“I know, Jo. I remember.” Dolly took my hand.
“You were so kind to me.”
“I did what anybody would have done.”
“You took a big chance on me.”
“You just needed to be loved,” she said. “I hate the things that happened to you. I’m sorry I brought up the past.”
“You mean everything to me. Without you, I don’t know if I would have made it through.” Tears formed a shimmering pool in my eyes.
“You would have. You don’t give yourself enough credit. I believe in you.”
“You’re probably the only one.”
“That’s not true.” She glanced over at the twins.
They were side by side on the other couch with earbuds in, their heads back and their eyes closed. Lark and Linnet were nearly the same age as I was. But with everything I’d been through, I felt so much older.
“I heard about you and them and the Enthusiasts’ guys last night.” Dolly waggled her brows.
“It was pretty amazing.”
“You sound surprised.”
“I guess I am.”
“You love them. They love you. You trusted them to take care of you.”
“They did.” From the music to prepping me for each step. “Not only that, they made it beautiful.”
My cell rang from where it sat on the cushion beside me. I turned it over to read the display.
gale lafleur calling . . .
My heart did a little flip.
“You were with him nearly all day yesterday. And late last night.” Dolly shook her head. “And he’s already calling again now.” Her brows went so high, they practically bumped the bus ceiling.
“I sort of made a bargain with him.”
“Another one?”
I nodded.
“To do what?”
“Front-woman lessons. Mainly.”
“You’re going to take the lead?” She looked hopeful and incredulous. Relieved, even.
“If that’s okay with you.”
“I won’t be as good as you on drums.”
“I don’t know. No one seems that impressed with my percussion skills.”
“Anything you do musically when compared to your voice is going to seem inferior. But I never thought you’d agree to front the band.” Her brow creased. “Did Gale change your mind?”
“Yes.”
The phone rang again. Apparently, Gale wasn’t interested in voice mail.
Giving in, I picked up the call. “Hello?”
“Hey. Where are you?”
“Somewhere on I-40.” I glanced at Dolly, lifting a brow.
She looked over at Barbara, who was sitting on the end of the couch the twins were on.
“Getting close to Flagstaff,” Barbara said without glancing up from her laptop.
I relayed the information to Gale.
“You’re way behind us.”
“We got a late start.”
“I tried to get ahold of you,” he said, “but it went to voice mail. I wanted you to come on our bus again.”
“Sorry. I overslept.”
“I’m not surprised. We stayed up pretty late. Are you doing your homework?”
“Yes, Professor,” I said sweetly. “If I wasn’t, would you come spank me?”
“Don’t give me ideas.”
“Ah, so you have a schoolgirl fantasy you’d like to fulfill?”
“I have a fantasy I will fulfill, but it doesn’t involve a schoolgirl. Would you like me to share the specific details with you since you’re in the starring role?”
Um, yes. And . . . no.
“How about another time? I’m in a pretty big crowd on my bus right now.”
“Ours is less so.”
“The Enthusiasts are gone?” I asked.
“Yeah. Their bus pulled in to pick them up at the hotel just before we left. Their driver drove straight through from Dallas. Exceeded his on-hours allotment. Ivan and I had words about it.”
“I’ll bet he didn’t appreciate that.” Ivan was a good guy, but he was notoriously hotheaded. Like his drummer.
“Not so much. But he agreed not to let the guy do too many miles today.”
“That’s good.”
Gale’s voice went low. “No, good would be you and me going for a ride.”
“We went for one.”
“Not a real one.”
Heat hit my cheeks and other areas. “I have a lot of homework I should be doing, unless you want to talk about something else.”
“What’s your favorite book?” he asked.
“Wuthering Heights.”
“You like complicated love stories too.”
“Love is complex,” I grumbled. “Anyway, don’t read too much into us liking the same things.”
He laughed. It sounded deep and delicious, but also kind of rusty. My friends had pointed out how long it had been since they’d noticed me laughing. I wondered if it had been that long for Gale.
“My turn,” I said, warming up to the getting to know you game. Tyler and I’d never done much talking, and before that? Random hookups didn’t count. And before Dolly? There had only been one, and he’d been the worst kind of lie. “Favorite color?”
“Sapphire blue, and occasionally magnetic violet. The color of the horizon before a hushed sunrise, or the glow of a snowcapped mountain before the sun disappears behind it and the stars appear. It’s the colors of your spectacular eyes, babe.”
“Gale.” I gulped.
“Favorite song, Jo.”
“Can I pick only one?”
“Yeah, that’s how this game is played.”
“‘Hollow Dreams’ by Gale LaFleur.”
“That’s sweet but also kind of sad.”
“Bittersweet,” I said. And a summary of my life.
“First love?” he asked.
“It’s not your turn anymore.” My fingers tightened on the plastic casing around my phone.
He snorted. “I get an extra one. I know where your taste in music lies. My song can’t truly be your favorite.”
Giving in, I sighed. “I loved a boy once. He didn’t really love me.”
“How long ago was that?”
“You used up all your questions.”
“You got your heart broken. Was that before or after your brother died?”
Broken didn’t describe it. Losing Joey had ripped my heart from my chest. Then the mangled mess of it had been picked up and ripped into smaller and smaller pieces until there was nothing left. No more love, no more hope. Only survival.
“I have to go,” I whispered, ending the call.
I would tell Gale about it. About all of it. I’d promised.
Just not yet.
“ADMIT IT,” DOLLY SAID as we stepped off the bus. She’d been on the same topic for over an hour. “You’re falling for him.”
“No more about Gale.” I kept hoping she would drop it. “Someone might hear you.”
A quick glance around the truck stop’s parking lot revealed very few cars and only a couple of other tour buses.
“So I won’t use his name.”
I sighed. Hoping that maybe I could outpace her with my longer legs, I started walking faster.
“I know you.” She trotted alongside me, matching my speed. “I know his history. Fuck him but don’t fall for him, Jo. It won’t end well for you.”
“I’m starting to get a headache.” Stopping outside the entrance to the convenience store, I rubbed my aching temples.
“You should have said something before now.” Stepping in front of me, her gaze searched mine, her eyes welling with sympathy. “You should have worn your sunglasses. It’s too bright out here, and I’m adding to your stress. I’m sorry. I won’t talk about him anymore.” She gently touched my arm. “Let’s go inside. Get you some food and water so you can swallow pain relievers. Then you should go back to the bus and lie down. Try to sleep it off.”
“You know me well.” I reached for the bar
on the glass door, but someone was already coming out.
“Hey, Josephine.” Marsha smiled. “Raven and I were just talking about you. What a coincidence.”
She stepped aside and held the door open for the woman behind her. I knew Raven Winters, but my best friend had never been formerly introduced to her.
“Dolly, this is Raven, Marsha’s best friend.”
“Hi.” Dolly held out her hand.
Raven took it. “I’ve been hearing a great deal about both of you.”
Her gold gaze encompassing both of us, she released Dolly’s hand and tucked a long strand of her jet-black hair behind her ear. She wore a black tank and cutoff jeans similar to Dolly’s, but also had a striking turquoise ring on a chain around her neck. A silver bracelet with coral slid down to her wrist when she returned her hand to her side.
“A great deal good, or a great deal bad?” My head hurt, but I managed the teasing words and a soft smile.
“Good, of course.” Raven returned my smile.
“Word’s gotten around.” Marsha moved beside her best friend. “Apparently, you’re trying to break the record for the most hookups at one time.”
I laughed, a genuine deep belly laugh, and noticed my head pounded a little less.
“You seem different than you were when we talked in Dallas.” Marsha raised a brow in question. “Happier. Is that because you’re enjoying starring on the show, or because of all the extra attention you’re receiving from Anthem’s lead singer?”
“How do you know about Gale and me?”
Oops. I’d given away that I thought there was a Gale and me.
The former RFC stars exchanged we knew it smiles.
“I have my ways,” Marsha said. “These are rock stars . . . remember what I told you? No secrets.”
I suddenly felt sick, but no one seemed to notice.
“Don’t worry.” Marsha mimed zipping her lips. “Everything I know, I’ll keep safe. I’m glad for you. Gale’s a good guy. So, is he your next choice for a hookup?”
“He’s not a choice. He will never be a choice.” I noticed everyone was giving me the same speculative look. Eeep. I’d been overly vehement. “I mean, we’re just friends.”
“Sure you are.” Marsha nodded, and she and Raven exchanged a nod. Apparently, they communicated telepathically like Dolly and I sometimes did.
“You’re serious about him,” Marsha said without a trace of uncertainty about her theory.
I didn’t confirm or deny it. My best friend moved closer but didn’t confirm or deny anything either. Dolly was the very best of best friends.
“Since that’s the case, you’ll be looking for a certain type of hookup from here on out.”
“What do you mean?”
Marsha glanced around, her eyes narrowing as if she expected the WMO exec or a spy for her to suddenly appear. Seeming satisfied that a threat wasn’t imminent, she moved closer.
“The RFC is a reality show,” she whispered from behind her cupped hand. “But every fuck doesn’t have to be a real fuck. Do you understand?”
“Ah.” I nodded.
“So you might be interested to know that Mike and Daniel Shock are inside the truck stop.”
The lead singer and the guitarist from Rage Element were brothers who had reportedly been with Marsha during her season. I’d seen the photos on Instagram.
Had their hookup not been real? It had looked real.
“RFC sister to sister,” Marsha said, continuing in her confidential tone. “This is me letting you know those two like the publicity of being on the show. They probably wouldn’t care one way or another if the hookup was genuine, just so long as they come out of it looking good.”
“But what about Suzanne?”
“That’s the tricky part.” Marsha made a face. “Whoever you choose going forward, and whatever you do or don’t do with them, make sure you can trust them. Or at least that you can trust that their motives are the same as yours.”
“Hey, don’t look so worried,” Raven said. “Not everybody’s out to exploit you.”
“It’ll be okay.” Marsha seemed to want to reassure me as much as Raven did. “The show’s such a big deal now, rockers want to be chosen. That gives you more options to choose from, and a lot more say-so in how things go down after you do.”
“And if there are any unforeseen problems,” Raven said, glancing at Dolly, “you have your best friend to look out for you.”
Marsha nodded. “Show or no show, that’s a priceless advantage.”
Marsha and Raven shared a long glance. A cloud seemed to shadow their faces, and I remembered that the Dragons were headed overseas soon. Obviously, the two best friends weren’t happy about the upcoming separation.
“I need to get back to my bus. Yá’át’ééh, Mars,” Raven said.
She lifted her hand, and so did her best friend before they stepped closer to each other and pressed their fingers and palms together.
Then Raven turned to me. The beads sewn on her moccasins swished rhythmically with her graceful movements. “The Navajo touch their hands together with their close friends when saying hello or good-bye. Would you say good-bye with me in the traditional way of my people?”
“I’d be honored.” I lifted my hand.
“Yá’át’ééh, Jo.” Raven pressed her palm and fingertips to mine, smiled softly, and moved toward her bus.
“You seem to me like a woman who knows what she wants,” Marsha said, slipping in front of me while holding up a finger to her best friend to wait for her.
“I want to get a record contract for our band.” I could acknowledge that much definitively.
“Then you’ll get it.” Marsha gave me an affirming nod. “Knowing yourself is the most important part of all of this.”
AFTER A QUICK LUNCH, I returned to the bus and climbed inside my bunk. Drawing the curtain closed, I lay back on the mattress and shut my eyes. The pounding subsided to a dull ache as the ibuprofen kicked in. What wouldn’t subside were two questions that tumbled around inside my head after talking to Marsha.
Do I truly know myself as well as I think I do?
Is the band getting a record contract the only thing I want?
My cell rang. I grabbed it and flipped it over to read the display.
“Hey, Gale,” I said, not hesitating to answer.
“You okay?”
“I had a headache. It’s making me a little tired and fuzzy, but it’s getting better. Why do you ask?”
“I think I upset you earlier.”
I’d been upset, but the reasons for it were a rabbit hole I didn’t want to go down with him right now if I could avoid it.
“You don’t like talking about the past,” he said softly.
“No, I don’t.”
“You bow up, you redirect, or you shut me down.”
He was right. And that was because I wanted to stop him from uncovering ugly truths I’d buried down deep.
“Is there a reason you’re calling again?” I asked abruptly.
Two calls in only a matter of hours. He wasn’t giving me time to prepare, to rewrap myself inside my protective layers.
“You’re the reason. Just you. Are you not getting it yet?”
Oh shit.
“Don’t say stuff like that.” I couldn’t be anybody’s reason. “You don’t know me.”
If Gale unearthed the truth, he would drop his digging shovel and run—not walk—in the opposite direction from me.
“What do I need to know, Jo? What is it you don’t want to tell me?”
“I’m not ready. Please give me a little more time.”
More time to savor being desired by him. More time to look into his forever eyes and see a woman who wasn’t ruined by her past. More time to wish for impossible things.
“You agreed to spend your free time with me,” he reminded me gently.
“I remember.” But I had no valuable currency to spend, and my time wasn’t really free. The woman he thou
ght he wanted was a fraud, and the borrowed time she gave him would have to be returned soon.
“I’d like to talk some more,” he said, his voice an indulgent dream in my ear.
“Okay, but not about me anymore, please.” I curled my fingers tighter around my phone. “I want to know your hopes for the future. What do you want to do with your music? Where do you want to go after the tour?”
“Before I met you, I wasn’t interested in any of that. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“Gale—”
“After walking you to your room last night, I went back to mine, jazzed again about music because of you. I haven’t felt like that in forever. I wrote a new song, and when I woke up this morning, the first person I wanted to tell wasn’t my bandmates. It was you.”
Damn. He kept stirring back to life those barely glowing embers inside me, the parts that persisted in believing deep desires and impossible wishes could come true.
“What kind of song?” I asked, sounding as breathless as I felt.
“I took what you said about the moon, and I ran with it. The words and melody flowed out of me effortlessly. Do you know how big that is for someone who hasn’t written anything in eighteen months?”
“I have an idea.”
“I know you do. We talked about it, and I’ve seen how it is with you. Typing lyrics into your phone in Santa Fe, and again at the truck stop, and last night in my room when you poured your heart and soul into every word you sang. You process. You create. You are your best complete self within the lyrics and the music.” He let out an awe-filled breath as if he saw me in his mind’s eye, and what he’d seen was beautiful.
Was that me? Could that be me? Was that who I wanted to be?
Thinking of how he’d looked on his bed with his guitar, strumming chords I’d written, I could barely breathe. I might be struggling with my identity and goals, but Gale wasn’t. He already was his best true self.
“It’s you,” I said. “You come alive in the music, not me.”
“It’s both of us together. We’re the magic. Don’t you feel it? The passion we share for the music is another connecting point between us.”
“Yes.” I didn’t argue. I knew he was right.
ROCK F*CK CLUB (Girls Ranking the Rock Stars Book 5) Page 18
