Flawed: A Love Letters Novel

by Kristen Blakely

  He stiffened and then shrugged. “There was nothing to tell.”

  “Jake, that was such a big decision.”

  “And it was made. All done.” If he hadn’t been holding a sandwich, he would have probably dusted his hands off. “Nothing left to say about it.”

  “But—”

  “It was a problem before the decision was made, but once it was a done deal, there was no point revisiting it.”

  “But your Olympic dream—” Swallowing hard, she braced herself for the tough conversation. “Why did you turn down Leila’s and Colin’s offer to help you out financially?”

  His eyes narrowed. “How did you know?”

  “I ran into Leila. She told me all about it.”

  Jake sighed. His shoulders slumped. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  She grabbed his arm before he could turn away. “How could you just give up on your dream?”

  “You think it was easy?” He pressed a hand to his stomach. “I feel it here, like a hole going right through me. I know one day it’ll stop hurting, but until then…I don’t know. I keep asking myself what else I could have done.”

  “You could have taken their money.”

  He shook his head. “It got complicated.”

  “How so?”

  “It’s one thing to use sponsorship money for my expenses while I train for the Olympics. It’s another to use it for my mother’s expenses. Tax-wise, it gets messy real fast; sponsors don’t like that.” Tension stiffened the fingers he raked through his hair.

  “And…?” she prompted softly, sensing that the story wasn’t complete.

  “And my mother is my responsibility. She worked two jobs after my father died so that I could play beach volleyball instead of working part time to support the family. She put me through college so I’d have a career to fall back on if beach volleyball didn’t work out.” His shoulders sagged in the motion of a sigh. “My expenses are minimal, but my mother’s expenses aren’t, and that’s why I need to work instead of train. If there’s a solution, I’m not seeing it.”

  “I can help you—”

  “Damn it, Ariel. I don’t want your money.”

  “Then what do you want?”

  She could almost see the questions and thoughts whirling through his mind; the unconscious, rapid flicker of his eyelids; the subtle movement of muscles in his face; the way he pressed his lips together, as if to hold back the words.

  But he said nothing.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “We’re friends, right? Friends talk.”

  He growled. “Do they? It seems like every time I open my mouth to tell you I want more from us, you retreat further. I—” He flung the half-eaten sandwich down on the plate and walked away.

  She scrambled after him. “Jake!”

  He stopped, but did not turn around. The tautness of his shoulders and back created a wall that shut her out.

  Hesitantly, she reached out to touch him.

  He shuddered, and she yanked her hand away.

  “I can’t do it.” His suddenly harsh voice grated. “I can do ‘no complications’ in e-mail and text. I can even manage it in a phone call…maybe. But I can’t do it in person. I can’t sit across from you and not reach for you. I can’t make myself stop wanting you. I’m sorry.” He buried his face in his hands and sucked in a deep breath. Slowly, he straightened, but his breath was unsteady and pained. “I’m sorry about the picnic. I should just…go.”

  “No.” She grabbed his arm before he could walk away. His muscles were tense beneath her fingertips. “We’ve moved beyond a one-night stand into a stuttering kind of friendship, but we both know it could be more, a lot more.”

  “So you don’t think I’m a mercenary asshole anymore?”

  Ariel winced. She could hear the acidity of his tone and couldn’t blame him for it. “I know you’re not. I’m sorry it took me so long to look past just what my eyes could see and once again trust the man who was strong enough to say no to a one-night stand and insist on more.”

  He shook his head. “You’re giving me more credit than I deserve.”

  “I think I’m just finally giving credit where it’s due. You’ve always understood me even better than I understood myself. I thought I’d failed to accomplish my dream, but you helped me realize that I was already living my dream. I was having fun doing what I was doing, and getting paid for it.” She leaned into him. “I’d like us to have another chance.”

  “Another chance for what?”

  “To grow our friendship a step at a time.”

  Jake stifled a sigh. “I’m past playing games with you, Ariel. I can’t do it anymore.”

  “No games, I swear. I’m not backing out, not this time, not anymore.”

  He stared at her. The disbelief she saw in his eyes cut deep into her, but it was no more than she knew she deserved. She had spurned his repeated attempts to reach out; why would he believe her now? An icy fist closed around her heart, stealing her breath. Tears pricked at her eyes as she braced for the inevitable rejection.

  “Okay,” he conceded, even though doubt laced his tone.

  She blinked at him, wondering if she had misheard his simple acceptance.

  A wry, bittersweet smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “I’ll take my chances. Where you’re concerned, I always will. The hole you left in me hurt as much as giving up pro volleyball.”

  Her eyes widened.

  “I don’t know why or how but you make something come alive in me,” he confessed softly. “I could easily love you. I think I already do.”

  The thrill of joy that sparkled like miniature fireworks through Ariel was tempered by the realization that she had yet to navigate a minefield of revelations. She sucked in a deep breath. “Hold on to that thought because I need to tell you something, and I want you to hear me out.”

  Jake’s eyebrows drew together as he frowned. “This sounds bad.”

  “It would depend on your point of view. You know, of course, that I know a lot of people through my job.”

  “Yes.”

  “And I talk a lot to them.”

  “Right…”

  Ariel wrung her fingers together. “Well, I told lots of people about you—your Olympic dream, your mother.”

  Jake’s jaw dropped. “You did what?”

  “I had to do something to help.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Your dreams are important to me, Jake. You’re important to me. When Leila told me you’d given up pro volleyball, I could feel it here.” She pressed the middle of her stomach. “Just as you’d described—this big hole, right through me. I couldn’t bear it.” Her voice caught. “What was worse was the way you just wouldn’t talk to me about what you’d given up. You’re in the darkness, groping around, trying to find something to fill that hole, and you’re not sure you ever can.”

  He turned his face away. His throat worked.

  “That’s exactly how you feel, isn’t it?” she asked.

  Jake squeezed his eyes shut. A muscle ticked in his smooth cheek.

  Ariel did not need any further confirmation. Giving up beach volleyball and giving up on his Olympic dream was killing his soul. Of course he would survive, just because he was Jake Hunter, just because he was a strong man, but it would scar him with regret.

  Pain pulsed through her. She could handle the loss of her own dreams, but she couldn’t bear the thought of him losing his.

  Ariel placed her hand gently on his. “I called the nursing home and explained the situation. I spoke to the owner and negotiated a discount for the next two years, and then I set up a fund.”

  “You what?”

  “A fund to raise money for your mother’s expenses. I told everybody about it.” She pulled a piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to him. “It fully funded last night. All the donations were paid directly to the nursing home, so there aren’t any tax implicatio
ns. It’ll cover two years of your mom’s discounted care.”

  His movements slow, like a man in shock, Jake unfolded the piece of paper and stared at the zero-balance invoice. “I can’t believe it.”

  “People care, Jake. They really care about your dream. There are some big donations in there, but most of them didn’t exceed $25. There were lots and lots of little donations, and they all added up.” She pressed her lips together. “You can train full time now.”

  He met her gaze. His voice was filled with wonder. “They didn’t do it for me. They did it for you.”

  Ariel shook her head. “They did it because they knew how important you were…you are…to me.” She shrugged. “I knew I had to help you, and in the end, all I had going for me were the friendships I’d made working as a bartender for seven years. Who knew the job I thought I despised would actually pay off—literally?”

  He folded the piece of paper and slid it into his pocket. “This is so much more than I expected. You took a risk.”

  She bit her lower lip. She had hoped he wouldn’t notice her fluttering pulse or her pounding heart, but who was she kidding? This was Jake—the man who was crazily attuned to her thoughts and emotions.

  His voice was quiet. “Once, a man left you when he attained his dreams. Even so, you’re helping me attain mine.”

  Ariel sucked in an unsteady breath. “It’s different.”

  “How so?”

  “I thought I loved Leon. I thought we had something together, but after I met you, I realized that my relationship with Leon fell far short of what it could have been with someone I really connected with. You.” A lump caught in her throat and she had to swallow hard before she could speak again. “Regardless of what happens between us now or later, even if you’d said no to friendship, I want you to have a shot at your dreams. I’m not expecting anything from you. No complications, I swear.”

  Jake stared wordlessly at her.

  Her already unsteady heartbeat accelerated until she realized she could actually hear the blood rushing through her brain. She had freaked him out. She knew it. The countdown on his dreams had almost hit zero, but she had done too much, too fast to stop that countdown. Any sane man would panic at the implications, at the potential entanglements, at all the complications. Jake too. He would panic. He would run—

  A faint smile eased the taut muscles in his face. Jake closed the small gap that separated them. His strong arms surrounded her, and his warmth infused her as he nuzzled her hair. “You’re amazing.”

  Relief washed through Ariel, followed immediately by a flash flood of joy. The horrible, clenching weight lifted off her chest. She could feel the transformation in Jake, too, like a switch turning on to pour light through a darkened room. It was crazy, she thought, but she hoped they would never lose that weird, inexplicable emotional connection.

  “No complications? We’ll never be able to keep that promise, you know that,” he said. “Do you have any idea how much I want you?”

  She gazed up at him. “Even though you have no idea why?”

  Jake shrugged. “Does it matter? I was in the middle of falling in love with you even before I’d realized I’d started. Maybe it’s the way you interrogate everybody. Maybe it’s the way you listen, the way you care, the way you’re able to drag people out of their lonely lives.” He tipped her chin up. “Maybe it’s the way you risk everything for a dream.”

  Ariel’s breath caught. The faint smile on Jake’s face was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. It offered love and the promise of tomorrow. “I don’t know why I love you,” he whispered as he lowered his lips to hers. Their breaths joined and he murmured into the kiss, “But I hope to spend a very long time finding out.”

  Epilogue

  Noelle sauntered up to the bar and tapped on Ariel’s shoulder. “I need an iced tea and your best ‘I’m horny for a one-night stand with you’ smile for table twenty-seven.”

  “Nice try, Noelle,” Ariel said. Nevertheless, she glanced over her shoulder and gave the sole occupant of table twenty-seven a devastatingly sexy, come-hither smile.

  Judging by the way the man at table twenty-seven shifted, probably to adjust the growing bulge in his pants, the smile worked.

  Noelle chuckled wickedly.

  Ariel laughed and set the iced tea on Noelle’s tray. “Tell him it’ll be about another fifteen minutes.”

  Noelle returned to the corner table and set the glass in front of Jake. “Ariel says we’ll be closing up in about fifteen minutes.”

  He nodded. “Thanks.”

  Noelle glanced around at her empty section, the tables already wiped down. Nothing screamed for her immediate attention so she slid into the seat across from Jake. “How did your Long Beach tournament go?”

  “Won it.” A slow smile spread across his face. “Colin and I are second-ranked in the country right now.”

  “And closing in hard on first.”

  He nodded. “We got the word from the national association today. Colin and I made the cut; we’re in the Olympics.”

  Noelle lit up. “Your next stop is the winner’s podium.”

  “That’s the plan. We’re training hard for it.”

  “Super awesome.” Noelle’s brilliant smile gentled. “How’s your mom doing?”

  Jake’s jaw tightened. “I still visit her as often as I can, and Ariel goes when I can’t, but my mother doesn’t recognize me anymore. I think she’s comfortable and happy at the nursing home though.”

  “How long has it been? Eight months?”

  “Closer to nine. She’s fully settled in; apparently she loves hanging out with your mom.”

  “My mom likes to talk; your mom likes to listen. That kind of friendship isn’t too complicated.”

  He winced.

  Noelle laughed. “You get hives when you hear the word complications, don’t you?”

  He chuckled, the sound low and sexy. “Yeah, I do. Reflex.”

  “So, how’s the latest complication coming along?”

  Jake grinned. “I picked up the ring today. You’re sure she’s got the next two nights off?”

  Noelle nodded. “It’s all set. I called Mark to remind him. He’s flying in from San Diego tomorrow morning. He’s got Escapades covered.”

  “Great. I confirmed the cabin reservation today.” Jake stared at Ariel as she rearranged the liquor bottles before wiping down the wooden surface of the bar. “I hope she’ll enjoy the weekend getaway.”

  “Are you ready for this life-long complication?”

  “I am.” His reply was immediate and certain. A muscle twitched in his cheek, and for a moment, uncertainty flicked into his dark eyes. “Is she?”

  Noelle watched Ariel. As she worked, Ariel’s gaze kept flashing to Jake. The smile that curved her lips was tender and contented. The easy intimacy in the glances they exchanged was anchored in love. They had fought hard for happiness and for a dream they could share—a dream they were already living together.

  Noelle smiled too. “Oh, yeah. She’s ready.”

  THE END

  Turn the page and continue Love Letters with this excerpt from GRACED!

  Graced

  I've outgrown him, but I haven’t forgotten him...

  My ambitions have always been bigger than the town of Havre de Grace, but when my father has a heart attack, I return home to find the town little changed—

  —except that Connor Bradley, the high school nerd, is now the town’s doctor, a Grade-A hunk, and a widower with two young children.

  He doesn’t have time for distractions, not while juggling single parenthood and his clinic on five hours of sleep a night. I’m the girl he remembers as the high school flirt who left Havre de Grace for the bright lights of the city. I’m a dangerous distraction he doesn’t want and can’t afford.

  When Connor’s plans for his first Christmas without his wife are derailed, I know I can step in and save the day for his adorable children.

  But do I want to?


  I’ve come so far, and I don’t know if I can go back…not even for him.

  CHAPTER ONE

  Ten dead in as many days.

  It had reached the scale of an epidemic.

  Thirty-year-old Dr. Connor Bradley braced himself for accusations of brutish ignorance and downright incompetence as he pushed on the door to enter the store.

  The elderly gentleman behind the counter looked up with a smile. “Connor!” Moments later, his smile slipped, and the kindly blue eyes lost their friendly twinkle. “Another one?”

  Connor nodded.

  “Are you eating them for breakfast?”

  “I don’t know what’s going on.” Connor held up a plastic container. “I brought a water sample, just in case.”

  Huffing, old Mr. Langford tested the chemicals in the aquarium water. He frowned. “It’s perfectly balanced. Your filter and air pump working fine?”

  “The tank looks great, but every morning, there’s a goldfish floating belly up in the tank.”

  “And that’s the only goldfish, right?”

  “We have only that one fish in that tank. I have a smaller tank in my bedroom closet with the backup goldfish, and that one does fine until he’s transferred to the big tank. The next morning, he’s gone too.”

  Mr. Langford snorted, the sound edged with humor. “I’d say your tank is cursed, but that would be impossible. How hard is it to keep a goldfish alive for more than twenty-four hours?”

  Connor dragged his fingers through his dark hair and scowled. “I’ve been asking myself the same question. Medical school was easier than this.”

  “Good thing you’re a better doctor than you are a goldfish owner.”

  “One would hope. Anyway, I need another backup goldfish. Better make it two to save me a trip out here tomorrow.”

  Mr. Langford shuffled to the goldfish tank. Squinting at the flurry of bright orange fins and tails, he selected two that looked relatively alike and scooped them up with a net, before depositing them into Connor’s plastic container. “Has Grace caught on yet that you’re swapping out the dead goldfish with a live one every morning before she wakes up?”