The Riot Act

by Sebastian Sim

  The producer had arranged for an interpreter to help translate Adhha’s hand-signed replies. The same group of girls who gave him a thumbs-down earlier began to laugh derisively when Adhha’s profile progressively emerged and it became obvious that the two were a disastrous mismatch. Where Jessica was adventurous and outgoing, Adhha was timid and introverted. While Jessica took reasonable risk with new endeavours, Adhha was conservative and resisted change. The computed compatibility rate was a dismal twenty per cent! The hostile girls began to boo aloud again, goading Adhha to give up and go home.

  The game show host made an attempt to salvage Adhha’s poor performance by highlighting that the man scored an astounding one hundred per cent on the honesty meter. This was only the third time in the history of the game show that a contestant had a perfect score. For that, Adhha won himself one year’s supply of health and wellness products sponsored by Kong Hee Enterprises, including its signature olive oil that was believed to cure all ailments.

  The reason for the hostility targeting Adhha became apparent when the game show host invited the second contestant on stage. The screeching and screaming of the girls threatened to bring down the roof. As the STAR specialist Ng Chong Jin stepped out from behind the curtains, some of the girls rushed up front and fought over one another to present him with gifts of bouquets and teddy bears. One of them was even bold enough to pull off her panties and hurl it at him.

  The game show host was initially pleased with the girls’ wild antics for he knew it made for electrifying live television. But when the unrestrained screeching persisted beyond three minutes, he knew he had to tame them quickly before they ruined his show. He cajoled and urged them to quieten down but the girls would not listen. They kept reaching out their hands to the STAR specialist, lusting for a piece of him.

  At one point, Chong Jin grabbed the mike and spoke into it in a deep, commanding voice, “Ladies, you have got to stop screaming or I will call in the STAR team on you.”

  Almost immediately, the screeching escalated by several decibels. Some of the elderly among the audience cupped their ears with undisguised looks of disapproval. The game show host reached for the mike, but Chong Jin blocked him off. It appeared that he was determined to take charge.

  “Listen to me, ladies. I am a law enforcement officer. Nothing turns me off more than misbehaviour. Do you know what I find sexy? Total obedience. A woman who obeys my every command turns me on.”

  When the girls began to scream in ecstasy again, the STAR specialist shouted into the mike, “Quiet! Now!”

  As the audience in Studio Two watched stunned, the man spoke to the girls again, this time in a tone that was both warm and commanding.

  “I will let you in on a secret. I love cats. I go soft in the knees when kittens meow at me.”

  Miraculously, the girls began to meow in unison. The entire Studio Two audience burst out into laughter.

  “I have a picture framed up over my bed,” Chong Jin continued. “Five cuddly kittens all sitting on their heels, looking up at me with their adoring eyes and meowing softly.”

  As though hypnotised, all the girls sat down on their heels and placed their hands on their folded knees. Even the experienced game show host was secretly amazed by the magic he was witnessing.

  “We are going to continue with the game show now. Can you kittens behave yourself and watch the show without making noise?”

  The girls all meowed in affirmation. The one who surrendered her panties earlier pawed at the air adorably, eliciting laughter and applause from the audience. The STAR specialist rewarded her with a mischievous wink.

  Jessica was the only one in Studio Two who wasn’t laughing. In fact, she fumed.

  Chong Jin was a monster. It was unnerving how easily he won over the trust of these gullible girls. Jessica gave the faintest shadow of a smile as she received his choice of gift—a pink plush toy of a kitten with curly eyelashes. She had scoffed when she found out the man had chosen Safe Haven, a halfway house for victims of domestic violence, as his selected charity. That had to be the ultimate irony, given his secret fetish for roughhouse sex with restrained victims. Although Jessica could not deny that she had condoned the physically abusive sexual relationship while it was ongoing, she had since figured out why. Chong Jin’s charm was his weapon, and he employed it to sexually groom his victim so that she did not comprehend her victimhood while he abused her.

  As the “Minefield of Secret Truths” segment continued, Jessica became alarmed. Chong Jin’s emerging profile was a surprisingly close match to hers. The blind psychological test concluded that both were hidden rebels, characters who outwardly conformed to public expectations but who secretly chose not to abide by the rules. The studio audience applauded heartily when the host announced an astounding 85 per cent character match between the STAR specialist and his coveted subject of admiration. No one seemed unduly troubled by that fact that the STAR specialist scored a rather embarrassing 25 per cent on the honesty meter.

  While the two contestants retired backstage and the studio audience awaited the results of the initial vote count, the host chatted with Jessica. What were the qualities she sought in a romantic partner?

  “Honesty is very important to me. I need to be able to trust him,” Jessica raked her mind for qualities that were missing in Chong Jin. “And tenderness—I must believe that he will not hurt me.”

  “Oh dear, no rough sex for you then,” the host teased.

  Jessica blushed as the studio audience burst out laughing.

  The outcome of the first round of voting did not surprise anyone: 1,637 votes went to the STAR specialist while the SMRT technician received a miserly 592 votes. The kneeling feline girls meowed joyously in celebration for their idol.

  “I say to those who support Adhha—do not give up! We have three more segments to go. Keep dialling and keep voting for your favourite contestant!” the host goaded. “The next segment is ‘Muscle Flex to the Max’! This is where the contestants will pull out all stops and showcase their hidden talents. And I cannot emphasise this enough—this is no time to be shy. If you have got it, flaunt it! First up on stage is Adhha bin Jimari!”

  The audience started off clapping unenthusiastically but when Adhha hopped out from behind the curtains, a soft gasp rippled through the studio. Gone was the unassuming checked shirt and pale blue jeans he had worn in the earlier segment. Instead, he had donned a skin-tight pair of leather shorts and a cropped tank top made entirely of glittering safety pins. The image transformation was astounding. The feline girls seated near the stage fixed their collective glare at the muscular contours on his brawny arms and exposed abdomen. Every single one of them could feel fur balls choking their throats.

  At the raise of his arm, gangster rap music pierced through the Studio Two air. Adhha hurled the audience a bad boy scowl before throwing himself into a breakdance routine. The younger audience started clapping to the beat as Adhha showcased his power moves flawlessly. When he executed a dazzling windmill, the feline girls started to screech. When he jack-hammered fearlessly, the one sans panties wished she had another pair to spare. At one point, Adhha tore off his excuse of a tank top and thumped his chest plate like he was king of the jungle. The feline girls practically went berserk, screaming at the top of their lungs. Not a single one of them retained the grace of meowing kittens obediently seated on their heels.

  “Who would have imagined that?” The game show host proclaimed with incredulity when the routine came to an end. The interpreter was summoned on stage to assist with the live interview. “Can you believe this? A hearing-impaired breaker? How do you do it, Adhha?”

  “My heart can hear the beat,” Adhha explained, thumping his chest with three fingers and eliciting another round of adoring yelps from the feline girls.

  “Yes, but did you hear the quickening heartbeats in the studio at the exact moment when you tore off your tank top just now? They were so loud my eardrums almost burst!” the game show host teased. />
  Jessica thought it was rather insensitive of the game show host to make that joke given Adhha’s hearing impairment but the studio audience did not seem to share her reservations, as evidenced by the enthusiasm of their laughter and applause. She herself was glad Adhha gave an impressive performance. She secretly rooted for him, although it would ultimately be the public votes that would determine the winner.

  The lights in Studio Two darkened in anticipation of the STAR specialist’s re-entry. A stagehand positioned a bar tool and a standing mike in the centre of the stage under the spotlight. When Chong Jin walked out from behind the curtains wearing a loose white cotton shirt and a pair of slim-fit white tailored pants, with a saxophone strapped around his neck, the feline girls went wild again. Even Jessica had to admit that the man was a stunning spectacle. She was rather surprised about the saxophone though; she hadn’t known that Chong Jin played musical instruments.

  Chong Jin did not; he had undergone a crash course two weeks ago because he felt he would cut a dashing figure playing Elvis Presley’s “Love Me Tender” on saxophone.

  It was a badly calculated move.

  The audience’s adoration transformed into incredulity when the tune that emitted from the saxophone proved itself a deformed doppelganger of the original. Although Chong Jin managed to hit the right notes, his deliverance was so uninspired it resembled trumpeters-for-hire repeating their tired performances at neighbourhood funerals. Even the screeching of the feline girls quickly died down. It was an equally uninspired round of applause that greeted Chong Jin at the end of the performance. The game show host had a hard time rousing a second round of applause for the musically challenged contestant.

  There was an audible gasp of disbelief among the audience when the second round of voting came in. Despite his awful rendition, Chong Jin received 1,104 votes versus Adhha’s 998 votes. It appeared that his contingent of cardboard standees around the neighbourhood of Jalan Besar and beyond had won him the unquestioning allegiance of an entire army of die-hard fans.

  “Despair not, supporters of Adhha!” the game show host proclaimed enthusiastically. “We now come to the segment we call ‘A Rose for the Lady’. This is where Adhha gets to appeal to Jessica. She can, if she so wishes, change the fate of the runner-up contestant. Let us now bring out the roses!”

  A dolled-up lady sauntered onto stage with a determined smile and stood beside the game show host holding a platter containing three stalks of imitation roses. The host himself explained to the audience, “As you can see, there are three roses of different colours. The white rose carries thirty per cent of Adhha’s accumulated score of 1,590. The yellow rose carries sixty per cent, while the red rose carries ninety per cent. Adhha gets only one chance. Whichever rose he picks, if Jessica accepts the rose by blowing a kiss on it, the points will be added to the sum total. Or, Jessica can break the rose stem and the points will be deducted from the total. It all boils down to Adhha’s level of confidence. Which rose will he present to the lady? Let us now get our lovely Doreena to blindfold Jessica.”

  Doreena handed the platter to the game show host, sauntered over to where Jessica was seated and picked up the blindfold. For several seconds, she proceeded to flip, flop and flash the piece of blindfold as though she were on the shopping channel showcasing the best buy of the week. After the blindfold was firmly attached to Jessica’s face, Doreena made her way back and took over the platter, her determined smile never for one second leaving her countenance.

  The game show host next invited Adhha back on stage and explained the rule of the game. He had only one shot. Which rose would he pick? And what about the lovely, blindfolded Jessica? Without uttering a word, would she like to give Adhha a hint?

  As the Studio Two audience watched, Jessica crossed her forefingers in the form of the letter ‘T’. She next held up her right hand and displayed three vertical fingers.

  “TW? What on earth does that mean?” The game show host wondered aloud.

  But Adhha did not hesitate. Wearing a grin he could not hide, Adhha picked up the red rose and handed it to Jessica. Once Jessica held it up to her lips and gave it the kiss of acceptance, the Studio Two audience erupted into wild cheering.

  “You have got to explain this mysterious hand signal to me!” the game show host laughed after the blindfold was removed. “Or perhaps I should ask the man himself. How did you know what she meant?”

  Adhha looked from the interpreter to the game show host with a look of dawning panic. It was obvious that he was not expecting that question.

  “Why don’t we ask the audience?” Jessica made a grab for the mike from the startled game show host. She turned to face the darkened studio and threw open the challenge. “Can anyone guess?”

  For several seconds the entire Studio Two was enveloped in suspenseful silence. No one could. Jessica felt her heart palpitating wildly. She was hoping someone would shout a sensible guess so she could ride on it.

  “Alright, it looks like the lady herself will need to enlighten us.” the game show host retrieved his mike and held on to it tightly. Twice tonight he had had his mike snatched out of his hand. This could not happen again!

  As Jessica stood in a daze, the lady holding the platter, Doreena, suddenly raised her right hand and screeched excitedly, “Oh, I know! I know!” In her excitement she neglected to balance the platter with her left hand and it went crashing onto the floor, startling Jessica and the game show host, both of whom gave a simultaneous yelp.

  “I am so sorry. Pardon me please!” Doreena apologised in embarrassment as she bent down to pick up the platter and the roses.

  “Do you really know the answer?” the game show host asked with genuine surprise. He knew for a fact that intelligence was not exactly Doreena’s strong suit.

  “I read Adhha’s interview in The Straits Times,” Doreena explained, her eyes sparkling with joy. “He met so many obstacles growing up and training to be an athlete that he decided to ink ‘true warrior’ on himself as encouragement. That is what ‘TW’ stands for.”

  Jessica wanted so badly to hug Doreena for her save. It was true! Adhha had had the two words inked where his thigh met his hips to the right of his crotch. At the game show host’s insistence, Adhha adjusted his leather shorts lower to reveal the tattoo. Both the audience in Studio Two and those watching the live telecast were treated to a close-up when the cameramen zoomed in. A few of the feline girls licked their lips.

  “I will be damned!” the game show host laughed and winked at Doreena. Turning to the audience, he declared that Adhha had earned himself bonus points equivalent to ninety per cent of 1,590, which brought his score to 3,021. For the first time, the SMRT technician had overtaken the STAR specialist with a 280-point lead! It would be a showdown in the last segment, which was coming up!

  “Kiss the Boy” was the finale of Arm Wrestle for Love. The two contestants had each pre-recorded a thirty-second video clip during which they talked about their idea of a perfect date. The audience would cast their votes for the last time and collectively decide which contestant would receive the kiss of acceptance from Jessica.

  Adhha’s clip was the first to be screened. He promised Jessica an afternoon of sun-drenched fun riding the water slides at Adventure Cove Waterpark, admiring myriad marine creatures at S.E.A. Aquarium before proceeding for a unique dining experience on an aerial cable car more than 200 feet above sea level.

  Next up was Chong Jin’s clip. They would kick start the date with some adrenaline pumping activities, including a free fall jump at the indoor skydiving tunnel iFly, a zip down Southeast Asia’s steepest flying fox wire at Mega Adventure and an hour of flowboarding the man-made waves at Wave House. For dinner, Chong Jin promised an unforgettable experience dining underwater at Ocean Restaurant by Cat Cora.

  The producers thanked Sentosa Leisure Management for their generous sponsorship.

  As the lights on stage came back on, the audience saw that Jessica was seated in the centre with t
he two contestants positioned an equal distance from her on both sides. There were ten unactivated beep-lights on the floor leading from them to their subject of admiration. The game show host explained that it took a hundred dial-in votes to activate a beep-light. The first to reach Jessica would be the one to receive both the lady’s kiss and $800 dollars worth of shopping vouchers from CapitaLand.

  After the drumroll, the updated vote counts were flashed onto the screen. All the feline girls screeched dramatically when three of the beep-lights came on in front of Adhha—he was 360 points ahead!

  Jessica was secretly pleased. She would very much rather have Adhha walk away with the title of the winner. She was not entirely sure she wanted to get back into a relationship with him, but a sponsored date with Adhha would be enjoyable. The alternative, to spend a day frolicking with Chong Jin and smiling for the video camera, would be torture.

  But Jessica’s hidden smile began to fade as Chong Jin gained ground. His fans had apparently decided to launch a frantic rescue effort. By the time Adhha reached the third to last beep-light, Chong Jin was right on his tail. As the audience watched with bated breath, the flashing vote count on the screen for the STAR specialist sped up, while that for the SMRT technician slowed down. There was a collective gasp when the beep-light ahead of Chong Jin came on and he took one step forward triumphantly, placing himself on par with Adhha.

  That was the moment Jessica decided to do what no contestant had dared do before. She sat up straight, stared into the video camera and flashed the hand sign that everyone was now conversant with—TW for True Warrior.

  The Studio Two audience emitted gasps of horror and shock. There were a couple of ear-piercing screams from among the feline girls. Even the game show host was momentarily at a loss for words. As for the contestants, Adhha flushed with joy, while Chong Jin flushed with anger. But Jessica was undeterred. She kept her gaze on the video camera and kept repeating the hand signs.