“Why shut me out? It’s frustrating.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I am, Jo.” He let out a long breath. “I shouldn’t be impatient with you. Building something takes time. Getting to know you takes time. But I want you to trust me now. I want more than little bits and pieces. The glimpses you’ve given me are a just a tease. I want unrestricted access.”
“What glimpses?” I thought I’d been careful not to give too much away.
“Your love for your brother. Your dedication to his memory. Your loyalty to your bandmates. Your sacrificial nature. Your sexy attitude. Your resilience. Your intelligence. Your confidence. Your talent.”
Holy fuck.
“You want a little more time?” he asked. “I’ll give it to you. But not much. For too long, I’ve been on a lonely road going nowhere. I have a destination in mind now, but I need your cooperation to get there.”
“What can I do?”
“Share with me. I want to know everything about you. Not to hurt you, but to help you.”
After he ended the call, I stared into the darkness. Tossing, I turned from one side to the other. Eventually, I dozed off.
When I woke, I didn’t feel rested, but I was focused.
I couldn’t change my past, but I could affect the present.
Gale wanted me to share with him, and I would, but I knew that sharing would go better if I decluttered the playing field first. I had several tasks to complete to do that.
With those in mind, I climbed out of my bunk and went to find Barbara and the crew.
• • •
“You’re in a band?” Mike Shock gave me the once-over from the doorway of the rear lounge of the WMO bus, a spark of interest lightening his gray eyes.
“Yeah, as you can see.” I nodded to him from where I stood between Lark with her ESP, and Linnet with her Fender. If he’d read my bio like I read his and his brother, Daniel’s, he would have known that. “You’re too early. We’re still rehearsing. You’ll have to wait until we’re done.”
“I can do that.” Mike nodded, and so did Daniel beside him.
“Let’s try a back-to-back thing.” I turned my head to Lark.
Even with my best friend behind me doing a kickass job on drums, I was nervous about being in front. And now, it was even harder to concentrate with the talented lead singer and guitarist from Rage Element—Mike, a dark blond with gray eyes, and Daniel, also dark blond but with light brown eyes—watching us.
“I’ll sing the bridge,” I said to Lark, “and you do your guitar solo.”
“Sure,” she said. “Should we run through the whole song again, or just that last bit?”
“Just the last part.”
I was going to have to cut practice short. With the sexy rock stars already here, my ability to focus was stretched to its limit, much like the capacity of the back lounge.
Damn. I should have set up the meet-and-fuck for the hotel rather than the bus. But Gale was probably already checked in at the hotel. The Anthem bus had run ahead of ours the entire day. He’d arrived, and he probably knew I had.
I needed this done. Fucks six and seven. What I didn’t need was to feel guiltier about it than I already did.
“Don’t mind us.” Mike’s lips curled. “We’ll just be your test audience.”
He had a hot smile, but in my frame of mind, it reminded me of the coils of a boa tightening. The burn inside my chest wasn’t sexual heat, but the air being squeezed from my lungs.
“That’ll work.” I agreed to the offer grudgingly, trying not to think about the hidden video cameras in the back lounge. With the guys already here and their releases likely signed, I was pretty sure we were being filmed.
“By all means, proceed.” Daniel, seeming as arrogant as his brother, folded his arms and leaned against the left side of the door frame.
Leaning into the right side, Mike swiveled the brim of his crimson ball cap around to the back. “We’re ready.”
“You may begin.” Daniel lifted his chin.
Surely, being center mic in front of a real audience couldn’t be any more difficult than this?
I closed my eyes and visualized how I wanted this to look, one of the techniques I’d gleaned from my front-woman training. The other part was inside me.
Gale believes you’re your best complete self like this.
My sense of self-worth, my basic rights, my identity—those had all been ripped away from me the night I’d lost my brother. But the music remained. It pounded reliably inside me.
That steady beat was the rhythm I’d written, and Dolly tapped it out on the snare behind me.
Nodding to myself and in time to that beat, I put my hands on my thighs and my mouth to the mic, belting out the lyrics that came from deep inside me. The certainty of them resonated in my voice. The acoustics were as good on our bus as they’d been on Anthem’s.
I noted Mike’s gray eyes widening, and Daniel’s light brown ones narrowing. They hadn’t expected me to sound good. Truthfully, I hadn’t expected it either. But it wasn’t my opinion that really mattered . . . it was the women with me. I floated on the wings of their approval, and the approval of the man I’d practiced this song with last night.
Hitting my cue, I took the mic out of the pole and ended the last line of the bridge, leaning my back to the back of my gifted guitarist.
“Sexy as hell.” Daniel straightened and winked, but not at me. At Lark.
Interesting.
“Sign me up.” Mike gave me another once-over with his lids lowered and his eyes smoldering.
“Sign you up for what?” I asked.
“For your fan club, or whatever you want, sweet thing. Actually, I’ll take all of you.”
“I’m the only one agreeing to be taken tonight.”
“You’re more than enough for me.” Mike stepped closer. Removing the mic from my hand, he clicked it back into its place on the pole. “Where do you want me to give it to you? Your bus or mine?”
“Mine,” I said. “I thought the location had been confirmed. The film crew is here.”
“Yeah, we met them on the way back here.”
“You stopped to sign the disclosures, right?”
“We did, and turned them over to the blonde, your producer.” Mike took my hand, then grabbed his brother’s arm, pulling him away from Lark. “We’re doing a threesome, bro. The redhead’s not included.”
“Sure, I get it.” Daniel ran his gaze over me. “Our label’s having an orgasm about us being featured in another episode of this show. So, where exactly are we fucking the latest RFC star?”
“Out in the aisle between the bunks,” I said, wondering if either brother even knew my name. “But hold up a minute. I want to explain something to both of you.”
“What’s that?” Mike’s gaze narrowed, and Daniel leaned in.
“Kissing, unclothing, those are fine with me, but no actual intercourse.”
“Those restrictions weren’t included in the email from your producer.” Mike’s dark blond brows lifted.
I shook my head. “She doesn’t decide everything.” Actually, I’d informed Barbara about my plans, but we’d agreed not to put anything in writing for Suzanne to find.
“Fine by me.” Daniel glanced at his brother.
Mike shrugged. “As long as we get the social media bragging rights, and you and your band keep quiet about the rest.”
“My band is solid,” I said.
“Doesn’t really matter to us,” Mike said, and Daniel nodded. “Rage is going to go platinum on our next album from all the, uh . . . exposure on the RFC.” He waggled his brows.
“How do you figure that?” I asked.
“Chicks love this show.” Daniel’s hungry gaze pinged between me and Lark. He was a total player. “Everyone knows they buy more shit than guys do.”
“You ready, sweet thing?” Mike walked his fingers up my arm.
“I can’t wait,” I said, lying through my clenched teet
h. I would have rather had those same teeth pulled without anesthesia.
“You’ll wait.” The lead singer didn’t pick up on my disinterested vibe, or he was a better actor than I gave him credit for. As soon as we cleared the lounge threshold, he turned me toward him. “Waiting will make you come harder.”
Like the flip of a switch, Mike seemed suddenly consumed by passion. Actually, it was exactly like the flip of a switch, because Ignacio had turned on his camera and had the lens trained on us from his position inside one of the bunks.
“Babe,” I purred. I could turn on the acting too when needed.
Grabbing the hem of Mike’s Rage Element T-shirt, I lifted it over his head. His eyes darkened as I lightly skimmed my fingertips down his sculpted chest, all the way to the dark-blond happy trail his low-slung jeans revealed.
Mike was built. If Ignacio got a close-up, there were a lot of women who would go for a rocker with his obvious physical attributes. But he wasn’t the rocker I wanted. The gray of his eyes wasn’t even close to being the right shade.
“Daniel,” the lead singer said. “Can you hold her while I have my turn?”
His brother nodded. “Lean against me, baby. Your long sexy legs are likely to go weak.”
Mike removed my top. His eyes went hot at the sight of my tits. Daniel framed them, and Mike licked and sucked on them. I made all the right I’m going to come noises.
Clothing rustled. Belt buckles rattled. Boots and socks were hastily discarded.
A mouth fused to mine, first one brother and then the other. They took turns kissing me and the other stuff. Mike worked my tits. Daniel roamed freely below my waist once my panties were removed. Naked bodies were shown. Just how much of me and how much of them, I wasn’t sure.
The only thing I was certain of?
I didn’t breathe properly until it was finally over.
THE BAND AND I gathered in the front lounge of the bus after the Shock brothers and the RFC crew exited the bus.
“That was a seriously hot scene, Jo.” Linnet fanned her face.
“Daniel Shock’s naked ass touched my bunk,” Lark said with a sigh. “I may have to gold-plate that corner.”
I gave her a pointed look. “I don’t think your bunk was what he wanted to touch.”
“I can appreciate his assets.” She winked, and we all groaned at her pun. “But I’m with Nicholas now.”
“Really?” My eyes rounded.
Linnet nodded. Apparently, she already knew.
“Yes, really.” Lark smiled brightly.
“That’s wonderful. I’m thrilled for you.”
“Speaking of wonderful . . .” My guitarist raised her brows and gave me the same pointed look I’d given her. “What about you and Gale? How many times did he call you today?”
“A few times.” I downplayed it. “But let’s get off the bus. There’s a hot shower somewhere in that Kingman, Arizona, hotel with my name on it.”
I rubbed my arms. My skin was chilled. It felt like the brothers had stamped their icy fingerprints all over it. My body was evidence, a lie I’d allowed to be perpetrated against myself.
Dolly waved at the twins. “You girls go on and check in. Get the keys and text us the room numbers. We’ll meet you there.” Her brows drew together as she glanced at me. “I wanna talk to Jo for a minute.”
“Okay. Sure. You did good.” Linnet touched my arm, and I flinched.
“Sorry.” I pressed my lips together when she frowned. “I guess I’m just a little tense.”
“You were amazing on lead today,” Lark said. “We all agree with the change.”
She reached for my hand and frowned like her twin had when I took a step back to avoid her touch. “You’ll rock it onstage. Dolly will too on drums. Don’t stress.”
“We will rock it. All four of us.” My words slipped out from between my chattering teeth.
My bandmates exchanged concerned looks. I rubbed my arms, trying to erase the chill bumps from my skin.
“Call us if you need us.” Wearing matching worried expressions, the twins moved past us.
“You don’t look so good,” Dolly said as they clattered down the stairs.
“I didn’t like doing the scene. Did it show?”
“Not from my angle. Not during the filming, at least.” Dolly cocked her head. “I thought those guys were your choice.”
“I want the show done. And I wasn’t interested in doing anything real.”
“Because of Gale?”
“He’s the main reason. But there are others.”
“Such as?”
“I thought the hookups would be a certain way. That I could put them on a to-do list, check them off as I completed them, and remain emotionally detached. But each one makes me think about myself and my life a lot deeper than I expected to. And tonight, with the brothers, it didn’t feel good at all. It reminded me of—”
Something outside crashed into the side of the bus.
“What the fuck!” My eyes wide, I grabbed Dolly, and she grabbed me.
Another crash came right after the first. This one was so hard, it tilted the bus slightly, swaying us as if we were in a boat, and shouts came from outside.
“C’mon.” Dolly took my hand.
We took the stairs, her first, and I followed.
A crowd had gathered around the back of the bus, mostly roadies, tour personnel, and other band members. I couldn’t see through them to see what they were staring at, but then a voice raised that I clearly recognized.
“Get on your feet!” Gale shouted.
“No, man.” Mike wheezed nasally. “I think you broke my fucking nose. I should sue your ass.”
Separating from Dolly, I moved quickly. “Excuse me,” I mumbled, slipping between Ronald and our bus driver, Trip.
On the other side of the crowd, Mike was on the ground. His brother was a few feet away from him, also on his rear on the asphalt. The lead singer had his back propped against the rear wheel tire and the hem of his T-shirt held up to his nose—the same tee I’d taken off him inside the bus. Only there was an expanding red stain on it now.
Gale stood over Mike. His arms were stiff. His hands fisted. In fact, every single muscle from his neck to his fingers appeared to be tense.
“She’s not worth this shit.” Daniel shook his head at me, stood, and dusted off the seat of his jeans.
Gale turned his head from the two men he’d apparently knocked on their asses and glanced at me over his shoulder. The fury on his face magnified my unsettled emotions, whirling them into chaos. I made a noise and backed away.
“Josephine, stop!” Gale shouted, but I couldn’t acknowledge him.
Sudden tears blurring my eyes, I shoved my way through the crowd. My spine tingled when I broke through. Panicked, I heard heavy footsteps behind me, and I ran, unable to stop. My vision tunneled. My mind tripped to the past.
They would hurt me if they caught me.
“Jo. Fuck, babe. You’re shaking. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“No! Don’t!”
I yanked my arms free of the hands that held me, but I couldn’t escape. They surrounded me. Metal they shouldn’t have in their possession flashed. It was all I could see through the film of my tears. Their faces and forms blurred as I scurried backward. Remembered humiliation made my cheeks hot, but the rest of my body was cold. So cold.
“I won’t do it.” Trembling, I wrapped my arms around myself and lifted my chin, trying and failing to hide my fear.
“Just pick her up, Gale. She’s in shock. Let’s get her inside.”
I tried to claw my way free of the past. Voices I didn’t want to remember drowned out the ones I should know. Helpless to stave off the memories, I slipped into the darkness, knowing it wouldn’t stop what had already happened.
But it was better this way.
• • •
“Shhh. It’s okay.”
Gentle fingers smoothed my hair back from my brow.
My lids
fluttered, almost too heavy to open.
“Dolly,” I croaked.
When I opened my eyes, her pretty face was all I could see. My throat felt raw.
“Did I scream?” I asked, my cheeks flaming with heat. In the back room at the hair salon where I’d once slept, she’d often found me curled up in a ball when she came in to work early in the morning.
“A little.”
“A lot, you mean. My throat hurts. Can I have some water?” I tried to sit up. The sheets were damp beneath me. The chills were always first, then the sweats.
“I’ll get it,” a deep voice said.
Knowing that voice well, I lifted my head.
“Gale,” I rasped.
My cheeks burned hotter when his gaze met mine. I glanced away, tears of embarrassment stinging my eyes. I hated the flashbacks, and the way they made me feel. But more than anything, I hated him seeing me like this.
“I’ll be right back,” he said.
I watched him move across the room, and lost sight of him as he disappeared around the wall. When I heard the tap turn on, I turned to Dolly. “How much did he see?”
“He saw the whole thing, an entire full-blown episode from beginning to end. I’m sorry, Jo.” Her eyes welling with sympathy, Dolly tenderly stroked my arm. “I thought those were over. It’s been so long since you had one.”
Fear gripped my throat. “So he knows?”
“That you were forced to have sex?” Gale answered for her as he returned with a glass of water in his hand. “You should have told me.”
His expression dark, he sat on the bed on the other side of me and exchanged a long look with Dolly.
“Here, let me help you sit up.” Sliding his strong arm underneath me, he propped me up, providing the support I needed.
“Thank you, but I can do it myself.” I took the glass from him and brought it to my mouth.
“Of course you can.” His tone matter-of-fact, as if my sanity weren’t in question, he dipped his head and didn’t even comment about the tremors in my hands.
If I had a heart anymore, I would have given it to him then. Instead, I watched him as I guzzled every single drop of liquid.
“I’ll take it.” Dolly reached for the glass.
ROCK F*CK CLUB (Girls Ranking the Rock Stars Book 5) Page 19
