“Do you? Remy, what we have now is terrific, but I want more. One day, I really want what Cindy and Keith have.”
“And for that you need a woman who can have children.”
He wanted a family one day. He wanted to be a father. But he didn’t bother clarifying. With Remy, it was a nonissue. “Yes.” When the tears fell again, he felt so helpless, he felt so guilty, he lashed out. “I’m not trying to be unfeeling, Remy.”
“But you just are.” With an unsteady hand she swiped off another tear. “You are such a liar. I can’t believe you said you were falling in love with me.”
“I wasn’t lying about that. I meant every word.”
“No. If you loved me—if you really loved me—a future without a baby wouldn’t matter.”
“It does matter. If you loved me, you’d understand that it matters more than anything else in the world.”
“Then I guess we’re done talking, because there’s really nothing else to say.” In two jerky moves she picked up her jacket and clutched it to her chest, as if it was a shield. Then she strode to his front door. “I really need to get out of here right now. If you can’t take me home, I’ll call a cab.”
“Of course I’ll take you home.” After grabbing his wallet and keys from the kitchen counter, he followed her outside to his car. The moment he unlocked it, she slipped in and buckled up, never glancing in his direction.
They sat in silence during the whole thirty-five-minute drive from his place to hers. The moment he stopped in front of her house, she opened her door and got out.
But he couldn’t just let her walk away. Standing up, too, he turned to her. “Remy, I really am sorry.”
“Is that right?” Instead of the crying woman he’d seen in his living room, a formidable lady turned to face him. “I don’t know what kind of game you were playing, but I should congratulate you. You definitely won. You certainly played me well.”
The comment stung. “I wasn’t playing.”
“From my perspective, it sure seems that way. You know, things happened between us because you pushed them, Tyler. You pursued me. I never would have sought you out. Never.”
“Well, that’s good to know.”
Ignoring his retort, she continued. “I hope you’ll remember that during all that pursuing and flirting and sweet looks…you never asked if I was worth your time. You never asked me questions about my uterus.”
“Come on…”
She just kept talking. “Tyler, you made me think that you liked me for me. Even when I doubted us. Even when I fired you, you made me change my mind. You made me believe in us. You made me believe in love again.” Little by little, her defenses crumbled before him. Her eyes turned watery and her bottom lip quivered. “I don’t know if I can forgive you for that.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” He could have tried to explain himself some more, but there was no point. Besides, he felt horrible. Intellectually, he knew he could give up his dreams for a family, of being a dad, but in his heart he knew he just couldn’t. Not yet. It was too important to him.
“I know you’re sorry. But one thing is certain, Tyler. I promise you’re not half as sorry as I am. Not half.”
That, he knew, was wrong. He was extremely sorry. Sorry he’d tried so hard. Sorry he’d been so optimistic.
Sorry she didn’t understand.
For the first time in his adult life he drove off before making sure his date was safely inside her house. He drove off, punched the accelerator and let the car fly.
Chapter Twenty-One
When Carmen arrived at Remy’s on Monday morning, she was surprised to find Remy there. When she saw Remy’s tearstained face, all notions of working flew out the window.
She fixed Remy a cup of hot herbal tea, planted them both on the couch and encouraged her to talk.
And talk Remy did. She told Carmen all about the golf game, how they’d gone to bed together…and then his horrible, terrible announcement.
“I’m sure he didn’t mean those things he said,” Carmen said soothingly. “Men don’t have the words for all their feelings.”
“I’m pretty sure Tyler does. He couldn’t have been any clearer when he described his feelings,” Remy replied. Feeling yet another torrent of tears approaching, she blinked rapidly. “I’m trying to be strong, but I’m just devastated.”
Carmen handed her another tissue. “I know, but I feel sure everything will work out again in no time.”
“I don’t think so. He wants babies and car seats and strollers.” Remy’s head spun as she tried to recall Tyler’s actual words, but that was the gist of it.
Of course, it was impossible to remember it all. He simply had wanted so much. So many things it wasn’t possible for her to give. Sniffing loudly, Remy fought for control, but it was no use. She felt as if her heart had been stomped on and kicked to the curb. “Carmen, he wants all kinds of things I can’t give him. I’ve never felt more inadequate in my life.”
Enfolding her in a hug, the older woman patted her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, dear. I thought he was a good man, too.”
From the moment he dropped her off, she’d been inconsolable, which was almost as hard to deal with as Tyler’s words had been.
She’d known she was falling in love with him, but she hadn’t imagined that he’d already claimed her heart. With a sniff, she muttered, “I guess Tyler still is a good man. I just wish things hadn’t ended like they did.”
“Is there nothing you can do?”
“Besides trying to get a fully functioning uterus? No. It’s over.”
“I see.” After staring at Remy a moment longer, Carmen stood up and clapped her hands lightly. “I think we need sustenance, don’t you?”
Like a pet, Remy followed Carmen into the kitchen, then pulled out the container of flour while Carmen got out eggs, butter and vanilla. In the first few weeks after Mark’s death, when each day had meant hours sorting through hospital and insurance statements, writing thank-you notes for flowers and condolence gifts, Carmen had started baking with Remy.
Remy had enjoyed their camaraderie in the kitchen, and the simple joy of eating hot cookies fresh from the oven. “What are we making today?”
“I think peanut butter bars,” Carmen announced after a peek into the pantry. As the butter and sugar blended under the electric mixer, Carmen said, “I hate to admit it, but I’m very sad. I liked Tyler, too. He helped Marisol so much.” While pulling out the measuring cups, she paused, “Oh, my…do you think he’ll forget about her now? Marisol has an interview on Friday. He promised he’d visit with her about it.”
“I’m sure Tyler will continue to help Marisol.” As she handed Carmen a measuring spoon and the box of baking soda, she added, “He’s the same guy. He’ll still do great things, I’m sure. He’ll just do them without me.”
Over the next fifteen minutes they worked side by side just the way they used to. The familiar routine felt as comforting as a warm hug, but the activity was also bittersweet.
Remy had thought she’d never need support like this again.
But she was also determined to stand on her own two feet very soon. “Tomorrow I’ll go back to work and pretend this whole episode didn’t happen.”
“Maybe. Though if I were you, I’d remember what did happen. This Tyler got you going out. Soon, I bet you’ll go out on another date once again. Now that you’re ready.” After measuring out the peanut butter, Carmen plopped it into the bowl with a satisfied nod, then turned the electric mixer back on.
“I don’t know if I’m ready, per se.”
“Oh, Señora Greer. You’re ready. You should go find another man as soon as you can.”
Remy chuckled. “Because they’re all going to appear out of the woodwork?”
“Because they’ll have heard that you’re available. That’s the secret.” With a little grunt she pulled out a baking dish and slowly scooped the mixture into it, taking care to scrape the sides with a spatula. “Remember, I
’m the one who watches Oprah. You should listen to my wisdom. I know.”
“And in the meantime?”
Carmen smiled. “In the meantime we will eat peanut butter bars and have some more tea.”
Holding up her cup, Remy saluted Carmen. “You are the wisest woman I know.”
With a wink, Carmen smiled. “Tell that to my Marisol. If she ever learned to listen to me, it would save her a lot of trouble.”
THE NEXT DAY AT WORK, things were so busy Remy didn’t have a moment to sit until Shawn presented her with a neatly typed list at three o’clock. “What’s this?”
“Your interviews. Remember when you said you wanted to be included in the process? Your first appointment will start in fifteen minutes.”
Flipping through the folders, she glanced Shawn’s way. “Anyone you think will be a good fit?”
“Maybe. It’s hard to know before you meet them.”
Summoning up a businesslike demeanor, Remy pulled out her glasses and a pen. “Thanks for getting all this organized, Shawn. Let me know when our first candidate arrives.”
“Sure, Ramona.” She looked at her sideways. “Um, are you okay?”
“Of course. Why?”
“Oh, I don’t know. You just seem preoccupied.”
Pretending to yawn, Remy stretched one arm out in front of her. “I think I’m just sleepy. I’ve, uh, had a couple of late nights lately. I’m fine.”
Twenty minutes later Remy knew she was so very much not fine. Jacob Barnes had been sitting there across from her for ten minutes, telling her everything about himself. He had dark hair and dark eyes and was so like—and yet unlike—Tyler Mann that she wanted to cry.
“So that’s why I decided to apply, Ms. Greer,” he finished, resting his elbows on his knees.
She forced herself to concentrate on his qualifications. Not the way he was quietly looking her over. “Your hours are flexible?” she asked, though she didn’t really care. Jacob would do fine at Carnegie no matter what shift they placed him in.
“Definitely.” He flashed a smile. “I’m not married.”
“Ah. When can you start?”
“Anytime. I’m ready.”
Was there something vaguely suggestive in his responses? Or was she just reading something into his words? Either way, it slightly creeped her out.
Holding out a hand, she said, “Either I or Shawn, my assistant, will be contacting you.”
He squeezed her hand. “I’ll look forward to it.”
Hastily she pulled her palm from his grip. Eager to put some distance between them, she opened her door and waved him out. “Good afternoon, Mr. Barnes.”
He had the nerve to wink before he sauntered out of Shawn’s waiting area and down the stairs.
As she watched him leave, she wrote a big X on his cover sheet. No way was she ever hiring a single man again.
Especially not one who looked to be on the prowl.
Or who had dark hair and dark eyes. Hmm. Maybe she should try to never hire another man.
She was just about to crumble Jacob Barnes’s résumé and toss it in the trash when Shawn appeared, a smile plastered on her face. “Ms. Greer, this is Melody Evans. Your next interview.”
“Pleased to meet you, Ms. Greer,” Melody said as she held out a hand. “I sure appreciate you taking the time to meet with me today.”
Melody was attractive, African-American and middle-aged. She was about as opposite from Tyler Mann as a person could get. Put that way, she was perfect. Shaking Melody’s hand, Remy greeted her warmly. “I’m very happy to meet you, too, Melody. Let’s go in and talk about Carnegie. We’ll see if you’re a good fit for our call center.”
MELODY had BEEN a perfect fit. After checking two of her references, Remy had called Melody herself with the good news before five o’clock. She’d let Shawn deal with everyone else. They’d hired another woman, too, and a retired gentleman who’d once owned a hardware store. Jacob and a guy named Bob had been politely rejected.
Though Shawn had looked as if she wanted to question Remy’s decisions, to her credit, she said nothing. At six o’clock Remy told her goodbye.
Now she was alone in her office. Downstairs, yet another shift of call operators was on duty. Remy supposed she could walk the aisles and see how everyone was doing.
There was a stack of mail that needed to be sorted through and the weekly report that needed to be finished and sent to Corporate.
Her parents’ anniversary was coming up. She should fill out their card and make sure it got in the mail. She should order their flowers, too.
Yes, there were a dozen things she could be doing—if she wanted to do anything.
She did not.
Carefully she opened her refrigerator, pulled out a bottle of Perrier and sipped. Then she remembered chugging the drink as soon as Tyler left her office.
The memory inspired a torrent of tears. And because no one was there to see her do it, she sat back at her desk, turned toward the wall and cried.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“You’ve got to move on, man,” Keith said three weeks after Tyler and Remy had broken things off. “Remember your goal? How you want a future, with a wife and kids? You can only get those things if you keep focused. Stay on target.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“It’s easy enough. Remy wasn’t right for you.” Keith punctuated his remark by opening another ice-cold bottle of beer. With little fanfare he handed another bottle to Tyler. “She doesn’t have your goals.”
Memories of their last conversation still stung. He’d felt as if he’d been sucker punched when she’d told him—so matter-of-factly—that she had no intention of ever having children. And when she’d simply shrugged when he’d asked what he was supposed to do with his dreams of having a family, of celebrating holidays with Cindy and Keith and April and Megan by bringing over a whole crew of his own.
Thinking of a future without all that, he couldn’t do it.
But still…he’d thought she was in love with him. He’d thought she could’ve at least seen his point of view. But she hadn’t even been willing to listen.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Keith grunted, as if Tyler was making a mountain out of a molehill. “Sure you do. You’ll date again.”
Twisting open the cap, Tyler took a fortifying sip, though he felt no enjoyment from the buzz that was overtaking him. Yeah, they were sitting on the end of the dock as they always did, and he enjoyed his brother-in-law’s companionship the same as always, but he felt as if something inside of him had just died.
Keith sent a frown his way. “You look like death warmed over.”
“I know. I just can’t believe she didn’t ever tell me that she couldn’t have kids.” Frowning, he remembered the moment he’d first pulled out that condom. She’d never said a word about how they had no need for birth control. Why hadn’t she said something then? It would have made everything a whole hell of a lot easier.
Yeah, right, his conscience fired back. Like you’d have run right out of that room.
No, he would still have made love to her. He’d been dying for her. And dammit, it had been good, too.
Keith took a swig of his beer. “Of course, in Remy’s defense, I imagine infertility is nothing a woman would be eager to talk about.”
Sipping slowly, Tyler knew Keith’s words had merit. “I imagine it would be really hard. Actually, Remy looked really broken up about the whole situation. Maybe a better man would have been able to brush aside his dreams and grab hold of new ones. But I’m just not ready to do that, Keith. Imagining being a father got me through a lot of dark days since my parents died.”
“The whole situation sucks.”
“It sure does.” In unison they each took a pull from their bottle and stared silently at the Gulf waters. Tyler felt lost.
After a few moments Keith cleared his throat. “But work is going all right, right?”
Tyler chuckled. “
If you can call what I’m doing work. Right now I’m kind of a one-man recruiting agency. The doctor’s office who hired Marisol gave me a finder’s fee. They said I’d saved them from hiring a big recruiting office to find a qualified applicant.”
“I hope you took that fee.”
“Oh, I did. But get this—almost as soon as Marisol signed her employment contract, she sent four of her friends from college my way. I’ve been talking with them, coaching them, too. Two have interviews this week. Actually, one of the guys is in the middle of his second round of interviews.”
What he didn’t feel like sharing was that Marisol had been sending him messages from Carmen, who was evidently keeping everyone up-to-date on Remy.
She was back to working sixty and seventy hours a week. She wasn’t sleeping and she’d lost weight, too.
It didn’t help his conscience to know that none of that was technically his fault. He still felt terrible knowing that he was the cause of her pain.
“It doesn’t surprise me that you’re good at recruiting,” Keith said. “You have a way of seeing people’s pros and cons within moments and being able to determine their best course of action.”
“It’s fulfilling,” Tyler said modestly. Inside, the true satisfaction he felt by making a difference in others’ lives lessened the complete sense of failure he felt in the relationship department.
“You know what Cindy’s dying to tell you, don’t you?”
“I can’t imagine,” he said dryly.
Keith ignored the sarcasm. “She thinks you should ask that Kaitlyn out.”
“Kaitlyn? The girl from Carnegie? Why’s she so keen on her? Cindy’s never met the girl.”
“But you’ve mentioned her more than just once or twice. Cindy thinks that’s a good sign. Call her up, Ty.”
“Maybe in a few weeks.”
“You’re not getting any younger. Take her out, have some fun. Give things a try. You know, it doesn’t have to be serious.”
“It won’t be.”
“But if it is, you’ll have it made.”
Second Chance Hero Page 15
