Again for the First Time

by Raven St. Pierre

  A smile graced her lips again and then she shook her head. “So… next Thursday, huh?” she asked coyly.

  I smiled back and nodded. “Yup… just a little more than a week and you’ll officially be Mrs. Valente.”

  Lissette started cheesing so hard that she grabbed her pillow to cover her face. I loved seeing her so excited about this. She was like a breath of fresh air and I was loving every minute of it.

  “Ok, I’m done talking to you for the night. I don’t want you seeing me like this,” she declared, but I didn’t understand why she was trying to end our chat so abruptly.

  “What? Happy?” I asked, watching as she fought back a laugh.

  “No, giddy! This is embarrassing. I’m not in high school.” She really did try to close out our chat.

  I couldn’t help but to laugh. “Wait! Hold up. Where’re you going?”

  “To bed,” she explained.

  “Ok, ok, I’ll leave you alone. I promise I won’t… make you um… happy? I don’t really know what to say here. But whatever is making you wanna leave, I’ll stop.”

  She tried to stop smiling, but it didn’t work.

  “Or you could just give up trying to fight it,” I suggested.

  “Whatever.” She paused and thought to herself. Whatever came to mind made her zone out while staring at the screen. “My grandmother would’ve loved you.”

  The compliment flattered and intrigued me all at the same time. “Tell me about her.”

  Lissette’s face lit up. “Man, she was vibrant, loving, wise. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more self-expressive person in my entire life. She had the biggest heart in the world.” Lissette was thoughtful for a moment. “She was just such a big part of my life.” Sadness filled her eyes, but she didn’t cry.

  “I’m sorry you lost her.”

  She nodded. “Me too.” Realizing she’d mistakenly let me see her turn soft, Lissette cleared her throat. “But yeah, you two would’ve definitely gotten along.”

  I nodded in agreement, yawning my response. “You’re probably right.”

  Lissette looked me over. “You’re sleepy. I’mma let you get some rest. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

  She was right, I was out of it, but I still didn’t want this to end. “Sleep with me,” I suggested, smiling big because I knew she’d take that the wrong way.

  And she did, looking into her webcam to warn me with her eyes.

  “In cyberspace, of course,” I clarified.

  She pretended like she wasn’t flattered that I’d asked. “K, but it’s supposed to storm tonight so I’m sleeping with my earbuds in.”

  Interesting. “Okaaaayyy, but why’s that?”

  She shied away from answering, opting to climb beneath the covers and grab her earbuds instead of responding.

  “You scared of thunderstorms?” I asked jokingly, but her lack of an immediate response made me realize I’d hit the nail on the head. She didn’t strike me as the type to be afraid of much of anything, but finding out that such a strong woman had what, to me, seemed like such an irrational weakness made her that much more intriguing.

  “Scared is the wrong word. I prefer to say that I respect the power of Mother Nature and make it a point to never underestimate her.”

  She honestly looked nervous. I watched as she set her glasses aside, pulled the heavy, purple comforter up to her chin, and then turned off her lamp. The thought occurred to me that she wouldn’t have been scared if she wasn’t alone—if she had me there to hold her, but I quickly dismissed the idea, knowing she’d never have that. Her eyes were on me when I flipped my light off.

  “Goodnight,” she said softly, wearing a look that made me think she wanted to say so much more.

  “Night,” I replied.

  Her eyes drifted shut and I just lie there staring. Again, I thought about holding her through the storm, but I didn’t want to press my luck.

  “Hey,” I whispered, realizing she hadn’t put the earbuds in yet.

  Her eyes popped open. “Yeah?”

  I watched as she blinked a few times and then focused on me. “If you can’t sleep or something, just wake me up.”

  Our eyes were locked and then Lissette eventually allowed a smile to touch her lips. I had no problem letting her know that I cared, that I was starting to develop feelings.

  “Ok,” she eventually responded.

  I returned the smile she gave and rested my head on the pillow, finally dozing once I could no longer keep my eyes open to watch her—the woman who I’d soon get to call mine. If there was such a thing as luck, I was starting to believe it was on my side.

  *****

  Luke

  Matt and I had only driven about a mile from our apartment when my phone went off, letting me know who the call was coming from just by the ringtone. It was one I hadn’t heard in months—Cat.

  “Is that who I think it is?” Matt asked. Apparently he remembered the distinct sound, too.

  When I gave a nod, he turned to look out the window, not wanting to speak aloud whatever thoughts came to mind, I figured.

  Cat and I hadn’t so much as sent a text message since the season changed, but now all of a sudden she was calling and I knew why without even having to think about it—knew what I’d done, or hadn’t done, that warranted a phone call. When I picked up, I wasn’t sure what to expect.

  “Hello?”

  She cleared her throat at the sound of my voice. “Luke, hey. It’s me,” she replied, as if I didn’t already know.

  “Yeah, what’s going on? How’ve you… how’ve you been?” I stammered.

  “Good actually. Really good. And you?”

  It felt so strange going through these formalities given me and Cat’s extensive history, but it’d been like this since she left the country a while back.

  “I’m fine. Just hanging out with Matt at the moment.”

  “Oh, I won’t hold you long then.” She paused and cleared her throat again. “I um… just got a notice that the bill hadn’t been paid this month. It’s no big deal, really, it’s just that… I didn’t know if you wanted me to cover it this time or if—”

  “I’ll take care of it,” I cut in.

  When I didn’t let her finish, she became frustrated with my stubbornness, just like she always did. “Luke, this shouldn’t just be on you. I wish you’d let me help. I don’t understand why you—”

  “I’ll take care of it,” I repeated, letting her know I didn’t want to talk about this, or anything else having to do with that situation tonight.

  “I just wish you’d let me do more.”

  “Cat—”

  “I know, I get it,” she interrupted, her tone coming across as sympathetic, sweet. “You don’t want to talk about it, but, Luke… no amount of denial will change what happened. I can’t turn back time and fix it, but at least I could help with the financial burden. At least let me do that,” she pleaded. And I heard her, I swear I did, but I wasn’t changing my mind on this.

  “I’ll cover it when I get paid again,” was where I decided this conversation would end. “Is there anything else?” I asked, not caring if she picked up on my clipped tone.

  She released a heavy sigh on the other end as she realized I wasn’t going to bend on this. I’d made up my mind not to let her, or anyone else for that matter, handle this debt—no matter how closely she was involved.

  “That’s fine,” she conceded. “Just think about it. Think about letting me help you.”

  “I have to go,” concluded our call. I had to hang up. If I didn’t, she’d keep pressing. When I set my phone in the cup holder, I kept my eyes trained on the road while gripping the steering wheel. Matt was silent for a moment, but then stuck his nose where it didn’t belong like I knew he would.

  “Not to take Cat’s side or anything, but I don’t get why you won’t let any of us help you with this, man. We’re family. That’s what family does. That was something we all went through, not just you, not just Cat. All of us
. It’s not a handout, dude.”

  And I knew that before he’d even said it, but still, this was just something I decided a while ago I wanted to do on my own. The situation had been one that left me feeling helpless. Paying off the bills on my own was therapeutic in a way, made me feel like I was able to regain some sort of control after what’d taken place.

  I took a hand off the steering wheel and placed it on Matt’s shoulder. “I hear you. I know you all have offered a thousand times and I swear I’m not trying to be a dick about this. This is just… this is just the way I want to handle it.” I glanced over at him to make sure my rejection of his help didn’t offend him. “Okay?”

  He continued to stare out the window, but nodded in response.

  The rest of our drive was silent and I found myself craving a cigarette like I hadn’t in weeks. Three months without one was relatively simple except when I was forced to think about the past. Good thing we were already meeting Nick for drinks. I needed one of those, too, right about now.

  He was already waiting inside when Matt and I got there. He was holding down our usual corner booth and had already ordered a round of beers.

  “Heyyyyyyy!” Nick yelled, drawing all kinds of attention to our small group as we approached him. “If it isn’t my favorite two guys in the whole world, a.k.a my two best men.”

  I frowned a little as I scooted into the booth. “Clearly, you’ve been drinking already.”

  Nick’s devious smile answered for him. “Maybe.”

  Matt shook his head and laughed. “Nice.”

  “What? That’s why we’re hanging out, right? To drink?” Nick reasoned.

  I nodded. “Yeah, but the idea was to do it together.”

  Nick shrugged and tipped his bottle toward his mouth again. Reaching for my own, I thought again about my conversation with Cat, but dismissed it quickly. I wasn’t about to spend my night thinking about what we discussed. It was settled.

  Matt pulled out his camera and Nick sighed. “What the hell, dude! Don’t you ever take a night off?” Nick protested when he got annoyed by Matt’s near-constant filming. Yes, we’d all gotten used to him having a camera in his hand since we were kids, but it was different having it in your face. I didn’t mind so much, but clearly Nick wasn’t as forgiving.

  “Nope,” was Matt’s response. He proceeded to set up to document our conversation. “Ok, Nick, since you’re a little tipsy, we’re gonna focus on you tonight. I’m sure you’ll be more than willing to share pretty much anything, so let’s get started,” he said with a wide grin.

  I laughed, thinking of the repercussions there could be depending on what questions Matt planned to ask.

  “So, tell the world how you and Mel came to be,” was his first.

  Nick toyed with his beer in one hand and ran the other down his face. Clearly, he still hadn’t come to terms with this whole wedding thing. He pointed a finger my way after taking a long breath. “This guy introduced us. Well… his girl, ex girl, Cat… introduced us at one of their family members’ weddings. She was all ‘I want you to meet my cousin. You’re gonna love her’,” he regurgitated in a girly voice meant to mimic Cat’s. “You know how chicks get at weddings; they’re all horny and looking for dudes, so,” he paused to shrug while giving his lackluster account of how he met his fiancé. “We went out to my car and I showed her why they call me Big Dick Nick,” he laughed.

  Matt turned the camera toward himself when laughter rendered me speechless. “For the record, to anyone who watches this film in the future: no one has ever, EVER called him that. Ever. That’s my disclaimer so I don’t get sued for false advertising.” He turned the lens back toward Nick—the only one at our table who wasn’t amused.

  “Whatever, man,” was Nick’s only defense.

  “Well, moving on from that oh, so touching account of how you met the love of your life,” Matt said with all the sarcasm he could muster. “What else do you wanna say about Mel? When’d you realize she was the one? What attracted you to her? Stuff like that. I mean, after all, she is gonna see this someday.”

  Nick looked into the camera with a straight face, and then shook his head. “That’s it. That’s all I got.” He raised his bottle into the air and took a long swig.

  Matt and I looked at one another, wondering like always why this guy was even wasting his time getting married.

  “What about you?” Nick asked loudly. He reached across the table for Matt’s camera and aimed it toward him. “Let’s see how you like having this thing all in your face for a change,” he said with a smirk. “Tell everyone what’s going on in your world. I’m sure they’d like to meet the mastermind behind this whole operation.”

  Matt ran his fingers through that hair of his and undid one of the buttons on his plaid shirt before pushing his sleeves up his arms about halfway, as if readying himself for the interview. “You’re not gonna rattle me, Nick. This face was meant to be on screen. Blame my creative genius for putting me on the wrong side of the camera—not insecurity.”

  Nick rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah… just tell us how many chicks you banged this week so we can live vicariously through you.”

  One corner of Matt’s mouth lifted. “Zero. I’m a busy man these days. Get back to me when this documentary wraps up.”

  Nick made a face, not believing our youngest brother’s claim that he wouldn’t be entertaining any women until he was finished filming. “Yeah, right. I give it a week.”

  Matt shook his head and took the first drink from his bottle. “Nope. I’m dead serious,” he said casually. “Business comes first. You know that.”

  And if Nick didn’t, I did. Living with Matt meant that I had a first-hand account of how he got tunnel vision when working on a project. Women, and everything else, came second. Although, I knew for a fact there was at least one girl who’d gotten his attention recently. Thinking of it, I decided to mess with him a bit.

  “I’d just like to see if you’d stick to that if it came down to choosing work or Brooklyn.” At the sound of my words, Matt gave a short laugh.

  “She’s definitely hot, but I’ve gotta get this film done,” he reasoned.

  I laughed and fidgeted with my bottle, but didn’t drink from it—someone had to make sure we all got home safely. “Well, I suppose we’ll just have to see what happens Saturday.”

  Nick perked up. “Saturday?”

  I nodded and then set my gaze on Matt. “Yup, that’s when Lissette’s sister Aura is having her baby shower. It’s co-ed, so I’ll be there, which means Matt will be there filming.”

  “I’m going, too. I wanna see what this Brooklyn chick looks like,” Nick chimed in.

  “Can’t. It’d be weird. They’ve never met you before,” I reasoned.

  Nick’s expression went blank. “But, wait. They technically haven’t met Matt yet, either, right? Didn’t he just do his stalker thing from Lissette’s room? Watching them on his laptop?”

  I shrugged and went for the nachos that had just arrived. “True, but he gets a pass because he has to film. Lissette and I talked about it this morning and we’re gonna just tell her family that Matt’s gonna record the shower as a gift from the two of us. Gets him in the door without it seeming strange.”

  Nick continued to frown, but didn’t say anything else. Matt, on the other hand, looked like he had plenty to say. Mostly questions to ask, I assumed.

  “Dude… you know you’re introducing us, right?” he said, leaning on the edge of the table with his elbows.

  I laughed. “Let’s make a wager; shave and get a haircut and we’ve got a deal.”

  He eyed me for a moment and then presented his counteroffer. “How about I shave my face, but leave the hair as is?”

  I pretended to be indecisive, but gave in before he got too worked up. “Deal.”

  “You guys suck,” Nick protested when I didn’t bend on inviting him. He handed Matt’s camera back and nursed his beer some more. The next thing I knew, there was a lens in my fa
ce.

  “All right, Luke. It’s time to get deeper with the questions,” Matt warned. I thought back to the trivial interview he’d done that morning while I drank my coffee before work. He’d asked things like how my feelings had changed about marrying a stranger and what it was like introducing Lissette to our family, so I wasn’t surprised that he’d need more than that.

  “Okay, shoot.”

  He gave me a look. “You sure?”

  I nodded. “Ask away,” I replied, giving him permission to pry because I trusted that he knew which lines not to cross.

  “Cool… let’s talk about your last relationship, you and Cat.”

  Or maybe he didn’t know which lines not to cross.

  With a heavy sigh, I indulged him. “What about it?”

  He shrugged. “One thing I’ve been wondering is how she’s gonna react once she finds out that you’ve moved on. I mean… ‘cause you know she’s gonna find out. Mel’s her cousin. It’s just a matter of time before she says to hell with the contract and spills it, you know.”

  I thought about that, Cat’s reaction, for the first time since proposing to Lissette. Before this, I hadn’t considered Cat’s feelings in all of this, maybe because she’d done a thing or two in her own best interest regardless of how it affected me, so it wasn’t like I owed her anything. I guess you could say I’d become accustomed to that being the way she and I did things: selfishly. Not always, but lately.

  “I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. She won’t be back in the States for a while from what I hear, so… yeah, I’ll deal with it when I have to. Besides, it’s not like we’re together or anything. As far as I’m concerned, she shouldn’t have anything to say.”

  Both of my brothers stared at me wordlessly, knowing like I did that Cat would have plenty to say when she found out I’d moved on; gotten married. Still though, it was like I said, I’d deal with that when it became an issue.

  Chapter Eight

  Lissette

  Seeing Luke pull up to the curb made my heart flutter. I hopped off the couch and scooped up the bags by the door on my way out. I had everything I needed for Aura’s baby shower, including her gift. My sisters and I were in charge of the decorations and food preparation, which meant we had to get there before everyone else. Delia offered to come by and get me, seeing as how my car was still down, but Luke insisted on being my ride, also volunteering himself and Matt to help with the setup.