes up pancakes. . . they're sort of. . . unscrew-up-able. " I smiled, knowing that I couldn't seem to make a decent pancake either. I guess Abby and I had at least one thing in common. Well, two really. We both deeply cared for Denny, just in different ways now.

  "Goodbye, Denny. "

  "Goodbye, Kiera. Everything will be fine, I promise. "

  I started to respond to that but he clicked off the line. "I hope so," I said anyway, the dust bunnies the only things around to hear me.

  Walking into Pete's a while later, I coul
dn't help but look up at the empty stage. Jenny's beautiful drawing stood out on the black wall, and seeing our boys immortalized did help to ease the ache. But I'd really rather walk in on the foursome slinging back cold ones. That was one of my favorite things about working at Pete's-waiting on the band. Even Griffin, in a weird, unexplainable way.

  It was a quiet night. Since the fans knew that the band was gone, only a handful of them came in. Pete let Jenny go home early, but I stayed late with Kate, wanting to do something productive with my time.

  Exactly at midnight, Kate handed me a note. She had a devilish grin on her face when she did. I bunched my brows together, wondering what she was up to. Giggling, her bouncy pony tail swishing over her shoulders, she pointed at the folded piece of paper she'd handed to me. "Kellan made me promise to give this to you at exactly midnight tonight. "

  Her topaz eyes lit up as she sighed. "He was so sweet when he asked. Sigh. . . I need a boyfriend again. " She twisted her lips and glided off after her comment, leaving me wondering when Kellan had talked to her. When Kellan had talked to everybody. He sure had been busy before he left.

  My heart started to beat a little harder as I held his note in my hands. I leaned back against the bar. Rita, sullen as she stared at the empty stage, the half-empty bar, ignored me. Biting my lip, I unfolded the note. It wasn't sealed in any way, so I was pretty sure that Kate had already read it, but upon glancing at his handwriting on the paper, I didn't care. I was too happy that he'd left me another surprise.

  Hey, just in case I'm a schlump and haven't called you yet, I wanted to say that it's not because I don't miss you. . . I do. Most likely my delay has something to do with Griffin. . . I'm sure the jackass will be a constant irritant on the road. Well, at least he won't be mentally undressing you for a while. . . that's my job. And in case I've never told you. . . I do it constantly. When you walk past me, I picture those slim hips bare under my fingertips. When you lean over to hand me my beer, I picture those firm breasts, your rigid nipples just begging for my mouth.

  My face flushing bright red, I stopped reading and glanced up at Kate across the room from me. Oh my God, had she read this? Noticing me staring at her, note in hand, she started laughing. I figured she had then. Well, at least Kellan had given this to her and not Rita. . . I probably never would have gotten it if that had been the case. My face heating even more, I considered reading the rest somewhere else, somewhere private. But curiosity got the better of me, and hiding the paper as much as I could, I continued on with Kellan's sort of erotic love letter.

  You wonder why I'm constantly aroused, and I guess I'm telling you. Your body fires me. Your fingertips brushing over my skin, ignites me. Your breath washing over me, enflames me. Everything about you is sensual, and you have no idea. . . none. When you stare at me with those smoky eyes, undressing me like I undress you, all of the blood rushes down, and I want you. . . so bad. I'm pretty sure that wherever I am right now, I have an ache, a hard, nearly painful ache. . . because I'm thinking of you.

  I had to stop reading again as a painful ache started building in me. Good God, if just reading his words did this to me, hearing him actually say these things would probably undo me. Adjusting my posture, I glanced around the room and then returned to my scandalous note.

  My day isn't complete until I'm deep inside you. Your body wrapped around mine is the only way I feel whole. But don't think it's just sex and a physical response to you that I'm feeling. It's not. . . it's so much more. You've opened me in a way that leaves me bleeding, vulnerable. Being with you, making love to you, it only solidifies what I feel for you. I know that I've become one of those spouting, love-sick idiots, but what it all boils down to is three words that don't mean nearly enough. . . I love you.

  I closed my eyes, silently sending my own repeated proclamation of love out into the ether, hoping he somehow heard it. Reopening them, I read his last line.

  Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for not having a chance to call you yet. . . and if I have called you tonight. . . well, then, disregard this whole letter. Kellan.

  I laughed at his last line and shook my head. Glancing up, I noticed Kate still watching me, her head tilted with a wistful smile on her lips. Kate read a lot of romance novels in her spare time. I was sure she loved hearing Kellan's version of being romantic. Hot and sexy, but romantic, too. . . just like him.

  Letting out a long, stuttered breath, I shoved the note in my apron and pulled out an apple lollipop. They were supposed to be for customers but I suddenly needed something in my mouth to suck on.

  It was three hours later, when I was tiredly crawling into my bed, when my phone rang, and the man who'd been cropping up all throughout my day finally spoke to me again. Sounding energetically awake, he murmured in my ear, "Hey, gorgeous. Did I wake you or are you just lying down?"

  Grinning ear to ear, I stretched out under the covers. "Just crawled into my large, cold bed. "

  Kellan sighed, the sound husky and sensual. "Ah. . . God that sounds nice. I wish I was there with you. "

  Sighing, I laid my hand over where his body would have been. "You are, remember? Our bed is just too big for me to feel you, is all. "

  He laughed, amused. "Yeah, that's right. Well, I'd wrap my leg around yours and bury my head in your neck if I were closer. . . " He sighed. "I miss the smell of you. . . "

  I bit my lip, imagining his perfect bone structure in front of me. "I was going to say the exact same thing. "

  He laughed again, softly. "Hey, did you get any of my notes?"

  Grinning like an idiot again, I rolled onto my back. "Yeah, I did. " I laughed. "When did you find time to do all that?"

  "What do you think I do while you're at school?" He laughed out.

  Shaking my head, I shrugged, even though he couldn't see it. "Sleep would be my guess. "

  Kellan sighed, the sound full of love. "Not this week. . . I had much more important things to do. "

  My corresponding sigh matched his. "Well, I loved them all. . . it nearly felt like you were still here. "

  "Good, that was the point. Did Kate give you hers?" The way he said it was odd, like he wasn't sure how I'd respond to his seductive letter.

  I flushed in my dark bedroom, remembering the steamy things he'd written. Man, he was good at expressing himself on paper. "Um, yes, she did," I whispered, embarrassed, even alone.

  "And. . . did you like it?" he whispered, his voice husky again.

  "Yes," was all I could get out.

  "Good. . . because I meant every word. What you do to me, the way you affect me. . . I know you don't think you're anything special, and I think you even sometimes feel like you're not attractive enough for me, but you are. My body burns for you. . . I can't deny that. . . I never could. "

  "It's the same for me, Kellan. . . all of it. How you affect me, how much I love you. . . all of it. "

  He sighed, sounding completely satisfied. "Good. . . I like that we feel the same. It makes me think. . . everything is going to be fine. "

  Once again, I heard the words that I'd nearly said to Denny rattling around in my head-I hope so. I didn't say them to Kellan, though. Instead, I shifted the conversation to where he was and what he'd done today. Telling me about all of the radio interviews he'd had to call in for once they'd pulled into the city, I began to understand a little more why he hadn't had time to call me, not that I'd really expected him to. I knew he was busy. I knew I'd get to talk to him when he was ready.

  Once he was done telling me about his day, I told him about mine. He was just as proud and amazed as I'd hoped he would be when I told him about the girl jam session we'd had. And he was just as fascinated with Matt's neighbor as I'd knew he'd be. He even wanted to go see her again when he got back into town.

  I glossed over the phone call to Denny. Not that I was hiding it or anything, but why bring up something that might trudge up any insecurities in Kellan? I wanted him
to feel good about our relationship. And he had nothing to fear from Denny anymore. That romance was history, and while reminiscing about it sometimes brought up a smidge of the residual feeling that I'd had when I'd been in it, it was just that-residual-more akin to enjoying a fond memory than anything relevant to my current feelings. I didn't think I could express that to Kellan, though, not in any satisfactory way, so I left it alone. Besides, he didn't mention calling Denny today either. Some things, Kellan and I just didn't need to talk about anymore.