ROCK F*CK CLUB (Girls Ranking the Rock Stars Book 5)

by Michelle Mankin

  “Sound familiar?” Dolly flipped her hand around and pointed to herself.

  “It’s not the same.”

  Both her blond brows rose.

  “I work for Tyler. I need that salary . . . hell, we all need me to have that salary. So stop hassling me.”

  “Were you ever going to tell me about this not anything you started up with Gale?”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Gale’s hairy like a Neanderthal, Jo, but he’s no dummy. All the guys in Anthem are a bunch of ridiculously smart brainiacs. So, does he know about your brother?”

  “Yes.”

  “And that you’re going to grief counseling at AA?” When I nodded, she tapped her chin and the keys jangled. “Anything else?”

  “No. Nothing.”

  “Are you sure? For nothing and not anything, you two seem awfully friendly. Like a couple.”

  “He’s nice, Dolly,” I said, trying to keep my voice level.

  “I can see that for myself. How nice?”

  “I don’t know.” My skills at subterfuge were woefully lacking, especially when it came to her. “Nice like you were when I first met you, I guess.”

  “All right.” Her eyes narrowed further, the glint in them seeming to suggest that I’d confirmed something. “Last question. Does he know how into him you are?”

  “I’M NOT INTO GALE Lafleur,” I lied, then braced for lightning to hit me out of the clear blue sky.

  “Oh, please.” Dolly shook her head. “You can’t take your eyes off him, even now.”

  Frowning, I tugged my gaze away from Gale, who I could see through the glass windows of the convenience store, and returned it to her. “I’m just worried about him being alone with the twins.” Lark and Linnet were standing entirely too close to him.

  “You’re worried he’ll have sex with them, you mean.”

  “He won’t. He never sleeps with anyone, even though he has lots of opportunities.”

  My brows pinched together as Lark put her hand on Gale’s arm. Her fingers encircling his bicep, it seemed she’d decided to measure the circumference of it.

  “You’ve had your eye on him a while to form that definite of an opinion.”

  Busted, I refocused on Dolly. “His background is similar to mine. I worry about him. I wonder how he’s coping.” I shrugged, as if all of that worrying and wondering wasn’t a big deal.

  “He lost his wife and child, right?”

  I nodded somberly. “By all accounts, he was completely devoted.”

  “That’s different.”

  “Yes.” Different from my father. Different from the one Dolly had never known.

  “Hmm.” She followed the direction of my gaze through the glass, watching as Gale smiled and nodded in response to whatever Linnet had said. “He seems to be doing okay now.”

  “I guess.” But then again, sometimes how things appeared on the outside weren’t at all how they were underneath.

  “Almost anyone is going to seem better compared to you.” She touched my cheek, and I turned more fully into her palm. “You need to stop beating yourself up about the past, Jo. You have a life here and now.”

  “He does the same thing,” I whispered, my eyes filling. “Just like me.”

  “What?”

  “Struggles to let go. Blames himself. Wishes death on the person at fault.”

  “Son of a bitch.” Studying me more closely, Dolly narrowed her eyes. Long tendrils of blond swirled around her head, the steady breeze animating the strands and giving her a Medusa-like appearance. “You two talked about heavy shit like that?”

  I nodded.

  “But you didn’t tell him about us? The band? Or the fact that you just agreed to be on the Rock Fuck Club?”

  “No.” My frown deepened.

  “Don’t you think those things are important?”

  “It’s not that.”

  “They just didn’t fit in with the cozy just the two of us and our common background bonding thing you had going on.”

  My eyes widened.

  “He’s not the type of guy for you.” Her hand moving to my arm, Dolly glided her fingers down the length of it, leaving chill bumps on my skin, even though the outside temperature wasn’t even remotely cold.

  “I know that.” Yet the words were difficult to force out of my tightened throat.

  “He’s nice,” Dolly said, her tone insistent. “He’s into serious relationships. He doesn’t fit your criteria.”

  “We’re just friends.”

  “That’s the way guys like him start out.”

  “Yeah.” I knew that much. I dropped my chin.

  “End it.”

  She slid her fingers behind my neck and tugged my head down so she could look into my eyes. I had nowhere to hide from her knowing green gaze.

  “Do what you think you need to do to fulfill your side of the bargain, but then cut him loose. Or you’re gonna get hurt, and so is he.” Turning her head, she sucked in a breath. “Here he comes.”

  “Hey,” Gale said, and that one syllable poured body-melting audible goodness into me. “Everything okay?” His gaze took me in and then Dolly.

  “Everything’s fine.” I took a step back, and my best friend’s hand returned to her side.

  “The twins went inside to get some snacks. They wanted me to remind Dolly that she has all the cash.” Gale’s gaze remained on her, and I noted the analyzing gleam in it.

  “We have cash?” I asked, drawing her attention away from Gale.

  “Yeah. Two hundred from the gig at Joey’s Bar.”

  “Whoa.” My mouth rounded.

  She smiled. “The Zenith rep might have rejected us, and Ivan might think our set was uneven, but the crowd loved us.”

  “And they drank a lot,” I said, knowing our pay for the show had been dependent on the receipts for alcohol consumption reaching a certain threshold.

  “Yup,” she said, and I smiled. Cash was desperately needed.

  “I’d better go.” Dolly reached out to clasp my forearm, her hand too tiny for her fingers to go all the way around it. “Gotta get the babes fed and the van gassed up.” She squeezed me. “You coming?”

  “I should go on to Santa Fe with my friends,” I said, turning to face Gale, and his gaze lifted from where Dolly still held on to me. “This ride thing doesn’t seem meant to be for us.”

  “Just because something’s hard to make happen doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile.”

  “I know that.”

  An analogy could be made to his band. It had taken Anthem years before they’d broken out from the local music scene in Toronto. It was certainly taking Joey’s Band that long, and was going to probably take the notoriety of me being the next Rock Fuck Club star to get us anywhere.

  “All the way to Santa Fe. Me and you.” His lips flattened into a determined line. “That’s the deal.”

  “Okay.” I nodded at him and then turned to face Dolly. “I’ll meet you guys at the hotel.” I covered her hand with mine, squeezing it.

  “Talk to him.” Dolly gave me a weighted look and murmured a good-bye. Patting Gale’s arm, she said good-bye to him too before she slipped past him.

  His gaze narrowed on her before it returned and remained on me. “Talk to me about what?”

  “Um . . .” I was stuck, just like Dolly wanted me to be. If I told him about the RFC right now, which I knew she wanted me to do, I imagined even our agreement about a ride would be over.

  Gale gave me a measured look. “Your friend’s very pretty.”

  I blinked at him, and my stomach crashed to the concrete beneath me, telling me how much it hurt for him to notice how beautiful Dolly was.

  But then he continued.

  “Pretty into you, I mean.”

  “MOST GUYS DON’T PICK up on that,” I said, metaphorically scraping my stomach off the sidewalk and stuffing it back inside my body.

  “Most guys, meaning Tyler?”

  Wide-eyed, I nodded.


  “Is he who Dolly wants you to talk to me about?”

  “Not really.”

  Woman up, Jo. Tell him. End this not-anything thing now.

  “Gale.” Just saying his name filled me with flutters. “I’m meeting with the exec from WMO when I get to Santa Fe.”

  “You’re doing the Rock Fuck Club?” His brows climbed almost to his hairline.

  “I am.” My voice cracked like that earlier lightning bolt would have, had it been real.

  His expression hardened with displeasure, washing away the fragile bond we’d built between us.

  “Marsha did it,” I whispered. He knew her. I think he liked her. Maybe he could still like me.

  “Yeah, and doing that show just about ruined everything for her and Ivan.”

  “She is who she is. I’m who I am. I have different ambitions, a different dream.”

  “Fucking ten rock stars.” He gave his head a disappointed shake. “That a dream of yours, babe?”

  “If I want to sleep with ten thousand rock stars, that’s my own business. You have no right to judge me,” I said sharply as I backed away from him.

  I was mad and sad, disappointed too. At myself, mostly, for entertaining any ideas of an us with me and Gale.

  I registered what I wanted with him and what I’d just lost, all at the same time. Already, it was a lot to process. The magnitude of the possibility of it being taken away made me tremble.

  “I’m not judging shit.” He raked a hand through his hair. Brown waves slipped through his fingers, coppery strands catching and reflecting the sun’s warmth. “I just can’t believe it.”

  “I have the band to think about.” I firmed my lips, refusing to let him make me feel bad about this. My cause was noble. I was doing it for my brother, but I was also responsible for my sisters in the band. “This is a way to get us where we need to go.”

  “You’re selling out. Selling yourself short. Don’t try to spin it another way.”

  “You don’t know me.”

  “I know enough.” He looked down the length of his straight nose at me.

  “You know only what I’ve told you.” I lifted my chin. “And I’m done sharing confidences with you.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “Okay.” I planted my hands on my hips, mainly to stop the tremors. Refusing to crumple or cry, I glared at him. His displeasure wouldn’t crush me. I’d weathered worse, much worse.

  “Fuck, you’re beautiful with your eyes flashing fire and your cheeks flushed.”

  “Go away, Gale.” My defiance wavered. It seemed I was starved for even the slightest bit of approval when it came from him. “Please. It’s not right for us to be together. Not even as friends.”

  “Bingo. That’s what Dolly told you. Am I right?”

  I nodded. My eyes burned with the truth of it.

  “She’s jealous. Feels threatened. Wants you for herself.” He saw as much as she did, drawing startlingly accurate conclusions, when she knew everything about me and he knew so very little.

  “She’s my best friend.” Dolly had taken a chance on me when I’d been at my lowest point. She loved me, even knowing I wasn’t at all lovable.

  “Wake up,” Gale said, his voice gruff. “Don’t be naive. Everyone has a motive, and in this business, they will exploit you.”

  “I’m not naive.”

  “You are. It clings to you, beneath that thin outer layer of subterfuge.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “You’re wrong.”

  “The Rock Fuck Club is all wrong for you. It’ll be a trap. It’ll expose you, change you, and in a bad way.”

  “If it does, that’s on me, right?” I’d heard enough. Scowling, I started to move past him.

  “Josephine, don’t.”

  He moved so quickly, I didn’t have time to brace. Grasping my upper arms, he hauled me into him.

  “I told you I don’t like to be grabbed.” I tried to twist out of his hold, but it was pointless. He had me. I wasn’t weak or vulnerable. But in that moment, I felt like I was both.

  “Yes, and you don’t like to be forced to do things you don’t want to do. I remember what you said.” His gaze searched mine. “I remember every word and nuanced gesture since the moment we met. But if you think you’re going to gain the upper hand with a huge multimedia conglomerate like WMO, you’re sadly mistaken.”

  “I’m not listening. I’m leaving.”

  I placed my palms on his chest and pushed. He didn’t move an inch, but his steely muscles leaped beneath my touch. The heat of him singed my hands, and my breath caught at the sudden realization.

  My biggest adversary wasn’t WMO.

  It was myself and my desire for this man.

  “We’re not through discussing this.” Gale’s voice went low, his fingers curling tighter around my arms.

  I shook my head. “We’re through. We’re so through.”

  “Do you think it will be that easy? To shut this all off? I can feel you. You’re trembling. But you’re not afraid of me, not this time.” His expression warm, he scanned my features, pausing to linger on my lips.

  “It’s just stupid hormones.” My lips tingled beneath his scrutiny. “You’re a guy. I’m a girl. The parts will fit if we put them together. But beyond that, we don’t mesh. You’re nice. I’m not. We come from different worlds, and you need to go back to yours. Live it as you see fit. In motion, observing with little interaction, if that’s what you choose, and I’ll go back to mine.”

  Living someone else’s dream, I thought, even if a little more of me dies each day.

  “I don’t want to let you go.” His voice soft, Gale loosened his grip.

  My body shimmered with heat as he swept his thumbs back and forth over the sensitive skin of my arms, a sweet, seductive caress. An apology for attempting to hold me, or a wordless plea for me to remain? Regardless, it worked, and I had to fight the urge to melt into him.

  “It’s not up to you,” I said. “My body. My decisions. My choice.”

  I was in control. I needed to be in control. I shrugged away from him.

  “What about our agreement?” The gentleness of dawn within his gaze became the impenetrable darkness of before.

  “You blackmailing me? Yeah, that’s over.”

  I tossed a long strand of my hair behind my shoulder, imagining it was one of the layers he’d unraveled. I would reattach and glue the subterfuge back into place later. It wasn’t a wall to keep the world at bay, but when all that remained was remnants, it was the best I could do.

  “Tell or don’t tell,” I spat out at him.

  Narrowing my eyes, I glared up at Gale. Drawing from deep within me, I affected a cold, bitchy air, one I was going to need to perfect as the next star of the Rock Fuck Club.

  “Once I start taking off my clothes and doing my thing, no one but you is going to care about my sad backstory.”

  “MARSHA SAYS YOU’RE DOING the RFC!” Tyler shouted into my ear as soon as I answered my phone.

  Surprised, I jerked the van’s steering wheel, almost swerving off the road. Yes, I was back on the road with the band. Predictably, Gale had left me at the truck stop and gone on his way to Santa Fe without me.

  “Careful,” Dolly said from her spot in the passenger seat beside me.

  I gave her a nod and refocused on driving between the appropriate lines.

  “What the ever-loving fuck!” Tyler said, continuing to make his displeasure known at high volume.

  “I’m doing the show, Ty. But you need to lower your voice, or this already ridiculous one-sided conversation is going to be over.”

  “Why, Jo?” he asked, switching to his sweet I want to do sinful things with you purr.

  “Not that I owe you an explanation, but the publicity will be good for me and the band.”

  “Ivan’s helping you with that.”

  “Yes, and I’m grateful for his offer. But we’ve been doing the small non-paying gigs for a while, and we have to do something differe
nt. Otherwise, we’ll have to give it up and take regular jobs.”

  After filling up the van again and paying for another meal so far on our way to Santa Fe, we were nearly out of cash all over again.

  “The tour’s almost over,” Tyler said. “Move in with me after. I’ll introduce you to the right people. No need to do anything drastic.”

  Irritation shot straight through me. “Only one rocker I need to fuck, and then you’ll help me out. Is that what you’re saying?”

  “You know that’s not what I mean.”

  “Why don’t you tell me plainly then?” I gritted out the question through clenched teeth.

  “We’ve been together a while. I think it’s time for us to take our relationship to the next level.”

  “I’m your drum tech, Tyler.”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “I let you fuck me occasionally.”

  “No letting about it.” His words were curt now too. “You want it as much as I do.”

  “The sex, yeah. You’re pretty good at it. But sex isn’t a relationship. You can dictate terms to me as my employer, but you don’t get to make decisions for me when it comes to a relationship.”

  “That’s a lot of bullshit big words.”

  “Let me make it simpler. I told you up front I wasn’t interested in anything serious. Not spreading my legs for you and asking for favors after.”

  “I know that. You’re starting to piss me off.”

  I was already there. I gripped the steering wheel tighter. “If you know, then why say all the stuff you just did?”

  The line went silent. He didn’t have an answer, so I filled in the blanks.

  “If I make it, if the band makes it, we do it our way. I’m not interested in owing anyone anything.”

  Beside me, Dolly had swiveled in her seat to take in my side of the conversation, not even trying to disguise her interest.

  “That your last word on the matter?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re making a big mistake.”

  “I don’t believe I asked for your opinion.” This conversation was so similar to the one with Gale, it gave me a chill as if cold fingers tiptoed up my spine.

  “You don’t know what you’re getting into. You don’t know how that WMO exec is.”